By the time the sun had begun to creep above the treetops, Alex was already wrapped in leaf-strips and coated in some kind of goblin balm to heal bruises that smelled faintly like wet moss and crushed citrus… Zema, they called it. The stuff worked—he couldn't deny that—but it didn't make him feel any less ridiculous walking around the goblin village with green patches slapped across his ribs and thighs like a salad-themed fashion statement. Nevermind the fact that he was still walking around in only his boxers, something the goblins didn't think was weird in the slightest, but his remaining humanity refused to accept.
If he abandoned his shame, he'd be losing something important. He wouldn't be able to be a human anymore.
He scratched lightly at a dried leaf stuck near his collarbone and sighed. "I didn't expect my isekai adventure, if I can even call it that, to start with jungle ointments and public indecency."
The system, of course, offered no reply. It had been eerily quiet ever since that one quest about becoming the goblin tribe's friend. Not a single notification. Not a single menu. Nothing. It had been a week since he was brought to the goblin tribe, since he was sent to this world.
His morning routine had somehow stabilized into a ritual: wake up sore, pretend he wasn't dying, and then sneak off to the spring before the goblins noticed. He needed it—not just to wash off the sweat and grime, but to get distracted enough so he wouldn't think too much about whatever may be going on back home.
The spring itself wasn't far from the village, nestled beneath a cluster of mossy boulders and shaded by tall fronds that glimmered with dew. The water was cold—mountain stream cold—but after the past few days, Alex had grown to appreciate that. Cold meant real. Cold meant clean. Cold meant he had other things to worry about than think of all the what ifs.
He sank into the water with a hiss, bracing against the chill. "Better than feeling all grimy," he muttered, rinsing off the remnants of balm and dirt.
Once done, he stepped out, wrung out his one surviving pair of boxers, and stretched. He was already drying off when the familiar stomp of goblin feet approached behind him.
"Gruchuma! Yippa groka!" barked a sharp voice.
Alex turned toward the source. Brutu stood there with arms crossed, holding two long, thick staves—tiki staffs.
"Morning to you too, Drill Sergeant," Alex muttered. He recognized enough of the words to get the gist. 'Human! Happy training!'
Brutu tossed him one of the sticks. Alex caught it, barely, then groaned as his still-healing muscles protested.
Training began immediately, of course. No warm-ups. No warning. Just a barked "Brekka zakku!" and then hours of punishment.
Alex ran. Then ran more. Then ran while carrying two baskets loaded with massive, lumpy Gobbas—Grugobbas, apparently. Oversized, mutated versions of the fruit that weighed like bowling balls.
And Brutu didn't just make him run. He ran with him.
"Zakku gruchuma! Brekka gruchuma! Sarga yippa!" he yelled. Forward human. Fight human. Happy Pain.
Alex's legs were jelly by the time they finally stopped. Sweat poured down his brow. His arms trembled. His back screamed. Still, Brutu was already picking up the tiki again.
"Oh come on," Alex gasped. "How are you not tired?! You're like two feet tall!"
Brutu just grinned, raising the stick. "Sarga yippa."
Alex lifted his own, hesitantly.
What followed couldn't be called a spar. It was a massacre.
Every swing Alex made was effortlessly parried. Every step forward was met with a smack to the shin, a thwack to the ribs, or a bonk to the forehead. Brutu danced around him like a goblin-sized demon, never missing a beat, never losing breath.
And the worst part?
The bastard was enjoying it.
Alex caught a glimpse of his face—no longer swollen from their first encounter—and saw it clearly: a smirk.
"Ye chuma. Banu grah!" Brutu shouted triumphantly.
Alex wiped dirt from his mouth and groaned. "Yeah, yeah. 'You monkey. Goblin big.' Real original."
He lay on the ground for a moment, panting. That day I kicked him in the face… he was holding back. The realization hit like a stone. He could've killed me. He didn't want to.
Then, before another round could begin, a pair of frantic voices echoed from the village.
"Brutu! Gruchuma!"
Small feet scurried across the grass as two goblin kids ran up, carrying cloth bundles nearly as big as their torsos. Their eyes sparkled with excitement.
Brutu lowered his tiki. "Hm?"
The kids chirped something in goblin too fast for Alex to catch. They handed one bundle to Brutu, the other to him.
Inside: dried meat. Cheese. Bread.
Real. Damn. Food.
They didn't speak. Not a word. Just sat cross-legged on the grass and devoured the meal side by side, breathing through their noses like beasts, not wanting to waste time on anything that wasn't chewing.
Somewhere in the middle of tearing into a strip of jerky, Alex glanced sideways. Brutu, too, looked oddly content. They'd become quite close since that day, now eating side by side after training.
Brutu snorted. "Chuma."
Alex sneered. "You know, I know what that means now."
He pointed at himself. "Gruchuma. Big monkey. That's what you've been calling me."
Brutu smirked. "Mna."
He wasn't sure if it was approval or just amusement. Either way, Alex couldn't help but grin.
So… they call humans tall monkeys. And we call them goblins because they live near Gobba trees. Fruit people and monkeys. Yeah. Sounds about right.
He remembered a story the elder had told him. How whenever human explorers found Gobba trees deep in the woods, they always found goblins nearby. Always. Sleeping in the branches. Arguing under the roots. Sometimes even feeding the tree, burying scraps of meat near its roots like some kind of offering.
Eventually, the humans just started calling the little green creatures "gobba-men" or "gobba-lings", thinking they were fruit people born from lumpy gobbas—until the name stuck as "goblin."
Strange, how the fruit came first. Usually, you'd think a species gives its name to something it discovers. Not the other way around.
Well, Goblins did name Gobba... well, Gobba.
As Alex ponders on which came first, the Gobba or the Goblin, another cloth bundle thumped into his lap.
Alex blinked. The goblin kids had returned, giggling and chirping excitedly.
"Gruchuma! Meme drata gresha!" one of them said, bouncing in place. This he didn't understand.
Brutu leaned over to peek into the bundle just as Alex untied it. Inside—
Clothes. Not just any clothes. A clean black shirt, a crisp white jacket, sturdy black trousers, and—sweet heavenly laundry gods—boots. Real boots. Plus leather gloves to match.
He stared for a moment in stunned silence. Then, like a man possessed, he bolted back to the spring.
Ten minutes later, he returned to the village fully dressed.
He flexed his gloved fingers, adjusted the collar on the white jacket, then turned slowly, dramatically, as if modeling for an invisible crowd. "Finally," he breathed. "No more leaves."
Brutu gave him a once-over and huffed in what Alex chose to believe was impressed approval. Definitely not a goblin making fun of him for being "overdressed".
Then something clicked.
Bread. Meat. Cheese. And now this. He sniffed the shirt. Lavender. The clothes even smelled clean.
His eyes slowly slid toward the goblin kids.
Their innocent smiles beamed up at him like they'd just won a prize.
"Oh no," Alex said aloud. "You robbed someone, didn't you?"
The kids blinked. He'd grown used to talking to them in "common" language, knowing they didn't really understand.
Alex sighed, long and slow. "Sorry, merchant man." He said with a wry smile.
Still… he couldn't be mad. Not when they'd tried so hard. Not when they'd remembered what he wanted. Not when he finally had some damn clothes after days of being on his underwear. Also, if they didn't kill Alex himself, they don't have a reason to go overboard with other humans... yes, we'll go with that.
He continues thinking of excuses to accept this gift. One shouldn't praise this kind of behavior... but-
He raised his fist. "Yippa!"
The kids responded with an enthusiastic, "Yippa!"
Apparently, goblins shouted that when happy. He'd learned the word during Gobba-hunting, when one of the scouts found a particularly fat one nestled in the treetop canopy.
Because yes, goblins didn't grow Gobbas. Gobbas weren't crops. They were elusive, hard-to-spot fruits that only bloomed under very specific conditions. Their color and shape blended so well with the leaves that you had to climb and sift through the branches just to spot them.
They were rare. Valuable. And in goblin society, finding one was a source of pride.
Kind of like, Alex thought, finding your first real set of clothes in a world where nothing fits-
Ding!
A soft, unmistakable chime echoed in his mind. The exact same retro-game sound he'd heard when the system first gave him the side quest.
A translucent window flashed into view in front of his eyes, visible only to him:
Skill Proficiency Increased!
[Skill - Goblin Language I] Acquired!
Another window blinked into place beneath it, the familiar yellow borders shimmering faintly:
[Side Quest: Befriend the Goblin Tribe] – Rewards Updated!
Reward:
Skill - [Goblin Language III]
↓
Reward:
Skill - [Goblin Language IV] + Skill - [Goblin Martial Arts I]
Alex stared at the screen, dumbfounded. "Wait… you were watching this whole time?"
The system, predictably, did not answer. But its timing was suspiciously perfect.
Alex squinted at the spot where the screen had faded, then slowly smiled.
So the system wasn't just passively waiting for him to stumble into quests. It was… watching. Adjusting.
That meant it was more flexible than he'd initially assumed.
Not only could he gain skills on his own—he could probably upgrade them too. And if the system noticed a quest reward wasn't enticing enough anymore, it would automatically sweeten the deal. Replace outdated rewards. Add new bonuses.
Like now. He'd already learned enough Goblin language to get by, so the language upgrade alone wouldn't have motivated him to complete the quest. But the system added Goblin Martial Arts I as a bonus. To tempt him. To keep him engaged.
And if that's how it works…
If he's going to get Goblin Martial Arts I as a reward—then what if he earned it himself first? Just like with the language?
Would the system notice? Adjust again? Add more to the reward?
Alex grinned.
Oh, now this was a game he could win.
He smirked, glancing toward Brutu who was still chewing on a piece of dried meat. If he trained harder, improved faster, outpaced the reward system—he could manipulate it. He could force better bonuses just by outgrowing them before the quest was over.
He didn't have access to his phone. He couldn't browse stats, or skill trees, or the system menu.
But now? Now they were playing his game.
Brutu glanced over and paused mid-bite.
The goblin kids stared at Alex nervously, whispering in goblin.
"Gruchuma... doga sarga?"
One of them tilted their head. "Doga brekka?"
Alex blinked. Right. He was grinning like a madman. The kids were looking at him as if he had hit his head.
He cleared his throat, wiped the smile off his face, and gave them all a very normal thumbs-up.
"Yippa."
They walked back to the village together—Alex, Brutu, and the goblin kids following behind, laughing, pointing at bugs, tossing pebbles.
But the moment they neared the edge of the clearing, something felt off.
A pair of goblins rushed past them, eyes wide with panic.
"Gruchuma zomu! Chagga! Veku!" they yelled. Many humans. Trouble. Run.
Brutu and Alex shared a glance.
No words needed.
Brutu pointed the kids to follow the rest of the goblins, then turned back.
They sprinted.
Through the trees. Past the huts. Toward the shouting.
Alex's heart dropped the moment he saw them.
Three humans stood at the center of the village, dressed in fantasy gear—armor, a flowing robe, a gleaming sword. All of them armed. All of them tense.
At their feet lay the two young goblin champions—Toka and Nigu—groaning, defeated.
The middle adventurer, a tall, blonde young man with a charming face, looked up at Alex and raised an eyebrow.
"Oh? Didn't know the guild would be sending reinforcements," he said, voice smooth as silk. His sword was casually resting over one shoulder. "I don't think we'll need help, though. It's just goblins."
Alex's jaw clenched. Not because they'd attacked the goblins—well, okay, partially because of that. But something about this guy's tone immediately pissed him off, probably something to do with his handsome face.
Brutu growled low in his throat, tiki gripped tight.
"W-wait!" Alex blocked him with one arm. "Let me talk to them! Or at least try!"
The adventurers paused. The robed woman stepped forward.
"Hey! You're not an adventurer, are you? Identify yourself! Are you controlling these goblins?" Her voice was sharp, green eyes staring at him. Her ears were pointed.
An elf.
Alex forced himself not to stare too hard.
A REAL ELF. IN THE FLESH. I LOVE YOU FANTASY WORLD.
He coughed. "I-I'm Alex. I'm not an adventurer, and I'm not controlling them. I… a lot of things happened... and, well. They're my friends."
Silence. They tilt their heads in unison.
The adventurers stared at him like he'd just said he was besties with a nest of spiders.
But… they didn't attack.
To his relief, they spoke the same language. He didn't know why, or how, but he wasn't complaining. He'd already been preparing himself to have to start learning another language from zero after learning the goblin language.
The third adventurer, a taller man with a big axe, stepped forward, snarling.
"Huh?! You think we're stupid or something?" he growled. "I should just gut you where you stand for even saying something so stupid!"
Brutu tensed, stepping forward, ready to fight.
Alex held him back, grabbing his tiki. "W-Wait! It's true! Let's just calm down, okay?!"
The man's grip tightened.
Then the blonde one—clearly the leader—laughed.
"Hahahahah! That's the most interesting thing I've heard in a while!" He wiped away a fake tear. "Sure, we'll hear you out. No need to spill any guts."
The axe-wielder clicked his tongue and turned away.
"Spilling guts… even I think that's a bit too far. What a brute," the red-haired elf huffed, glaring at him sideways.
"Still. Are you sure, Robin?" she added, frowning.
The leader—Robin, apparently—grinned. "Sure. Even if by some chance he turns out to be an all-powerful mind-controlling mage, you'll do something about it, won't you?"
"What kind of convenient tool do you think I am?!" she snapped.
He ignored her and walked up to Alex, all smiles.
"Well? Is your goblin friend going to put away his weapon? I'm quite intimidated, you know."
Alex forced a smile. Ass.
"B-Brutu." He patted the tiki gently.
Brutu looked back at him. Alex nodded, then looked toward the two unconscious goblins.
Brutu hesitated. Then slowly, he moved toward them, picked them up, and began carrying them toward the healer's tent.
The adventurers watched him, confused. But none stopped him.
Now it was just Alex.
And the trio.
And silence.
Well, not really silence. Robin still had that amused, infuriatingly curious look on his face. His blue eyes boring holes in Alex's, almost glowing with the intensity of his amusement, like he was waiting for the punchline.
And that was the problem.
Hey, so, I was transported from another world, then got beat up by goblins and caged, but they let me go, and I stayed to fight a sacred duel to become the goblin champion… Yeah, no.
The axe guy folded his arms. "Well?! You gonna talk or not?! If you won't, I'll—"
"Luke," Robin interrupted with a light tone.
Luke shut up, but continued grumbling.
"For once, I do agree," the elf said. "You said there was an explanation, right? So tell us—why are you all buddy-buddy with goblins of all things? And why have your little friends been attacking merchant carriages that pass through the forest?"
Alex froze.
Carriages? Plural?
He immediately thought of the clothes. His new outfit. But… that was just once, right?
The kids were always hanging around him and Brutu. They didn't leave the village much.
Unless… it wasn't them.
It couldn't be.
He did get beat by two goblins, but those were adult fighters.
The kids wouldn't be able to overpower an adult, not even with weapons.
And frankly, there was something odd about it.
They'd ran away from him back when he was locked in the cage as soon as he raised his voice.
Only a few days with a human and they'd grown bold enough to go and rob merchant carriages?
Something didn't add up.
"Hahah, he looks just like you when you're deep into your books, Lyra," Robin chuckled.
"…And that's relevant how?" the elf replied coldly.
"I simply felt like saying it," he grinned. She clenches her teeth in annoyance.
This guy was insufferable.
Alex sighed. "Alright. I have a few theories as to what's happening. But first, I'll go ahead and tell you my side of things. That way you have some context."
The trio waited, eyes narrowed. Robin, on the other hand, looked delighted.
"…I'm a scholar," Alex said. "A pretty bad one. I've been pretty sheltered all my life. I like to study monsters and magic, but my knowledge is basic at best. Only hearsay and old, biased books that sometimes contradict each other."
Their gazes sharpened. Get to the point. Robin, however, simply nodded, smile widening as Alex explained.
"A-Anyway." Alex looked them in the eyes, then lowered his voice slightly.
What followed wasn't a quick explanation. It was the whole story.
He told them everything—how he had wandered too far into the forest and encountered the goblins. How, in a panic, he had kicked one—Brutu, the very same who had guarded him. How he'd been captured and caged, how the Elder had spared him and given him a chance to prove himself. About the strange duel, the unexpected training, the promise he made to the tribe. About how he started picking up their language, earning their trust, and understanding their ways.
He explained that the goblins weren't the bloodthirsty monsters the books described. That they laughed, played, and bickered like a family. That they had rules. That they weren't raiding for sport.
He didn't try to sugarcoat his own stupidity. He told them how his belongings had been taken, how he'd been half-naked in leaves for days, how everything had escalated without him meaning to stay. And yet—he had.
When he finished, he let out a breath and waited.
Robin let out a low whistle.
"Now that's a story."
The elf—Lyra—huffed, rubbing her temple. "To think someone as stupid as you existed... It's almost too stupid to believe."
The words jabbed into Alex's very soul.
Because he knew she was right.
"Stupid or not, I don't care. Robin! Out with it already!" Luke snapped, arms crossed, one finger tapping against his bicep.
All eyes turned to Robin, who was rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
"Hmmm~ Whatever shall I do~"
None of them said it aloud, but in that moment, their minds synchronized.
They all wanted to punch him. Alex included.
Then Robin opened his eyes and looked directly at Alex, his grin spreading.
"Alright, why not. Let's go with his story."
Lyra sighed, pressing her fingers harder into her temple. "Robin…"
"Heheh." Robin grins, looking away.
She dropped her hand. "Alright, whatever. I know better than to try and change your mind."
Luke uncrossed his arms and approached Alex.
Alex took a step back. "U-Uh. Everything alright?"
Luke extended his hand.
"If Robin trusts your story, I do too. Even if I want to punch his idiot face."
Alex shook the hand numbly.
What the hell is going on…
Lyra spoke again, her voice more relaxed. "Even if we believe your story, that still doesn't explain the attacks. This is the only goblin tribe near the main road. You said you had some theories or something?"
Her voice snapped Alex out of his daze. "Y-Yeah, I have a few guesses. For now, can you… no, nevermind. Can you wait here?"
"Eh? We're not coming?" Robin tilted his head, clearly disappointed.
"Huh? Uh…" Alex glanced back at the village. Goblins were peeking out from huts, most hiding. They were scared. "I don't think I'll be able to talk with them if you all come with me..."
"Ehh…?" Robin pouted like a kicked puppy.
"But if you go alone, what tells us you won't just fabricate whatever story you want?" Lyra asked. Her voice wasn't angry—just factual. "Robin believes your story, yes. But that doesn't mean we'll just shut up and do whatever you want."
"Ugh… you're awfully thorough." Alex grimaced.
"Hah! Of course we're thorough, don't you know who we are?" she said, puffing out her chest slightly.
Alex froze.
"..."
Oh no.
This was one of those situations. When someone expects you to know who they are and you have no clue. She was the first elf he'd ever met—and he wasn't one to embarrass a lady without reason.
"O-Of course I know! You're all very famous! I just… y'know, didn't expect the stories were all true!" he said, plastering on a smile.
"Hmph! Good." She beamed with pride.
"Pfft." Robin barely suppressed a laugh. Seriously, what was his deal?
"So? Are we staying? Are we going?" Luke asked, cutting through the moment.
"I'll go," Robin offered, raising his hand like a student. "I promise I'll follow your orders. You lead, and I'll just be a witness. I'll even kneel and kiss the ground in apology if need—"
"That won't be necessary. Let's go." Alex spun on his heel and walked off.
A long silence followed.
Lyra left afterwards, not even looking back at Robin while she walked away.
"Why do you have to be so gross sometimes…?" The elf muttered, sitting down on a nearby log.
Luke joined her without a word, sighing.
Robin stood alone, hand still half-raised.
"I-I just wanted to show my honesty…"