*Or: How to Annoy a Princess, Slay Bandits, and Accidentally Start a Treasure Hunt*
The next morning.
Sunlight filtered through the forest canopy, painting golden stripes across Ziyan's porcelain face. Her lips smacked sleepily, and she rubbed her eyes—only to freeze mid-yawn. Her brain short-circuited.
*Why am I nestled in Qin Feng's arms like a human teddy bear?*
Worse—his tiny hand had somehow migrated to *very* unauthorized territory. A cold realization hit her: *Her duck-print pajama pants were missing.*
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"
Her scream shattered the forest's tranquility, sending birds fleeing in terror. Qin Feng jolted awake, clutching his ears. "What's with the opera singing?!" he grumbled, scrambling to his feet. "I'm *six*. What could I possibly do? Steal your candy?!"
Ziyan's face turned tomato-red. "Y-you…!"
*Ding!* A cheerful chime echoed in Qin Feng's mind. **[Congratulations, Host! You've mastered the art of 'Accidental Villainy.' +200 Villain Points!]**
"Huh. Sweet," Qin Feng muttered. But his smirk faded as he sensed approaching footsteps. He slapped a hand over Ziyan's mouth and dragged her into a bush.
---
*Meanwhile, in a parallel universe where bandits have worse luck than expired milk…*
Five members of the Fierce Tiger Gang stumbled through the woods, nursing injuries from last night's chaos. "That scream came from the girl!" the leader barked. "Call reinforc—*urk*!"
*Schwing!*
A tiny figure shot out like a cannonball. Qin Feng's sword gleamed as he pirouetted mid-air, unleashing a sparkly wave of energy that resembled a unicorn's sneeze. The bandits froze, then toppled over like bowling pins.
*Ding!* **[Five no-name thugs eliminated! +500 Villain Points! Achievement unlocked: 'Kindergarten Ninja.']**
Ziyan gaped. "Are you *sure* you're not a demon in a onesie?!"
"Nope! Just gifted!" Qin Feng chirped, wiping his blade on a bandit's shirt. "Now let's bounce before their boss shows up. He's probably missing an arm and *super* cranky."
---
*Elsewhere, on Drama Hill…*
The Fierce Tiger Gang's leader, Scarface (real name: Dave), glared at his missing right arm. "That sword-boy's attack was *not* OSHA-compliant," he growled. Last night, Lin San—the walking anime protagonist—had unleashed a sword beam so majestic it made Scarface question his life choices.
A lackey rushed in. "Boss! Lin San found a *magic cave*! It's glowing and has runes and everything!"
Scarface spat out his coffee. "A *dungeon*?! Here?! I've robbed this forest for 30 years! Where's *my* glowing cave?!" Resentment fueled his midlife crisis. "Forget the brat—we're raiding that dungeon! And someone find me a robotic arm on Amazon Prime!"
---
Back in the woods, Qin Feng dragged Ziyan toward the chaos. "Lin San's probably found a legendary artifact!" he cackled. "Time to 'borrow' it!"
Ziyan yelped as he veered toward danger. "Are you *nuts*?! They'll skin us alive!"
"Relax! I've got this!" Qin Feng whipped out a pair of fake mustaches. "Disguises!"
"...That's just construction paper."
"Artistic license!"
---
As they bickered, Lin San stood before an ancient stone door, his sword humming. The ruins radiated an aura that screamed *"I'm important—please stab responsibly."* Unbeknownst to him, two tiny shadows lurked behind a tree.
"Ten bucks says the treasure's a shiny rock," Ziyan whispered.
"Twenty says it's a cursed sandwich," Qin Feng countered.
Lin San raised his sword, destiny thrumming in his veins—
*CRASH!*
Scarface's crew bulldozed through the trees, waving torches and poorly forged swords. "Hand over the loot, pretty boy!"
Lin San sighed. "Can't a guy broodingly unlock plot devices in peace?!"
---
*To be continued…*