Colonel Mustard's Burlesque Sing-Along: "I'm Claiming Air Rights"
(To the tune of a sassy, jazzy burlesque number—think sultry, bold, and unapologetic)
Verse 1:
I'm claiming air rights, honey, don't you doubt,
Breathing's my business, and I'm calling it out.
You want me gone? Well, that's just fine,
But I'm here to stay, this breath is mine.
Chorus:
Learn to count—1, 2, 3,
Keep on breathing, that's the key.
I control that too, don't you see?
This ain't no witch hunt, it's a mystery.
Verse 2:
Maybe it's a big misunderstanding,
Not a witch hunt, just some reprimanding.
Get a clue, darling, open your eyes,
I'm not the problem, it's your disguise.
Chorus:
Learn to count—1, 2, 3,
Keep on breathing, that's the key.
I control that too, don't you see?
This ain't no witch hunt, it's a mystery.
Bridge:
So take a step back, and breathe with me,
Claim your air rights, wild and free.
No apologies, no backing down,
I'm the queen of this breathing town.
Final Chorus:
Learn to count—1, 2, 3,
Keep on breathing, that's the key.
I control that too, don't you see?
This ain't no witch hunt, it's a mystery.
Outro (spoken with flair):
Honey, I'm claiming my air rights—
And ain't nobody takin' that away tonight!
Now grab your feather boa and strut your stuff—because breathing is a right, and you're the boss of your own air!