Peter knew roughly what Deadpool was talking about, but unfortunately, while he thought his own looks weren't bad, he wasn't quite like Garfield or Tom Holland. Or maybe a bit of both?
However, to deal with Deadpool, he struck a classic Spider-Man crouch, one hand on the ground, the other raised, lowering his center of gravity and his voice.
"I am the man returned from hell, the Great Four-Hundred Aunties!"
Cindy, hanging upside down from the ceiling, tilted her head, completely unable to understand what Peter was doing. But based on what Peter had told her earlier, she still didn't intend to act.
Seeing this, Deadpool took a deep breath, then took off his mask.
"Then I am the most handsome man in all of Canada, Wade Wilson!"
...
Everyone probably knows Deadpool's face by now—a face that looks like a pitted avocado, or like what happens when you drip superglue onto foam. At this moment, it appeared shamelessly before Peter, proclaiming its handsomeness. Peter stood up and voiced his question.
"But seriously, shouldn't Canada's most valuable superhero be Wolverine?"
Suddenly, an unspeakable silence filled the space between them. Only the charred Wolverine, not far away, stood up with his newly healed body, looking confusedly at the two non-fighting individuals.
"How dare you! He's clearly Australian!" Deadpool was enraged. He drew his twin katanas, swiftly stepped forward, feinted with a horizontal slash of both blades, then used his front foot as a pivot and savagely kicked towards Spider-Man's crotch.
But unfortunately, while Spider-Man's strength was hard to control, his spider-sense functioned perfectly. He dodged this dangerous kick almost instantly. The only flaw was that his backflip was too forceful, landing him on the ceiling.
Then, with a powerful push that nearly shattered the ceiling, Spider-Man punched Deadpool in the face. Deadpool staggered, spinning around, then pulled out his pistol. But before he could aim at Spider-Man, the pistol was stuck by Cindy's web and flung aside.
Deadpool looked up at Cindy, but before he could react, Spider-Man slammed him to the ground with an over-the-shoulder throw. Though it was an over-the-shoulder throw, when Peter finished the move and prepared to go for another, he noticed a problem.
During the throw, he had grabbed Deadpool's left arm. Now, that left arm was still in Peter's hand. As for Deadpool, he lay on the ground, staring in shock at the left arm in Spider-Man's hand.
"I can see little birds flying around my ear. Hey, wait, handsome, what's that you're holding? My left arm?" Deadpool was surprisingly furious. "Who do you think I am, Sebastian Stan?"
"I don't know, I just know I really don't want to see your face, Wade!"
Wielding Deadpool's left arm like a baseball bat, Peter smacked him in the face. Peter waved his hand with a hint of disgust, trying to shake the arm off, but found it didn't work. His powers had gone haywire, causing Deadpool's left arm to stick to his palm. So he helplessly tried to pull the arm off, resulting in both his hands getting stuck to it.
"Can you help me, Silk? Help me get this thing off?"
Cindy jumped down from the ceiling, hooked the severed arm with a web, and was about to pull it off forcefully when she suddenly released her web. Peter knew exactly why Cindy did that, because his spider-sense had blared. He turned and raised Deadpool's arm as a shield, and Deadpool's adamantium katana perfectly sliced through his own arm.
So Peter and Deadpool stared at each other. Then Peter grabbed Deadpool's arm, now severed into two pieces, and charged at Deadpool as if wielding two short sticks, unleashing a flurry of uncoordinated blows.
Deadpool reciprocated with a series of wild slashes. A moment later, Peter looked at the severed Deadpool arms scattered on the ground, and the last two segments stuck to his hands—a scene only fit for an R-rated movie—and said very sincerely, "Looks like you'll have to grow new arms, pal."
"But you'll never be able to grow this thing back!"
Deadpool roared, his adamantium katana slashing down, and then Spider-Man vanished from in front of him, completely gone. Only Cindy, observing from a distance, could be seen. As Wade was still perplexed, he felt something at his waist.
A grenade tucked into his belt had its pin pulled by some invisible little punk.
"Watch out for the grenade!"
"Now!"
Cindy simply followed Peter's instructions, using a web to stick the grenade to Deadpool's right arm. Deadpool yelled, shaking his right arm frantically, but couldn't avoid the fact that both his hands were gone.
The grenade exploded violently, blasting him to the ground. His entire right hand was missing—though for a normal person, this level of bodily resilience was already terrifying. He knelt on the ground, reaching out with his arms—despite having none—and defiantly questioned the world.
"Why?!"
"Perhaps because the only way to demonstrate regeneration is to blow someone to smithereens?"
The invisible Spider-Man appeared behind the tattered Deadpool, tightly choking the armless wretch. Of course, he didn't think he could choke Deadpool to death, but Peter could feel a massive amount of energy accumulating in his palms.
"Sorry, Wade, I'm really sorry." Choking Deadpool until he could barely breathe, Spider-Man struggled to say in his ear, "But I really liked the Green Lantern movie."
"You, you said..." Deadpool, barely able to speak normally, widened the only unmarred eye on his mangled face, trying to turn his head in shock to look at Spider-Man. "What..."
At that moment, a powerful electric current burst from Peter's hands, making almost everyone nearby feel a burning sensation. After releasing the electricity, Peter finally found that nothing was sticking to his hands anymore. He sighed in relief as if rid of a nuisance, shaking his hands.
And Deadpool, lying on the ground, his entire face charred black, still mumbled to him, "Hey, man, you know what? The last time I had an experience like this was when I was lonely at night, couldn't get off, so I took apart a lighter, pulled out the electric igniter, and shoved it..."
Peter kicked Deadpool like a football.
"Say something that can pass censorship, Wade."
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