41 Chaotic Thoughts
Everything around seemed blurry, and the sounds he heard were filled with noise, as if there was a thick wall separating him from the real world.
"..." (Although I want to say he looks healthier than I imagined... but what on earth happened? Are you still alive? Never mind! Let's get out of here first.)
Subaru felt that the figure appearing before him said something.
But he couldn't hear it clearly.
Instinctively, he tried to move closer, and then his vision seemed to fall.
It shook a few times, and when it stopped, gray filled his sight.
The pain from the fall came, but Subaru felt as if his will couldn't control his body. In the next moment, his disobedient body left the ground.
—Wait, I...
Subaru felt his thoughts in complete disarray.
He should have something important to accomplish here, yet he also desperately wanted to leave.
These two completely opposite desires dragged his mind into deeper confusion, and he wasn't even sure if he resisted or not.
The dazzling sunlight stung Subaru's eyes.
The person who pulled him out of the darkness tossed him onto the ground.
"Ow... That was rough... Lord Subaru... gonna punch you..." "So painful..."
.
.
.
The static noise faded significantly, as if a heavy burden in his heart suddenly vanished.
Then Subaru's consciousness began to blur.
He vaguely saw a silver-haired person speaking to him with a worried expression, while two blurry figures in the distance were arguing.
"Subaru-kun... turned out like that!!! Tell me... what happened!!!"
That voice was full of anger and sorrow.
"...Sorry, Ferris... I leave him... to you."
That voice was very firm.
"If he... was normal... and called me, I'd have... questioned... him... for an explanation."
"&%¥#*"
Voices filled with anger argued.
With a loud crash, it seemed like only the sound of faint sobbing was left around.
That sobbing irritated Subaru's mind and heart painfully.
His consciousness gradually became clear again, and Subaru finally opened his eyes and looked around.
He was in a brown room.
The distant sobbing came intermittently.
Subaru suddenly felt the ticklish sensation of water droplets sliding across his face.
—He wanted to see her. He didn't want her to keep crying.
Subaru searched for a part of his body his will could control.
The rustling sound was very soft, so soft that the girl's sobbing could easily cover it.
But the oni girl, who possessed perception far beyond a normal person's, had been keeping most of her attention on Subaru.
She instantly stopped crying and looked toward the hospital bed.
"..." (Subaru-kun, you're awake. How are you feeling? Does anywhere hurt...?)
A blue-and-white figure appeared in his vision at incredible speed. Her eyes still held clear traces of tears.
—She, she is...
Driven by an unknown emotion, Subaru desperately searched through his chaotic memories for the identity of the blurry figure in front of him.
Dragged into the hell of death by the girl's life-risking anger, saved from the same hell by her life-risking resolve, he once chose her with incomparable resolve, and once abandoned her with that same resolve.
The girl died.
The girl lived...
Completely opposite memories spiraled in his mind, leaving Subaru terribly confused.
Toward the girl before him, he felt trust, reliance, fear, guilt...
"Subaru-kun!"
The girl grabbed Subaru's hand just as he tried to shrink back. Being stared at directly by her eyes, Subaru opened his mouth.
—What should he say? What did he want to say?
Memories of the girl surged forth. The guilt in his heart kept piling up.
"Eh?"
His unguarded body was hugged tightly.
This action, which had never occurred in his memories, left Subaru stunned.
Because no matter which memory it was, the Rem in them was always that slightly shy girl.
—Right. The girl's name is Rem!
—Ouch!
Rem's soft body exploded with unimaginable strength, but Subaru could also feel that her body, just like his, was trembling with fear.
Rem's breath in his ear was filled with the anxiety of someone terrified of losing someone important.
Subaru could even feel the rapid and powerful heartbeat coming from her chest.
"..."
With trembling lips, Subaru called the girl's name. Rem seemed to notice something and hurriedly let go of Subaru.
"Yes, Rem is here."
Rem responded to Subaru's clumsy call with a teary smile.
"What happened? You look like you've reunited with someone who died. I'm your Rem."
Rem said it as a joke to lighten the mood.
Subaru seemed to freeze. Countless memories replayed in his mind.
Whenever he looked so worn out that it made Rem deeply worried, she would always use this joke to comfort him.
"Hehe, haha... hehe, hehe..."
—Yes, every girl who ever said that same joke... died because of me.
"Subaru? What's wrong, Subaru! Are you okay? Pull yourself together..."
Realizing something was wrong, Rem quickly supported Subaru.
"Are you anxious? But, Rem is here. Rem will do her best to help Subaru. So please, don't worry."
—No, don't.
—I sent Rem to her death. I killed her. And not just once or twice. I killed you countless times, cruelly and heartlessly.
"It's okay, it's okay..."
Rem sensed Subaru's fear and trembling. She gently patted his back to comfort him.
"Don't... die... just to protect... the useless... me."
Regaining focus under Rem's comfort, struggling to form his words, Subaru finally voiced what was in his heart.
"..."
Rem paused, then held Subaru's hand. Subaru could feel it — the warmth of the girl's small hand.
That was proof that Rem was still alive.
"Just that one sentence — even if it's from Subaru, I can't accept it, and I won't agree."
Subaru suddenly looked up at Rem.
Their gazes met directly. In Rem's light blue pupils resided an unshakable determination.
"Subaru is not useless. The Subaru who saved Rem is a true hero."
—Hero?
That word stirred something in Subaru's mind. The hero in his heart was a smiling Japanese boy, and a girl from another world whose smile was like the sun.
—No matter who I stand before, I am Natsuki Subaru.
It was as if someone whispered it decisively in his ear.
"Natsu..."
Every word that Subaru uttered...
"..."
...was filled with hesitation,
"..."
...was filled with fear,
"..."
...and needed unmatched time,
"..."
...and unmatched courage.
But as he looked at the girl in front of him — patient, smiling, and encouraging with her gaze — Subaru gradually brought the words in his heart into reality.
"Y..."
Bang~~~
"Rem, have you seen Garfiel?"
A tall blonde woman kicked open the door impatiently, interrupting the exchange.
Ignoring Rem's angry glare, she scanned the room quickly and then asked urgently.
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