"Did you really think he loved you?"
That f*cking hurts. Yes, I did. I thought he love me. As much as I love him.
Runa continued to rant about me ruining her life. About Liose. About existing.
I snapped.
I pulled her hair. Hit her back. And shouted at her about her being an arrogant brat. About all her mistakes. About how I hated everything about her. We fought and hit each other again and again. With fist. With words.
Uncle Rac came and Runa did her charm again. Uncle Rac was enraged. He wouldn't let anyone hurt her f*cking princess. I got tired of it. I fought back. All the bullying. The abused. I thought it went away. But it did not. It was inside me. Piled up.
Uncle Rac, being a man, is stronger than me. I didn't got the chance to fight back. I lost. He threw me to the floor as hard as he can. I felt my body went limp with pain. It was excruciating.
"Do you wanna know something, Iya?"
I can't answer him due to the pain.
"I married your mother for her money. She was so pitiful. Even though she knew that I was cheating on her she didn't care. I hated her. I sucked her dry and then when there's nothing left. Do you know what I told her?"
He looked at me and sneered.
"Kill yourself or I'll end your daughter's life. And that wench really did it. It was so funny. She didn't do anything. She just went and hanged herself!"
That was something I didn't know. I know that my mom killed herself. But no one told me about the other things. She made sure that I didn't know. I saw Runa and Uncle Rac laughing at me. My head started spinning. I was getting dizzy. My body was full of pain.
After my mother died I told myself that I would never cry again. Even when I was bullied, when I was abused. I didn't. But now I felt tears flowed down my cheeks. I used my last strength in my body to ran outside. Clutching my diary and pen, I went straight to the rooftop of our school.
I tried to calm myself. I wrote everything on my diary.
I suddenly remembered my mother. Her note.
'I'm sorry... that's what I wanna say. I failed as a mother. For leaving you alone, I'm really, really sorry. I wish you would find someone who would look at you. Someone that would make your everyday feel amazing. I want you to live. I just want you to be happy. Iya, I love you so much.'
-Mom
I also wish to be happy, mom. But I can't. I'm sorry too, mom. I'm too tired. I just want all of it to end.
As I was writing this I decided to write for Liose.
'Hey! I really don't know what happened but you need to fulfill your promise. It's a promise you f*cking id*ot! Do you remember that time when we went to the movies? You can't handle scary things but you chose a horror movie just because I wanted to see it. The night when we're walking and looking at the illumination. I heard it. I f*cking heard it. The way you never miss the details. The way you listen. The way you treat me someone so precious. I really want to say thank you. Thank you for finding me. For looking for me. Thank you for everything! And I'm sorry for being difficult. I love you! I love you so much you id*ot!!!
Come back, please.'
That was the last entry.
The next day, I finally came back.
She was found dead.
She jumped from the rooftop.
The night of the illumination was when I whispered 'I love you'.
I actually thought that she didn't respond to my letters on purpose but now I know the reason. That engagement party was the plan my parents wanted. But I told them that I don't want to get married. That picture was a memento. It was actually explained at the letter. But she didn't got the chance to read it.
Her Uncle was arrested for abused. That was also the case for Runa.
But who cares. It's not like she'll be back. She's gone. Forever. I remembered hugging her corpse that day. I f*cking regretted everything. For leaving her alone.
But nothing matters now.
I held the book and stood up. I glanced at the railings of the rooftop and her image took form. Her with tears. Letting herself fall.
I turned my back and started to walk away. I smiled sadly and with bitterness.
"I love you."