Hao Lou tiptoed his way out of the alley, squinting as soon as he stepped into the open. Bright lights blasted his face. It was like stepping into a giant glowing furnace full of noise and madness.
"What in the actual… heavens… is this?"
He stood frozen.
Cars zoomed past him, honking loud enough to wake a corpse. Neon signs blinked in every color known to man and probably a few extras he'd never seen in his entire existence. Giant screens flashed moving pictures—animals, food, people laughing, people crying, and things exploding.
And people. So many people. Pushing past him. Talking into little glowing boxes. Rushing by with ear-sticks and glowing watches and shoes that blinked.
"What… what is all this?!" Hao Lou cried, one arm up shielding his eyes. "Is this the mortal realm or a punishment chamber?!"
He couldn't remember any of this from his love tribulation trial centuries ago. Back then, the mortal world was simple. Villages, farms, a horse or two. No giant steel beasts spitting smoke. No people screaming into their handheld slabs.
And the outfits…
Hao Lou's mouth dropped open as a group of girls walked past.
Short skirts. Exposed shoulders. Tiny tops. One had hair dyed bright green and a ring in her nose. Another was eating something on a stick that smelled like fried chicken and sweet chaos.
He turned beet red.
"What in the nine realms are they wearing? No—what are they not wearing?!"
His eyes darted around. He yanked his sleeves down as far as they would go, practically yanking his robe to his ankles in panic. "Have morals disappeared?! I can see her entire knee! Her knee, I tell you!"
He clutched his chest. "I'm too pure for this."
Two teenagers walked past and snorted. "Did he just say 'knee'? Bro, is he doing a TikTok bit?"
"What's a TikTok?! Is it dangerous?!" Hao Lou yelped, spinning around.
No answer. Everyone had already rushed past. A man bumped into him, muttered something rude, and stormed away.
Hao Lou turned in a slow, dazed circle. His arms hung by his side, sleeves dragging the pavement. He looked up—up at a building taller than any temple he'd ever seen. A massive screen lit up the night sky like a second sun.
A small tiger was running around in the video, bouncing and jumping on colorful balls.
"Oh!" Hao Lou's face lit up. "A tiger! That's adorable. But… how did they trap it in there?!"
He stared in innocent wonder. "That poor little creature… is it a spirit beast? Did they trap its soul?! What if it's trying to communicate?"
The tiger paused in the video.
Then suddenly, it turned, stared straight at the screen—and lunged forward with a full-blown roar.
"RAAAWRRR!!!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Hao Lou screamed bloody murder. He ducked, arms over his head, and threw himself onto the sidewalk like a pancake.
"IT'S ESCAPING! THE TIGER HAS ESCAPED! SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!"
People stared. A woman dropped her coffee. A man filming him from a distance laughed so hard he fell to his knees.
Hao Lou slowly lifted his head from the ground, eyes wide.
The tiger was still inside the screen, now wagging its tail and blinking innocently.
"…It didn't escape," he muttered. "It's still in there. Right. That was… a false alarm."
He sat up slowly, his robe now soaked from some mysterious city puddle that smelled faintly of chicken grease and despair. A piece of chewing gum was stuck to his elbow.
"…This world is cursed," he whispered. "And sticky."
Hao Lou was still staring up at the giant screen. The tiny tiger up there was now chasing a ball of yarn, pouncing and tumbling over itself in happy little hops. A human child might've found it cute.
Hao Lou found it deeply suspicious.
"How did mortals make that? It's so lifelike… Is it a divine mirror? Some form of soul entrapment?!"
He narrowed his eyes. "That yarn ball is moving on its own! That's not normal. Is that tiger possessed?!"
He didn't get to ponder long.
Because just then—all the people around him vanished in an instant.
Bright light smacked him across the face, followed by a loud horn
HHOOOOONNNNNKKKK!!!
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
A giant metal beast—a bus—skidded to a stop right in front of him with a sound so violent it rattled the air. The blinding headlights were basically the judgmental eyes of a heavenly tribunal glaring right into his soul.
Hao Lou blinked, frozen in horror.
"…What…"
The beast just sat there, hissing smoke, doors hissing open like the maw of an ancient demon. The driver inside was waving angrily, yelling something, but all Hao Lou could hear was the end of the world in stereo.
He screamed at the top of his lungs and dove behind the nearest trash can, curling up like a dumpling.
The driver cursed, muttered something about lunatics, and finally drove off, leaving behind a very stunned, slightly trembling Hao Lou peeking over the edge of the trash bin.
"That thing had eyes," Hao Lou whispered. "And it screamed at me. Screamed. I didn't even offend it…"
His hands were shaking.
He peeked up at the sky—no divine interference. No heavenly trumpet calling him home. Just… a big flashy world with loud machines and monsters.
"I don't like this place," he muttered, rubbing his arms. "It's bright, it's loud, it smells like wet dog and... onions. And something died near this bin, I swear by the Heavens."
Right on cue—ggrruugggghhhhhh.
His stomach made a sound.
He clutched it. "Ugh, of course. Of course you would get hungry now, body. Haven't I suffered enough?!"
A soft voice interrupted him.
"Are you hungry?"
Hao Lou whipped around, nearly throwing himself into the trash can again.
An old lady stood next to him, her face wrinkled but kind. She wore a sun visor, fuzzy slippers, and a floral apron.
Next to her was a small street cart with a grill.
On that grill…
Large worms.
Rolling around.
Fat, shiny, sizzling worms.
"There, there," she said, smiling and holding up a skewer. "Have one, young man. You look like you saw a ghost."
Hao Lou stared at the skewer.
The worm was as big as his thumb and glistening with oil. It jiggled slightly when she waved it toward him.
"I… uh…" He blinked, mouth dry. "What… is that?"
"Roasted silkworm," she said proudly. "Very nutritious. Good protein. I deep-fried them this morning. Fresh."
He glanced at the rest of her cart.
Fried caterpillars. Scorpions. Beetles. Something that may have once been a grasshopper, now impaled on a stick like it lost a very unfortunate battle.
Hao Lou's face twisted.
'Why do mortals eat insects?!' his thoughts screamed. 'They have cows. Chickens. Rice! What happened to dumplings?!'
But his stomach growled again, louder this time.
He looked back at the worm. Then at the lady's kind, slightly judgmental smile. She was watching him closely.
"…I'm not eating that," he whispered.
"You'll get used to it," she said, patting his arm. "New to the city, huh?"
He nodded slowly.
She gave him a knowing smile and tucked the worm-on-a-stick into his hand anyway. "Eat it while it's hot. Or the juice leaks out and gets weird."
He stared at the thing.
The worm glistened.
'oh heavens whyyy!!!!'