A lot can change in a month. One day your the unwanted child of an untrustworthy system that nobody wants to let play with the gun. Now I'm a national hero. Every day since the Battle of Sector 474 has been press conferences and photoshoots and brands trying to get me to hock their sugar water. I've met more distant family members in the last two weeks then in the last twenty years. I found a reporter in my bathroom cataloging what shampoo brands I use. She's probably still in jail. All day, every day, All I have been seeing is people who want a piece of-
"Captain Tom. Welcome to the big leagues."
"Admiral Zelenstia. I never thought I'd see the day."
High Admiral Alexander Tauran Zelenstia. A legend made flesh. To this day the only human to fight a superior extraterrestrial warship in single ship to ship combat and win. Well, I suppose until me. Not that I'd consider myself near his level. The New Hawaii class is top of the line. Three times as powerful as the old Tokyo Two Class Cruiser he was in. And those Questeons knew how to shoot.
A man of 76, and still young. Looks closer to a good 40. That new Union tech does wonders. There are people out there over 100 and still go running on the weekends. We have no idea what the human lifespan will be for those who grew up with it. Jaw like a Roman sculpture, hair thick and clean, a firm handshake, he's the very model of a United Humanities hero. I can't believe he's wasting his time with me.
"Sit down, we're all space men here."
I do as I'm ordered. The seats are imported Stictian leather. Fitting for a restaurant like this. I'd heard the Galactic Ritz was fancy. I just wasn't expecting Star Crystal Glass fancy. The water here probably costs more then a month's pay. Our booth is private with a golden curtain to block others from seeing us, if we don't want to be seen.
"I read all the reports, even the censored parts. Couldn't have done things any better myself."
"I'm flattered. Wish that was true."
"It is."
A woman walks up to our table. She's dressed to the nines. Dress of glittering stars and hair like a cosmic nebula. She looks better than any guest at the fanciest parties I've been to. And she's our waiter.
"It is my great pleasure to serve one of the greatest men of our lifetime. Let alone two. I hope our accommodations are to your standards."
"Don't you fret." Zelenstia starting to show his real age, talking like my grandpa. "I haven't had anything less then an eleven out of ten here."
"Well I've been eating mostly grey paste in space so I'd be happy with cheese and crackers."
She puts a menu that looks more expensive then my car before me.
"We have an excellent charcuterie selection. The black garlic smoked Gouda is especially popular."
"That sounds a few levels above my range. I don't suppose you have a value menu?"
"Nonsense." Zekenstia rips the fancy menu from my hand and hands it back. "Tell Enzo we are in his care."
Our waitress bows, actually bows, than disappears behind the golden veil.
"You know the cook?"
"Not personally. I just come here a lot. There is a portrait of me hung in a place of honor. Thanks to my making the Galactic Ritz so popular, they got a 4th Star."
"Crazy. Where's the portrait kept?"
"I have no idea."
Food shows up about a minute after she left. The same waitress from before was now carrying real silver platters. To her side was a Geckiotan, a bipetal reptilian race and humanity's nearest and dearest neighbor. Travelers, traders, and tourists have been making their way to our territory with plenty of ours heading to theirs in kind. They reminded our diplomats of Leopard Geckos and so were named after them in our lexicon. This particular young lady was rather tall for Geckiotan, though still nearly a head shorter than our waitress. Her skin is yellow with bumps and grooves all across. Her face has an elongated snout and big, wide black eyes. The only major difference from our little pets is the lack of the fatty tail. In fact they have no tails at all. Evidently the mere concept of a tail was weird to them. She's dressed just as elegantly as our waitress, but is carrying nothing. Merely staying to the back, as if waiting to be called.
"Chef Enzo knew exactly what to serve before I had the chance to give him your blessing. He humbly requests you to be the first to taste his latest creations."
"Ah, that old dog. Always trying to put me to work. What do you say Tom, want to go exploring?"
To be honest I just wanted a steak. Not sure how I can say no.
"Why not. What are we having?"
"This is called the Sea, Land and Air trio. We shall start with Sea."
A small plate with a natural, bumpy texture and an off-white color is placed before me. It looks like it's made out of polished sea shells. Upon it is single black shelled egg in a special holder. The egg has had it's very top clipped off, revealing a green ooze on the inside. A few small, black orbs float on it's top.
"This is the L'oeuf de Mer et Caviar. A soft boiled Arber Turtle egg topped with Beluga Caviar. Traditionally Arber Turtle eggs are eaten raw as they are highly resistant to heat. It took two hours at a rolling boil to reach this consistency. We hope it will remind you of oceans you have never seen."
Zelenstia doesn't hesitate, picking up the black shell and sucking the insides like a tequila shot. Whelp, guess I have no choice. Down the hatch it goes. The flavor is just like a chicken egg if it was all yolk. The thick, runny goop coating my tongue. The Caviar pierces through with sharp salt and brine. It's easily the best egg I've ever had. Though it is very heavy, better get something to drink.
"Pardon me. I understand if you want to reset your palate. However, it is important to hold onto this flavor for the next course."
The shell plate is removed. A finely sanded wooden plate replaces it. Upon it is a single dark brown cracker slathered with a purple paste. The spread looks spoiled. Would likely smell spoiled, too, if not for the large amount of onions and garlic drowning it out.
"This is the Land section. A heritage grain cracker with a Quadrobite tartare. Heavily seasoned with shallots, garlic and various herbs and aromatics. Enjoy."
I've never even had regular tartare, let alone quadrobite. Don't even know what that is. Eh, to hell with it. Let's see what we got. Oh man, whatever this stuff is it tastes more like beef then beef. Makes a porterhouse seem like tofu. It's mixing with the egg and salt. Damn that's good. Meat is starting to fade, leaving behind a medley of herbal stank. Bet kissing me right now would be like making out with a raw onion.
"Exquisite." Zekenstia is a lot better with his words. "How have I never tried this before?"
"Quadrobite is a staple on Gecksis but has only just arrived in our sector. Besides Enzo himself, you two may be the first humans to every try it outside their sector."
"Fantastic. Lets get to the Air. Enzo always saves his best tricks for last."
The Geckiotan walked forward. Finally her turn. From behind the curtain she brings a strange, round, metallic devise I'd never seen before. A metal rod of sorts sticking out of it's top. Her six fingered hand clasps around that rod, and gently pulls up. From this comes a long, slender stick with a round, hollow circle at the end. Inside the circle was an orangish liquid that gleamed in the light. Delicately, with the most subtle of movements, the Geckiotan waved it through the air. Slowly a large bubble began to form, steam rising from its fragile shimmering body. It reminded me of a birthday I attended when I was very young where they had a ton of bubble wands for us kids to play with, just far more elegant.
At last the bubble, having reach it's critical mass, was released from the wand. It floated ever so briefly, a ghost of aromas, until it was caught by a small spoon with a wide, slotted back. She returned the wand to the metal ball, then handed the finished product to Zekenstia. Swiftly, a second bubble was prepared and placed into my hand. I just stared at it, mesmerized at it's jiggling mass.
"How do we eat this?"
"One must take of it into your maw."
Her voice is a lot quieter than I expected. A short of husky whisper.
"One must hold of it with one's maw. Do not breath. Do not swallow. Only hold. The Cha-chaaa Chucheee do the rest."
Uh-oh. Translator broke down for a second there. Humanity must have no word for this food yet. This should be interesting. Let's see, she said to hold it in my mouth but not to swallow. Alright, lets try it.
It's hotter then I expected. Humid and warm like the air in a sauna. I feel liquid forming inside my mouth. The steam mixing with the leftover flavors and my saliva, forming a broth on my tongue. It's so rich. I drink it down but more appears. Just as I start to tire of the flavor it ends, leaving at the perfect moment as to not overstay it's welcome.
"Wow. That really was something."
"I must say." Zelenstia looks just as satisfied as I do. "I have never experienced anything like that in all my years. Thank you, genuinely"
"One accepts your gratitude. Of my world, the Cha-chaaa Chucheee is for the sweets. Master Enzo has shown to us that one can use for savory as well. Us ones had no concept of this soup. It has been much enlightening. One hopes to find great treasures with the Human ones."
The waitresses bow once again. Our table is pristine.
"Thank you for being our testers. This has been an immense success. Enzo has been preparing your usual order. It will be a few more minutes. In the mean time, please enjoy this complimentary Pinot Blanc."
With that they disappear behind the gold. Leaving us to drink alone.
"Those Geckiotan have much to teach us." Zelenstia has a face somewhere between serious and whimsical. "Of course, we've been teaching them much as well. That's how the galaxy should work. Everyone has something to give everyone else. And pretty soon, you're going to be the one handing out the candy."
Uhhh, I think I missed a metaphor somewhere.
"Admiral, what are you talking about."
"Tell me Tom, of those dishes, what was the more impressive element? The human or the Geckiotan? They are so much more advanced then we are. Their culture so much more engrained in the systems beyond their own. It will take us near a century to catch up. And yet, we are both merely minor members of the Union. It may be a thousand years before we can be seen as a Major member, if ever. Though thanks to you, we might have found a shortcut."
"Sir, you're scaring me."
"Good. Use that fear. What I am about to tell you may very well change the course of Mankind's place in the universe."
Space Christ, please don't give me a promotion.
"You are getting a promotion."
Fuck.
"I am deeply flattered. But I don't think I am ready to be an Admiral."
"Neither do I. Neither does anyone else in the United Humanities' upper crust. That's why you aren't."
"I'm... utterly lost."
"We aren't offering you the promotion. The Union is. They want you to try out for the Expeditionary Captain program."
An Expeditionary Captain? Me? That holds the same rank as a Vice Admiral. And that's by the Union hierarchy. I'd technically be Zelenstia's boss.
"I.. I can't accept something like that. It should be you. Tell them I-"
"They don't want me. They want you. And you are going to take it. Not for your sake or mine. But for all of us. There are races who have been members for thousands of years that have never had one of their numbers receive this offer. Humanity now has one after a mere hundred years. Even if you do not get the job, it will be a giant leap for mankind. I'm not asking, because you are saying yes. Right?"
I can't tell if he's threatening me and I don't want to find out. He's right though, I probably will fail. And even if I do, it's still a massive accomplishment. I suppose their is no harm.
"Yeah, I am. Guess this is worth a toast."
He raises his glass to mine.
"To your career. May it be long and fruitful. All the Stars will be against you. Beat every one of them down."