The anbu from before reappeared and deposited some sort of permission slip in his hand, which the Third then gave me. "One-time-use direct line to me.
Show it to any ninja and they will see you brought to me, or a message delivered if preferable. You may use it at your discretion, to request a boon within reason, or keep it for an emergency.
It is up to you. "
Unlike everything else, I thought perhaps too unkindly.
"It was an interesting meeting, Mr. Masanari.
Crow will escort you home. "
The Hokage disappeared in a puff of smoke before I could say anything else, so I turned to the Anbu. He formed a seal and transformed into a nondescript teenager with a biddable manner and genuine looking smile.
I smiled weakly back and complied when he invited me to climb into my cart. The nin took the handles and set off towards my home.
I didn't feel particularly brave, but I was increasingly discovering that fatalism was a very effective substitute. "Uchiha Shisui, right?"
The kid almost stopped before recovering. He didn't answer for a while, probably deciding if he should keep up the act.
I'd comply with the tacit command if he did, but-
"How did you know?"
"The body flicker. " It had been most impressive.
'Shisui of the Body Flicker' was famous for good reason. "You look like you can still grow a bit too, so you can't be any of the seniors.
But you're also too old to be the only other baby Anbu us civilians know of. " Uchiha Itachi was the current 'face' of black ops, so to speak.
Because politics. "Also, the Hokage let you handle Naruto.
Even put you in place of whoever dropped the ball the rest of today. " Unless that was you too, in which case shit job, kid.
"That's honestly impressive, sir. "
"Not really. " And I still wasn't lying.
"Half the people I know would be able to pick you out in a crowd. "
"Please, sir, no need to exaggerate. "
"I'm really not. " How to explain this without causing offense? Oh look, I can't.
"Admittedly, you're easier because of the fame of your shunshin technique, but… You know about people and snakes, right?"
"I'm not sure what you mean. "
"Snakes are the one, universal, natural predator of humans that have been there for our entire existence as a race, even after we secured our spot at the top of the food chain. We've evolved to be hyperaware of them.
We react to them instinctively, spot them from afar even when we're half blind, they seem bigger than they actually are to our eyes. And even the weakest baby reacts unconsciously to the sound of hissing and slithering, or just to being stared at by a serpent.
Humans know when they're being watched, but with snakes it's even worse. "
"… Are you calling the Uchiha snakes?"
Don't knife me, little Crow. "I'm saying we've been conditioned to react the same way to humanoid creatures that use mind control.
"
The knives didn't come out. Shisui's easy going manner dimmed though.
"I hear what you're saying but not how you got there. We don't use Genjutsu on just anyone and- the Uchiha aren't creatures.
"
"You're not, it's really not your fault," well, not this generation's anyway. "Pay attention, I said it's an evolutionary trait.
That means it's induced over a very long span of time, it doesn't just crop up in a handful of generations. Though in this case, I could see it being accelerated due to the sheer scale at which it was used.
" I hesitated on what came next, but this was too good an opportunity and it was a fair distance to my home, that's why I needed the lift in the first place. "How much do you know about ancient history? Ancient as in before the wandering clans era, I mean.
"
Creak creak went the wheels. They hadn't oiled them.
I was absurdly relieved by that oversight.
"I know the academy course and my own clan's chronicles, plus a bit of reading on the side, but I'm dying to hear your own take on it, sir. "
"Right, well, I'm only going to say what's been passed down to me. " By a work of fiction from another world, but I wasn't going to say that.
"So don't be surprised if it sounds hyperbolic. " Even though it's really not.
"Cross my heart, sir. "
"You say that now. "
And so, for the rest of the way to my home, I regaled poor Uchiha Shisui with the condensed history of the Ootsutsuki 'demon' parasites, the Shinju, Rabbit 'Goddess' Kaguya the Enslaver, the tale of the two brothers, and the life of the Six Paths Sage and his many-tailed children that were subsequently undermined and enslaved by his non-tailed children. And their children's children.
And their children's children's children and that's where I stopped because I was on a deadline. I made sure to use all the proper names.
I even mentioned 'Kaguya's will' that escaped into the world at the end of the apocalypse to set up the stage for her return through mind-bending corruption.
I only left out that thing about the moon maybe, possibly being populated. I didn't want to sound like a complete lunatic.
"And that's why the uncanny valley exists," I finished when Shisui stopped at my gate. I climbed down from my cart.
"Animals generally have no trouble with other creatures that resemble them, but we humans experience fight or flight instinct if another person looks… well, wrong. It means that, somewhere, somehow, human-seeming creatures must have preyed on us for a long, long time.
Long enough for it to become a survival trait to recognize them on sight. And because mind control was the equivalent of paralytic venom for the things, it got lumped in with the rest.
That's how the tradition goes, anyway. "
The nondescript transformation technique stared at me. "That's quite the story, sir.
"
I looked at him flatly. "That reaction is exactly why us powerless sods avoid telling you lot anything.