Today was supposed to be calm. Birds were chirping. The sun was shining. The trees were whispering like they always do when cultivators are trying to act mysterious.
Instead of peace, I was wrestling with a turtle. A really, really big turtle.
"Move, you giant boulder with legs," I groaned, pulling at the leash like someone trying to walk a stubborn sofa.
Grandmaster Snap, my assigned turtle companion, was not in the mood. His golden shell sparkled in the sunlight like treasure, and his little black eyes gave me the same look my math teacher used to give me when I didn't do homework.
He didn't move.
"You want spirit lettuce? I've got spirit lettuce," I said, waving a leafy bribe. Snap sniffed it, blinked slowly, and... farted. Then, he moved two inches.
"Yes! Progress!" I shouted, feeling like a champion.
Just then, Lin Zhen showed up. He's my friend, and his favorite hobby is watching me suffer.
"You walking a turtle now?" he asked, laughing.
"I'm walking my destiny," I said. "He's ninety percent attitude and ten percent shell."
Snap responded by smacking my leg with his tail.
---
While dragging my legendary slowpoke to the Spirit Pond, I had time to think about how far I've come in cultivation. Right now, I'm at the Qi Gathering level—stage two of thirteen! Sounds cool, but really, it just means I'm slightly better at breathing.
I remembered the ladder of cultivation like this:
1. Body Tempering – punch rocks, get sore.
2. Qi Gathering – breathe spiritual energy.
3. Qi Circulation – now the energy goes somewhere.
4. Foundation Establishment – you start glowing sometimes.
5. Core Formation – build a little energy ball inside you.
6. Nascent Soul – your soul now has a baby version of you.
7. Soul Projection – let your soul walk around.
8. Ascendant Spirit – now you float.
9. Heaven Merging – you start talking in riddles.
10. Dao Lord – you make up your own rules.
11. Saint King – people bow when you float by.
12. Emperor – your sighs cause earthquakes.
13. Great Emperor – you are basically a walking legend.
And don't forget items and pills:
- Iron – barely useful.
- Bronze – training wheels.
- Silver – slightly shiny.
- Gold – actually good.
- Black – fancy.
- Earth – powerful.
- Heaven – super powerful.
- Saint – only experts use these.
- Emperor – one can bankrupt a kingdom.
- Immortal – no one's sure they exist.
Techniques are also ranked:
- Mortal – everyone starts here.
- Spirit – better.
- Earth – strong.
- Heaven – very strong.
- Saint – a perfected Saint technique can annihilate everything within a thousand miles; people bow, cry, and rethink life.
- Emperor – makes mountains bow.
- Immortal – makes space bend.
- Forbidden – explode or become awesome (or both).
---
Just as I was feeling smart, Snap decided he was done. He tucked himself into his shell like a grumpy rock.
"You're sunbathing now?!" I sighed. "You've moved less than a broken cart."
An inner sect senior walked by and said, "That turtle owns you now."
I nodded like a wise man. "Yes, and I pay rent in patience."
After offering a mid-grade spirit stone (yes, I bribed him again), Snap started walking. Very slowly. He also stopped every few minutes to stare at butterflies with deep judgment.
Eventually, we made it to the Spirit Pond.
After making sure Snap didn't turn the pond into a water park again (he still tried), I finally got a moment to myself. Sitting beneath a tall pine, I took out the Qi Circulation Pill I'd received. It glowed faintly, with a warm silver hue, and smelled like herbal lightning. With one deep breath, I swallowed it.
The moment it hit my stomach, I felt a surge.
> [System Notification: Qi Circulation Pill consumed. Cultivation speed temporarily increased by 80% for the next 6 hours.]
I closed my eyes and crossed my legs.
I began circulating Qi using my chosen technique—Whispering Leaf Method, a Spirit-grade cultivation technique focused on speed and flexibility. It was the kind of technique that didn't make you explode things, but let you dodge them.
> [System Update: Whispering Leaf Method - Current Mastery: 36% → 41%]
> [Qi Gathering Realm: Peak → Slightly Stabilized Peak.]
I could feel the Qi moving through my meridians smoother than ever before. Like someone cleared all the spiritual traffic jams in my body.
"Finally," I muttered. "It's working."
Elder Li was waiting nearby, sipping tea like nothing strange was happening.
"Ah, Kael! A calm walk with Snap?" he asked.
"Very enlightening, Elder," I said, soaking wet and tired.
Snap dove into the pond like a cannonball. Water splashed. Somewhere, a duck screamed.
I turned to leave. That's when I heard it.
"GRANDMASTER SNAP! NOT THE KOI!"
I spun around. Snap was now charging through the sacred koi pond like a golden tank. Fish were flying. One fish jumped so high it might have joined the heavens.
Elder Ming looked like he was about to faint. "MY FISH! THAT ONE WAS WORTH A THOUSAND SPIRIT STONES!"
Snap spun in the air like a ninja and belly-flopped again.
I sighed and said, "This turtle is my punishment."