"Cute… but definitely crazy." he snickers to himself as he clunked into Vuvi's room, hips still smoking with residual heat as his pulse crystals cooled down.
It was a chaotic mess of glowing jars, stacked tomes, strange devices and salacious drawings scattered about a mad alchemist's cave masquerading as a bedroom. Vuvi sat on a bed littered with scattered pages and greasy tools, cross legged and grinning, hair an explosion of curling crimson tendrils that erupts from her head.
"So… Pleasure Prince Version One Point Oh. Bit of a mouth full don't you think?" she asked, grinning as she tapped a quill against her chin. "How about Pip? Can I call you Pip?"
He shrugs and nods affirmatively.
"Don't have much of a choice…"
"Nice. Alright, Pip. Time for some answers."
Pip tilts his shiny head, confused.
"You said you were from some place beyond this world. That's a pretty big deal. Huge actually! I want know about it. You said you can write… why don't we play a little game?"
She hopped off the bed, grabbed his hand and led him to a desk tucked into a corner. Swatting its contents to the floor, she slaps a stack of parchment onto its surface, along with sticks of different colored chalks.
"A drawing game. Simple." she winked. "Draw me your world."
He hesitated as his brain clanked and whirred. Then he began to scribble.
A big circle, filled with blues and green.
"Your world?"
Pip nods.
Then a road. A house. People, trees and a sun.
"A town? Your people?"
He nods again.
Then a table. A couch. And a strange rectangular box.
"A throne? A shrine? I dont—"
He shakes his head. Inside the box, he adds a person.
"Oh… a cage! They watched people in prison?"
He shakes his head harder as he adds more details. A man on the couch. Cables and wires from the strange box. The person inside is now visibly female and wearing a bikini."
"Oooooh!" Vuvi gasped. "Is it some kind of scrying device… for men to… look at women?"
He nods, half-heartedly.
"Fascinating! So people in your world worshipped women through sexy boxes? I can't imagine…"
Pip's brain screeches in frustration.
He draws a large building next. Two golden arches venerated on spiralling towers. A man in a wheeled box next to it, providing some sort of offering.
"A church! Is this where you worshipped your sexy gods?"
His head shook, almost with sadness.
He adds another man to the drawing, holding onto his knees as he vomits profusely.
"The sexy gods give you food? Poison?"
He shrugged in defeat.
"Your world sounds amazing… but very strange." she shudders. "Like a paradise wrapped in nightmares."
He tilts his head, then nods in agreement.
Then he draws a man. Sitting beside one of the sexy worship boxes. He looks sad. Alone.
"Is that… you?" she asks softly.
He nods solemnly before scratching out the man's eyes.
"Oh… so you really did die." she whispers.
His head falls to his chest as he slumps into himself with a clank.
"Well, Pip. Today's your lucky day!" Vuvi exclaims, slapping him firmly on the back. "What's done is done, and you're here now. With me! You're not alone anymore, and you've got a second chance! So chin up! We have a world to save."
—------------
They left her room after some time, the air hung thick with the fumes of simmering potions and things unsaid.
They move through the creaking passages of the cottage ending up in a brightly lit room. Sunlight poured through massive windows lighting up rows of vials and bottles filled with strange undulating liquids. Glass counters housed stacked tomes and odd tools built for pleasure.
"A shop?" He wondered, surveying the warm, intimate and intricately decorated room.
"This is our home." Vuvi said proudly as she gestured broadly around her. "Blackthorn Apothecary. My mom's been running it for the last 20 years. She's the best herbwitch in the kingdom. Used to be famous for our fertility tonics, mood charms, performance potions and anti-horniness infusions. If you had a problem in the bedroom, we'd solve it. Satisfaction guaranteed."
Her soft, pink lips split with a boastful smile until her eyes soften and her shoulders slump.
"That was 20 years ago…before this damned curse."
She pulls a vial from a shelf filled with a thick, murky, pink goo that shimmered as sunlight danced through it.
"This one's a libido lifter. Used to be, when a man drank it, he'd become insatiable. Rock hard for hours. Now… nothing. Not even a tickle. All because of that damn demon's spiteful magic. She turned the entire world off—just like that!"
Vuvi snaps her fingers towards him. He tilts his head.
"Demon Queen?"
"Oh, right. You don't know about the curse, do you." she sighs.
Pip shakes his head slowly.
"Quick recap time!"
She hops onto a counter, crosses her legs and leans back, red curls tumbling down her shoulders.
He leans in close, ready to listen intently, his eyes transfixed on the emerald shimmer in hers.
"So, there's this Demon Queen, Vexena. Rules the Southern Continent, the Demon Lands. Legend goes she's been… frustrated. Sexually. For a really, reaaaaaally long time. I'm talking eons. Then, twenty years ago, the king sent a mission to defeat her. It failed, predictably… but one of the knights ended up in her personal quarters. One thing led to another… but it did not lead to a satisfying conclusion for the Demon Queen, if you know what I mean." Vuvi winks.
Pip nods slowly.
"So, being the spiteful bitch that she is, she goes and curses the entire damn world. Now men can't orgasm inside anything that breathes and I'm sure you can imagine what that's done to society. Women are depressed as all hell, frustrated beyond sanity, and it's destroying this kingdom."
He froze.
"So now… potions and constructs are the only thing that can bring a woman any sort of relief these days. Which is where you come in, Pip."
He bolts upright, standing firm, fully erect and ready for whatever debauchours fate his new existence held.
She chuckles at his enthusiasm, hops off the counter and grabs his arm in hers.
"Looks like you're ready." she smiles, eyes glowing with mischief.