Chapter Thirty Three
Lucianna's POV
My eyes widened with Ashira's revelation.
She's a what?!
A stealer?!
I never met a stealer, heck, I don't even know that kind really exist!
Every wolf was destined only for one. I keep saying that to myself, and I never forget that part. A stealer, on the other hand can produce an offspring, a pup, even from someone who was not their mate.
That's… complicated, I guess.
I watched my friend as she slouched and her eyes loomed, sadness coiling around her.
"...I'm scared." Ashira closed her eyes and I know how hard she tries not to get in tears. "I'm scared that I'll lose him because of what I am, Luce."
Aiden's history, the death of his parents, all of those are because of a certain stealer as Ashira said.
I understand Ashira's fears. Her situation was still complicated in my head but I understand her worries.
Sighing, I pulled her for an embrace and hoped that should comfort her somehow.
"Ash, past is past for a reason. You can't let it taunt your present and mess up your future. It was all behind you, and all you could do was look back to it but never live in it. You get me?"
My words replayed on my head. How can I say that when I'm living in nothing but the past?
I shrugged the thoughts and tighten my hug to my friend.
I felt her head moved for a nod. I smiled.
Our bond ended and I got to meet a fan girl of mine. Ava, Seth's mate. She also came from the Regal pack. I never knew that there was someone from our pack that idolizes my skills as a fighter.
When I bid my goodbyes to Ash and Ava, its not too long when Jacob's car parked outside the Ancestral.
I frowned.
Did I informed him I'm done here? I don't remember doing tha--
Oh.
I glanced at Harley and he gave me a tiny smile and a nod. He probably told Jacob.
"Jacob's here." I said and hugged Ashira once again.
"Thank you for coming here, Luce."
I smiled at her and then to Ava before walking towards the truck where Jacob is.
"Are you done?" he asked, dubious. "Harley reported to me so I came."
I raised my brows and nodded, not yet meeting his gaze. "Yeah, its alright. Where are we going?"
Jacob was silent and that lead me to curiosity. I looked at him and found his eyes watching me. Since last night, the way he looks at me become different. He looks at me but its as if he was lost in thoughts.
"Jacob?" I called.
He blinked twice and looked away, his jaw clenching.
"Seatbelt, please."
Frowning, I reached for the belt without taking my eyes off him. He looked in distraught, lost.
I wonder if he will start nagging for what I did last night. Maybe he just gave me a break, or something?
"Do you want to eat dinner first?"
"Ah, no. I already ate."
He gave me a brief nod and started to drive. I kept my eyes at the road or outside the window. Silently praising the orange sky mixed with purple ones as the night starts to swallow that beauty.
My brow creased when I noticed the place we are about to head in. We're closing in, and I know I've seen this place.
"Why are we here?" I asked, looking around to check if my hunch was right before looking at Jacob who's focused in his driving.
"To talk."
The car slowed down and Jacob turned the engine off.
"Are we even allowed here?" I asked when I moved down the car. Jacob rounded at the hood and stood in front of me. "I think someone will attack us here for trespassing."
Jacob smiled and shook his head before looking at the beautiful scenery in front of us.
"Aiden lend this place for me, for us. Don't worry, we have permission to be here."
We are currently at Aiden and Ashira's spot. The place Ash and I went to the night I planned my escape.
I never thought it's this beautiful in the light. Its already breathtaking during the night, but seeing it in sunset… just wow. Makes me wonder how will this place look like in the morning when the sun was up.
"It's so beautiful here." I whispered.
Jacob remained silenced and I glanced at him, his eyes are sparkling with appreciation with the place, as well.
My lips parted as I finally saw peace in his expression. This spot can give that kind of emotion even to him, huh?
"Jacob." I called. I was about to ask him what we should talk about but I chickened out. "Uh, let's sit over there. By the river."
Jacob nodded and as if he was so used to it, his arm snaked on my waist. Instead of pushing him away, I let his touch stay there.
I'm not sure why, but this place do not deserve fighting. My angered mood was melted by the respect the serenity of this place asks for.
"Hey, I'm just wondering." I started.
"About what?"
I pursed my lips. "Why haven't you opening the talk about the trouble I did?"
Jacob snapped his head to look at me and I avoided his eyes quick.
"Oh, you mean when you tried to escape." he stated. Was that sarcasm I hear?
"Well, y-yeah. Anyway, why don't you say anything about that?"
"Do you want me to?" he asked and stopped walking to face me. His hand falling back to his side from my waist.
My eyes widened, shocked by his abrupt stop and took a step back so we won't be too close.
Air almost left me right there.
"W-Well, if you want to…" I looked away again.
Jacob sighed and his hand reached to hold the side of my waist as he stepped closer. Looking irritated by the distance I placed between us.
"Call me rude and selfish but I care less of what happened to your friend. I'm only grateful you're safe."
My jaw dropped.
"That's not nice!" I said, not in anger but as if lecturing him. "Ash is my friend."
Jacob chuckled and placed his chin on top of my head.
"I know. But you're my mate, you're my priority."
Pouting I pushed him away so I could look at him.
"If that is so, then you should care with the people I love, too, Jacob."
He bit his lip and slowly nodded. "You got a point. But I can't care for them more than you."
My nose cringed. "Sounds fair."
Jacob pinched my nose and urged me to walk again.
"Though I think I already did that, not to a person you love but I considered your feelings. Since you're my mate."
"Huh?"
Jacob continues walking so I can't see his face. What was he saying? I don't think I can remember that he did something like that.
"That bastard Justin was still alive." he said in a snort.
I gasped loud.
"What?!"
Justin? The guy I-- wait, I saw Jacob pierced his heart!
"So stop praying for him, it's annoying to think you still think of that bastard--"
"He's alive?!" I pulled my hand so he will stop walking. I studied his face and there's no paint of lying in it.
Damn it! Justin was alive! For real!
"Why didn't you tell me--"
"I caught you in act with him. My tongue barely coiled his name right now, why would I ever mention that guy to you after--"
"I cried and suffer in guilt, Jacob!"
"You shouldn't. It's my fault by not sating your heat that day--"
"Still!" I closed my eyes shut. I can't believe it! I almost create a shrine for Justin at the top of the hill! "Where is he right now?"
"Recovering. At the pack. Should we continue talking about this?"
"Well, if you told me sooner, then this conversation should have subsided!"
Jacob pursed his lips and stared at me.
"Are you angry?"
I frowned. This guy!
"Ugh! Nevermind!"
I don't want to disrespect the peacefulness of this place by shouting. The birds already flew away because of my tone.
"Let's just head there and talk what you wanted to talk about." I said and walked first.
I already had five step but Jacob was still stuck in where I left him.
"What?" I asked when I turned to him.
His expression right now changed again, far from what he has seconds ago. This bipolar should be treated bad.
Jacob smiled.
Again.
That smile.
Why do he have that smile that creeps me out? It's full of sorrow and I can't fathom to look at it too long.
I cleared my throat. "Let's go there."
**
"Lucianna."
We are seated side by side but none of our skin were touching by now. Awkwardness was quick to envelop us.
"Hm?"
I have a feeling that the talk he was saying will start now by the way he called my name. There's something in his voice, its not the usual tone he use, but I can't point what changed in it.
Jacob didn't spoke. The waiting was killing me so I turned my head to look at him. His eyes were looking forward, watching the gushes of current of the river.
The urge to ask him comes to my mind but there's also a side that says I should let him gather all the word he needed.
And he did.
He started talking without looking away in whatever was in front of him.
"The first time I saw you, I'm already linked and I know from then that the mate bond only has half to do with it."
I frowned.
Was he saying he likes me the first time? During the mapping ball, he never showed an ounce of affection to me.
I'm about to rebut that but he spoke again.
"It's not during the ball but earlier. When you came was the first time I broke my own rule. I sneaked, far from you. I can't help it, you're… addicting. I have a lot of control with myself but I have none when it comes to you. In all aspect."
"Jacob, what are you talking about?"
I'm confused. Where was this going?
"I guess… before things end, I should look back to how it started." he chuckled inwardly. "And looking back, I messed up even on that first day." he looked at me and gave me a huge but sad smile.
"B-Before things end?"
His smile faded and he licked his lips, biting the reddish lip and looking away from me as if he can't keep his eyes to me for long.
I never knew him. I never had the chance to study his personality but I'm sure it changes from time to time.
But what was this side of him?
And end of what thing?
(*Listen to Harvest Moon by Handsome Ghost cover from this part of the story.*)
"Lucianna, our start was a mess, and I admit I created the chaos. It continues until now. We continue to grew apart, and even if I hate that to happen now, I can't force you to stay anymore."
My eyes widened.
Jacob looked at me again. Expressionless but not entirely blank.
I can't find my voice.
"I can't erase the things I did no matter how I change. There's no way I will get tired of tolerating our fights, but I can't risk your safety anymore than this. I knew you will escape me again, blinded by the danger that might come your way. Even if I don't want to let you go, I can't be blinded, I can't lose you that way."
Jacob paused and looked down to my hand. He reached and placed his hand above my now icy skin.
"If you want to leave me now, I will let you go. I will continue to provide what you need, if you'd like. I won't follow you, I won't keep an eye to you."
Is this true?
Oh my, I can be free?!
"I'm giving you the option to complete the mating with me if you'd… want to live in peace. I can't guarantee how long you can deal with it but it won't be as short as when we wouldn't."
"I'm not doing this because I want to, but what I want shouldn't hinder you with what you wanted for yourself. I'm giving you the choice to leave me in exchange of putting yourself in danger by… running away from me."
My body trembled and my eyes started to water. Tears raced down my cheeks nonstop and I don't know the cause of this ache in my chest.
What was this?
This was what I want, yes! But why was it hard to have when I'm not taking it by my own way?
I got hurt, right? I shouldn't care if I didn't achieved this goal by my own action but why? Why am I hurting again now that I am hearing Jacob say this things!?
"I-Is this true?"
I managed to say. His words left a haywire of trouble in my head and I am struggling to--Fuck.
Jacob moved his hand away and smiled at me. That. Smile. Again.
Now I know, whenever he smile like that, it agitates me. It troubles me, it hurts me.
"I know you're not the tamed type. And I'm not forcing you to change anymore. I… liked you that way, to be honest. Strong. Independent. I won't forget the day I first saw you, you never cared if no one befriend you."
"Wh-What are you saying--"
"This is my feelings, what's truly going on in my head, Lucianna. All I want is to say this before its too late, I want to be true to myself… especially to you. I know I already said this but I'm sorry… for what I did."
He liked… me?
How can that happen? I never… did I miss something?
No.
He never showed it to me, so I won't see it. But now…
Watching him, I can see nothing but sincerity. Am I failing with my skill of observing people and their thoughts?
I can go, I'm free to go. But why am I feeling shit like this? What the hell?
Jacob noticed the confusion inside me, or maybe I'm leaking again the emotions.
In a swift motion, he pulled me in a tight embrace. The action was too opposite with the words he was saying.
"I'll give you time to think about it. You can tell me your decision later, but please don't go without… saying goodbye."