"Oh God, oh God" I rush into my room and collapse on the floor. I was having a hard time catching my breath. I was right, he has fallen for me, no matter how hard I had tried to avoid this I couldn't stop him. "Nooooo please no." My mind racing as I try to make sense of the situation.
He can't know that I love him too. The moment I accept it I'd invite every enemy of his from every part to break him. They would get to him through me. I don't know what to do. I clearly can't leave, he would follow me and that would put him and every single dwarf of the company in danger, I can't let that happen. I have to wait it out, maybe if I don't respond positively he'll think I'm not worth the trouble. And that thought brought more pain than comfort but I have seen enough pain and to have another scar in my heart won't be the end of me.
The next morning I head out of my room as I usually do. Going to make a cup of tea I see Thorin in the parlour talking to Dwalin and Ori. His eyes bore into me as I come into view. With a smile on my face I look at them "Good morning" I chirp, "Anyone up for tea?"
"Me please" I hear Fily.
"And me too" Kili says from behind him.
I look at them and smile, "Coming right up." I say and walk towards the kitchen. The young dwarves go and sit with Thorin as the other two head out.
I come out carrying three cups of tea and bring them to the young dwarves. I hand them there tea and as I'm turning carrying mine I hear Thorin say, "Where's mine Maur?"
I turn towards him and say 'I didn't realize that you wanted some too." He stretches his hand takes my cup from my hand. Before he can drink from it I say urgently, "I've had a sip already and this one is sweeter than you usually have. Wait I'll make you some." I say stretching my hand out to grab the cup but Thorin is already drinking from it his eyes locked on me and a smirk on his face.
"I think I like this one from now" he said challenging me with his look to say something else.
"Oh" I say biting my lower lip as I tend to do when I'm uneasy "Fine I'll make myself some then" I say as turn to go
"I think I'll join you, since I took your tea it's only fair that I help you make some for yourself" he said as he got up and came beside me.
"I don't think you should" I say a deep dread settling in my stomach.
"You want me to start talking right infront of the young ones Maur?" He whispers taking another sip of the tea eyeing me.
"Fine" I breathe out, "Come help me then"
He tries to hide the smile forming on his lips in the cup and walks to the kitchen beside me.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I hiss angrily as soon as we enter the kitchen not caring that I'm talking to the future king and the leader of his people. "You think they are dumb? They won't sense a change in your attitude towards me?"
"I want them to see. I want every dwarf living in this space to know what I feel. And the sooner I claim you the better it would be for all of us" he says with making sure I hang on every word of his.
"No!!" I hiss my anger rising. " I'm not a thing that you can claim Thorin I'm really sorry to pop your bubble. The only person who can claim is the one I say can claim me" I hiss at at him.
He goes still anger rising and his jaw clenched and ticking, "And who would that be Maur?" He whispers fire spitting from every syllable.
"Whoever I deem." I say. I know I'm playing with fire. I know I'm pricking an active volcano.
He walks towards me standing so close that I see his muscles clenching from anger, "I'd like to see them try" he hisses his face mere inches from mine. He locks eyes with me making sure I see that he means every single word that's coming out of his mouth.
I breathe shakily shifting gears of my mind trying to handle the situation in a more calm way. "There is no one" I say "I can't do this Thorin. Do you even realize how it would affect my relationship with the rest of the company knowing that I've been claimed by their leader? The ease, the friendship is all going to go away in poof cause they would see me as yours and not Maureen anymore" I say, my voice is breaking. I'm on the verge of crying and I know that.
"The only thing that would change is you Maur, dwarves don't give up on their friend no matter who they are with" he says slowly.
"No, my answer is no" I say and turn to leave.
"Do not leave this place" he booms and my body shivers, he's angry.
"Is there anything else?" I question him half turning towards him
" Just remember who has a claim on you" he whispers and I turn walk out of the kitchen as fast as my feet can carry me. I come out and breathe in the cool air deeply trying to find the right head space .
"What's wrong little one?" I hear Gandalf behind me and I turn towards him not trying to hide that I'm upset.
"Nothing just something on my mind" I say slowly fingering a strand of my hair.
"Is that something or someone on your mind Maureen" he says coming towards me.
I look at him smiling I know how well he knows me. He's practically raised me and protected me when my own people wouldn't.
"Is it Thorin?" He asks
I look at him surprised no words coming out of my mouth and nod my head.
He lets out a hearty laugh " So he finally confessed?" He says looking at me. I just stand there staring at him. How? How does he know that?
"How do you know?" I ask him staring at him intently.
"I'm a wizard" he says taking off his hat and bowing slightly a mischievous smile playing on his lips.
" Help me Gandalf, I don't know what to do" I say
"First you need to tell me how you feel about him" he inquires though I'm sure he already knows the answer.
"I don't know what I feel Gandalf" I sigh.
"Your eyes say differently little one. You feel the same for him as he does for you" he states. I don't deny and stand with my head down looking at the grass.
" It's not that simple" I whisper.
"Nothing in life ever is Maureen" he says placing his hand on my head. I look up at him.
"He can't know Gandalf not until the quest is over and we have a result Infront of us, please " I say to him. He nods his heads but says " Thorin is not going to let this go, I've seen it in his eyes, he will not have you run away from him. He loves you little one and this is one man I can vouch who is never going to hurt you or let anyone hurt you." He states as he turns and walks away leaving me with my thoughts....