Warning : Mentions of self-harm. Readers discretion advised. Writer do not condone and agree with this action. If you or someone you know self-harm, please seek help.
"The book may help—"
"AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN with that stupid book! What could a book achieve that a human can't?" I punched the bed with every emphasise of the word 'again'. To every question I asked, he always referred me to the book. Neverendingly the same all the time, it was as though the book has all the answers to all the problems in the world!
There was no stopping the frustration caged between my ribs with all these thousands questions of no answers. My fist pounded on my chest, hoping it would relieve me from these indescribable pain within. With each pound, the harder I hit. While it did not relieve any pain, I managed to transfer it.
Hit after hit my chest received its blow. I thought I would knock myself unconscious and be momentarily free but nope. He had stopped me from doing so and I hated it. Hated the fact that I have no freedom or say living under his roof. Every action of mine was being controlled and my movement restricted. What difference am I to a bird living in a cage? No, even a bird in a cage has more freedom than I do!
With my hands out of reach from my body, I screamed with all my might at how helpless I have become. Whyyyyyyyy?! Why are things going south???!
"Please, Maisie," he begged, hugging me tight with my arms tucked between our bodies. His tears left a pattern on my shoulder and his silent cries did not move me. I was very much furious. Why was he the one begging when I am the one being restrained?
If I could breathe fire, I would be a damn dragon by now with how crazy I have been screaming. I was inconsolable.
"Maisie, please," he pleaded again. His lips were vigorously sending a million pecks on my head, as though they were some sort of miracle that could cure me from this insanity!
It felt forever before I lost my voice. Yet, my strained throat never stopped its inaudible cries. It was during this time Edmund took the opportunity to say his piece.
"I'm sorry, Maisie. I truly am. I'm just clueless what I can do to help you. I thought I was doing my best as to not hurt you but seeing you like this..."
He loosened the arms that wrapped around me and as quickly as I could, my first thought was pulling my hair ever so much! My free arms has successfully yanked several strands but I did not stop there. I plucked them as though I was plucking chicken's feathers! The physical pain I felt on my head was far better than what my heart carried.
"MAISIE!!!"
He pulled my face to face him and stared straight into my eyes. His sorrowful gaze seemed to search for my soul from deep within, only for me to see an unfamiliar deranged woman reflecting on his brown eyes.
Shocked but also curious at the figure, my hands stopped with the hair-pulling. I leaned in even closer, my forehead rested on his - trying to get a better view of the strange woman behind his eyeballs.
"Why is she trapped in there?" I asked, genuinely curious.
"Who?"
"That woman."
"Where?"
"There. How did she end up there?"
Typical "husband" of mine, he did not answer. Instead, he hugged me tight and warm liquid began to wet my back.
- - -
Ever since that day, he had been much more communicative. Sworn with a pinky promise, he would answer my questions truthfully in exchange that I would never harm myself and that I would take my meds again.
"How would I know if your information is true?" I asked.
"I'll show you proof."
"And if I don't believe that too?"
"Hmm... Then we'll think of something."
Immediately, I swallowed the medicines and all questions flooded at the tip of my tongue.
He held my hand, waited patiently for all the questions that poured out of my mouth to finish before answering.
"About your mum, technically I did pay her—"
"So she sold me off?" My voice shook as my body trembled.
He pat the back of my hand and said, "No, it's not what you think. I..." His hesitation made my heart pumped even harder as fear and anxiety filled my cavities.
"You remember the car accident, don't you?" He asked after he let out a deep breath.
"I was the driver that hit you. I'm sorry." His guilty tone matched with the guilt in his eyes was as transparent as a glass window.
But I could not return the appropriate mood because I was perplexed. It was not an answer I expected at all. I even suspected that he was trying to change the topic but too bad for him because I have no intention to let it slide. Noope! "Okaaay. And this is relevant because... How?"
"Sigh... When you were hospitalised, I transferred compensation money to your mum." He showed me his phone conversation with my mum that included the screenshot of the bank transfer.
While it was indeed a large sum, it was not surprising. "Okay, so that's the hospital fee and —"
"I paid for the hospital fee."
My brows creased and my forward wrinkled. "That still doesn't explain how she could afford her lifestyle now."
The man in front of me was almost pouting and I took it as a cue to brace myself to hear the worse.
"She actually used that for her vacation."
Oh... That does not sound too bad. He did transfer a huge sum for some vacation and more. "Wait! How did you know she used that money for vacation?"
"Actually, we found that out much later and it was you who told me."
"Me??"
"Yeah, you found out through social media."
I massaged my temple, wondering once again why it felt as though the conversation has gone sidetracked. Is this his skill to subtly change the topic?
"So you paid her compensation money in exchange for me?" But wouldn't that be a loss in our end??
"No. It was much later."
"Don't tell me she start to threaten you?" I glanced at him nervously but doubted my mum would do so.
"No. It was the other way around."
Huh?