Jace barely remembered how he got home the night before. His head pounded not from the beers he'd forced down at that bar but from the weight of everything crashing over him.
Gina.
Amy walking away.
That look in her eyes.
He'd fallen asleep on the couch, phone in hand, hoping for a message, a missed call maybe....something...anything. All he got was the mocking glow of an empty screen and the bitter echo of "You should've told me the truth."
By morning, he looked like hell. His hair a mess, beard rough, eyes bloodshot from sleep that was too shallow to count.
He'd dragged himself to the shower, standing under the cold spray like punishment. Water rolling down his chest, fists clenched against the tile.
"She's gone because of you," his mind kept screaming. "Because of your silence."
After the shower, he sat by the window with a mug of coffee he barely touched. He barely finished it when he grabbed his car keys and rushes out.
The studio, usually his escape, felt like a prison. Every photograph on the wall blurred into Amy's face.
Every smile he'd captured. Every laugh he'd frozen in a frame. Her.
When his phone buzzed again, hope surged....but it was Rebecca.
REBECCA: "Hey big bro..... how's everything going, mom's missing you and Amethyst,when are you two coming to Charlottesville again?"
Jace stared at the screen, rubbed his jaw. He typed, deleted, typed again.
JACE: "Not now."
As if Rebecca knew something was not right,she called immediately.
Jace hesitated to press on the answer button.
What could he possibly say to his mom and younger sister?
He'd paced the studio, sat, stood again, finally pulling a stool closer to the table like a man at trial.
He finally answered after the third ring.
"What's going on Jace?.....don't tell me it has anything to do with Gina?" Becca said immediately he answered.
"I messed up, Becca, I should have not allowed her into the studio....now she ruined everything" Jace told her everything that happened without missing anything. Becca had been his best friend ever since Emma died. Even though he was 6 years older than her,she had always had a sense of maturity and composure that precedes her age and now she's married and doing very great in it and also handling her own business and assisting partially in the family business.
"Fuck!, you messed up real bad" Becca sighed. "Gina better pray I don't get my hands on her,she stepped on where she wasn't needed and I clearly told her you were involved with someone now,that asshole, always making things hard for you" Becca gritted almost angry.
"Amy doesn't want to see or speak to me" Jace added.
"You need to get her attention again, do something that will make her remember you both together, something romantic but not too much that would make her think you want to buy her over"
"Something like.....?"
"I don't know.....figure it out.....you're the one who didn't slap Gina when you had the chance"
This statement made a hint of smile display on Jace's face. It'd been so long he smiled and Rebecca on the other hand didn't know how much weight she had lifted off her brother.
"Alright,I'd try my best"
"You better...I love Amy,mom does too"
He smiled again before they finally hung up.
"Should I go there again? Would it help? Would Sophie just slam the door in my face again?" He wondered still thinking of a gesture to make that would get Amy's attention.
He threw himself into work. Photos scattered across the desk. Landscapes. Portraits.
But all he saw were her eyes. The way they glistened when she smiled. The quiet curve of her lips when she was amused. He groaned, burying his face in his hands.
"She deserves better. But I can't lose her too."
.....
Amy unlocked the door to her apartment with trembling fingers. Dust danced lazily in the late afternoon light slicing through the blinds. The place smelled faintly of old coffee and untouched books.
It felt foreign. Like someone else's life she'd accidentally stepped into.
Dropping her bag, she removed her shoes and stood for a moment, taking it in. This was supposed to be home.
Instead of curling up on the couch and breaking apart again, she found herself rolling up her sleeves.
Cleaning.
At first, it was just clearing clutter off the table. Then wiping down the counters. Before long, she was dragging the vacuum out of the closet and attacking every corner like the mess was responsible for how she felt.
And maybe it was. Everything was messy now. She has left her home for far too long.
Dust scattered everywhere in the apartment, but so did memories.
As she wiped down the wall near the bookshelf, her hand hesitated.
Right here.
A flush of memory crept up her neck, uninvited but unstoppable.
Right here was where Jace had once pinned her, grinning like a baby who just spilled milk, breathless laughter between kisses after a stupid bet over who could name more constellations.
"I'm still right, Ames," he'd whispered against her throat.
"Shut up." She remembered as she dug deep into his hair while he gave her hot neck kisses.
They'd ended up tangled in each other, knocking over half the books on the lowest shelf before collapsing in the bed,clothes off their body and Jace sliding in and out of her with so much desire and intention.
Her hand rested flat on the wall.
God. Don't think about that now.
But the memories kept flooding in, refusing to be ignored.
Him cooking terribly in her kitchen, burning eggs because he got distracted kissing her between flipping them. That time they'd danced badly to old 80s songs on vinyl, pretending they were at prom. Him, lying on her couch, sketching something in his notebook when he thought she wasn't looking.
The ache in her chest expanded, curling into every fragile piece of her.
Amy dropped the cloth and slid down against the wall, curling her knees to her chest.
She wasn't ready to forgive yet.
But she missed him. God, she missed him.
Her phone sat on the counter, silent and heavy, like it knew she wanted to pick it up.
But not yet. Not tonight.
For now, she sat on the floor of her half clean apartment, surrounded by the life she had before him....and haunted by the life she had with him.
And she didn't know which one felt lonelier.
The apartment was too quiet now.
Amy hugged her knees tighter, resting her forehead against them, letting out a slow, shaky breath.
She could feel the ache in her jaw from clenching it too hard. A dull headache bloomed behind her eyes. Too much crying, too much thinking.
Cleaning had helped...for a while. It gave her hands something to do, gave her mind something else to focus on other than him. But the problem with distractions was that they didn't last. Not when the weight you were carrying was emotional and new and tangled in love and betrayal.
Love.
Did she still love him?
Her fingers tightened around the fabric of her jeans. Of course she did. That was the problem. She loved him, and love made betrayal feel like a blade, not just a mistake.
Her phone buzzed suddenly on the counter. Amy flinched like it might burn her. For a second, she just stared at it, chest rising and falling in quick, uneven breaths. She stood up and walked slowly to the kitchen where she had left it.
But it wasn't Jace.
It was Sophie.
SOPHIE: "Just checking in. Want me to come over? I'm still up if you need me."
Amy wiped her face quickly with her sleeve, biting her lip hard enough to sting. "She's such a good friend. I don't deserve her".she thought.
With trembling fingers, she typed:
AMY: "I'm okay. Promise. Just going to start getting used to my apartment again. Thank you, Soph. Love you."
As soon as she sent it, her body sagged with exhaustion. The emotional kind, heavier than any physical tiredness she'd ever known.
Slowly, she pulled herself together and finished off with the cleaning. Satisfied with how the place looked, she headed toward the bathroom. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and almost winced.
Eyes red. Cheeks blotchy. Hair a mess.
Beautiful, right? Just glowing with heartbreak.
She turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on her face, letting the sting shock her back to the present. Water dripped down her chin, joining the trails left by earlier tears. She let her clothes slid down her body as she stepped into the shower.
The warm water trickled down her body. She wanted to scream. Or cry. Or laugh. Or maybe do all three at once. But she couldn't. She just had her bath silently.
She dried herself up and wore a night gown. She dragged herself into her bedroom.
Everything here reminded her of Jace.
The way he'd curl into her sheets like he belonged there.
The stupid argument they'd once had about who got the right side of the bed.
The nights when they didn't even talk.....just laid close,kissing, cuddling and breathing the same air, letting silence do the talking.
Amy stood in the middle of the room and realized she didn't know how to be here without him anymore.
With a sigh, she pulled her comforter off the bed and carried it to the couch in the living room. She wasn't ready to sleep there. Not yet.
As she settled into the couch, cocooned in warmth but hollow inside, her eyes drifted to the phone again. Waiting.
For him.
For something.
For anything.
But all she heard was the steady tick of the old wall clock, mocking her with its calmness while her heart was chaos.
"You don't need him," she whispered to herself, curling tighter into the blanket.
"You don't need anyone."
But God, didn't she want Jace anyway.