"Oi, old man," shouted Naruto as he entered the Hokage's office. "What the hell is with this jounin you assigned my team?"
"Oh, is there a problem, Naruto-kun," he asked, smiling a little at the refreshing atmosphere the boy created just by walking into the room.
"Where do I start? First, he was almost three hours late, then he walked into a blatantly obvious trap. Then he tells us to meet him on the roof and when we get there, what do we see but him reading porn right in front of us. If I were sensitive to that kind of thing I'd be highly offended. What happens if he does that in front of a client?"
"I see, is there anything else?"
"He's a 'Lazy Perverted Sensei', do you know what that means?"
"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me.
"-50% effectiveness to teaching, -25% experience to teaching Skills. Do you have any idea just how bad that is?"
"I'm assuming you used [Observe] on him?"
"Of course," said Naruto. "He's almost all question marks but at least it was able to give me his status buffs. Do you know he has a Sharingan and Lazy Genius status too?"
"I see, what do you think about this Kakashi-kun?" asked the old man, looking over Naruto's shoulder. He couldn't help chuckling when he saw Naruto freeze still as a statue.
Naruto mechanically moved his head to look over his shoulder to see his sensei, reading porn.
"Hmm, did Naruto say something?" he asked.
"Kakashi, you know he did," said Hiruzen, glaring a little at Kakashi.
"Naruto-kun, would mind relaying Kakashi's status in full for me?"
"You told him?"
"Of course, he's your jounin sensei, of course he needs to know about your abilities."
Naruto frowned. "What if I didn't want to tell him? Besides, he could still fail me tomorrow now couldn't he?"
"That's true I suppose," said Sarutobi, rubbing his chin. "Anyway, his full status description if you please."
"Fine," growled Naruto. He was really pissed off about the whole situation. It was not the Hokage's secret to just tell anyone he wanted to.
Name: Hatake Kakashi
Title: Jounin
Level: LV? Next Level: ?
Affiliation: Konoha
HP: ?/?
CP: ?/?
STR: ?
VIT: ?
DEX: ?
INT: ?
WIS: ?
LUK: ?
Status: Sharingan (+2 DEX & +3 INT & +1 WIS per Level), Lazy Genius (+5 WIS per level, -1 STR, -1 VIT, -1 DEX), Lazy Perverted Sensei (-50% effectiveness to teaching, -25% experience to teaching skills).
Hatake Kakashi is a lazy pervert with zero interest in teaching yet is pursuing it because he feels obligated to both his deceased teammates and sensei. Famous for possessing a single Sharingan eye and claiming to have copied over 1000 jutsu because of it.
"There, happy now?" asked Naruto, glaring at the old man then at Kakashi.
"Thank you very much, Naruto-kun," said the old man, his gaze shifting to Kakashi to see what he thought of it.
"Naruto-kun has quite the imagination," said Kakashi, very condescendingly.
"Hmm, an interesting opinion, unfortunately for you, I happen to think his description is rather apt. So I'm giving you one month to change. If lazy remains a part of your status at the end of the month then I can guarantee you won't like the punishment."
Kakashi, looked up from his book, seeming to study the old man. Trying to see if there was any truth in what was said. Unfortunately there was no lie in the man's words leaving zero room for doubt. As such Kakashi put his book away and sighed.
"So, Kakashi-kun, you will be on time from now on. I expect you will have trained all of your students using the following guidelines," the old man push forward a few pages of paper to the edge of his desk.
Kakashi reluctantly took the pages, fearing what would be spelled out on them. "These books?"
"You will purchase them and provide them to your students, you'll be reimbursed of course, just as all of the other jounin are required to do the same. You will help them find a suitable taijutsu style, you will assist them with the basics of chakra control, and if they are capable and ready you will assist them in finding their elemental affinities. You will supervise and oversee their physical conditioning. These are your primary responsibilities as a jounin instructor. This is not negotiable, you will meet the standards as will your students."
"Am I still allowed to test them tomorrow?"
"By all means, test them," said Sarutobi. "Make them earn their places as genin but should they pass I expect you to adhere to the guild lines that you have no doubt received every time you've been assigned a team you've not passed."
"Well, I've never passed a team before, I don't see me starting now."
"Just you wait, we'll pass," said Naruto, putting in his own opinion.
"Hmm, I just don't see it," said Kakashi, putting away the pages from the Hokage and vanishing a in a swirl of leaves and glitter.
"Glitter, Naruto?" asked the old man, trying not to grin.
"It worked," said Naruto.
"Alright, you can go," said Sarutobi.
"Great, training field here I come."
"Just be careful."
"I will be, I'm just running Sakura-chan through the lowest level one. Trying to show her some things. Hey, do you know a cure for 'Fangirl'?"
"That is a dangerous thing to even try to cure," said Sarutobi, suddenly looking a bit pale.
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