The second Nick finished speaking, four masked contestants waiting backstage, Red Lion, Footballer, Himalaya, and Black-Faced Goat, all broke into grins. Sacrifice one to save the rest, right? Everyone was happy, except Toothless Elephant.
"Fuck, those idiot producers finally did something that makes me happy. This is great."
"This bullshit stage actually gave me something to look forward to."
Horman, who performed as Himalaya, always cursed in his head whether things went his way or not.
Black-Faced Goat, Kara, thought, "as long as I'm not the one facing him, I can sit back and enjoy the master's power."
Nick introduced the celebrity judges in order, still Jennifer, Austin, Hartman, and Jiang Ken. All four had changed their looks a little, but Jennifer's change was the biggest.
After last week's episode aired, some viewers tweeted and posted in FOX's forum that red hair didn't suit Jennifer. This week she dyed it back to black. A chocolate-toned beauty really does look better in deeper shades.
"Oh, Jennifer, you've changed so much. Can you share what happened this week?" Nick asked.
"I ran into my ex a few days ago. He said he still dreams about me with black hair," Jennifer said. "So I dyed it. I want him to know I'm someone he can see in real life but still can't touch."
She flirted as she tucked a lock of hair. Nick jumped in, "A woman's thirst for revenge is terrifying."
"I can vouch for how scary it is," Jiang Ken said, raising his arm.
Whenever Jennifer got excited on the show, she grabbed Jiang Ken's arm. Anyone who'd seen even one episode would remember it, so his quip drew a ripple of laughter.
"I'm excited to see who's joining the game tonight," Austin said, the classic old white guy judge.
Blonde bombshell Hartman added, "No matter who the new singer is, I've got to complete the bounty my mom gave me. I must get Azazel's autograph."
"Looks like the panel had a great week," Nick said, glancing at the crowd. "Ladies and gentlemen, whose performance are you waiting for? Let's get started right now."
First matchup, Footballer versus Himalaya.
Danny versus Horman, two professional singers going head to head. Their songs were "I Walked the Cobblestone Road," a signature ballad, and "What's In The Bag," a classic of gangsta rap. Both were hits everyone knew.
Picking big hits is a small trick to win votes. Only Chu Zhi would pull the brain-cramp move of bringing a new song to a competitive stage. Of course, if the new song blows everyone away, it stops being a brain cramp.
If Cannon Danny had gone all out, "I Walked the Cobblestone Road" might've stood a chance. His subwoofer low notes were a little famous in the industry, and he didn't want to give away his identity, so he held back. There was no way he'd beat Horman like that.
Audience and judges cast their votes. Himalaya won.
"That wasn't hard. The producers couldn't even line me up with someone strong? Do they look down on me?" Horman had two wins in a row and felt the loneliness of being unbeatable.
The panel popped his balloon in one line. Austin said, "I'm not sure Himalaya's the jazz singer we guessed. He might be a rapper. The way he waved his arms while singing looks just like a friend of mine, he's a rapper."
Horman felt like a crane had hoisted his heart into midair. He'd come for fame. On Masked Singer, the later your identity is revealed, the more attention you get.
"I don't think so," Jennifer said.
Austin snapped, "What, your ex is a rapper?"
"No, I've never dated a rapper," Jennifer said. "Your analysis makes sense, but his arm movements were stiff, like a robot trying to street dance. It was awful. I think he did it on purpose to throw off our reasoning."
"I'm with Jennifer on this one. He's probably snickering under that mask right now," Hartman said.
Horman relaxed at the first half, then nearly blew a gasket at the second. Stiff moves? Please. His friends always said he was a dancer held back by singing.
Nick moved things along and cleared the stage for the second matchup.
"I messed up. I really messed up. I never should've asked my agent for a slot. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have entered Masked Singer. If I hadn't entered Masked Singer, I wouldn't be on a two-loss streak."
Footballer Danny's two straight losses were tragic enough to make listeners sniffle, and a bunch of his buddies let out half-laughing, half-choking sounds.
Red Lion versus Black-Faced Goat.
Any director with a working brain puts Azazel at the end. Tons of viewers came for Azazel. If he sang first, people would just switch channels. It's the Walmart trick, putting the bestsellers a bit farther in so customers walk more and maybe buy extra stuff on the way. In TV terms, maybe viewers start liking the rest of the show's charms.
["I'm Black-Faced Goat. I love nature. Nature's full of sounds humans can't imitate. For me, nature's a treasure trove of inspiration. Most of my work is about mountains, rivers, and grasslands. I often travel to forests, so my agent's always complaining about my work schedule."]
From the substitute singer's VCR, the panel pulled three "useful" clues: she's a songwriter, her themes are nature-heavy, and she's not the most diligent worker.
Their deduction looked logical, but it still wasn't close to Kara's identity.
That was normal. Kara was famous across the British Isles, but not in Hollywood. America had too many singers. The four judges couldn't recognize everyone, let alone British and Irish artists.
"Ken, who do you think wins?" Jennifer asked.
"Red Lion," Jiang Ken said without hesitation.
"Why?" Jennifer asked.
"How's a goat supposed to beat a lion? That's not how nature works," Jiang Ken said, selling the variety show vibe.
In truth, a goat could beat a lion, as long as you removed "Faced" from "Black-Faced Goat," then added "Forest" before it. A Forest Black Goat would wipe out a hundred lions.
Round two went to Red Lion, Golan. The panel switched on compliment mode and praised both winner and loser. Like Nick said at the start, everyone on this stage was already established. Don't make enemies.
Black-Faced Goat tasted defeat the moment she subbed in, but it was still within her expectations. "On a competitive stage, rock's impact beats folk."
Just like last week, Red Lion, Golan, chose rock again. She hadn't done much of it before, but her grainy tone really fit.
"Hope I don't get unmasked on my first show," Kara thought. In the next second, her focus snapped forward. "Now the real show begins."
"Third matchup, Toothless Elephant versus Azazel," Nick announced, inviting both onstage. When the latter stepped out from the finial-trimmed exit on the right, three hundred people screamed in unison. It was no different from a concert.
One performance had conquered North America. Who exactly was this singer claiming the fallen angel's name? Nick hurried the flow along. He couldn't leave Toothless Elephant, Ted, stranded in awkward silence.
"Another exciting duel. Toothless Elephant will go first with 'Leave It For The Children.'"
The show was being kind to Ted. If Chu Zhi sang first, even at fifty percent power, the before-and-after gap would make the difference too obvious.
Everyone could guess it, Toothless Elephant, Ted, picked an environmental anthem, written by the famous rock band the Freezers for Environmental Protection Day.
The song wasn't bad, he just sang it rough. That was Chu Zhi's take.
He'd run into the Freezers a couple times. Emperor Beast knew their songs were tough. The lead, Jackrey, placed his resonance very low. Most people either forced their throats or ended up like Ted, neither here nor there.
"I felt the emotion you wanted to deliver. We can't leave a polluted planet to our kids."
"A meaningful song."
"A totally different style from the Freezers' original. I'd like to hear more."
These four really were pros at praise. They never said how he sang, only talked about the song itself. No kidding. Whether the song's good has nothing to do with Ted. The track was written by the Freezers' bassist, Hardy.
Chu Zhi took the stage. His song title said it straight, "She Taught Me How to Yodel."
🎵 I went across to Switzerland, where all the yodelers be, To try to learn to yodel, with my yodel-oh-ee-dee, I climbed a big high mountain, on a clear and sunny day, And met a yodelin' gal up in a little Swiss chalet, she taught me to yodel. 🎵
The moment he opened his mouth, Nick, the four judges, Austin, Jennifer, Jiang Ken, and Hartman, and all three hundred audience members went blank. The sound wasn't what they expected at all.
The lyrics were ridiculously simple. I went to Switzerland, a place full of yodelers. I worked hard to learn, kept music in my mouth, climbed a high mountain.
The fallen-angel singer onstage sounded brimming with glee. Especially the oh-ee-dee, it felt like a happy little sprint.
It clashed.
It clashed hard.
Emperor Beast felt it too. Fifty percent of the Ode to Joy Voice was a bit small. He nudged it up. Eighty percent won't kill anyone.
🎵 On a clear and sunny day I met a yodelin' gal, Up in a little Swiss chalet, she taught me to yodel. 🎵
All four judges broke into bright smiles. It was pure joy.
They still hadn't realized how serious this was.
Time for the hard part.
Chu Zhi let his voice fly.
🎵 Yodel-oh-ee-dee, diddly-odel-oh-ee-dee, Diddly-odel-oh-ee-dee! 🎵
In plain terms for music newbies, he sang the mid and low notes in chest voice, then suddenly, remember, suddenly cranked the wheel and flipped to head voice for the highs, looping like that in fast alternation.
And his yodeling ran on superhuman mechanics, no joke. Farinelli had two legs. Why would a three-legged man lose to him? It was fierce and exaggerated. The entire hall froze.
They stared, stunned, at the lone king onstage. Azazel, are you messing with gods and demons?
🎵 She taught me to yodel, yodel-oh-ee-dee-ay-dee, Yodel-oh-ee-dee, yodel-oh-dee! 🎵
Yodeling isn't the single hardest technique in the world, but it's one of the hardest. Chu Zhi switched registers like mad within one complete melodic line, swapping chest and head on every note. Emperor Beast's mouth fired like a machine gun, compressing syllables and spitting them out with stable, rapid precision, each note hanging between a half beat and a quarter beat.
The audience was thrilled out of their minds, and the bright, bouncy melody turned them into a troop of monkeys. Cheers whooped from both sides of the hall without stopping.
🎵 Now I'm gonna teach you how to yodel just like me, It's easy while you're singing to go yodel-diddly-oh-oh-dee. 🎵
Despair Voice at over eighty percent would make anyone feel bleak. The same eighty percent of Ode to Joy Voice made Emperor Beast feel genuinely happy. He started to play, adding both head voice and chest voice ornaments.
It hit the crowd even harder. Chu Zhi spun out absolute supremacy over these mountains and valleys, a swagger that would rule for a thousand years.
Come on, light another fuse. Perfect Voice, trigger.