„The human species is social. They have an inherent inclination towards camaraderie, an inherent wish for the appreciation of others and their requited love."
"If a human were to become isolated for too long, their mind would surely grow weary. They will start shunning others and thriving in lonely and miserable conditions, almost as if forgetting their inherently social nature."
"Perhaps in the eyes of evolution, those individuals are weak. They are to be culled, just waiting for their developing loneliness to eventually suck them of their last breath."
"I was always aware of my being such an individual."
And so I found myself talking into the air, all alone on the rooftop.
I thought I was alone until I heard soft footsteps suddenly appearing from behind me. They must have been listening this whole time.
„Classes are about to begin, a junior on their third day shouldn't dilly dally on a rooftop like this.", a soft voice muttered behind me.
Imagining that she is not a hypocrite, she would be at least a year or two above me.
And yet she's here all alone on the rooftop, just like me.
It was like a scene from an anime. In fact, it was too cinematic to just pass on.
I lightly swayed my hair to the right, turning my head dramatically.
„To this later, I just want you to not stand in the sun."
From behind me, I could hear a curt rasp, as if someone had almost thrown up.
Yet I didn't react, I knew that what I said was pretentious. But she already overheard my monologue so I didn't really have much to lose in the first place.
***
The halls were filled with distant screams of a class playing sports outside of the building on the court. On the fourth floor, it all sounded so distant.
But the open windows didn't just carry the noise of teenagers partaking in some sort of humiliation ritual for all social outcasts unlucky enough to be caught up in it, it also blew a soft spring breeze.
Truly the best thing about spring. It made the exhaustion from the walk up here so much more bearable.
Sliding the door to the art room open, I was greeted by an array of members stuck in their own corners of the room, scribbling, painting, or just hanging out.
But my eyes couldn't miss the uniquely bright blue Color of a certain someone's hair.
Tapping Marin on the shoulders, I took a chair and a canvas and sat down next to him. Though it was more like a sketchbook simply plastered on the stand, made to look like a canvas.
"Good afternoon.", I heard the boy mutter to himself.
"I see you're back to good old habits.", I replied, scanning over his painting.
"I can recognise the appeal. Say, have you ever actually seen breasts this large or are you drawing from imagination?"
"I've never seen them before in general."
Well now it just looked like I was teasing him.
Letting out a sigh I go back to scribbling away at the empty space on my sketchbook. I didn't even know where to start.
"You're early, Hotaru hasn't even arrived yet. Though this should leave me with some time to teach you while it's still just the two of us.", he said, not taking his eyes off the brush for a single second.
"Is your art really just some technique that I can learn? I always thought you'd just relied on your talent.", I remarked, fully aware that art wasn't all about talent. I know that, but that doesn't mean it's completely useless either.
The art that he produced was simply not something someone without talent would be able to produce. It was too uniquely beautiful for that.
"Sirius, what's your type?"
If I had drunken something, it would be spit out by now, like they would in reality shows.
Was this seriously related to teaching me how to draw?
My hand started to sweat a bit, as my head struggled to draw while being faced with such a question.
"I like men who do all the house work for me."
And why did it feel so natural to give him an answer? Well, it's not like I lied though.
Although the prospect of being a housewife was alluring, the only thing I hated more than being employed, was doing chores. I'd rather just be stuck at an office job than to clean up after anyone.
"I see. Between men and women, which do you think is more beautiful?"
It was a hard question. It really depended on how ‚beautiful' was meant.
Although I never doubted my heterosexuality, I had to admit that women tended to have more generally appealing bodies.
"I guess women as a whole tend to look better? I just like those slutty curves some of them have.", I replied, shocked by my own open-ness. I never would've admitted something like that under normal circumstances.
Those were the words of a weirdo-at-heart. Not that they were wrong.
After hearing my words, his brush did come to a halt for once. I was close to shitting myself when I realised that the only reason he had stopped was because of Hotaru standing behind us.
She didn't hear what I said, did she?
"Look at you guys being so close already! And I was only gone for a bit.", she laughed and took a stool to sit behind the both of us.
"By the way, do any of you know the girl waiting outside? She has been peeking inside for a while now."
I looked back to the door to see red strands of hair poking out of the doors edge.
"Ah yeah, she has been watching me for the whole day now."
It was the girl I met on the rooftop this morning. In honesty, I'd noticed her silently watching me ever since that incident.
"Is that not concerning?"
Hotaru had a weird look on her face when she said that, but I just reassured her not to mind the mysterious senior's presence.
It's not like she was gonna follow me home or anything.
***
"Should we continue, Sirius?", Marin says as he switches his focus back on the painting once again.
I was flustered at the prospect of answering similarly embarrassing questions while Hotaru was right behind us. 'Does this guy not get embarrassed?'
But I decided to trust Marin, trust that he would ask normal questions.
"Go on."
Suddenly, his brush stops, as he puts it down.
I couldn't see his expression but I saw as his folded hands moved up to hide his mouth. "How often do you self-pleasure in a week?"
…
It was as if time stopped. I could hear Hotaru behind me gulping, as she lifted her hands from her thighs.
It landed softly on my shoulder as my expression failed to retain my distraught expression. -Honestly it was mostly for show to let Hotaru know that I wasn't as weird as she would've made me out to be if I actually answered that question.
"You don't have to answer that, Sirius. Don't worry about him.", she basically whispered, probably still weirded out.
"A-Am I supposed to give a rough estimate?"
Suddenly, he turns towards me with an unusually wide smile. 'Is he actually that excited to teach me, or is this an embarrassed smile again?'
"It doesn't matter, actually. But for me to teach you, you need to stop doing it.", he said, his voice still as monotone as ever.
But I could tell that this meant a lot to him. From the beginning, it was his idea to teach me. Maybe that's what he's been looking for.
Before Hotaru could burn a hole through him with her stern gaze, he continued.
"From now on, you should only allow yourself to pleasure yourself to your own drawings. When you get the urge to do it, draw the things you long for."
Taking a dramatic pause, perhaps to catch his breath, he adds his final piece of advice.
"That is how you weaponise your inherent sexual urges while also conditioning yourself to associate drawing with that rush of adrenaline you get when you view something erotic."
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[END OF CHAPTER ILLUSTRATION - Starting scene]
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