"Alright! Now that we got that sorted!" I clapped my hands together, the sound echoing through the kitchen like a judge's gavel.
My eyes landed on Yui, who was curled into a fetal position in the corner, her maid outfit somehow both pristine and disheveled at the same time.
Her frilled headband was crooked, her tail twitched like a malfunctioning metronome, and her claws dug into her knees as if bracing for impact.
"We need to get to foods." I declared, as if announcing the start of a trial.
Bao, ever the optimist, pulled out a chair for me with a flourish, her dragon tail wagging like an overexcited puppy's.
"You're gonna love this!" she chirped, completely oblivious to the impending disaster.I sank into the seat with the grace of a condemned man at his last meal.
Eyes closed, arms crossed, I exhaled slowly, steeling myself for the culinary war crimes about to be unveiled.
"Alright! First up…" Yui's entire body jerked like she'd been electrocuted.
Slowly, as if dragging herself to the gallows, she rose to her feet. Her legs trembled with every step toward the table, her claws scraping against the floor like nails on a chalkboard.
With a noise somewhere between a whimper and a prayer, she placed the plate down with a clatter that made the silverware jump.
"Here…"
Bao and I stared. The thing on the plate stared back.It was… a crime. A culinary felony.
This dish, if you could even call it that… just looked like black goo. It's gelatinous form jiggling unsettlingly as it was set down
Both Bao and I stared, confused and expectant. Yui looked away, her ears practically steaming.
"Well?" I prompted.
The landshark flinched. Her thick tail thumped nervously against the floor in a repetitive, anxious beat.
Her lips parted, trembling, and she let out a soft, pitiful whimper. "P-please enjoy your food, ma—"
"Not that!" I snapped, arms crossed again with a stern expression. I slammed my hands on the table.
"What is this?! If you say 'food,' I'm disowning you both."
"Huh?! What did I do!?" Bao interjected, her eyes practically welling with tears at being included.
I picked up the fork, running the spoon across the crisped, burnt outer shell.
Yui stood right before me with her arms pressed to her front, idly swaying with bashful embarrassment, her frills swaying side to side and her head tucked to her left shoulder, hiding her blushing face.
Wait—the food, right—
It was food… in the traditional sense, or no, rather it's food in the non-traditional, enthusiastic sense.
I poked my fork into the mass of charred flesh, the outside crisp and burnt yet also sopping wet.
"How can you even achieve this…" I muttered to myself, sinking my fork deeper as blood and raw meat gushed to the surface.
I instantly recoiled, the chair colliding with the floor with a massive thud.
Bao and Yui flinched at the sudden noise.
"What is that?!" I gagged, the smell even seeping out of the meal.
I couldn't describe it as anything but retching—I wouldn't serve this to a homeless person who's begging for it!
"It's, um," she muttered almost to herself, squirming where she stood, her face as red as the meat she had prepared.
"Boiled duck—"
How do you boil a duck well done??!
"What about mine?" Bao asked with too much enthusiasm for my liking, the excited dragoness sitting me down at the table and presenting her dish to me.
At a glance… it looked fine? Actually, it was omurice. Classic! With a well-drawn heart in ketchup right on it.
"I made it with lots of love~" she cheered.
Even the maid service is stellar! Okay, perhaps I judged a bit too harshly.
I picked up the fork, the utensil clattering against the plate in the silence of anticipation.
All eyes were on me.
I closed my eyes, fork dipping into the soft, gooey molten omelet, the rice breaking from its soft, fragile prison, as its delicious scent burst forth like a geyser into my nose.
I recoiled, the smell overwhelming my senses with pure esctasy.
No, I have to be professional here! I picked up the spoon once more before finally taking a bite.
Yui and Bao stood and watched as I froze there, letting the rice melt on my tongue. And it felt… it felt…
…
I pull the fork out of my mouth, my free hand cupping my closed unmoving lips and turning my head to the side to hide my face.
"I feel assaulted…" They barely managed to pick up my muffled voice around the spoon, a single tear breaking forth from my eye.
Horrible. Absolutely horrible! I had my hopes up! It was my fault. I'm sorry!
I wiped my eyes, but more tears came, the fork falling to the plate with a loud clatter.
"H-Haru, are you okay?" Yui pondered, concerned at my sudden breakdown.
Im so sorry ill make it right...
"He likes it so much he's crying!" Bao cheered, her hands clasped together, pleased with herself.
No, you idiot!
Without saying another word, I picked up the dish and walked toward the door. Yui and Bao watched me, confused, and slowly followed me to the entrance.
"U-um, Haru? What're you doing?" Bao pondered, her hands together, hoping I'm not about to do what she thinks I am.
I took a deep breath, my hand pulling back.
"Haru?! Haru, don't do this!" Bao pleaded, stepping forward to try and stop me, but before she could even attempt I tossed it into the air, not knowing where it was going, but it was far, far away from me!
"Why would you do that?!!!"
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── Kaiju Kanojo ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
"It should be around here right?" The feeble deer girl pondered to herself, walking down the road, her heavy hiking boots clicking against the cobblestone.
She tilted her head, ears twitching as she scanned the street for the elusive maid café she'd heard so much about.
The breeze carried the scent of freshly made rice.
She smiled, raising her head to get a better whiff of the smell. "Food? Then surely I'm—"
Then—
THWACK.
A plate of omurice, flung with the fury of a man scorned, collided with the side of her face in a glorious splatter of ketchup and existential despair.
The heart-shaped decoration smeared across her cheek like a war paint of shame.
For a moment, she stood frozen, rice clinging to her eyelashes, egg sliding down her neck.
Slowly, she raised a trembling hand to touch the wreckage.
Her body jerked pitifully between her hitched breaths, trying not to cry as the tears poured out anyway.
"Close…"