Rei was halfway through chewing on a pillow—his last desperate attempt to self-suffocate his way out of this reality—when the door of the Honeymoon Dungeon's Heart-Shaped Conference Room opened with ominous, synchronized footsteps.
He blinked.
Five girls entered, not with murderous intent (for once), but with something far worse: coordinated purpose.
Each wore a sash.
Each held a scroll.
Each had that glint in their eyes that said Rei, today we make history. And possibly you.
"What... what is this?" Rei asked, voice hoarse with fear and futon stuffing.
Seraphina stepped forward like an empress making a national address.
"Today, we resolve the eternal conflict of love with diplomacy. With unity. With the divine power of bureaucracy."
[System Alert: Dangerous speech pattern detected — 'Princess Politician Voice' mode activated.]
"We, the devoted fiancées of Rei Everheart, have signed... the Yandere Engagement Pact."
Behind her, a flag unfurled. On it was a heart, pierced by five daggers, bleeding glitter.
Rei stood up so fast he headbutted the chandelier.
"You what?!"
Drakana grinned. "It's a treaty, babe."
"More like a temporary ceasefire," Lucivella corrected, swirling a chalice of red. "Until one of us wins you. Thoroughly. Overwhelmingly. Permanently."
Rosette nodded. "Like a competition. But with love. And possibly tracking spells."
Lilia clasped her hands sweetly. "We'll all take care of you... together... until the others naturally give up and vanish mysteriously."
[System Alert: Harem Alliance has formed! Milestone Unlocked – {Shared Delusions of Domestic Bliss}.]
[System Confetti Protocols Engaged!]
Digital glitter exploded from the walls. A fanfare blared.
[Congratulations! You are now officially doomed legally, spiritually, and romantically!]
Rei staggered to the side and threw up into a decorative flower vase shaped like a swan.
It cried.
Seraphina cleared her throat. "Article One: Rei Everheart shall remain emotionally accessible to all parties."
Drakana: "Article Two: No killing, maiming, or paralyzing other fiancées unless it's in a playful or affectionate manner."
Lilia: "Article Three: No hypnosis or blackmail... during breakfast."
Rosette: "Article Four: Rei must receive a minimum of thirty-three hugs per day, evenly distributed unless otherwise negotiated."
Lucivella: "Article Five: Once a week, Rei shall participate in the Affection Evaluation Arena."
Rei coughed. "That sounds... bad."
Lucivella smiled. "You'll be shirtless. There will be lava hearts. It'll be wonderful."
Seraphina continued. "Article Six: The competition for Rei's eternal love shall be decided through non-lethal trials of affection, seduction, devotion, and performance."
Drakana leaned closer, eyes gleaming. "It's the Love Games, baby."
Rosette pulled out a literal scoreboard. "I already have categories. Cuddle Time. Morning Kisses. Cursed Item Gifts. Emotional Meltdowns Per Day."
Lilia unrolled a second scroll. "I'm in charge of the daily schedule. I call it: Project Husband Harvest."
Rei looked at the vase. "Move over. I might vomit again."
Rei slumped in the corner while the girls signed the pact in blood, glitter, and magical lipstick.
[System Commentary: This is the worst possible outcome. But statistically inevitable.]
[You are now the official center of a Harem Alliance. Please enjoy the benefits: shared meals, synchronized stalking, and collective emotional blackmail.]
[Side Effects: Internal screaming, suspicious laundry folding, and chronic heartburn of destiny.]
Rei groaned. "This isn't how harems are supposed to work. There should be relaxation! Buffs! Fanfare! Not... treaties!"
[System Correction: You are confusing 'harem protagonist' with 'romantic cabbage.' You are the latter.]
The Pact Ceremony – Sealing the Deal
A magical circle ignited beneath them. Yuno.EXE appeared in a cloud of bridal sparkles, wearing a veil and holding a stamp the size of Rei's head.
"Congratulations!" she sang. "I now pronounce this group... legally entangled in emotional warfare."
She slammed the stamp onto the Pact Scroll. A shockwave of pink energy burst outward.
[System Alert: Pact is sealed. Tampering will result in heart-shaped explosions.]
Rei whimpered.
Yuno turned toward him. "As the harem target, you now have special privileges!"
"...Such as?"
"Access to the Joint Spousal Inventory!"
"Cool."
"Mandatory participation in Monthly Love Deathmatches!"
"Less cool."
"And you now receive one free Emergency Time-Out Crystal per week!"
Yuno held up a pink gem with Rei's face etched on it. His anime eyes were crying.
"I don't want this."
[System Note: Too bad. You'll need it.]
Public Announcement
The girls weren't subtle.
That evening, the Royal Capital received its biggest announcement since the Demon Queen's last invasion:
BREAKING NEWS: Prince Rei Everheart now the centerpiece of the historic Yandere Engagement Pact! Five fiancées agree to "loving competition" in revolutionary harem arrangement. City-wide hugging zones established. Marriage betting markets explode.
Side Reports: National Marriage Registry crashes from overload. Three churches rebrand as "Church of Rei's Future Wife." The phrase "I claim him spiritually" becomes illegal in seventeen provinces.
Rei, meanwhile, was hiding under the bed in the Honeymoon Dungeon, clutching the Emergency Time-Out Crystal.
To "celebrate" the formation of the Harem Alliance, the girls threw a feast.
One table.
One Rei.
Five glares across salad plates.
"Darling, I made chicken!" Lilia beamed.
"I made... a dragon steak," Drakana smirked.
"I roasted a soul-beast," Lucivella offered. "It screams when chewed."
"I made tea," Rosette said quietly, "with honest ingredients."
"I imported royal cuisine from eight countries," Seraphina declared, gesturing to a feast worthy of a god.
Rei looked from one dish to the next.
Then lifted a spoonful of plain rice.
"Neutral party," he whispered.
[System Notification: You chose wisely.]
Suddenly, a fork whizzed past his head.
Then a knife.
Then a cursed potato.
"YOU CAN'T LOVE US NEUTRALLY," the girls shouted in eerie harmony.
Later that night, as Rei snuck toward the supply closet hoping to cry in peace, he found all five girls waiting in the shadows.
"Rei," Seraphina said sweetly, "we've decided."
"You need to embrace the Harem Pact," Lilia added, holding up matching couple pajamas.
"We even drew straws," Drakana grinned. "Guess who won tonight's first cuddle slot?"
Rei tried to bolt.
Lucivella casually summoned shadow tentacles.
"No," he said. "I need alone time."
Rosette raised a hand. "Group bath?"
Yuno.EXE's voice rang out:
[System Alert: Cuddling Countdown Initiated. Time Until Emotional Capture: 00:15:00.]
Rei ran.
[You are now experiencing: Harem Pact Pursuit Mode.]
[Run Speed +20%. Hope -100%.]
Rei's Secret Room (Not So Secret)
Rei slammed the secret trapdoor shut and fell against the wall of his emergency escape chamber—a closet-sized hideout with rations, water, and a poster of a beach labeled "Imaginary Peace."
He sighed.
"I just wanted to be loved casually, you know?"
Yuno.EXE's hologram flickered on.
"Current affection levels: Critical Mass. You are loved with the intensity of five suns wrapped in cling film."
"That sounds... lethal."
Yuno smiled. "Correct!"
[System Projection: Unless emotional equilibrium is established, Rei will reach 'Explosive Love Threshold' within 72 hours.]
Rei collapsed into a beanbag.
"So what now?"
Yuno handed him a new scroll.
"Tomorrow begins the first Affection Evaluation Arena. Please wear these."
She held up a frilly battle apron and a magical collar that said "Cuddle Champion."
Rei stared into the void.
"I miss getting stabbed."
Somewhere in the royal palace, a clerk stared in horror as the Marriage Registry updated.
Current Status: Rei Everheart – Engaged (x5)
Harem Treaty Confirmed
Marriage Date: Pending Battle Royale
The server exploded.
[System Final Note: The Harem Alliance is real. The cuddles are escalating. And you, Rei, are absolutely, irrevocably... theirs.]
To be continued...