I killed my step brother.
Stabbing him fifteen times was not an action I planned beforehand. It just happened
All remorse and humanity had left my soul on the day he announced he was taking a wife.
How could he? After what he did to me, how could he think of starting a new life leaving mine in ruin?
Under the heavy rain shower, in a cold December evening. My knees were numb from kneeling all evening as I begged Connor to reconsider.
He didn't, and so I killed him on his wedding day.
My stepbrother started molesting me when I was ten and he was eighteen at that time. He would call me to his room and tell me, "Flower, take off your pant."
And I would, like the obedient child I was. My mother told me that constructing a strong bond with our new family would make us happy again. So I dared not to disobey Connor. The fear of getting abandoned once again controlled my decisions.
I would take off my pant, lay down on his bed and spread my legs like he'd asked, and then he would insert his fingers into me and play with me, and when he was done, he would give me a candy, plant a kiss on my forehead and then ask me to leave.
I was plunged into one nightmare after the other till when I turned fifteen.
Like usual, Connor called me to his room, stripped me down and asked me to lie on the bed, but that day, something changed, he didn't stick his fingers, no, he entered me. He was so rough i could not walk properly for weeks.-
My mother and new father were too busy to notice as they were both occupied with work, or maybe, they just decided to turn a blind eye.
My frail mind eventually gave in, I fell in love with him; became addicted to his touch. And threat was never a feeling that was in my heart even when Connor dated other girls cause I was confident; his little flower. He always returned to me.
On my sixteenth birthday, Connor came home with a woman. She had the body of a model and the face of an actor - she was beautiful. Looked perfect in that blue fitted dress too. He announced to the entire family that they were engaged and she's the woman he wants to spend his life with.
My hand gripped the fruit knife as I listened to them. I could have killed her right there and then but I didn't, I was patient.
When I begged Connor to reconsider, he only said, "Stop being such a clingy bitch! I enjoyed you for what's worth but I never said anything about loving you or marrying you so stop living in your fantasy world Flower, snap out of it!"
'Flower' was the nickname he gave me and everyone else called me that.
My heart was shattered to pieces. I bawled my eyes that night.
On his wedding day, I wore a plain mustard dress and tied my hair in a polished bun and went to see him in the dressing room.
Connor rocked a well tailored white suit. The color combination with the whitish blue echoed his blue eyes - they looked like the ocean.
I wore makeup that day and when he saw me, he was impressed. He closed the door and deflowered me once again.
When he was done, he puts his pants back on and sled my dress down with a smile, then he said,
"Well, I will definitely miss this, Flower. Now that I am starting a new life, it is time you find someone else to make you happy."
"But you make me happy." I said, my eyes overflowing with tears.
Connor shot me an unemotional look, "Well, Flower, you were truly delicious and I enjoyed you a lot. But now …" he inhaled, fixing his hair as he adores himself in the mirror, "Now I gotta be a man to Linda. Let's forget about everything, okay?"
My heart sunk in a deeper place and then disappeared along with my humanity.
My hand gripped the fruit knife from the bowl on the table. I moved to where he stood, wrapped one arm around his waist and laid my head against his broad back.
"Stop being clingy. Now I am really getting upset Flower." He growled, pushed my hand away and spun around to face me.
My heart sank as I pushed the knife into his beating heart. Blood splashed across my face when I yanked the knife out and plunged it deeper into his heart. Repeated the same process fifteen times.
When Linda snuck in to see her groom which wasn't really allowed in the first place, she was greeted by me and Connor's pale body on the floor. She screamed so loud I could still hear her sometimes in my sleep.
But what did I do even do wrong?
The judges heard my plea, Connor was a criminal after all: he molested, exploited, groomed, and then betrayed me. Stabbing him was my mercy upon him and I bet he knows it too. Despite being underage, the judge sentenced me to ten years.
'A sixteen year old teen stabbed her stepbrother fifteen times on his wedding day for molesting her' became the hot news at that time. My mother and his father eventually separated and while his father died of heart attack, my mother disappeared and never once showed up to see me in prison.
Prison wasn't exciting at first. It takes a lot of gut and will to survive. I was bullied by women double my size, criminals who committed worse crimes than I did.
Punishing a criminal was my crime.
Flower died that day along with Connor, now the only girl left is Freda; the new me.
And Freda is tough, Freda is not easily broken, Freda is everything I have ever wanted to become: strong, fearless, sexy, badass.
A white t-shirt, blue jacket and denim pants with white sneakers and a p-cap was 'gifted' to me by one of the prison staff as a parting gift.
A hot shower rejuvenated my spirit, even sprayed perfume but had no smile on my face. It's ten years already?
There is nothing and no one to go back to.
Walking out of the black gates that kept me confined from the outside world for ten years brought me no relief. My guilt was reopened.
I paid Connor a visit with a withered rose, placed it on his grave and prayed for his eternal doom. Then I left.
I got myself a one bedroom studio apartment downtown and decided to live there; to start a new life.
******
The blaring noise of the alarm clock jarred my ears, I tossed to the other side of the bed. My fingers trailed along the bedside table and when I finally grasped the metal, I smashed it into the wall. I hate noise. This is the fifteenth clock that I destroyed.
I yawned, stretched, then headed into the bathroom. The cold shower did just the job for me. I donned a pair of black oversized hoodie with sweat pants.
My hair was trimmed in prison, growing it back feels like carrying a child.
I put on my black sneakers and punched out of the house.
The sun is warm and caressing, the fall breeze blowing my hair behind me as I trekked to a nearby store.
I entered the place and was looking for my favorite drink when I overhear the store owner saying,
"That girl is an ex convict, she don murder her step brother. When I see her come here a month ago, I was scared shitless. Why would they release her so soon? She a little monster."
"Did you say she was sixteen when she killed him?" An unfamiliar male voice asked.
"I already told you, she a little devil. She killed him on his wedding day and made his bride watch. She stabbed him thirteen times."
I appeared before them. She was behind the counter and the unfamiliar man in a brown suit with a polished blonde hairstyle and beautiful green eyes was leaning against it as they gossiped.
Upon seeing me, she cleared her throat, signaling for him to keep quiet.
I kept the can of cola with a loud thud and the woman slightly jumped - clearly startled. She is jumpy around me, I like that.
She quickly scanned it, swiped my card and put my drink in a leather bag and handed it to me. Her hands were shaking when she did.
My lips curved as I take the bag from her and turned to leave.
The moment i hear her gave a sigh of relief, my mind changed, stopped on my tracks and faced her again. She swallowed when our eyes met.
With a straight face, I said, "It wasn't thirteen, I stabbed him fifteen times." I shot her a soft smile, "Have a good day miss Johnson"
The unfamiliar man stared with a surprised expression as I left the store.
A strange feeling settled in my gut, I could swear someone was following me. My sixth sense developed when I was in prison; one had to be extra vigilant and wary of his environment especially when you have no one to rely on in this cold cruel world.
Home seemed farther than usual. I locked my door and dashed to the window, lifting the blind just enough for me to peek through.
I knew it, someone was really following me, and it turns out that my stalker is the unfamiliar guy gossiping about me with miss Johnson.
He stood there across the street like a statue, eyes fixed on my apartment window. It was like he could see me from down there, but that'd be impossible.
He was there for almost half and hour and I didn't budge from my spot either, until eventually, he strolled back the way he came from.
My eyes monitored his retreating figure till he was gone, only then did move.
I was now craving that cold water I had been meaning to drink.
The bottle was on my lips when I noticed a note glued on the refrigerator door.
It said "Hello Flower, welcome back. I have missed you …We all have"