I absolutely will not marry her. Not her in particular— I just don't want to get married at all, not now. But as long as I'm here, if not today, then tomorrow, they'll arrange a political marriage for me anyway. At most I'll be able to delay it for some years if not months.
And no! I will not be a pawn in the schemes these nobles orchestrate. I can't let them decide my future when I've just gotten my life back— a new beginning, my last chance to live the life I want. That's why I must leave.
Sure, I could live my life in luxury if I just went along with their plans. But then, I wouldn't be free. My every action would be controlled, every move monitored and I would loose myself once again.
Moreover, what's to say their next scheme won't be to get rid of me just as easily? In this world, nothing ever comes without a price– and for all the riches I'll gain I will lose my freedom.
So, if I truly want to live the life I desire, I'll have to carve it myself.
As for leaving behind all this wealth and comfort— none of it was ever mine to begin with, and neither do I covet a single thing. Similarly, this family is not mine. I have no real rights here and no genuine obligations toward them. I am just someone deceiving them, because.… I'm not Sebastian Rhett Colden.
With these thoughts playing endlessly in my head, I eventually drift off into a deep, uneasy slumber.
…
Ugh… my head hurts. It's like a million needles are stabbing into my skull at the same time. Then suddenly, a sharp, static buzz resounds in my ears, and I jolt awake, startled, breathless and disoriented.
My fingers tremble slightly as I try to make sense of what just happened. I dart my eyes around the room, my breath catching in my throat and my heart pounding— and then I see them. Flashes— fragments of memories– Sebastian's memories. Not all of them, perhaps, but enough to overwhelm me.
The sensation is so foreign, so wrong, that I stagger to the bathroom and retch. My body reacts violently to something it can't quite process. When the sickness finally subsides, I slide to the cold marble floor, lying there for a while, breathing heavily, struggling to steady myself, trying to calm the chaos inside me.
That's sick.
No, not the situation or me—he is. That twisted bastard, Sebastian. He wasn't just an attractive, frail noble; there's more to him than anyone knows, because really! something is seriously wrong with him..... And I can say with full confidence that he was a suicidal psychopath.
And no, I'm definitely not being over-dramatic.
I mean, half of his memories are just him, sitting alone, painting these depressing, ghostly artworks or playing unnerving tunes on the piano in a dimly lit studio hall. Though I have to admit, he's pretty damn talented at both. Too bad most people in this world probably wouldn't be too appreciative of his creepy creations.
What's truly twisted is how he carried himself, how he played his role. So elegant, so quiet, always the perfect noble son. But inside? Hollow. Cold. Desperate for oblivion. All his thoughts were steeped in a relentless desire to simply not exist. Behind every polite lie there was indifference and a complete lack of empathy.
Through his memories, I could feel what he felt. His emotions weren't even dramatic—just this numb, hopeless indifference. He never tried to kill himself, no— but he wished for death every waking moment. And this wasn't a recent development. It was something he felt since he was a child who barely had any awareness.
After all of this, I can only conclude that he had some kind of mental illness. And I seriously doubt this world even has the concept of a psychiatrist, let alone someone who could have helped him.
Haah… I actually feel bad for him, like dude, he really needed therapy. Desperately.
But anyhow, where is he now? To be honest I don't think he died, I believe something unnatural happened. That much I'm sure of. Because even after his supposed death, here I am... in his body. Living his life.
Oddly, that thought makes me feel a little less guilty about deceiving his family.
Despite how disturbing his memories are, they've given me something invaluable: knowledge. I now know everything Sebastian knew about this world. The noble families. The politics. The customs. The subtle power games and the unspoken rules that govern this world.
Now, I've got a week before they start getting impatient. Seven days to vanish.
I can't afford any mistakes. If I get caught, I can only imagine the supervision they will keep me in, so basically, this is my only chance.
And even after leaving successfully there is no way they won't look for me. So, if I want to succeed, I need to blend in, disappear, become someone completely forgettable, in a place where they won't reach me.
That means, I'll need to plan my escape carefully— no, flawlessly.
First step: create a fake identity and build a convincing disguise.
Which means my first step… is to go to the town market, today.