Lu Yan looked up with tear-stained cheeks, "What? No! He didn't."
"Then why? The day before, you didn't want to get married. That night he visited you. The next day you told me you wanted to go in."
Lu Yan was stunned. Is this what Ji Jing had been thinking this whole time?
Lu Yan thought back to those events.
"Remember, you were almost killed as soon as you were named regent?"
Ji Jing curled up a corner of his mouth, "How could I forget?"
Lu Yan smiled, remembering the intensity of her feelings at that time. "Before that I was very angry with you. When I went all the way to the border, you had someone send me back. I was determined never to forgive you in my life."
Her smile faded, "But then you were attacked. I found Gu Sheng, and forced him to take me to see you. You still hadn't woken up."
Ji Jing looked at her, waiting for her to continue.
"At that time, all my anger turned to fear. I was suddenly terrified you would die. I wanted to stay, but Gu Sheng wouldn't let me."
"There were too many people watching," Ji Jing explained.
"I knew, but I didn't care. I fought and kicked Gu Sheng until he knocked me out." Lu Yan pouted, "He's so petty. He left me at this farm. I had to walk back all the way home with Afei."
Ji Jing smiled slightly.
"At that time, my family started pressuring me to get married to the Chen family. I didn't want to get married, I just wanted to be your disciple. I was constantly thinking of ways to corner Gu Sheng, but he avoided me every time."
"I never knew all this happened," Ji Jing remarked.
Lu Yan nodded, "You woke up around that time. And Han also rode all the way back from the border."
Ji Jing leaned forward, "Actually, when I asked him, he lied to me and said he didn't leave the border. I thought he was hiding it because he convinced you to enter the Chen family for him."
Lu Yan shook her head, "No. Back at the border in that town controlled by barbarians we got close to each other. He told me about the Xiao family's injustice. That night, he told me he'd found the person who'd engineered the Xiao family's massacre: it was Prince Rui. Then he talked about the factions, and how Chen family was one of the three big families supporting Prince Rui's faction. He begged me to not marry in. He wanted me to wait. He didn't say anything else, just told me to wait."
Ji Jing leaned back, thoughtful.
"After he left, I didn't sleep the whole night. I had an idea that left me too excited. I finally had something I could help you with, and it would help Han too. Before I ran away to the border to find you, I'd been helping manage your intelligence network in the capital. I thought I could enter the Chen family, and get you the best information. Once we brought Prince Rui down, you'd be safe, and Han would be at peace. That's why I told my father I agreed."
Ji Jing closed his eyes briefly, "I would be safe. Han would be at peace. What about you?"
Lu Yan looked away, "My thinking was too simplistic. I grew up alone and I really didn't understand what it meant to be married to someone...." In a lower voice, she continued, "But Chen Hai is kind. He treats me well."
Ji Jing looked down at the cup in his hands, and let out a breath, "You're too young. You still don't realize the kind of sacrifice you've made."
Lu Yan spoke softly, "It wasn't bad. It's only now with the-" She put a hand over her stomach, "I'm a little afraid now. I didn't want this. I don't want to be a mother."
Ji Jing leaned forward again, "Lu Yan, it's time for you to leave the Chen family. The longer you stay, the more danger you'll be in."
"We've almost finished copying the useful information in the archives. I only need a few more months. Wasn't the information Afei found about the Jiang family useful?"
"It was," Ji Jing admitted, "But I'm worried about you. Your physical and mental health is deteriorating. And Chen Yuan is not a simple person. You shouldn't stay under his power anymore."
"You told me you have an extraction plan ready. So it doesn't really matter when we do it, right? Leaving now would only strengthen his suspicions."
Ji Jing waved a hand, "He's not a big deal. Now that he's out in the light, he won't be able to cause much damage. At worst, he can be assassinated quietly. But with you in his hands, we're at a disadvantage."
Lu Yan continued hesitating.
"What is it?" Ji Jing asked, "Just tell me."
"Chen Hai..." she began, "He's actually good to me, and I feel guilty towards him."
"So you want to get him out too?"
Lu Yan nodded minutely.
Ji Jing looked down at his tea, his brow furrowed in thought, as he considered every piece on the board. Lu Yan waited for his decision.
He looked up to see Lu Yan's expectant eyes, and decided, "Fine, you can keep him if you want him. But the extraction plan won't work with him. I'll arrange something else."
Lu Yan closed her eyes, suddenly feeling relieved.
Ji Jing watched her quietly wiping away a new set of tears, "If Chen Hai finds out, he will probably not forgive you."
"I'm sure he'll find out," Lu Yan admitted, "But I don't-"
She didn't say anything else.
"It's cleaner if he dies with his family."
Lu Yan remained silent.
Ji Jing sighed lightly, "Alright, if this is what you want."
A silence settled over them.
Suddenly, Lu Yan asked, "Do you think it was a mistake to enter the Chen family?"
Ji Jing poured himself another cup, "It doesn't matter if it was a mistake or not. You cannot go through life without hurting people, especially when the throne is involved. The real question is: did you achieve what you set out to do?"
In fact, he thought it was a mistake. But the only way to truly grow was to make mistakes painful enough that one learnt from them.
He could keep her safe for now. So she could make mistakes. Later, she might not have the privilege.
After another pause, he reminded her, "You've already identified Chen Yuan's weaknesses: his need for recognition, his brother, and his mother. In the worst scenario, don't hesitate to use them."
Lu Yan nodded.
"Let your maids take care of you. They're all clean."
Lu Yan nodded again.
"If you neglect and isolate yourself again, I'll pull you out against your will."
Lu Yan nodded a third time.