Edward could still clearly remember how Snow White supposedly got her name—said to be because it snowed heavily on the day she was born. That was complete nonsense. The original story made it very clear that Snow White was named so because her skin was as white as snow, and even the earliest classic animated Snow White depicted her original character design as having pale white skin.
And then there was the magic mirror. Its criteria for determining "the fairest one of all" had been altered from judging physical beauty to evaluating moral purity. It now declared Snow White as the most beautiful because she was kind and brave, which became the reason the Queen wanted her dead. Edward nearly burst out laughing when he saw that. All he could say was that this world had become far too magical.
A beautiful woman could no longer simply be beautiful; instead, "inner beauty" was being forced down everyone's throat. No wonder later regional beauty contests resulted in so-called "beauties" who were overweight and unattractive—apparently, they must have possessed exceptionally pure hearts filled with truth, goodness, and beauty.
On top of that, the Prince's role was replaced with a potato-stealing thief. The two developed feelings for each other while on the run, and Snow White even planned to help these impoverished people resist the Queen's tyranny. It was absolutely ridiculous—turning a perfectly good fairy tale into blatant propaganda.
After Snow White was hunted down by the Queen, she fled into the forest and met seven dwarves who worked as miners. But the most absurd part was that these dwarves were CGI creations—bad ones at that. They looked incredibly ugly.
And the root of all this was, once again, so-called "political correctness."
Originally, the live-action Snow White planned to hire actors with dwarfism to play the seven dwarves, but the famous dwarf actor who became well-known through Game of Thrones publicly attacked this decision, calling it discriminatory toward people with dwarfism. So, the studio decided to replace them with CGI characters.
But this in turn angered other actors with dwarfism. They felt that was discrimination against them, and accused the famous actor of being a well-fed man who did not understand the hunger of the poor. After all, opportunities for actors with dwarfism were already extremely rare. Finally getting seven roles at once, only to have them taken away—of course they were furious.
The two sides began a vicious flame war online. The fighting became so intense that the studio ultimately decided to avoid the issue altogether by creating "special" CGI dwarves. And in the end, this decision successfully offended everyone, because the dwarves looked genuinely horrible.
After Snow White got to know the dwarves, she organized them into a resistance group against the Queen's tyranny. During the final confrontation, Snow White "moved" the Queen's soldiers by calling out their names one by one, telling them she remembered them. This supposedly touched them so deeply that they broke down in tears and instantly betrayed the Queen. Snow White achieved victory through "wisdom."
They even removed the original plot where Snow White eats the poisoned apple and falls unconscious. Instead, Snow White now voluntarily eats the poisoned apple to save others. It was unbelievably absurd. The Prince was also removed entirely.
According to the actress playing Snow White, this was because "it's a new era—women don't need princes." So, the Prince was simply deleted. In his place came a starving revolutionary peasant. Edward could only say, "As long as you're happy."
The only redeeming quality was the musical numbers, which were decent—after all, that department had always been the studio's strength.
Still, some said the musical scenes were mediocre, with only the dwarves' labor-chant song being slightly noteworthy. The rest of the songs were criticized for sounding exactly like the ones in older films—so predictable you could tell precisely when a musical sequence was about to begin. The costumes and set design also felt cheap; Snow White's brightly colored gown clashed severely with the dark forest setting, and the overall visual quality was awful.
So, when the live-action movie's trailer was first released, it instantly received a flood of criticism, even becoming the most disliked promotional trailer in history. It was so embarrassing it practically seeped into the audience's bones.
Of course, there were still a few people who said they liked it—but that could simply be a matter of personal taste.
Just like the famously awful Megalodon film series. Those movies were terrible, yet there were indeed people who supported them and even thought they were great. It was hard to tell whether these people were just trolling or actually meant it.
TN: I'm not sure about this Megalodon film series, the other translation of it was multi-headed shark.
Edward himself had once watched it out of curiosity, and nearly burst into laughter from the cheap special effects alone. When he saw the shark using its two extra heads as legs to crawl onto the shore to bite people… Edward thought he might die from laughing.
"Right, speaking of that…"
Thinking of the Megalodon, Edward suddenly remembered the Sharknado movie he had invested in. Curious, he clicked it open—and discovered that the movie had already been released. It had earned a hundered fifty million box office, yet was drowning in terrible reviews and endless ridicule.
[Pure Love Warrior!: Sharknado: 1/5]
[Sharknado is a grave where the laws of physics go to die. A tornado launching giant sharks into the sky was already insane, but the protagonist actually slices a flying shark in half with a chainsaw! The five-cent CGI sharks look like plastic toys, the tornado looks like the final project from my four-month beginner VFX class, and logic? Nonexistent! The sharks bite everything except the protagonist, villains lose their brains simultaneously—did the script get blown together by a tornado too?]
[Pikachu is super cute: Sharknado: 1.5/5]
[Please rename this film to "The Cyclone Jaws' Revenge." Giant sharks drop from the tornado onto major League cities, gym leaders and champions are nowhere to be found! The protagonist fights sharks with a baseball bat! Even the coffins of Pokémon Professors can't hold them down anymore! Sharks doing 360-degree spins midair to bite helicopters—more agile than Dragonite. Meteorologists weep. Professors stay silent. Only the director counts money while saying: "Sharks + disasters = box office. Who needs logic?"]
[It turned into the shape of an Eevee: Sharknado: 0/5]
["The sharks inside the tornado are dehydrating—quick, splash water on it!" How does someone with this level of IQ become the protagonist? The dialogue feels randomly generated: "We need to bomb the tornado!" "No, the sharks hate electromagnetic waves!" Every character sounds like they just chugged ten bottles of counterfeit liquor confiscated by the League. The only scientific thing is the 90-minute runtime—one second longer and I would've smashed my screen.]
[My dream is to become the Empress' shoe insole: Sharknado: 1/5]
[The male lead fights a shark with a chainsaw, the female lead is brainless beyond belief, a random bystander takes a selfie even as a shark is about to hit him… everyone is performing abstract art! The sharks should win Best Actor—they can track the protagonist perfectly while spinning in a tornado, yet they can never kill him. Please add a credit note saying the sharks were CGI, at least.]
[I love watching movies: Sharknado: 5/5]
[Sharknado is a piece of avant-garde cinema, and you all simply don't understand it! The shark explodes into fireworks after hitting a gas station, the male lead chainsaws a shark and blood splatters onto a bikini girl—after watching it, I felt like a shark took a bite out of my brain. But isn't this exactly the kind of absurd comedy film we need? Isn't this the joy we crave? Release the sequel NOW!]
Reading a few reviews, Edward's mouth twitched. It seemed the audience in this world were as sharp-tongued as ever. Thankfully, when he funded the production, he used a small dummy company rather than Ghost Pictures' brand.
"Zoroark, what was the budget for Sharknado, and how much did it make back?" Edward called.
Zoroark quickly walked in, glanced at the screen, and reported the numbers. After listening, Edward understood immediately.
The returns were good. But because the reputation was toxic, the director and screenwriter didn't dare continue producing the sequel.
"Tell them to keep filming. Just maintain this style." Edward was quite satisfied. As long as it made money, that was all that mattered. And with how much attention it was getting, the sequel would surely earn well too. Who cared about getting insulted?
Jeff Bezos from his past life was scolded daily, yet he remained a billionaire. So, Edward believed that, in a way, this kind of heat was beneficial, though other people might not see it that way.
"Eh?" Zoroark looked shocked. Voluntarily seeking insults? But since Edward was the boss, Zoroark acknowledged it without objection and spread the message. However, Edward had suddenly thought of something and told Zoroark to bring him the script for Sharknado 2 for review.
Before long, Zoroark returned with a very strange expression, holding the script. Edward curiously took it and began reading.
Sharknado 2 continued from the first film. The protagonist, now a hero after the Los Angeles incident, co-wrote a memoir with his ex-wife after their divorce. The book became wildly popular—very much in line with the western country's traditions of squeezing money from memoirs and autobiographies. Survivors of major events often made fortunes this way.
Then the two were invited to Indigo for a book signing. During the flight, they encountered an upgraded Sharknado—an enormous tornado filled with bloodthirsty Sharpedo. The Sharpedo tore through the airplane cabin, killing passengers. The protagonist was forced to perform an emergency landing, though his ex-wife and many others were badly injured.
The Sharknado followed the couple all the way to Viridian City. Abnormal weather caused snow in July. Sharpedo rained from the sky like meteorites, smashing into skyscrapers and plunging the city into panic.
Edward frowned. Again. Once more, it ignored scientific researchers, Pokémon Professors, and basic logic altogether. But that was exactly what made Sharknado famous. While most films at least attempted to follow some logic, this series was proudly illogical for the sake of being ridiculous.
The tornado following the protagonist all the way to Viridian City resulted in him being labeled by the media as the "Sharpedo Magnet." Since wherever he went, the Sharknado followed. But the script never explained why.
Edward kept reading. Then he found that the citizens of Viridian City, under the protagonist's rallying cry, took up baseball bats, shovels, flamethrowers, and random household tools to fight the descending sharks in brutal street-to-shark combat. In subway stations, stadiums, and more, "human-shark alley fights" erupted. Some citizens even used dead Sharpedo corpses as makeshift shields.
Edward's mouth twitched.
Bro, where are the Pokémon?! Did all the Pokémon get frozen solid?
He comforted himself. This was Sharknado after all—government agencies always acted like they were dead, so it wasn't surprising that no one thought to use Pokémon.
Eventually, the protagonist proposed using liquid nitrogen to freeze the tornado's core, mirroring the "bomb the tornado" tactic of the first movie. He piloted a modified plane into the storm's eye, dropped liquid nitrogen tanks, and chainsawed through Sharpedo blocking his path—ultimately freezing the storm and saving the day. Absolutely insane.
"What do you think?" Edward asked, watching Zoroark's constipation-like expression. Clearly, Zoroark had already read the script.
"It has a sort of… beauty that ignores the audience's life and death." Zoroark coughed, face contorted. It really was that ridiculous—so absurd that "very absurd" wasn't enough to describe it. No wonder Edward produced the film under another company's name.
"Yes, indeed. But sometimes, being overly silly and illogical can actually lead to greater success." Edward smiled. Sharknado had low production costs but high box office returns, and the profit margin was incredible. Naturally he had no reason to object to making more. He remembered seeing the first film's revenue earlier but had been too busy to focus on the follow-up.
With Edward's approval, Sharknado 2 officially entered production. The internet erupted with discussions, and more people became aware of this ridiculous movie series. Edward didn't keep track of that—he was busy with other matters, namely the filming of Hogwarts.
The cast was complete, so Edward could finally begin shooting the first Harry Potter movie. However, he still felt a bit pained over the cost—especially the castle, which required the biggest investment. The rest was manageable. Edward also reserved the best room in the castle as his personal leisure space.
After filming ended, this place would become a Harry Potter theme park open to the public—naturally with an entrance fee. This was important, since it ensured Edward could recover the costs. In his previous life, the Harry Potter IP had generated immense revenue, so Edward naturally wanted to do the same.
"So…"
Edward looked at the young actor playing Harry Potter, hesitating. Should the real Harry Potter appear or not? Edward decided to test things first—to observe the child actor's performance. If his acting was acceptable, then there would be no need. If he performed poorly, then Edward would bring out the real Harry Potter.
After all, the biggest investment this time was in set design and special effects. Edward planned to create a magnificent magical world that would firmly secure Harry Potter's place in film history. He also wanted to see if he could break the billion-box office mark, because many critics mocked him for having a "fake" billion-level director title.
He understood that himself. Therefore, he intended to produce a true billion-box-office film—only then could he firmly wear the crown of a billion director.
(End of chapter)