The faceless figure loomed over us, its body flickering like breaking TV signal. I'd seen a lot of strange entities in my days of mischief and debauchery, but none compares to this.
"You are not authorized to be here."
That monotone voice again, subtle but clear, not actually coming from any visible opening on the being's face.
I blinked. "Yeah, I get that a lot."
Copycat—Jason, as I'd learned after five minutes of terrified babbling—clutched my arm. "Is that—is that God?!"
I rolled my eyes, but posed the question to the right bullseye. "Are you God?"
The entity tilted its head. Static buzzed around it. "Incorrect. We are the Custodian."
I snorted. "Like a janitor for reality?"
The Custodian's form glitched violently. "You will be processed."
A portal tore open beneath us—but this one sizzled with jagged pixels. Like old animations jumbled up into a single screen.
"Uh oh."
We fell. Again.
Falling into the unknown couldn't get any more disturbing.
--- —--- —--
[Dimension Unknown (AKA The Worst Video Game Ever)]
We landed in what looked like a 90s arcade game gone wrong. The sky was neon green, crackling with veins of lightning and devoid of clouds. The ground, purple grid lines crisscrossed with red pedestrian crossings.
And the air smelled like overheating circuit boards, as if someone had decided to fry the dimension before we got here.
Jason gaped. "Where—?"
A pixelated sign popped up just above us. This was starting to look like a Virtual reality game with each passing second.
>> WELCOME TO THE DEBUG ZONE <<
>> UNAUTHORIZED ENTITIES WILL BE DELETED <<
I groaned. "Great. We got sucked into tech support hell."
Something moved in the digital fog. A creature made of glitching cubes lurched toward us, its mouth a screaming error message.
>> 404 FILE NOT FOUND <<
Though the creature looked unsymmetrical and bulky, it still moved fast enough to be within grabbing distance in only a second.
And those chubby, cubical fingers would pound anything to pulp if motivated. The creatures blinking red face said enough.
>> DESTROY ERROR <<
"What? You mean us?"
Cube-monster's arms sizzled as they doubled in size to cause maximum mayhem.
>> DESTROY ERROR <<
Jason screamed. I grabbed his hoodie and ran.
--- —---
[Five Minutes of Panic Later.]
We ducked behind a floating block texture (which, thankfully, acted like a real wall), one of many that turned the place into a maze.
Jason hyperventilated. "We're gonna die. We're gonna die—"
I flicked his forehead. "Breathe, kid. First time getting hunted by a cosmic IT department?"
He glared. "Yes?! You've been through this before?"
"Of course not. My life isn't that messed up, Jason."
"Then why did you ask?"
"Bonding experience. We make a dynamic duo. Care for my contact info?"
"Never!"
A new message appeared:
>> KAI MERCER DETECTED <<
>> ADMINISTRATOR OVERRIDE ACTIVE? Y/N <<
I blinked. "Huh?"
Surely the oddest thing I've seen today.
Jason grabbed my wrist. "What does that mean?!"
I grinned. "It means..." I reached out and tapped the Y.
The world shuddered, flickering in and out of focus, before resettling.
Cube-monster froze, arms still stretched out to crush anything into a fatal hug. The Custodian's voice boomed through my mind.
"ERROR. ACCESS GRANTED."
A door pixelated into existence. The sign above it was a welcomed surprise.
>> EXIT TO: BEA HQ - INTERROGATION ROOM 3 <<
Jason gasped. "How did you—?"
I shrugged. "Lucky guess."
(And maybe, just maybe, I'd seen that exact error screen before—can't tell where exactly. But that was a mystery for later.)
--- —---
[Meanwhile: BEA HQ.]
Lydia Chen was this close to breaking protocol. You know, there were struck rules against workplace violence and general Frustration Induced Behaviour.
She slammed her hands on the tech console. "Trace him. Now."
The analyst—Bug—winced. His monitors showed nothing. Just static. "I-I can't! His signal vanished from all our accessible dimensions!"
Lydia's fingers twitched toward her time-freeze device, itching to cause havoc in equal proportions to her rage.
Bug shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the huge glasses perched on his nose magnifying his already huge eyes. And no, that wasn't why he went by Bug.
"Let me run the check again?"
"Look for unusual threads this time."
Bug frowned. "Why? Last I checked, Kai's a human with super abilities."
"The human part remains under question until proper dissection."
"Dissection? Like with scalpel and needles? That's outside BEA jurisdiction. I know it could be necessary, but the FDC will have our heads—"
"Run the check!"
"Right." His hands flew over the console as he carried out the probe.
The system hummed, feeding him with information in a voice only he could hear, like bees buzzing to their queen.
"Nothing. He must've portaled outside our dimensional boundaries."
Lydia's fist clenched. She needed to punch something. ASAP.
Then—
BZZT.
A portal exploded into the room, warping reality around it like flailing curtains. Kai and Copycat tumbled out, covered in pixel dust.
The portal sputtered, as if spitting in disgust, before vanishing in a shower of sparks.
Kai grinned up at her. "Miss me?"
Lydia moved. Rules be damned.
One second, Kai was standing. The next, he was pinned to the wall like a spineless piranha, her forearm against his throat.
"Never," she hissed into his face, "do that again."
"What? Appear so suddenly your aching heart trembled for me?"
She pressed in harder, crushing his airways.
Kai wheezed. "Noted."
"This is not a joke, Kai."
"I understand. Now get off me before I bite your nose."
Lydia's anger transformed into confusion as she released him. "You are weird."
Kai stretched his neck. It ached. His body, soul and pride wept in despair. "I get that a lot."
"You'll get off with a warning this time. Try something like this again and your neck won't be the only part of you that gets bruised."
Kai saluted. "Aye, Captain Grumps."
Behind them, Jason raised a hand. "Uh. Can I also not be arrested?"
Lydia didn't look away from Kai. "Bug?"
Bug sighed as he stood up. "Yeah, yeah. Ultrasecure Superbeing holding cell, coming up..."
"But I'm a teenager. Isn't there juvenile prison?"
Bug glanced at him. "How old are you?"
"Eighteen in a month. I'm still a minor. You can't put me in jail."
"You look over twenty."
"I thought he looked twelve," offered Kai. He was now occupying a seat, munching from a bag of chips.
Jason snarled. "You halfwit. I'll get you next time. This isn't the end of Copycat."
Kai waved him bye-bye, his mouth too full to make coherent speech.
Bug grabbed Copycat by the arm. "Come on. Don't try any funny business or the drone above us will zap you into mush."
"Juvenile jail?"
"No. Juvenile Rehab."
Jason/Copycat visibly shuddered. "Like…therapy?"
Bug grinned, dimples gracing his cherubic face. "You'll enjoy it. I hear the therapist is an octopus."
The steel doors thuded shut behind them. That left Kai alone with the BEA agent who searched for any possible excuse to murder him legally.
Her eyes were fixed on him in quiet speculation.
"Chips?" He offered.
She started towards him. "Get up."
Kai shot up from the chair, crumbs raining down like snow. "Why?"
"You need to be dissected.
"You must be joking!"