Chapter Text
Harry felt like a human puddle.
The soothing shoosh of the waves as they lapped at the beach, the bone-warming smile of the sun, the smell of coconut and jasmine and butterscotch and parchment - there had never been a moment in time when he had been more relaxed. Of course, a great deal of that relaxation might have been Hermione's increased libido, but he filed that under the Happy column, rather than the Relaxed column. Maybe it ought to have a column all its own instead...
He rolled onto his side and bit his lip as he looked at his wife. His Wife.
Her golden-tanned skin glistened in the sun from the mix of coconut oil and sweat, and highlighted the swell of her breasts and stomach, the curves of her hipbones and leg muscles. He felt his desire for her rise again, even as a smile suffused his entire being. She was so beautiful . And she loved him. Just him. Not the saviour, not the hero, not the Boy-Who-Didn't-Want-Any-Of-That-Shit. Just him. Just Harry.
She must have sensed his gaze on her - something that happened with increasing frequency - and turned onto her side to look back at him. Sunlight entered her eye and turned half the iris that faced the sun a deep amber.
"You're so beautiful, Hermione." He told her softly.
"Hmph." She snorted, and kissed the end of his nose. "I feel like a whale."
He reached out and brushed an errant curl behind her ear. "Every whale everywhere just got more beautiful."
She laughed and slapped his arm. "Prat."
He chuckled as he mock-flinched, and then kissed her. "Guilty." He admitted. He could see love and mirth dance in her eyes, and then all at once, it was replaced with shock.
"What? What is it?" He asked, instantly concerned.
She shook her head, both lips in her teeth, and reached for his hand, to put in on her stomach, just below her navel.
It moved under his hand.
His eyes connected with hers, and he could see his shock and wonder reflected there. His childmoved. His baby kicked his hand. There was a whole human in there. A part of him . A part of both of them. Him and Hermione as one, in one single package.
"There's life in me, Harry." She whispered. Tears streamed from her to wet the sand that clung to their blanket. "Part of you moving around insideme."
He kissed her and wiped away her tears, even as she did the same for him. "Both of us, Hermione. You and me in one person. I never imagined I could be this happy."
"Oh Harry," She whispered, and drew him into her. He happily pressed himself against her and held her as close as possible while they shared their joy and made love again on the beach under the warm sun while the turquoise ocean ebbed and swelled.
Golden Betrayer
By Penelope Clearwater
You know him, everyone knows him. His face has graced the cover of Witch Weekly and Wizard Quarterly for months at a time. Even this esteemed publication has carried his face for weeks running. That's right, it's the Slayer of Slytherin's Basilisk, the Defender against Dementors, the Hero of Hogwarts, Wizard Ronald Bilius Weasley.
His boyish charm and natural enthusiasm won us over, and this reporter is not ashamed to admit she was one of his many fans. Many of you are also fans of his best mate, The Boy Who Lived, and their stalwart female companion Witch Granger. The Golden Trio, leaders of the fight against You Know Who, Saviours of Magical Britain - we owe them everything... Or so Wizard Weasley would have us believe.
This reporter attended a trial hearing at the Ministry this very morning, the trial of one Ronald Bilius Weasley.
We have been lied to, dear readers.
Under Veritaserum, Wizard Weasley testified that not only did all the heroic deeds he accompished during his schooling at Hogwarts actually belong to Witch Granger and Wizard Potter, but so did everything he had claimed to have done prior to and during the Battle of Hogwarts.
Furthermore, when pressed for additional information, Wizard Weasley shocked the entire courtroom by admitting that Wizard Potter and Witch Granger had not retired to the countryside for fear of the spotlight as he had previously - and vociferously - stated. Harry Potter had, in fact, been in a deathly coma for four months after a cowardly attack by a surviving Death Eater.
You read that corrrectly, dear readers. Four Months our saviour languished on the line between life and death. Healers at St. Mungo's admitted that he actually died on one occasion, for almost three minutes before they were able to revive him. St. Mungo's staff also told this reporter that Witch Granger never left his side and worked tirelessly to find a cure for our saviour. She succeeded.
It may come as no surprise to some then, that Witch Granger is now Lady Potter. The entirety of the Prophet staff wish Lord and Lady Potter great happiness in their new lives together.
What does that have to do with the trial of Wizard Weasley, you ask?
Wizard Weasley was arrested for cursing the bride and groom during the wedding . That's right, dear readers. The two bravest souls in Britain - those to whom we owe our very freedom - cursed in the back on what was meant to be their happiest day by the Wizard they called brother.
This reporter was not only shocked and disgusted to learn the facts of the situation, but truly, deeply saddened to learn that Witch Weekly's Best Smile was more fake than a Zonko's Moustache.
The specific charges against Wizard Weasley were not made public, though his sentence was - Mandatory Public Service. What this Public Service will entail was also not made public, but assurances were made that Wizard Weasley will definitely be seen in public again.
This reporter hopes he is seen in public soon, and can't wait to express her feelings to the False Friend, the Base Betrayer, the Lowest of the Low - and hopes you feel the same.
George sighed and folded the paper in half again and set it back on the table.
"I don't know what's worse," Angie said, "The fact that Potter actually killed a Basilisk while we were there and didn't tell anyone, or the fact that Ronald said he did it."
"Neither." George rubbed his brow with two fingers. "The fact that Harry only killed the thing and nearly himself to save Ginny's soul, and she repaid him by trying to steal his life and fortune."
"Merlin." Angie whispered. "Is that true?"
George only nodded. He'd been forced to take a vow not to tell anyone who wasn't family the real details. He fully planned on making Angie family, but he hadn't got around to it yet. He just hoped she was willing after everything his siblings had done came to light. "Harry's a true hero in every sense. Selfless, honourable, humble. He and Hermione deserve their peace and quiet."
Angie shifted from her chair to his lap and kissed his head. "They were awfully cute together. By themselves too. You should have seen Hermione at the spa she took us to the day before the wedding. She was so adorably nervous."
That made him chuckle. "As if she had anything to be nervous about. They've been mental for each other since first year."
"I know! That's what was so adorable." She laughed softly. "Her mum is an absolute treasure too. Took the piss straight out of her. It was brilliant."
George tightened his arms around her and thanked his lucky stars for her again. The half of him that was missing hurt then, more than it had in weeks, and he thought that without Fred, it seemed that the whole family spiraled apart like a broken carousel.
A loud banging came from downstairs, and he looked at the clock. They weren't due to open for another hour.
Angie stood up and he followed, but she looked out the window when he went for the door.
"George honey... that may be a bit of a problem..."
George stopped and went to look out the window next to her. The street below was filled with people, all looking toward the shop.
"Probably all looking for dear brother Ronald." George sighed. "I'd best go deal with it."
"I'm coming too then. I'm not letting any angry mob hex my tall red and lanky."
George laughed. "I love it when you're possessive. Make sure you stay hidden if you can, I don't want anyone hexing my cheeky chaser either."
Angelina winked and smacked her own bottom at him.
"Definitely partial, I must say." George grinned and kissed her before they headed downstairs through the shop to the front doors. Angelina stayed behind the sales counter with her wand out just in case.
"Good morning, everyone!" George greeted the mob, "Glad I raised my stock of Fizzing Whizbangs!" He stood in the door, with one hand on the doorknob and the other on the frame.
"Bring out the other one!" Someone shouted, followed by "Yeah, where's the betrayer?!"
George mock-pouted. "You mean you're not here for my wonderful Wizarding Wheezes?"
"I am!" someone in the crowd said. "I thought there was a sale or something."
"I love your honesty!" George shouted, "For you, I'll open an hour early! Step right up, kind sir!"
A younger wizard in less than stylish robes pushed his way to the fore, and George let him pass into the shop. "Angie! Five percent from this fine young man's purchase - call it an earlybird special!"
Several of the mob near the front looked jealously at the man who walked inside, and looked at each other.
"What about the betrayer!?" Someone near the back called.
"Yeah, where's the back-cursing liar?" A woman's voice demanded.
"Sorry!" George called out over them all. "He doesn't live or work here anymore, as I'm sure you can imagine. He is actually a Guest of The Ministry for the minute, but I can assure you he won't be back in this shop unless he's making purchases!"
"Umm... Could we get a discount too?" The bloke nearest George whispered as he eyed the man in the store gleefully examining the wares.
"Oh alright, go on then, ya wee scamp!" George laughed as he let the man in.
"Hey, why are they going inside?!" Someone shouted from the back.
"There's an earlybird special on, didn't you know?" George shouted back, "Five percent from your purchases for getting the worm!"
"What? Really?" Someone asked.
"Let me in too!" Someone else called.
"What about the Betrayer?!" Someone else shouted angrily.
"No discount for Betrayers!" George shouted back.
Several people laughed.
"Let me in too! My son's birthday is coming up!" Someone else called.
"Alrighty!" George called to the crowd, "Step right up and enjoy Wizarding Wheezes first ever Earlybird Special! Don't crowd, plenty of fun and laughs for everyone!"
Angelina kept one eye on the customers while she watched George work the crowd, and she wondered not for the first time how two boys born in the same house a mere two years apart could be so utterly different. Ronald would have locked all the doors and hidden in a corner or flooed to his Mum and Dad's. George... George had simultaneously turned an angry mob out for blood into paying customers, and made her want to shag him blind.
She decided then and there that she would have him. If he hadn't asked her by Christmas, she'd take matters into her own hands.
He didn't get it.
He hadn't done anything wrong! Sure, he'd hexed a couple of wankers with some harmless prank spells, but that was nothing! People did that all the time! It was a righteous spot of revenge on those who had wronged him!
Ron began to think people just plain had it in for him, even his own bloody family. Bill took him to the hospital like there was something wrong with him, then his parents went completely mental and turned their backs on him like he was some kind of outcast or something, then his best mate deliberately abandoned him - told him to his face, no less! - and married the witch he had dibs on. The world was bloody mad.
Maybe it was just as well they'd chucked him in a holding cell and buggered off. He wasn't sure he wanted any part of the madness that ran rampant out there. Nobody played by the bloody rules. Even Neville The Squib had started to act like he had a pair, and he'd thought that was a laugh, but then Longbottom went and made nice with slimy fucking snakes! Like they were regular people! Fucking madness.
He sighed. He missed his Playwizard posters on the walls. His Witch of the Month collection kept a smile on his face, but that was gone now. He wouldn't be surprised if his mental family had thrown them in the bin. Bloody waste, that. He looked around the cell again, since that was all there was to see. It wasn't a terrible cell, really. It was nearly the size of his room at the Burrow, but had a shower and a toilet and everything in it! It was two strides away, but he reckoned he could hit it from the bed. He hadn't managed it last night, he'd run out of wee before he'd got his aim right.
It was a bit like a hotel, really. One he couldn't leave. They brought him food, and that was the best part. He could happily amuse himself between meals as long as the food kept coming.
He found himself excited by the sound of footsteps as they approached. Maybe his stupid, useless family had decided to get him out of there finally!
Instead, a Ministry Auror turned up. It was a witch - a fairly pretty one, at that - but the expression on her face made a put-out Lavender Brown look positively joyful.
"On your feet, shitbag." She ordered.
"Get stuffed, bint." He replied.
That made her smile, and that was somehow worse.
She tapped her wand on the wall next to the glass, and part of the glass disappeared in the shape of a door. She stood in the doorway and flicked her wand at him. he recognized the bright red stunner as it crossed the room, but she was too close and recognize it was all he had time to do.
He woke later to find he was outdoors. On his left was the edge of a forest, on his right was a once-green meadow that led to a lake. The grass was withered and brown as the cold months descended.
"Good morning, sunshine." The auror witch smiled at him, "Ready to get to work?"
He smiled Roguish Smile Number Three at her - his go-to 'I'll be naughty if you will' smile.
"Alright, get yer kit off then." He winked at her. He was so smooth he impressed himself. Guaranteed to be dripping with birds in no time, starting with the uppity Ministry Goon.
She smiled at him and offered him a hand up, so he took it. She stood close to him, ran her hand over his chest up to his shoulder... then planted her knee in his WizardEggs.
He dropped like a stone to his knees and then his side as his hands went to his precious jewels and he struggled for breath.
"Oi, oi!" A voice called from somewhere, "We need that! Don't make 'im useless to us after all the bloody prepwork!"
Ronald's eyes were squeezed shut, but he heard the vicious bitch shout back "He doesn't need bollocks - unless you were planning to breed him?"
Laughter floated back from wherever the other voice was. It sounded more toward his left, closer to the forest.
It was a long, long moment until his Happy Boys started to feel normal again, and he was able to move around. He got up on all fours and breathed deeply as things began to stop screaming at him.
"Well, ready to try that again, criminal? I will happily pancake your little squishies all fucking day if you like, or are you ready to get to work?" The horrid slag stood over him, hands on hips, with her wand poking out of one hand. He wanted to lunge for it and get it away from her, but the look in her eyes said she wanted him to try. So he didn't.
"Wot'm'I doin then?" He grumbled sullenly. As soon as he got her wand away from her, he'd hex her so bad she'd have slugs coming out her arse too.
She went to a pile of boxes and gear that was behind her and pulled a vest out of it. It was a brain-melting yellow-green colour with equally eye-watering orange stripes on it. She threw it at him, and he caught it.
"Get that on. Then go talk to Professor Farnslowe over there." She pointed at the man in tattered brown robes who wore a strange sort of rounded hat, like a bowler but with a large brim on the front and back, and khaki in colour.
"That's it?" He raised an eyebrow.
She frowned at him and her wand got twitchy. "Of course that's not it, you fucking idiot. You're a fucking criminal. You were sentenced to Public Service. This is your Public Service. Go do whatever you're told to do or you'll be made to do whatever you're told to do!"
She pointed her wand at him and flicked it toward the Professor twice.
Criminal?
He wasn't a fucking criminal. It was he who'd been wronged! He was the good guy! He was a Merlindamned hero! He felt his lip curl in disgust at the Ministry Hag's accusation.
Fine. He saw how it was. The Ministry hadn't been purged at all, it was still filled with slimy snakes and Voldemort lickspittles. Fine. He would let them have their paltry revenge for now. He would find a way to get free soon, and then he was history. If Britain was run by snakes and Death Eaters, then he would leave and let everyone stew in the slime they'd created. They owed him everything, and they'd come around when he wasn't there to fight evil for them. They'd beg him to come back.
He looked back into the Servant Of Evil's eyes with cold steel determination. "Fine. I'll get back to you."
She snorted at him. "MOVE!" she bellowed, and hit his arse with a stinger. Her stinger was nothing like his mother's, either. It filled his whole backside with raw pain and made him grab his cheeks as he ran forward to get away from her. He had to pause to wipe a tear away before he got to the dotty old man in scruffy brown robes.
"Right!" The old wizard clapped his hands together with a smile when Ron arrived at his location. "Your job is simple, Mister Weasel, just -"
"It's Weasley."
He stopped and blinked. "Is it? Right then, your job is simple, Mister Weaselly. Just walk that direction, between those two trees there. When you get to the large hollow basin, you'll want to turn around and come back. When you do come back, just make sure you come back between those two trees. There are nets among all the other trees, and the only way out is between those two trees there, understand?"
"That's stupid. Walk to the hollow basin then come back between those trees. Why would you even bother with nets anywhere else? Whole bloody world has gone mental." Ron grumbled petulantly as he rubbed his bottom.
"Pay it no mind, just follow instructions and you'll be fine. You should be grateful, Mister Weaselly! The work you're assisting with here today will not only protect children, it will further research andmake us all a lot of money!"
Money!? That was something he could definitely get behind.
"Alright," He smiled, "Should I just go now then?"
"By all means, Mister Weaselly!" The old fellow grinned back at him, and Ron walked toward the forest trying not to snicker too loudly. The Professor's hat made his head look like a bellend.
As Ron walked into the forest between the gnarled, ancient trees sunlight became more scarce and a definite chill filled the air; a sort of clinging dampness that collected on him and made the day colder than it was.
A strange sense of familiarity stole over him as he walked as well, as though he recognized the place he was in even though he didn't. The way the ground rolled, humped over barely-buried roots did remind him of the Forbidden Forest back at school, and he suppressed a shiver. He was glad he would never be anywhere near that place again. Too many nightmares there, entirely too real.
He walked on, the forest got slowly colder and darker as he went, and Ron could feel his insides wind tighter and tighter. Over a tree-root hump in the ground, the forest floor gradually descended into a huge open bowl with a sandy floor. It was scrupulously clean. Ron thought that was a bit odd.
Then he saw the clouds.
Just next to him, against the base of one of the ancient black trees, was a soft cloud of whiteness that glittered with collected dew. It looked like a tired cloud had descended to rest against the tree for a quick kip. There was another one across the bowl between three or four trees at head height. It struck him as amusing, as he'd never seen clouds do that before.
The clouds got more and more frequent as his eyes tracked upward, and when the great, gnarled boles of the ancient trees gave way to the spread of branches and leaves, he saw that the entire canopy was one enormous white cloud.
A memory flashed across his bemusement like a knife across his skin. He'd seen that before. In fact, the whole thing - the dusty bowl of dirt, the ancient trees and lumpy ground... He'd been there before.
"Nonononononononono..." A steady litany sprung forth from his lips unbidden, and he backed up slowly to leave.
A gravelly, dusty, hungry voice echoed around the bowl and disappeared into the canopy cloud. "Do not let it escape!"
He knew that voice. Knew what made it.
He backed up the slope, back the way he came, but he didn't turn his eyes away from the canopy quickly enough. The cloud erupted with enormous brown, hairy monsters. Eight million legs, eight million eyes, round, hairy bodies the size of wardrobes boiled out of the cloud and exploded toward him.
"NONONONONONONO..." He screamed as he ran. He paid no attention to where his feet took him, he had no faculty with which to determine a course or decide on an action or do anything but run for his life.
It was sheer luck that he spun exactly one hundred-eighty degrees and ran back just the way he'd come. He saw the Professor ahead of him as the shadows gave way to more and more light. He beckoned Ron forward, directing him toward the exit. Ron ran past the man without slowing, and was nearly deafened by an enormous CLANG as he did. Ron cried harder and ran harder toward the castle he knew lay just over the hill beyond the lake, but something hit him in the back, and he felt the dead brown grass scrape along his face before he lost consciousness completely.
He woke back in his cell.
He was on the floor, the cool stone rough against his cheek. The drain in the floor was directly underneath him, and he stank of urine.
Dirty Ministry snakes had peed on him! Bastards! His arsecheeks were tender, too. What had they done to him?
Footsteps heralded the arrival of another person at his cell, and he sat up, gingerly. The footsteps belonged to an Auror, but at least she was a fairly pretty Auror -
Then he remembered.
"Dinnertime!" She said with a smile and slid a food-laden tray through a small hole in the glass at the floor. She tapped her wand on the wall and the hole disappeared and left him with food.
Ron was torn between the urge to grab the food and scarf it immediately, and the abject terror that gripped him.
"Nice work today, Bait. A haul like that every few days and you might be free by Christmas!" She grinned at him.
Only three of her words actually penetrated his brain. Every few days.
"Fuck that!" He told her in no uncertain terms. "I am NEVER doing that again!"
She laughed. It was a nice laugh, too. Warm, sparkling, and genuine.
"Ohhh..." She said when her mirth subsided, "This morning I was so pissed off I drew the short straw, but now I'm happy I did. You're an absolute riot, criminal! Talking like you have a choice. Priceless! I think I'm going to be sad when you finally clear the forest of those Acromantulae. When you go free I won't get to listen to your stupid or crush your grapes or hex you with abandon anymore!" She chuckled again.
"Fucking Slytherin, you're all the same." Ron muttered darkly.
She laughed again. "I was a Hufflepuff." She laughed some more. "I didn't believe them when they said you blame everything on Slytherins. Merlin's pants, you're hilarious!"
"Just fuck off." Ron pouted.
She laughed again. "You still don't get it, do you?"
"Get what?"
"This." She gestured around him at his cell. "You're a criminal , Bait. This is prison for you. You have no rights, you have no choice. If I wanted to make some money by charging people to hex you, I'd get rich, and it would be completely legal."
Ron backed up until he was against the wall, as far away from her as he could get. "Go 'way." He spat in a small voice.
"You should be thankful I take my duties seriously, Bait. Most of my job while I'm your minder is to keep other witches and wizards from killing you."
"Hah!" Ron scoffed. "Why would -"
She held a newspaper against the glass, then opened the food hole in the glass again and slid it through for him to read.
"You're the most hated person in Britain, Bait. A huge mob showed up at your brother's shop yesterday looking for your blood."
Ron read the front page and frowned as he felt his ears heat up. Fucking Newspaper arseholes. Must take orders from the Ministry snakes. Ron threw the paper against the glass after he finished the article and leaned against back, arms crossed, to scowl at her.
"I imagine there are some people that are angry with you over cursing their saviour, but the vast majority are howling for your head because of the lies you spread. I'd never seen witches so universally pissed off, not even at Lockhart after the truth about him came out. Good thing you're stuck in there until I come get you, hey?"
Ron just glowered at her.
She chuckled at his reaction. "Be happy it will take a few days to render all the ones you pulled this morning. You earned yourself a break until they're ready for more. See you Thursday, Bait." She turned on her heel and strode back the way she'd come with a grin on her face.
"Bitch." Ron sulked.
Ron woke up angry.
He'd fallen asleep angry too, but that was yesterday. It was far more important that he was angry in the moment rather than the past. He'd been so bored yesterday too, but that was less important than the fact that they didn't give him enough food. Yes it was enough to keep his belly from complaining until just before the next meal, but it wasn't as much as he wanted , and that was the crux of his anger. That, and Slimy Ministry Snake Bitch had promised that he would have a date with those... he shuddered... those thingsagain that day.
Eightmillioneyesandlegsclackingfangssinkintohisflesh
He shuddered against the flashing memories of that utter nightmare and pulled the covers up around his neck.
Never again. Never. No fucking way, no fucking how. Not Ever.
He ran through several ways to get Bitch's wand away from her, but when the door to his cell opened less than a minute later, he still had the covers up to his neck and a surprised expression on his face as he watched her scarlet stunbolt speed directly at his face.
He woke up outside again, but it was grey and cold and miserable. The grass he lay on had soaked through his clothing and pressed a chill through his skin, even through the stupidly garish vest that he'd worn into the... the last time. He groaned and rolled over to look up at the sky, but instead shewas there.
"Morning, Bait! Ready to get to work?" She asked with a cheery smile.
"Fuck you." Ron glared death at her, but it only seemed to make her laugh.
"Well, that's alright, I have one word for you that's guaranteed to get you ready to work." She began to swish her wand through the air in a complicated pattern.
"What? Sex? Food? Money?"
"Compulso." An electric blue bolt shot from her wand and hit him square in the chest. He was filled with the sudden need to bring a lot of Acromantulae back to her. "Merlin's pants you're stupid." She laughed again.
He hopped up off the ground and strode purposefully toward the nest of horrors while he screamed inside his mind. A certain fearful part of him watched everything around him as he walked, scanned the canopy, watched for movement between the trees. It was this part of him that noticed the ground was different as it sloped downward into the dustbowl of death. Unfortunately, the screaming, blubbering, crying for his Mummy part of his mind was far too loud for the bit of him in control of his body to hear the warning.
As a result, his first step down into the Nest was unexpectedly squishy, and that claimed his full, undivided attention. His trainer had sunk half its height downward beneath a blanket of freshly scattered leaves. He shifted his weight backward and tried to pick up his foot, but when he lifted his leg, white gooey strings clung to his trainer. Even when he jerked that leg backward and braced his foot on the ground, the sticky mess would not let go.
"It's web !" the small, hyperactive part of his mind screamed at him. "They laid a trap for you!"
Reluctantly, he looked up.
They were halfway down the trees.
Low rumbles shook the ground around him, and he saw more peek over hillocks and over fallen trees while the rumbling increased. Thousands of hairy legs pounded into the dirt as they scrambled toward him from the sides as well.
He slipped his foot out of the trainer and ran for the exit with every ounce of frenzy his body could muster. The thumping rumble approached him from the sides as he ran, and he could see out of the corners of his vision that they gained ground. They slowly closed the distance between them, and he realized they were just plain faster than he was. He felt something hairy brush his calf muscle, and he flicked a glance behind him to see several of the larger ones leapt at him in turns as they tried to knock his legs.
His vision went wavy as he faced forward again and ran even harder as he cried. He didn't even notice the Professor as he ran, not until he was practically on top of the man. He felt a scrape down his calf muscle, a sharp, hot line of pain through the meat of it and he stumbled to the ground after a single bobbled step.
A horrendous CLANG sounded, and a hundred captive legs and fangs scrabbled to get at him, but they couldn't. There were so many of them that pushed against their unseen prison, that Ron could make out where the bars were even though he couldn't see them.
He scrambled backward on his hands and feet until another pair of hands caught him.
"Don't move." She commanded. "Drink this right now or you're going to die, you've been envenomated."
He couldn't see her through the tears, but he knew her voice. She probably wanted to keep him alive so she could make him do this again. He hesitated, unsure whether it would be better to die than face it again. The pain in his calf started to get worse and shoot upward through the rest of his leg, and that decided for him. He quaffed the bottle she pushed into his hand. It tasted of sweatsocks soaked in boil creme.
"Good work today, criminal." She said, and stunned him again.
He woke back in his cell.
He had a long white bandage wrapped around his left calf, and she sat in a comfortable chair just outside.
"The fuck do you want?" He sulked.
"I'm your minder , stupid. I'm doing my job. Any of the witches you've lied to could trip along here and slip you a killing curse."
Tears gathered in his eyes. It was all wrong . He was a Hero. Everyone was supposed to look up to him. He was supposed to have fun and get the girls and not have to worry about money ever, but nothing was at all how it was supposed to be. "Why do you hate me so much?"
She stared at him for a moment, then shook her head. "Fucking answers itself." She sighed, then looked at him. "What's my name?"
He frowned at her. "How the fuck should I know what your name is?"
She frowned back at him. "No, of course you wouldn't know my name. You didn't recognize my face either. How about my tits, would you recognize those? No? Maybe my pussy then, would you recognize that?"
"I'll give it a red-hot crack." He winked at her. Smooth with a capital S.
She snorted and stood up, then vanished the chair she'd been sitting in. "I can't wait until your Public Service is over, criminal. I'm going to follow you around just to see how you get yourself killed. See you Friday." She retreated out of sight down the hall.
He hoped they decided to feed him more now he was injured.
There was no flash, no lightshow, no sparking of magic energies. The runes around the stone doorframe simply activated and showed within the frame a green meadow rather than the other half of the workroom. Harry had seen it before, he'd been present when Gwen and Hermione had activated it the first time, and through all the safety testing since.
"It seems..." Luna said with her head cocked slightly to one side, "Anticlimactic."
"That's the best part!" Hermione beamed proudly. "No wasted energy at all."
Luna looked from the active portal to Hermione with a smile and burst out laughing.
"What?" Hermione frowned indignantly.
"I'm sorry Hermione," Luna giggled, "That was just such a you thing to say it made me laugh."
"She's got you there, partner." Gwen agreed. "Quintessential Hermioneism that was."
"Oh shut it, the both of you." Hermione grumped with a grin.
That just made them both laugh.
Harry stood behind Hermione and wrapped his arms around her and kissed the back of her head. "Well I like your devotion to efficiency, even if it goes underappreciated."
"Kissarse." Gwen grinned at him.
"It's a fantastic arse." Harry shot back.
I was a bit jealous of it in a bikini, I'll admit." Luna smiled sweetly.
"Can we stop discussing my arse please?" Hermione's cheeks threatened pink.
Harry pulled her backward into him by her hips slightly, and he was rewarded with both a small smile and a swat to the side of his thigh.
"Alright." Luna relented. "We'll save making you blush for Girl's Night. So, where is this we're looking at? Can I go through?"
Gwen chuckled and let the conversation turn, though the look she directed at Hermione said there would definitely be more blushing in her future. "You can go through, it should be safe enough, but I wouldn't recommend it. It's one-way still."
"You'd be stuck in Australia." Hermione agreed. "That's the meadow where we got married. We used it because we own it and we know nobody would be there, it's miles from anything."
"Hard to believe that was three months ago. Neville still has his piece of the cake in the stasis cabinet, you know. I think he's secretly keeping it as a souvenir."
"That's not a bad idea, actually." Harry brightened. We could have a glass stasis cabinet with a piece from every significant marriage, like yours and Neville's, and yours and Rynard's." He turned from Luna to Gwen with an enthusiastic grin.
Hermione patted his arms with fast, happy taps when Gwen flushed and cleared her throat.
"Well. We'll see." Gwen replied with a soft smile.
"He adores you." Luna agreed with a nod at Harry. "It's probably too soon, but the spark is there."
"Yes, I -" Gwen started, then stopped and blushed even harder.
"Mental note." Hermione grinned. "We're talking about that on Girl's Night too." Luna beamed back at her and heartily agreed.
Gwen cleared her throat and gestured toward the portal. "ANYway... Yes the portal works, but unless it connects to another portalframe, the journey is one way." She wrenched the conversation back on topic. "Though it's faster and FAR more comfortable than a Portkey. I suppose we could rig a reverse destination recall button or something, like a portkey that only recognizes the place it came from."
"Oh!" Hermione's eyes widened. "We could have the Return Key automatically bond itself to the portal as it went through, that way it would only be valid for one activation, and only return to its point of origin!"
"You could even have almost all the essential runework added to the backside of the frame so that the return key could be something small, something with only the recall rune on it. Something that would fit in a pocket." Luna added,
"Yes!" Hermione pointed at Luna, "Yes, that! You're brilliant, Luna."
Gwen's eyes lit up as she thought the additions through. "We could have a recall offered for rent at the portal for an additional charge, or sell permanent recalls for even more."
"We're thinking of a business model now?" Harry asked with an eyebrow raised at Gwen.
She shrugged. "I've been batting it around in the back of my mind. I mean, of course we'll have them installed in our homes, it's too bloody convenient not to, but... if we had offices in Diagon and Salem, for example, nobody would have to wait for days to schedule a Ministry Portkey, nobody would get the wrong Portkey and end up somewhere they didn't want to be, and nobody at the Ministry could just shut off your escape route."
"I have to admit I was thinking we could license it to the DMLE for Auror response." Harry said. "It isn't Apparation or Portkey, so nobody could Ward against it."
"If Auror reponse times were in the seconds, it could significantly reduce crime rates." Hermione muttered as she thought it through. "If we licensed it to every DMLE..."
"No reason why you couldn't do both those things," Luna said, "Licensing to the Ministry would give you the galleons needed to open offices and hire people."
"There would need to be protections." Harry and Hermione said simultaneously. Gwen and Luna laughed while Harry and Hermione shared a warm glance at each other.
"As well as protections, you'd need to find a way to target specific places. In the case of the public ones you could just offer set destinations, but the Auror ones would have to co-ordinate on the fly -"
"Oh!" Hermione exclaimed, "Yes! Coordinates! Muggles actually have a system for locating any spot on earth already, we could just have an operator there to input the right coordinates!"
"We could even demand they be muggleborn or something just to thumb our noses at the purebloods." Harry added with an evil smirk.
"It'll be another chunk of work to make it work with input coordinates..." Gwen paced back and forth as she thought about it, "Really, we could just slip that in as a destination variable after the Corollary Contraction Array... Have to adjust the Phase Arrays to ensure stability before the destination is set..."
"We could include protections built into the arrays themselves. Anyone who managed to peek would be lost for months looking for how to disarm them. We could work that all into the same package and leave the destination for last. It'll take... maybe another year of work, but once we finish..." Hermione nodded and joined Gwen as they paced back and forth in front of the doorway to the green meadow.
"I like that!" Gwen agreed. "Yes, more work, but once we do finish, we could simply stamp what's necessary on new units. We could set things up -"
"Oh!" Hermione exclaimed again. She had stopped pacing and stood in front of the portal as she turned to Harry, eyes wide.
"Another brainwiave?" Luna asked with a grin.
Hermione shook her head, and her expression said she waited for something. After a moment, her eyes squeezed shut and one hand went to her stomach as the other curled into a fist. "Oh!" She exclaimed again. "Fuck, I'm having a baby."
"Yee!" Luna squealed delightedly.
"You what?!" Gwen paled.
"Luna, if you would please levitate my wife to the birthing pool? I need to go get Mum and Dad. I'll be back as quickly as possible." Harry moved brusquely toward the portal, and gripped Gwen by her shoulders. "Please look after her while I'm gone." Gwen could see the rush of a hundred emotions blaze in his eyes, and her spine went rigid with the enormity of the trust he placed in her. She managed to nod, and then he was gone as he gathered Hermione in his arms. "You know where the potions are, you know what to do. I'll be back with Mum and Dad and the Healer as soon as I can. I love you."
"I love you." She replied with a soft kiss. "I'll try to wait for you, but..."
He chuckled and kissed her again, then hugged Luna and kissed her forehead. "Thanks Luna." He whispered, then he was gone through the portal. Gwen watched him take two steps through the grassy meadow, then Disapparate.
Hermione rotated casually in the air into a reclined position as Luna waved her wand at her, and then floated along behind Luna as she walked toward the stairs out of the attic workroom.
"You're really having a baby? Right now?" Gwen asked incredulously as she followed.
Hermione turned a smile on her. "Yes, really. I actually meant to tell you weeks ago, but always got distracted by the progress we were making. Sorry."
"We're going to be Aunties!" Luna grinned beatifically.
"You've been pregnant this whole time..." Gwen whispered, "Morgana's tits! No wonder you let me pose as you at the wedding! That's why you couldn't lie on your stomach at the spa! Stomach troubles!"
"Feeling like a bloated coOOOWH! Please hurry Luna. Sweet Merlin that hurts."
Luna led Hermione and Gwen through the third floor corridors to a nondescript door next to the Master Bedroom. Hermione silently cast something at the door, and it swung inward to reveal a comfortable lounge with bookshelves, games, and a large open area with a plush rug. There was another door on the far side of the room, and Luna opened that as well. That room was a warm beige and lavender motif, and the smell of flowers and mint and parchment floated out of it. There was a large pool set into the floor of that room, and Gwen recognized the Jacuzzi effect from their times at the spa.
Hermione flicked her wand at a cabinet set into one wall, and two potion bottles floated out to her waiting hand. She quaffed both instantly.
"Aahh..." She breathed, as she clearly relaxed. "So much better. I love magic." Hermione smiled and hugged Luna. "Thanks Luna." Then she hugged Gwen. "Thanks Gwen. I'm just going to get undressed and relax in the pool, please send Harry and Mum in when they arrive?"
Luna pouted. "You mean I don't get to watch?"
Hermione frowned. "I love you Luna, I truly do, but I'm not keen on you seeing me naked at the best of times, let alone when I look like I've eaten an entire whale and things are coming out of me. It's bad enough my Mum is going to see it."
She waved her wand over herself and her glamour dropped. Hermione wasn't kidding, she was huge. Gwen's back twinged just looking at her.
"Alright, fine." Luna rolled her eyes and made a huff, but she smiled back at Hermione and hugged her again. "We're just outside if you need us."
"Thank you both, really. I couldn't ask for better friends." She grinned back.
"Even with so many people it's so peaceful." She looked up into his warm brown eyes, and saw her own happiness reflected back at her. "I'm so glad we decided to stay." She rested her head on his shoulder and marveled at the way the deep orange sunset relfected off the wet sand; the way it turned the white tips of crashing waves to peach.
"I agree." He smiled a contented little smile. "I love the way the sunset turns your highlights copper. I love the sound of the ocean. I love the way..." He trailed off, and he was lost in thought when she gazed at him again.
"You love the way?" She prodded softly.
He turned to look at her out of his reverie, and kissed her forehead. He didn't answer, he just smiled at her and held her to him a little tighter.
That meant he thought about something that couldn't be, and he didn't want to talk about it because it would needlessly upset one or both of them. That meant he probably thought about having another child.
She had to agree, though it stung her insides. She could imagine another frizzy-haired little girl running up and down the beach and splashing happily in the surf. It was a beautiful dream, and the fact that he didn't discuss it meant he didn't want to risk her own health to make it happen, and she loved him even more for it.
He stopped and turned to face her, his eyes brimming. "I love my life." He told her, and kissed her thoroughly.
She wrapped her arms around him and held him close, and told him through the kiss that she rather enjoyed her life as well. She ended the kiss when she thought he got the message, and pulled back to smile at him. He had gotten softer, rounder, he had more lines in his face and less hair than when they'd married, but he was still Malcolm. He was still the bright, handsome young man who'd imperceptibly become indispensable all those years ago.
She opened her mouth to tell him she would if she could, but no sound came out. He knew that already. Even without the discussions they'd already had on the subject, he knew. She closed her mouth again and told him with her eyes instead, but something dark and fast-moving caught both their attentions from the corners of their visions.
They turned to look at what it was, and saw something very odd. There was a man running on the beach, but that wasn't the odd part. He was dressed, head to toe. Oxfords, grey slacks, and a red button-down, and he ran flat out across the sand toward them. It was February, the middle of summer. It had to be thirty-five degrees out.
They watched him approach, then their grips on each other clenched at the same moment.
"Is that-" Malcolm began,
"Harry?" She finished. She saw that despite his athletics, none of the other people on the beach seemed to notice him at all. He had his wand in his hand, and flicked it at them as he approached.
"Sorry!" He shouted when he was within earshot, and the second he reached them, they were horribly squeezed, and stood in Harry and Hermione's living room. "It's time!" He panted, "She's in the... pool at... the manor!"
He grabbed a handful of dust from the urn on the mantel and flicked his wand at the fireplace, where it burst to life with flame, then cast the fistful of powder into the flames. "Potter House, Dorset!" He shouted at the suddenly green flames.
Malcolm paused to hug Harry briefly, and she did the same. Her baby was having a baby! Her instant elation was tempered by the thought that she wanted another of her own and didn't feel old enough to be a grandmother. "Thank you Harry. See you there, son." She smiled at him, and took Malcolm's hand in front of the oversized fireplace. They nodded at each other, and stepped into the flames.
It was always disorienting to be shunted through so many different magical pathways, but despite the roiling in her stomach, she stepped out next to Malcolm into the Great Room at Potter Manor. Cassi waited patiently for them to get their bearings again, the absolute dear.
"Good Even- morning? Good morning Cassi. Lovely to see you again." She smiled at the elf.
"Good Morning, Missus Eleanor, Mister Malcolm. Mistress Hermione is waiting for you, Missus." Cassi began to walk at a brisk pace through the hallways and up two flights of stairs. They knew where the pool room was, Harry and Hermione had shown them, but she appreciated the lead from Cassi. Neither of them had been in the Manor enough to not get lost.
Luna and Gwen were already in the waiting room. Luna looked barely able to contain her excitement, and Gwen just looked half-stunned.
"Yay! Mummy Granger!" Luna hopped off her seat and rushed to hug her. She returned the hug with enthusiasm, happy that Hermione had finally made some real friends. Plus, Luna was just the sweetest girl. She would have loved to have had Luna around when Hermione was growing up.
"And Daddy Granger!" Luna hugged Malcolm as well, and practically bounced around the room afterward.
"I think she's expecting you, Missus Granger." Gwen told her with a deferential smile.
"It's Eleanor, Gwen. Though, I'm also rather fond of Mummy Granger." She winked at Luna before she hugged Gwen.
Gwen smiled back at her and flashed a look at Luna. "Thanks... Mummy Granger." She smiled and blushed slightly.
Malcolm shook Gwen's hand and immediately took up a worried pacing.
"Darling, don't pace the carpet bare. I'll be in and out and let you know." She told him.
He looked back at her with raised eyebrows, then down at the floor and nodded to her as he took a seat and bit his thumb while he bounced his left leg.
She had to smile. It was exactly the same thing before every exam when they'd been in University. She entered the pool room and closed the door behind her.
"Hermione? Honey are you here?"
"Mum! Wow that was quick. In the pool!" Hermione's voice answered.
She walked around the stone wall that faced the door and circled the pool. There were a myriad of plants growing from the stones in the wall, and a small waterfall that trickled down the rock face into the pool on the opposite side. Hermione floated in the pool on her back in a bikini, gently paddling about with her hands, and she had to suppress the urge to stare. She couldn't remember ever being that big when she was pregnant with Hermione, and she had been a large baby.
"Hi mum." Hermione smiled happily at her. "Bikini or one piece?"
"Are you sure I should -"
"Yes mum, it's fine. The pool has enchantments built in for relaxation, comfort, cleanliness, and health."
She smiled back at her. "In that case I'd love to give you a hug. One piece please dear."
Hermione smiled back and took her wand from behind her ear and waved it at her. Her clothes immediately shifted into a stylish one-piece bathing suit.
"How do you feel, honey?" She asked as she descended the steps into the pool with her daughter. It was only waist-deep. Something twinged inside her lower abdomen when she entered the water.
Hermione stood and hugged her, then lay back into the warm water. "I feel fine, mum. The contractions are still a minute or so apart. They've sped up amazingly since I've been in the pool."
"I thought I had caught you in between!" She goggled at how happy and relaxed her daughter was. At a minute apart she had been ready to tear Malcolm apart with her bare hands.
"The first couple of contractions hurt like a - they hurt a lot. Luna floated me here when Harry went to grab you. First thing I did was drink a pain potion, and an elasticity potion. I'm fine, Mum. I just hope Harry and Healer Oswalt get here soon or they're going to miss it."
"The pain potion took away all the pain?" She felt her eyebrows raise.
"Yes, Mum. That's its purpose." She smiled. "I can still feel everything, it just doesn't hurt."
"I want one of those nineteen years ago." She smiled down at Hermione and stroked her hair back from her forehead. "I suppose the elasticity potion makes you stretch better?"
"And prevents tissue rupture and bleeding. Keeps me safe while the baby arrives."
"Magic is wonderful. I'm so jealous now." She grinned. "I love the pool as well."
"Harry and Cassi and Sassi and Massi did a fantastic job. I'm so happy, Mum. I mean, I always knew I loved him, but then after we got married the first time it was like he just...woke up. He's the one who researched everything, from the pool method of birth to the enchantments in the pool to the best potions to use, the best Healers in Britian, everything. He attacked it with such joy, Mum. I was so afraid he'd wake out of his coma and see what I'd done and hate me... but he made all this just for me. For us."
She reached down and touched Hermione's distended belly gently. "Even your father can see how much he loves you, honey. You know how oblivious he can be."
Hermione barked a laugh and wiped her eyes. "I'm so happy to have you and Dad here as well, Mum. Thank you."
"There's nowhere else we would be, Hermione. We love you." She smiled and squeezed her daughter's shoulder. "I should go let your father know you're fine, I'll be back in a moment."
Hermione nodded and went back to paddling around contentedly.
The door to the pool room opened slightly and Mummy Granger stuck her head out and looked at Daddy Granger. He was on his feet in front of her before Luna could blink.
"How is she? What's going on?" He asked worriedly.
"You can relax, Malcolm. She's far better off than I was. She's had potions that ensure she's safe and pain-free. Honestly I think she's mostly bored. Relax, your baby is fine, you'll see her soon." She kissed her husband and went back into the pool room.
Daddy Granger pulled in a deep breath and sighed, but his forehead didn't get any smoother.
"They've had this all planned out since before the wedding in November, you know." Luna told him. "Hermione leaves nothing to chance, and she had to tell Harry that enough was enough, he obsessed about it so hard. You should've seen his face when he left here to get you, he could've worried the wings off a Crumple-horned Snorkack."
Daddy Granger nodded back at her with a smile. "I know, Luna. Thank you for the effort, but I'm not being logical right now. Hermione is my baby girl, and I'm worried, and that's all there is to it. Same as I imagine Xeno will be when it's your turn."
The thought of the smile a grandchild would put on her father's face put one on her own. She missed the bright spark in her father's eyes, though it had returned some since the war ended.
"Well then your logical side has nothing to worry about, and your illogical side is a great Dad." She beamed at him.
He laughed at that and smiled back at her. "Thank you Luna, I -" A loud crack sounded between her and Daddy Granger. Sassi let go of Neville's hand and popped quietly away again.
"Yay Nevvy!" She wrapped him in her arms before he'd had time to recognize where he was, but his arms tightened around her reflexively anyway. He was in his school robes.
"Luna!" He kissed the top of her head. "Gwen... Mister Granger? What's going on?"
"Hey Nev." Gwen waved.
"It's time, Nev. Through that door our Godchild is being born." Luna looked up at him with undisguised glee.
"Oh. Brilliant." Neville grinned. "I can't wait to see Harry's face. How is Hermione doing?"
"She's fine. She's had her prebirth potions and she's in the pool relaxing. We're just waiting on Harry to get here with Healer Oswalt. After that it should only be a few minutes." She smiled up at him.
"A few minutes?" Daddy Granger asked incredulously.
"Birthing Potion induces birth in a safe, controlled way, Mister G." Gwen answered. "Once Hermione drinks it, it'll be a few minutes for it to take effect, then she'll have the baby. It's better for the mother, and better for the Healer, so she can concentrate on one birth at a time. Better for any other mothers the Healer has to look after too."
"That's just..." He took a deep breath and let it out. "Eleanor was in labor with Hermione for three days. She almost died." He looked at the group of young people and smiled. "I love magic."
"Don't worry Granddad Granger, Hermione will be fine. I just can't wait to find out if the baby is magical or not. I hope so." Luna crushed Neville's ribs with anxiety.
"I would be surprised if the opposite weren't true." Gwen snorted. "Harry? and Hermione? In one body? I'll be surprised if the baby doesn't just Apparate out of her and start giving lectures on proper magic use."
Even Daddy Granger laughed at that. She had a point. Luna wiped the corners of her eyes and grinned at Gwen. "I'm so excited! I can't wait -" She was interrupted by another loud CRACK. A middle-aged witch in green Healer's robes with spikily-styled dark blonde hair stood in the room with them then, and she caught a glimpse of Harry as he sprinted through the door to the pool room.
"Oh. Hello everyone. Hermione's family and friends no doubt? This is a lovely room. Where is the mother to be?" The Healer asked pleasantly.
"Just through the door, Madam. Thank you for coming." Mister Granger supplied with a smile.
"Thank you." She opened the door Harry had disappeared through and gasped in surprise. "Oh, this is just wonderful!" She exclaimed as she closed the door behind her.
Daddy Granger took up pacing one end of the room to the other. Neville sat next to Luna as she crushed his hand and practically vibrated with anticipation. Gwen sat forward in her chair and attempted to do Arithmancy as she wrote formulae in the air in front of her, but clearly couldn't concentrate. Luna imagined a gaggle of frizzy-haired babies with bright green eyes that followed her around and yelled "Auntie Luna! Auntie Luna!" She looked up at Neville, and he was also clearly lost in his own imagination as a smile played with his face.
"Uncle Nev." She whispered to him and giggled.
His face split in a huge grin as he beamed at her. "I hope he or she likes plants. That would be brilliant."
"And flying!" Daddy Granger stopped pacing and looked at them with a smile. "I absolutely loveflying."
"Oh really?" Gwen sat forward in her chair and smiled predatorially at Mister Granger. "With a few friends, we might have enough people for Quidditch."
"That sounds like a family tradition in the making." He smiled back.
"As long as you don't have children just to field a quidditch team, Gwen. That's not what they're for." Luna winked at her.
Gwen laughed. "No chance! I get the itch now and again, but professional Quidditch is behind me, thank you very much. As much as I'm looking forward to meeting Potter Junior, I'm fine waiting to meet Jones Junior for a while yet."
"How is Rynard?" Luna asked. "Haven't seen him since the wedding. Yes, we've all been busy, but I would have expected to see him at least once in four months."
Gwen sighed at that. "Complicated. I'm still happy, I think he's still happy, but... I also think he might be a little intimidated. You saw how he nearly fainted after the shenanigans at the wedding. He does love his work, but I also think he's hiding behind it some. I can't really blame him if I'm honest, I was intimidated at first too."
"Well, at least there's an easy fix for that." Luna said, "If he won't come to us, we will just have to go to him."
"You guys would do that for him? For us?" Gwen asked.
"Of course." Luna nodded.
"And now the poor man is doomed. Luna's got her sights on him, so he doesn't have a choice anymore." Neville grinned. "I speak from experience."
"Of course he has a choice!" Luna pouted indignantly, "But really. He's fine with making an uninformed choice about us and he has the temerity to call himself a researcher? He should turn in his knowledge seeker card immediately."
"Ouch! So that's what it looks like when Luna doesn't pull her punch." Gwen cast a wry look at her younger friend. "I think you may have just booted his derierre into gear with that. We'll see how long it takes him to get over his reluctance now."
"I'm back in town week after next. If he hasn't by then, let me know and we'll organize a visitation." Luna smiled sweetly back at Gwen.
Gwen laughed. "I can just see his face if we all barge into his lab at once. He'd throw such a wobbler!"
"All the more reason to join you next time you're here." Neville asserted. "He'll make his girlfriend happy, and preserve his lab. It's two benefits with one action."
Gwen smiled softly. "It's a bit odd to think of myself as a -" She was interrupted by the door to the pool room as it opened and Healer Oswalt stepped through with a huge smile on her face, followed by Mummy Granger as she wiped at her eyes. She went immediately to Daddy Granger and wrapped her arms around him.
"She's fine. They're all fine. Everything is wonderful, Malcolm." She said softly as she shamelessly used his shirt as a tissue. "Just wonderful."
"I didn't really need to be here at all, honestly." Healer Oswalt said happily, "Everything was easy and quick despite the unexpected complication."
"Unexpected complication?" Daddy Granger and Neville asked simultaneously.
The Healer's eyes just sparkled and she laughed softly.
Hermione floated through the door then in a rocking chair that hovered a foot off the floor. She held a bundle of cloth in front of her that showed a tiny pink head dusted with dark hair. She smiled with tears in her eyes as she saw everyone's attention solely on her.
"Everyone," She held the little bundle up to face them so they could all see, "This is our son, Darcy James Potter."
Harry stepped up behind Hermione, a second bundle of cloth in his arms. Tears made glistening tracks down his cheeks and he made no attempt to hide them.
"And this is our daughter," His voice cracked as he held the bundle up for them, "Irene Eleanor Potter."
Their friends and family surrounded them and congratulated them with hugs. Neville volunteered to show Healer Oswalt to the Apparation point, and Harry and Hermione called all the elves while he was out to introduce the new family members to them.
Harry still cried when Neville returned and smiled at the absolute joy Harry and Hermione radiated. Luna wrapped her arms around Neville as they stood together and basked in the beautiful warmth. Neither had imagined their friends could look quite so happy.
"Congratulations, Mister Weaselly!" The Professor clapped him on the back. "Here you are. Thank you for your assistance with this project, you've been invaluable!" The Professor handed him a sheet of parchment. "It's too bad you're not interested in continuing, you know. You've become rather famous in Acromantula-hunting circles."
"Get stuffed." Ron panted in reply.
The Professor laughed. "As you like it, Mister Weaselly." He strode off while Ron sweated and panted with his hands on his knees.
"Congratulations, Bait." The Bitch said casually, "I'll need to get you back to the Ministry so you and your freedom paper can be processed, but then you'll get your wand back and be free to go, most likely."
"Good. Can't wait to be shot of you." He spat.
She laughed. "I'm going to follow you anyway Bait, I already told you that. We have a bet on how long you survive on your own."
"Oh fuck off."
She laughed again. "Come on, criminal, let's get this over with." She put her hand on his shoulder, and then they were at the Ministry. She led him through the corridors to a desk outside a row of cells. Probably where his cell was.
"Hello, Mister Weasley! How unusual to see you conscious! Ah, got your walking papers I see!" The witch behind the desk smiled.
Ron nodded and handed her the parchment. She duplicated it, then stamped both copies. She gave the copy to him, then went into a back room and returned with a small box. She handed him the box. It had his name on it. She produced another piece of parchment and a quill.
"Just sign on the line at the bottom to say you received your belongings, and you're a free man, Mister Weasley."
Ron signed his name on the proper line, and the witch unlocked the box so he could take his wand, his galleons, and three chocolate frogs he'd forgotten about. He ate one immediately with a contented sigh.
True to her word, The Bitch followed him to the entrance of the Ministry where she took out her wand. The second he took one step outside the doors of the Ministry, time started counting up above her wand.
He glared at her. "Hey, that's Weasley!" A shrill voice called out. All up and down the street, people started to flock toward him. He turned around to go back into the Ministry, just in time to see The Bitch close and lock the glass doors, then lean on them as she watched.
Ron pulled his wand and held it at his side. He was hesitant to hex anyone in public with The Bitch watching, she'd undoubtedly just arrest him and chuck him back in that cell to be subjected to some other nightmare. Even so, panic rose in him as dozens of angry people all began to climb the steps to the doors of the Ministry where he was.
Then he spotted her. She was an exotic beauty, dark hair and caramel skin, dusky hazel eyes and full, plump lips that smiled at him over white teeth. Even better was the way her shirt stretched sideways over her chest and her skirt flared out over her hips. She reached him first as she jogged up the steps while he stared, mezmerized by the bounce of her shirt.
"I can get you out of here. Come with me." She said. Her accent was sultry, and spoke of delights that awaited him in her company.
"Alright, let's go!" He replied. It was nice that things had swung back in his favour again.
She pulled a broken toy truck from her purse and held it out to him. "It's a portkey, grab hold and don't let go." She said.
The crowd reached them as he took hold of the toy, and someone's foot connected with his happysacks. The mysterious beauty said something in a foreign language as he crumpled to the concrete, and they were suddenly yanked away and spun through space.
They landed somewhere hot and humid. Ron let go of the truck immediately and grabbed his abused jewels.
"You went all the way to England for that?" A male voice asked.
His rescuer tsked . " That was Acromantula bait for four months. And still alive, obviously. We need that kind of talent, and it didn't cost anything except the Portkey."
Several low whistles sounded around him. He opened one eye and looked around. He seemed to be in a camp of some kind. There were some tents set up around a fire pit, and some enormous nets hung from trees.
"What you mean it didn't cost anything? What if he goes to the police?" Another voice asked. He couldn't see the speaker from where he was on the ground. He felt his wand pulled from his hand.
"Well, not only is he hated in his homeland - so they will never send anyone to look for him, but now he is just another poacher, here by illegal Portkey to poach a protected species. Right now, he belongs to me."
There were worse things, he supposed.
"Okay. That's why you're the brains, I guess." The other voice conceded respectfully. "Alright! Get some sleep you dogs, we hunt at dusk!"
His rescuer crouched next to him then. "You can try to run if you like. There are hundreds of miles of empty jungle in every direction. Hundreds of miles of jungle predators, carnivorous plants, traps set by ambush predators, you get the picture. If you're smart, you'll pick a quiet spot and get some sleep if you can. You have a busy night ahead of you."
"Alright sweets. Bit odd for a date, but I'm game. You're worth it." Ron let go of his poor crushed tenders and smacked her behind. It was nice and firm.
She looked stunned for a second, and then burst into laughter as she stood up. "You're everything the stories say." She walked away, and he heard a voice growl to his other side. He turned just in time to catch sight of the fist that then bid him goodnight.
He woke some time later, utterly uncomfortable. There was a throbbing happening on his face, and the sweltering, stifling, wet heat had only abated half a degree or so with the departure of the sun. Some kind of nasty smell emanated from somewhere nearby.
"Time to work, Bait." The growly voice told him. Ron grumbled sullenly and swore to himself they'd see what was what when he had his wand back. Bloody hamfisted monkey. He rose anyway, and after months of being prodded and tortured almost daily by The Bitch, he angrily assumed his place forward of the group.
They had nets all set up in a funnel pattern, no big metal cage at all, and nothing was Disillusioned. Ron let a small grin stretch his lips. As soon as he brought a wave of horror back to them, these amateurs were as good as dead. He would grab his wand and hex his way out of the stupid jungle straight away.
"First off, I'm not taking a fucking step until I get a bug-repelling charm. Second, you stupid bastards are all dead. You don't even have a cage." He winked at the woman who'd brought him while he ogled her ample bosom. "Never you fear, sweets. I'll look after you."
She snorted back at him while her lip curled in disgust at his obvious leering. "We aren't hunting Acromantula, pendejo. We are after real prey. We hunt Titanomantula. They are solitary. The young ones only come above ground once they're old enough to mate. Guess what season it is, Bait?"
Ron frowned. "What? Summer? Feels like summer. Where the fuck are we anyway?"
The woman slapped her own forehead with the heel of her hand. He liked what it did to her shirt. "It's mating season, pendejo. The Titanos are out looking for a good time. All we need is for you to find one and... keep it busy." She took her wand out of its holster on her thigh and waved it at him. Instantly the mosquitos ignored him, and he relaxed.
"Off you go, Bait." The growly bastard stared hatred at him and practically ground his teeth while he talked. Wanker. Ron flipped him two fingers and a grin in true heroic style as he set out into the jungle.
The farther he went away from camp, the stranger the noises he heard around him. He saw a brightly-coloured centipede as long as his arm catch and behead a small bird and then feed on its corpse. He saw plants shaped like hungry mouths shoot long tongues at insects and drag them in to be chewed and digested. At one point a leopard crossed into his path. Ron stopped and tried desperately not to wee himself while the huge cat approached - only to be skewered and dragged into a leafy stomach by some kind of carnivorous vine pit.
He went nowhere near that.
It took him all of twenty minutes to forget why he tiptoed quietly through the jungle. He got bored and imagined what he'd do to that arsewipe who'd punched him when he got his wand back. He made stylish flourishes as he danced around imagined return spellfire. His spells landed unerringly, and naturally the luscious beauty would swoon and surrender herself to his sheer wizardliness when he was finished.
Behind him, just out of sight - which wasn't that far in the jungle - he heard muffled cries and saw flashes of light from spellfire, but it only lasted a couple of seconds.
"Maybe Honey got tired of Punchy and hexed his stupid arse." He muttered, and went back to looking for Titan... Titan... something. He didn't notice that the jungle went quieter and quieter the more he walked. He didn't notice the lack of birds or mammals or any other life.
He did notice when he entered a clearing and felt the warm sun beating down on him. For some reason it dispelled the dank, humid heat and just made him warm.
"Ah, that's bloody lovely." He sighed.
He also noticed the small house in the center of the clearing. It was a cozy cottage, no vines or overgrowth anywhere, and a thin stream of smoke wisped from the chimneytop.
Smoke meant fire. Fire meant food.
His poor neglected stomach immediately took the reins and walked him up to the door of the cottage. He raised his hand to knock, but the door opened to reveal the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. She could have been Daphne Greengrass's older sister - she was blonde, with full, luscious lips he could immediately imagine wrapped around his cock. She was slim, but the apron she wore revealed the size of her huge, gravity-defying rack. He could even see the skin of those delectable melons out the sides of the apron. It was tied around her waist, and revealed her perfect, grippable hipbones. In short, she was the perfect woman.
"You're finally here." She breathed huskily as her bosom heaved.
"If I'd known you were here, I'd have been here ages ago. Merlin's balls you're hot."
She smiled at him and ran her hand down his chest. "So sweet. Come in, dinner's just finished." She turned and went back to the fireplace, and he definitely noticed that the apron was the only thing she wore.
"Bloody perfect." He whispered, and closed the door behind him.
She served him a bowl of hearty stew, and it was so delicious he had two more. When he was done, when his poor neglected tummy was full and content, he leaned back and patted it. "That was bloody delicious, babe. Is it time for dessert yet?" He raised his eyebrows twice and looked her up and down. Birds loved that.
She stood and pulled the strings of her apron slowly while she smiled hungrily at him. First the one at her waist, then the one at her neck, and the apron dropped to the floor.
She was absolutely perfect.
He stepped into her and pressed himself against her as he grabbed her taut arse with both hands.
"My Hero." She sighed and kisssed him with those soft, full lips, and ground herself against his happywand, which naturally came to attention. She purred as she stroked it, and her hands went to his belt and his pants went to the floor. His hands caressed those fantastic mounds, and as his mouth closed around a pert nipple, Ron dissolved into a puddle of ecstacy. Every desire she fulfilled. Every naughty thought, every fantasy he'd ever had she indulged.
She was perfect, and she belonged to him now.
After hours and hours of the most unbelievable sex he'd ever had, he finally fell asleep between those perfect breasts.
He woke after a long, restful sleep, and felt better than he had in ages. He stretched... or tried to. He was surrounded in warm softness up to his chin, but whatever it was didn't let him move more than an inch or so in any dimension. He opened his eyes, and discovered he wasn't in bed anymore. He wasn't in a cozy cottage, either. He was inside a dark, humid bowl made of something placed between the trees.
His warm, soft covering was stuck to one enormous tree, and he could hear something rustling around in its branches above him. His head wasn't covered, so he craned his neck backward to try to see what it was but it was too far up, hidden by the branches and leaves.
"Babe? Oi, sugartits!"
"Be right down, lover!" Her reply came from above him in the tree, so he relaxed, thankful it was only her and not some horrifying jungle monster. He heard her climb down the side of the tree a few minutes later, but he couldn't see her until she walked around in front of him.
Only it wasn't her.
A hard, black shell scuttled into view on the eight sleek, pointed legs that carried it - but where the eight eyes and horrid clacking mandibles should have been, there was instead more smooth shell that grew upward into a female torso. It wasn't covered in skin exactly, but it wasn't exactly shell either.
It was definitely her though, he'd recognize those perfect tits anywhere. The head above them, however, was an utter horroshow. Bulbous and dotted all the way around with bright red eyes. Noseless, and the jaw distended when she spoke to reveal folded-in fangs and rectractable mandibles. Ron shivered and did his best not to wee himself.
It had two arms, tipped with five-clawed hands, and each claw was a tiny replica of one of the legs. It nuzzled its terrifying head under his jaw as he fought to stop from screaming, and one of those claws fondled his happywand through his covering.
"You were incredible, my love. It was everything I knew it could be." It told him. It was her voice too, but there was a grating sound in the background of it that hadn't been there before - as though the fangs and mandibles rubbed on each other as it spoke. "I'm so happy I tricked those idiots into 'recruiting' you. I just knew I had to have you when I heard about you dominating those horrid Acros, and I was right. You made all that effort worthwhile." It sighed contentedly. Ron closed his eyes and concentrated on not vomiting.
"I'm so glad we get to spend these last moments together, love. You've made me so happy, so fulfilled."
"Yeah, great." Ron squeaked, "Wot yer mean last moments?"
It chuckled, and the sound drove icy spikes up his spine. "My purpose is fulfilled, stud. The last of my strength went into the defense spells for our babies. I only have a moment left."
He did his best to not let the flood of relief show on his face.
The huge horrid spider body pressed itself into him as it settled to the ground, and trapped him against the tree even more than just the soft covering on him did. It fondled his bits for a while, then sighed contentedly again... and then didn't move. The claw fell away from his privates, and the whole thing went completely still.
Several long minutes passed. Ron tried to wiggle away from it, but his covering prevented any significant movement. The might-as-well-be-stone body of the thing trapped him quite effectively as well.
"Get off!" He yelled finally. The thing gave no indication it had heard him at all.
Night fell, but the sounds of the jungle never entered his space, no predators came, no insects annoyed him. He slipped in and out of sleep as parts of him went numb and he was forced to move. Light blossomed again in the canopy and he realized that the enormous, horrid spider thing on top of him was probably dead. He felt a great joy at that, but at the same time, it was still on top of him and still disgusting. His stomach rumbled incessantly, and his mouth was dry. He was uncomfortable and completely fed up with fucking arseholes making him deal with fucking spiders.
Fucking horrid monsters!
His life had been nothing but fucking horrid monsters ever since Harry had married that bossy, stuck up bint. It had to be their fault. Somehow. He was going to hex both of them so fucking hard they'd beg him to be their friend again.
His hunger and thirst escalated as the warmth of the day filtered through the treetops, and Ron cursed his false ex-friends in a near-constant stream as his discomfort grew. Mid-morning, he was distracted from his hatred when he became aware of a new sound above him in the tree. It was like a small, steady vibration that grew into a low hum.
He kept his head tilted back as far as he could to look up the tree, and it had the added bonus that he didn't have to look at the horrifying grotesque that pinned him in place. After a few minutes , as the humming noise slowly grew in volume, a strange sort of copper-coloured ooze crept out of the top of the tree he was pressed against. It moved slowly but steadily downward in a wave toward him. It wasn't until the tide was only a few feet above him that he could see what it was. Thousands of tiny humanoids the size of a sandwich crept toward him. Each of them had four arms and four legs, each tiny arm and leg tipped with tiny sharp-looking black claws.
Every last one of them sported a head of bright red hair and eight blue eyes.