"Did the Queen as you to perform, my Lady?" Eliza asked gathering a few books from the royal library. I assume she's asking because of the letter I received earlier today.
"Yes, after all what's a winter ball without a performance " I reply scanning a book, Eliza nods and continues gathering books, her movements efficient and practiced. "I'll have these sent to your chambers immediately, my Lady."
She pauses for a moment, looking back thoughtfully. "You seem...distracted today. Is everything alright?"
I forces a smile, closing the book I've been pretending to read. "Just thinking about the ball," I lie. "It's a big event and there's so much to prepare."
Eliza doesn't look entirely convinced but nods nonetheless. "Of course, my Lady. I'll leave you to your reading then."
As Eliza exits the library, I let out a slow breath I didn't realize I've been holding. A performance again. Although I dont mind doing the Queen such a favor, It feel as though I am only seen as a show. A simple show to them, who knows if she is aware of the tension between me and Xerxes these past weeks or that he no longer stays the Vila any more.
Regardless It's still my duty to obey even if it feels off. I sigh softly, setting the book aside as I stand up from my chair. The weight of duty and expectations presses heavily upon my shoulders as I make my way back to my chambers.
Upon entering, I find Eliza already there arranging the books she brought earlier. She looks up as I enter, a small smile on her face.
"My Lady, I've taken the liberty of laying out your gown for tonight's performance," she says, gesturing to the elegant green dress draped across the bed.
I nod distractedly, moving to sit at my vanity. "Thank you, Eliza."
'Green?'I think to myself, from whay I was told everyone from royal blood is to wear a shade of blue, so why would the Queen send a green dress? Is she trying to make me feel left out or is this a hidden message.
As Eliza begins to prepare the bathwater for me, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. The woman looking back at me seems calm and collected on the surface, but inside...inside I am losing my mind.
"Eliza how many people will attend tonight's event?" I ask letting the water calm de down Eliza pauses in her preparations, considering the question. "The Queen expects a turnout of nearly 200 guests, my Lady," she replies after a moment. "Noble families from all across the kingdom will be in attendance."
She resumes her task of laying out towels and toiletries beside the bath. "It's quite an honor that the Queen has requested your performance for such a grand event."
"Has Prince Xerxes confirmed his attendance?" I ask casually, trying to keep my voice neutral.
"From my understanding he is still at the Eastern Walls. My brother is in the squad of Captian Levi and informs me that things are looking pretty rough"
Eliza continues preparing me for the evening, brushing out my hair and helping me into my gown. As she fastens the intricate clasps at the back, I catch a glimpse of my reflection and barely recognize myself.
The woman staring back is elegant and poised - a far cry from the girl who arrived at these gates mere months ago. But inside, I feel just as lost and uncertain as ever.
"You look lovely, my Lady," Eliza says softly as she steps back to admire her handiwork.But the more I look at myself in the mirror the more I realize the person who is looking back isnt me. This reflection is someone I have fought to never show, someone weak, fragile.
I am an Ironholder, I come from a lineage of warrior, I must show who I am. "No, I dont like this dress. " I walk to the closet looking over all the dresses I own. Eliza looks taken aback by my sudden outburst, her eyes widening slightly. "My Lady, the Queen herself chose this gown for you," she says gently. "Are you certain you wish to change?"
I ignore her question, scanning the dresses critically. My fingers brush over silks and satins in various shades, but none of them feel right. None of them scream Ironholder.
"There," I say finally, pulling out a dakr blue and gold gown with a plunging neckline and flowing skirt. The skirt detachable on the sides, perfect for tonights performance. The fabric is heavier than the others.
"This one," I declare, holding it up for Eliza to see. "Help me into this."
Eliza hesitates for a moment before nodding slowly. "As you wish, my Lady."
As she helps me into the new gown, I can feel a shift in my posture - a straightening of my spine and a squaring of my shoulders. This dress may not be what the Queen had in mind, but it's what I need to wear tonight.
Looking at myself in the mirror once more, I see a glimmer of recognition in those reflected eyes. This is me - strong, fierce, unyielding.