The silence in Lana's car feels like a third passenger, heavy and demanding, as we speed down the coastal highway. Ten minutes have passed since we fled Morgan's beach house, and neither of us has found the courage to break the fragile quiet that's settled between us. The gun sits wrapped in my jacket on the floor by my feet. It's a deadly reminder of how close we came to tragedy.
I stare out the window, watching moonlight dance across the ocean waves to our right. My reflection in the glass looks like a stranger, hollow-eyed and pale, the ghost of someone I used to know.
"Are you okay?" Lana finally asks, her voice barely audible over the hum of tires on asphalt. Her knuckles are white against the steering wheel, dried blood still crusted around her nostrils.
"No," I answer honestly. "I don't think I am."
Lana nods slowly, turning her attention back to the road. The car swerves slightly as she reaches up to wipe a trickle of blood from her nose.
"I read through your DMs with her," she says, her voice strangely gentle despite her battered face.
My stomach drops. "I didn't know it was her," I whisper, shame washing over me. "I thought it was just a guy. Someone who understood."
"I know," Lana responds, glancing at me briefly before returning her eyes to the dark highway. "It's okay to have someone to vent to. I'm not upset about that."
She pauses, taking a deep breath. "You never told me you had a cuckolding fantasy."
The word hangs in the air between us. Under normal circumstances, I would feel mortified, but my mental fatigue is completely overriding any shame.
"I didn't want you to think I was a freak," I admit, staring at my hands. "And I promised you I wouldn't watch your porn."
Lana's expression softens as she reaches over to touch my arm. "Adam, I would have never cared if I thought you were into it," she says quietly. "I only told you not to watch it because I thought it would hurt you. I didn't mean for you to agonize over it."
I shake my head, running a hand through my hair. "Maybe I'm just not good at communicating. I should have told you how I felt instead of hiding it."
"Adam, it's okay," Lana says, her voice kind. She keeps her eyes on the road, but I can see the emotion in her profile.
"I can't believe the lengths she went through to break us up, though," I say, the realization still hitting me in waves. "I mean, I really thought you cheated on me right in front of me with Leo when I was on set with you, but it was somehow her? Morgan orchestrated all of that?"
Lana's shoulders drop as she exhales deeply, her eyes fixed on the road ahead. "That's... not exactly the whole truth," she admits, her voice barely audible above the car's engine. "Or at least, there's more to it."
"What do you mean?" I turn in my seat to face her, my heart suddenly racing.
She bites her lower lip, wincing slightly as she touches the tender area where Morgan struck her. "The reason I kept going with Leo that day, even after the director called cut... I wanted to hurt you. I felt this burning rage watching you with Morgan during her shoot. Seeing her on top of you..."
"But you encouraged me to do that shoot," I say, confusion washing over me. "You insisted."
Lana nods, a bitter laugh escaping her lips. "I know. I'm a complete moron." She glances at me briefly, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Morgan talked me into it. She made it sound so reasonable, 'it'll help Adam understand your job better.' I didn't realize I'd turn into such a jealous, vindictive bitch afterward."
I process this for a moment, then let out a short, incredulous laugh. The absurdity of our situation hits me all at once, how easily we were both manipulated, how badly we hurt each other without even realizing it.
"So you wanted to hurt me?" I ask, though I already know the answer.
"Yes," she admits, gripping the steering wheel tighter. "But I swear, Adam, it was just acting. I fucking hate Leo. I swear to god I wish I could take it back." She shudders slightly."
I sigh, leaning back against the headrest. "I believe you." The words feel right as they leave my mouth. Despite everything, I do believe her. "What you did was pretty cruel, Lana, but I don't think you're a monster."
My eyes widen as another realization hits me, and I laugh again, a genuine laugh this time. "I guess we both really suck at communicating, huh?"
Lana's lips quirk up into a hesitant smile. "The worst," she agrees.
We fall into silence again, but it's different now, less heavy, more contemplative. The moonlight catches the tears on Lana's cheeks, making them glitter like diamond trails.
Suddenly, Lana's shoulders start shaking, her chest heaving with sobs that seem to come from somewhere deep inside her. The car swerves slightly as her grip on the wheel becomes unsteady.
"I need to…" she chokes out, quickly signaling and pulling onto the side of the highway. The tires crunch over gravel as we come to an abrupt stop.
As soon as the car is in park, she collapses forward against the steering wheel, her whole body convulsing with the force of her crying. I've never seen her break down like this before, not even during our worst fights. It's like a dam has burst inside her.
"Adam," she gasps between sobs, her voice raw and desperate. "I'm so fucking sorry. For everything. For Leo, for not talking to you, for bringing a gun to Morgan's..." Her words dissolve into unintelligible crying.
I sit frozen for a moment, watching her shoulders shake, listening to the ragged sound of her breathing. The moonlight catches on the tears streaming down her face, mingling with the dried blood still crusted around her nose.
"Please," she whispers, turning to face me with swollen, red-rimmed eyes. "Please forgive me. I know I don't deserve it, but I can't lose you again. I just can't."
Her hand reaches for mine across the center console, trembling so badly I can feel the vibration when I take it.
"Lana," I say softly, squeezing her fingers. "Take a deep breath."
She tries, but it catches in her throat, turning into another sob. I unbuckle my seatbelt and lean across the console, pulling her awkwardly against my chest. She buries her face in my shirt, her tears soaking through to my skin.
"I was so stupid," she mumbles against my chest. "I let her get in my head. I let my jealousy poison everything good between us."
I stroke her hair gently, careful to avoid the spots where it's matted with blood from her fight with Morgan. "We both made mistakes," I tell her. "I should have been honest about my feelings instead of talking to a stranger online."
Lana pulls back slightly, her mascara streaked down her cheeks in black rivers. "But you didn't know it was her. I knew exactly what I was doing with Leo that day. I wanted to hurt you."
It all feels so small compared to Morgan. She lashed out over jealousy. At least she didn't drug and rape me.
"I forgive you," I say, surprising myself with how much I mean it. "And I hope you can forgive me too."
She nods frantically, wiping at her face with the back of her hand. "Of course I do. God, Adam, I'd forgive you for anything."
The silence stretches between us, broken only by the soft hum of the engine and Lana's occasional sniffles. I watch as the moonlight traces silver patterns on the dashboard, my mind still reeling from everything that's happened tonight. The weight of Morgan's betrayal sits heavy on my chest, making it hard to breathe.
Lana clears her throat, her voice still raspy from crying. "You know I'm taking us home, right? Back to my place." She glances at me, uncertainty flickering across her face. "Our place."
I shift in my seat, staring out at the dark ocean beyond the highway. Home feels like such a loaded word right now.
"I don't know if I'm ready to just... jump back into our relationship, Lana," I say carefully, watching her expression fall slightly. "But I definitely don't want to be alone tonight."
She nods, understanding in her eyes despite the disappointment I can see there. I reach over and take her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Actually," I say, a thought forming as I glance at the gun wrapped in my jacket by my feet, "would it be okay if we got a hotel instead? Morgan really spooked me tonight. I'm worried she might show up at your place."
"Oh my god, yes," Lana responds immediately, relief washing over her features. "I was thinking the same thing but didn't want to say it. She's creepy as fuck, Adam."
She signals and pulls back onto the highway, her movements more purposeful now that we have a destination. "There's a decent place about fifteen minutes from here."
"Sounds perfect," I say, leaning my head against the cool glass of the window.