"It feels like it's been a long time since we last spoke like this."
"It's been almost two weeks since you disappeared. Your owner was looking around sadly for you, I just couldn't bear to see you."
It wasn't a sound that shook the air, but a mysterious sensation as if the words were penetrating directly into the inside of his skull. Despite this, he could clearly hear the same calm tone of voice as before, and Subaru couldn't help but reply with the indignation he felt deep inside.
The conflict was too deep to be taken seriously; how should I interpret this situation, in which my irritation outweighed my joy at receiving the response I had expected or hoped for?
"It seems that during the two weeks we weren't able to exchange words... you've grown quite angry towards me."
『You know the reason… right? Don't make me tell you.』
"That's right. Before I stopped going out... I think back on what I said to you in front of that blue-haired girl, and it was really insensitive. I've really regretted it."
『...! That's not what I'm talking about!』
It was insensitive of him to dig up something that had already made Subaru forget about the anger he felt. What's more, he brought it up in a completely different situation than what he should have been talking about.
Puck responded to Subaru's rage with a sulky voice, "Don't get so angry..."
"I know. I just wanted to apologize. If we don't clear up any misunderstandings before we get to the main topic, we might not be able to get anywhere near each other. ...I'm already in a position where I have to ask you to do a lot of things for me."
"Oh, I see. If that's enough to satisfy your ego, then let's continue our conversation. It's exactly what you wanted to talk about, the main topic."
Subaru pretended to only superficially accept Puck's apology, and, still glaring at the crystal, urged him to continue.
The transparent gloss reflected Subaru's gaze, giving off a deep green glow on Emilia's chest.
Subaru clicked his tongue,
"Anyway, it's too inconvenient to talk in this situation. First off, come outside. We don't know when Emilia will wake up. Let's go somewhere else..."
"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. That's one of the main issues."
Puck rejected Emilia's suggestion as he looked down at her sleeping face with words of thought. For a moment, Subaru looked as if his nose had been pinched in response, and then,
"It's not a refusal like 'no' or anything like that. What do you mean by 'I can't'?"
"That's exactly what I mean. Currently, I'm outside the crystal stone... in other words, I'm in a state where I can't materialize in the outside world. Otherwise, there's no way I'd leave Lia alone and make her so sad, right?"
『――――』
Puck spoke as if it were the most obvious thing in his mind, and Subaru responded with a silence of thought.
Considering the numerous incidents that had occurred between Subaru and this spirit up until now, it was true that he honestly had doubts about how much credibility there was in his words.
But, putting aside Puck's tendency to fall just short at crucial moments, at his most fundamental level - his existence was for Emilia's sake, and his feelings for her were genuine. On that point alone, she felt there was no need to doubt him.
that's why,
"There must be some circumstances, some reason... you can't come outside."
"That's right. So I was unable to even speak to him telepathically. So it was a stroke of luck that Subaru sensed it and called out to the crystal. Anyone else would not have been able to grab this chance."
"I mean, anyone else..."
"Simply put, Subaru is the only one who would want to get this close to Lia while she's unconscious. And even if he's lucky enough to touch the crystal, whether or not his thoughts can be transmitted is a question of compatibility. I tried it before in the royal capital, and I was able to confirm that a path of telepathic communication could be established between Subaru and me."
『…Come to think of it, that did happen.』
During their second visit to the royal capital, during a secret conversation with Emilia, Subaru and Puck had exchanged telepathic messages just like the one they were having now.
A reenactment of that time―― a secret to Emilia, so it was a reenactment as well.
"So, what should I do?"
『Hmm...?』
"I was waiting for the right timing for someone to talk to me, and then I spoke to you in a divinely-conceived situation. You must have prepared yourself so as not to miss such a rare opportunity. With the short time and limited opportunity, you had the words and hints you needed to convey."
『――――』
There was a meaningful silence at Subaru's words. Subaru could vividly picture the invisible spirit of a small cat sporting an extremely human-like smile.
Puck laughed, unable to hide his joy, just as Subaru had imagined.
"I guess I was right to have high hopes for you. To be honest, I can't help but feel frustrated that I have to leave Lia in the care of someone other than me."
"…If that's the case, I'll tell Emilia what you think."
Subaru lowered his eyes as the words of joy faded and took on a more admirable tone in the latter part of the speech. What he then suggested to him was merely a random idea, and he wasn't sure if it would bring him any comfort. However, after saying it, it did seem like a good idea, in a way.
Emilia had lost sight of Puck, who was her main source of emotional support, and was in a state of uncertainty. Even if she could endure for now, as time passed and she suffered repeated setbacks in the Trials, her body and mind would wear down and her weaknesses would become apparent. If that was the case, it would be better to show her some salvation here and now――
"You'd better not do that. If Lia finds out that my words reached someone else, in the worst case scenario, it could break her heart."
However, just as Subaru was about to continue the conversation in his mind, Puck's subdued voice stopped him. Taking in the meaning of his words, Subaru sighed dryly in reality, "Ha," and then,
"That... what exactly does that mean?"
"That's exactly what I mean. If you convey my words to Lia, then that means that Lia will know that I'm not asleep inside the crystal stone. For Lia, who keeps me from going outside and from coming into contact with anyone, realizing that my mouth isn't blocked is something that could upset her already fragile emotional balance."
『W-wait a minute――!』
Subaru shook his head at Puck's rapid-fire words and called a halt.
With no figure in sight, and only the glittering crystal stone in view, Puck's expression was not visible to Subaru. However, at the very least, his voice did not hint at any intention to trick him,
『Do you even know what you just said? You just said that Emilia is keeping you from going outside.』
『...』
"What do you mean, you've silenced your mouth? Emilia called out to you so much, she was crying and begging you to help her... why did you do this? Not me, not anyone else, Emilia would call out your name when she was exhausted! Why did you...?!"
"…Ah, I see. You're the first one to feel frustrated that Lia doesn't rely on you, Subaru."
『―――!!』
The words seemed to change the point of the argument, and yet the meaning behind those words accurately hit Subaru's core, making his throat close up with an incomprehensible rage.
It was true that he wanted to be number one for Emilia, and that was what he was acting with. But it was also true that right now, he was not able to be number one for Emilia.
It was also true that this being who held the number one place for Emilia, this being who should have had far more power than Subaru, this being who himself declared that Emilia was the number one to him, yet the fact that he was not acting in Emilia's best interest was hateful to an insane extent.
That was why, when he was told that the reason for this fact, the cause, was not him or Puck, but none other than Emilia, there was no way he could believe it.
"So then, what? Are you saying that Emilia's attempts to take on the Trials and breaking down, her suffering alone and worn down, her tearful smile as she recalls her sad past - all of this is just a lie? --There's no way I could believe something like that!"
If those tears, that voice, that wailing, all of those were just an act to deceive everyone around her, then Emilia's acting ability was truly a gift. Rather than aiming for the throne, she should aim to become the greatest actress in the world.
If it was possible to trample over and ignore all the obvious facts, that Emilia had no such talent, nor any reason to deceive Subaru and the others, then it should be so.
"That can't be true… Not only would she continue to lie to deceive those around her, but even the smallest of lies would make her feel so guilty. Emilia is just that kind of girl…"
"Subaru, calm down. I'm not saying anything bad about Lia that's as bad as your worst guesses would suggest. So calm down."
"Worst case scenario...? What do you mean, worst case scenario? Hey, don't peek inside my head! That and this are unrelated. No matter what happens in the future, I'll never treat Emilia like that..."
『--Natsuki Subaru!』
Subaru was in an excited state, his mind stirred up by emotions, when Puck's sharp voice hit him.
Subaru's body trembled for a moment at the strong emotion contained in that brief appeal, and he stopped moving. He turned his gaze timidly to the direction he was heading, but as usual, Koneko was nowhere to be seen, and there was only an inorganic glow quietly standing on Emilia's chest. However,
"Have you calmed down?"
"...You could even make a voice like that? I always thought you were the one who was always absent-mindedly flirting and ignoring the seriousness of the situation."
"I rarely raise my voice though. I do raise my voice when scolding Lia and disobedient children."
"You disobedient brat, huh?"
Subaru let out a small sigh at the merciless words.
The reason he couldn't completely deny Puck's words was because he was aware that there was a problem with his unseemly attitude up until now.
Even though this was the long-awaited moment for their conversation, Subaru had repeatedly lost his composure. How many times had he been scolded by Puck and had been forced to go back on topic?
He felt ashamed of his own inability to control himself. A heart of steel that continued to crave what he could obtain. Was it possible that there was not even a glimmer of that within Subaru?
"Although, to be honest, I'm quite grateful for your presence, being so emotional about Lia. I'm sure you've given Lia quite a bit of strength."
"--picture"
"Up until now, no one has ever delved so deeply into Lia's inner thoughts. Even Roswaal, who brought Lia out of the forest for the royal selection, has not interfered with the deepest parts of Lia's heart. His desires are probably separate from what Lia will do once she becomes king, so this is only natural."
"--Do you know Roswaal's goal?"
"You follow the Gospels, right? In that respect, you may be similar to Betty. A position that is written and a position that is not written. Although it may be better to say that they are similar but different."
Subaru knows the positions of both Roswaal and Beatrice. It seems Puck has known about them in detail for some time. He doesn't think that information has reached Emilia, but it bothers him all the more that he has been keeping it to himself.
However, Subaru had a vague idea of what reply he would get if he questioned that.
『Since it has nothing to do with Emilia, you didn't take the initiative...?』
"As for Betty, I would like to do something if I can. As for Roswaal... he has involved Lia, so I have to do something about it."
『Even though I knew about it, I kept putting it off. That's what I'm paying for.』
"I can't say a word. I feel bad for making you pay the price though."
Regardless of whether he had bad intentions or not, it was the bad side of him that had no intention of prioritizing anyone other than Emilia that had a strong influence. If this opportunistic stance had brought about Emilia's hardships today, then it was too great a mistake to be laughed off as a minor mistake.
"I will crush Roswaal's objectives, so that's fine for now. As for Beatrice... I have no intention of leaving her to you. The only thing I will conspire with you about is Emilia."
"That's fine. For now, I don't have much energy to devote to anything other than Lia. If I put all my energy into something that isn't my first choice and overlook what is most important, then I'll end up losing the cart before the horse."
『Tell me. What do you mean, Emilia isn't trying to let you out? I can't imagine that she's deceiving me or the people around her.』
Although he had spoken out loud in the heat of passion earlier, his thoughts had not changed even to this day. There was no way he could know everything that was going on inside Emilia's mind, but there was no way he could think of her as someone who schemed around those around her and disregarded consideration for others.
In response to Subaru's thoughts, Puck telepathically conveyed the sensation of a sigh of relief,
"It's hard to say whether you should feel at ease or not. It's Lia's wish to keep me from going out... but Lia isn't trying to stop me from going out."
"...Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about."
"It's hard to explain. It's all true that Lia is asking me for help, that she's calling out to the crystal, and that she can't hear me. It's true that she's scared of being alone, and that she's shaking without any support. But..."
『――――』
"Subconsciously, Lia is refusing to materialize or communicate with me. I should say that the two sides of her mind are not on the same page."
Subaru gasped at the expression "the two sides of one's heart."
Surely he didn't mean that he had a split personality or anything like that, but the experience of being betrayed by his own heart was something Subaru and Levi had experienced many times whenever they found themselves in a difficult situation in this world.
Suppose Emilia was currently in a similar situation.
"Can't you influence Emilia from your side?"
"It's difficult. The innermost part of my heart is more powerful than the outermost part. I guess it must mean that if I were to come out, it would really cause trouble for Lia."
『Do you have any idea what's causing Emilia emotional distress? Is there anything that would cause her inconvenience if you were to show up…?』
"You probably understand it, don't you?"
Puck's voice took on a mocking tone as he caught Subaru's words. Subaru was silent for a moment at Puck's thoughts, and then he lowered his eyes.
『---It's just a guess.』
"Yes, sure. Tell me. I told you. I have high hopes for you, Subaru."
Subaru was given a rather unpleasant stamp of approval by Puck after this preface. Even with such a small assurance, Subaru felt his mood lighten somewhat, and as if giving him a push,
"With you here, Emilia..."
『Uh huh.』
"It would mean having to acknowledge some inconvenient part of the past that she sees. So Emilia unconsciously rejects situations where you would interfere."
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
『――――』
Puck neither denied nor laughed off Subaru's thought waves, but simply received them in silence.
If the invisible spirit of the kitten were here, would it still be swinging its long tail from side to side with its calm demeanor and peaceful expression?
『That's amazing, Subaru. That's an answer beyond my expectations.』
After a moment of silence, Puck spoke as if impressed by Subaru's words.
Subaru sighed at Puck's attitude.
"To be honest, even if you praise me, I'm not happy at all."
"That's honest praise. I'm really surprised you were able to get this far with just guesses, even though you didn't have much information. You really understand what's going on in Lia's mind."
Puck's feelings of compassion were so great that he wondered if he was watching the sleeping Emilia. Drawn by the voice, Subaru gazed upon her white sleeping face.
Emilia is in a deep sleep, unable to see either good or bad dreams. Her mind is worn down, and the Trials and their accompanying past are driving her closer.
However, Subaru was even skeptical about the extent to which this recreation of the past "accurately followed the facts of the past."
In fact, the past that Subaru was able to shake off during the Trial came in the form of separation from his father and mother, which symbolized his regrets about the past. Naturally, the past that Subaru needed to shake off wasn't one big incident, but the environment he lived in and the idle time he spent creating it.
And so the "Trial" created a time for Subaru that he did not have in the first place, encouraging him to spend peaceful time with his parents, who were symbols of regret, and to make a break with them.
"The past doesn't faithfully replicate the real world. It draws on the mental landscape of the person who challenges it, as well as various other conditions, and then assembles them into a form suitable for the Trial."
Once the Trials had ended, Echidna told Subaru the outline of how the Trials worked: they were an elaborate fake world created from Subaru's own memories, scraping together even elements that he didn't consciously remember.
The separation from his parents was not real, but merely Subaru's own self-satisfaction.
-- Now I wonder what that was.
"The past seen in the tomb is a fake disguised as the real thing. The evil one who set up the Trials has rigged the questions so that the challengers can come up with the answers that satisfy them most."
He hadn't said that much, but he was certain that Echidna would do just that. Even Subaru could see the dark side of that witch's innards.
that's why,
"The past that Emilia sees has parts that are right and parts that are wrong. That difference... something that will decisively change the past, and you know it. That is why Emilia unconsciously refuses to summon you."
"...I wonder why. If I'm here, Lia can see the true, correct version of her past. Even though she knows that, why does her true self reject me?"
『That's...』
"It's simple," Subaru was about to continue, but he hesitated to say the next step.
The reason why Subaru hesitated was simple. To say anything further would mean exposing the truth of Emilia's past. And the cruel and eye-opening times that Emilia had spoken of - using that as a cover, Emilia was hiding the truth in her heart.
"The real time that Leah wants to forget is even more hopeless than the fake time that she talks about."
Puck takes over and gives form to the answer Subaru was unable to give.
Subaru hadn't been conscious of it until he put it into words, but now that he was aware of it, he looked at Emilia with a distorted expression of pain.
The people with whom she had shared fond, loving times - Emilia was met with malice and hatred from these people, and heard their complaints as she faced a long, long farewell in the ice.
That past, which is so painful that it tears her body and mind apart just by thinking about it, becomes a gentle cradle for Emilia to hide the true, cruel truth.
"Do you know what Emilia really saw?"
"...Unfortunately, I don't know that either. I met Lia after she was frozen in the forest. So I don't know what it is about me that scares her so much. I don't know what it is about me that determines Lia's past."
Puck muttered in genuine frustration, and Subaru bit his lip at his words.
Emilia's true past - but thanks to it, we were able to grasp part of the answer as to why she was unable to overcome the Trials.
With each Trial, Emilia is shown both her true past and a different past. And Emilia herself wishes that this fake past was her own.
As long as she cannot find an answer to her true past, she will not be able to overcome the Trials. As long as Emilia is deceived by her own mind, the past will continue to cut through her heart with its sweet blade.
『What should I do?』
"I don't know"
"I want to help Emilia. I want to help her."
"It's the same for me. I exist only for her sake. If I can't be of any help to her, then there's no point in me existing."
"I want to support her in whatever she wants to do, and I want to stand beside her."
『――――』
Puck was silent as he spoke, seemingly lost in thought. Subaru simply remained silent, waiting for the spirit's reply. Then, in a voice filled with determination, Puck spoke,
『Subaru. ――There is just one possibility.』
``Possibility...? "
"It's a method I would never have thought of on my own, and to be honest, I still strongly reject it. Even if I had thought of such a proposal, I would never have said anything."
Puck's words seemed to emphasize something, and Subaru braced himself for what he was about to say. At the very least, it was the first time Subaru had heard Puck speak so seriously, other than when he was addressing Emilia.
『What are you planning to make me do?』
"I'll be the one to do it. However, I'll make you clean up afterwards."
『…I'm afraid that he'll say something outrageous.』
"I never thought I'd ask someone else for something like this. But you were the only one I felt like I would even risk my life for, Lia."
Subaru took a small breath as Puck's words sounded as if he was holding back some strong emotion.
The feelings Puck had towards Subaru - that was undoubtedly true. Natsuki Subaru would even risk his life for Emilia.
So, in response to Subaru's silent affirmation, Puck must have nodded inside the crystal.
Then he said in a quiet voice.
"Tomorrow morning, I will make Lia break the contract. If our relationship ends, how will you comfort the crying Lia?"