The dragon carriage continued moving forward, making a creaking noise.
Leaning against the driver's seat, holding the reins and acting as a mere figurehead, Subaru was exhausted and his consciousness was hazy.
There is fatigue, there are the effects of injuries, and above all, the mental wear and tear.
The broken bones and cut on his forehead had not been properly treated, and his dislocated left shoulder was in constant pain. The broken teeth in his mouth were extremely uncomfortable, and his clothes, stained with blood, mud and urine, were sending a chill directly to his skin.
--Why did he manage to survive?
Subaru's consciousness was on the brink of becoming hazy, but he wasn't falling into a dream either.
He had been protected by Rem, then lost her, been abandoned by Otto, pitifully begged for his life, and even been abandoned by the White Whale, treading defenselessly through the foggy night roads and slipping away.
Further ahead they come across a dragon carriage and travel further down the road together with the masterless earth dragon.
So where on earth does this road lead?
Even if I continued, what on earth would I be able to do when I got there?
I believed that I was driven only by my desire to protect, to save, to help. But in reality, I was just using pretty words to cover up things I didn't want to see.
I realized that I was a lump of flesh made of self-love that valued my own life more than anything.
When he left Rem in front of the white whale and ordered Otto to turn back, hadn't he pretended to be heartbroken when Otto protested, and then felt a sense of relief?
If even a being like the Sword Saint was no match for her, then returning would mean dying in vain. That was something Rem didn't want. --And so, there was no need for her to return. There was no need for her to die.
I want to believe that I didn't think that way.
But the fact is that Subaru begged for his life in front of the white whale, the object of his hatred. He cried out that he didn't want to die, urinated, crawled around, and ran away.
At that moment, the thought of Rem's safety never crossed his mind. All he was thinking about was how to hang on to his own ridiculous, pitiful life.
As a result, even if you manage to save your life, there is nothing you can do with it.
He was just breathing, wasting oxygen. What a fool Rem had been to throw away her life to protect such a man.
"But... the most stupid thing is..."
Now she's nowhere to be found.
The merchants who had been accompanying him had also disappeared, leaving Subaru alone.
The earth dragon did not wait for instructions from its passenger, Subaru, and proceeded down the road as if of its own volition.
The mere fact that the road was moderately paved was proof that this was not an endless journey ahead, but a path that would lead somewhere.
Anywhere is fine.
Take me wherever you want.
Feeling apathetic, Subaru finally let go of the reins and lay down on the driver's seat. Just above his gaze as he lay there, the dagger from the cross that he had failed to remove was stuck in his throat.
These were remnants of the attack by the Witch Cult followers that Otto had encountered when he had passed through the mist.
Wouldn't Subaru have the same fate as Otto, being attacked by the Witch's Cult?
Or, if he were to witness such a scene, would he still beg for his life, just as he did to the White Whale?
Well, even in front of Petelgeuse.
"Peter, giggle."
As he spoke that name, Subaru realized the emptiness in his heart.
Calling the name of that madman who had brutally murdered Rem, mocked Subaru, and was the root of all evil, not a single ripple was felt in his heart.
Just a few hours ago, Subaru's endless anger towards that man had been the only thing that had truly energized him.
Hatred drove his feet forward, rage forced his head to turn upward, and murderous intent gave Subaru the will to live. --That tainted vitality was nowhere to be found now.
What am I doing, having lost sight of even my murderous intent and hatred?
"What on earth was I doing..."
The dragon carriage's wheels creaked, an awful high-pitched sound that tore at my eardrums.
Grimacing at the painful sound, Subaru gently raised his body.
Looking, the earth dragon had stopped moving at some point. Naturally, the dragon carriage, which had been following the earth dragon's movements, had also stopped moving forward, and the scene of it not moving was――,
"forest...?"
The dragon carriage pushed its way through the forest path surrounded by trees and advanced on the bare earth.
A while had passed since the sun had risen, and when he looked up he saw that the sunlight was lightly tanning Subaru's body.
If you pay attention, the heat will slowly seep into your body.
"--Huh, Subaru?"
Suddenly, a high-pitched voice rang out, and Subaru was shocked to hear it calling his name.
Leaning forward, I looked down from the driver's seat to the ground where the voice came from and confirmed that there were several small figures lined up.
"It's definitely Subaru." "What's wrong, Subaru?" "You're dirty, Subaru." "You stink, Subaru."
They too recognized Subaru and began pointing at his pitiful state and laughing.
However, it wasn't a bad thing like mocking Subaru, but rather the kind of thing only allowed between close friends.
"You guys..."
Subaru's throat trembled as the familiar village children pointed at him.
It was a face I knew, a face I had seen several times over the past few days, faces contorted with pain and grief, faces I had only ever seen motionless.
They were the smiles of children living in the villages near Roswaal Mansion.
Subaru looked up in shock and turned his gaze to the end of the forest road, over the hill.
Subaru noticed white smoke rising, evidence of life, and came to a realization.
--I have finally reached the place I had so desired and hoped for.
Just when he had lost everything, despaired of everything, and given up thinking there was nothing he could do, Subaru arrived in time.
"--Subaru?" "What's wrong?" "Oh, it's dangerous!"
The children's voices are getting higher and higher, and I can tell they are worried about us.
I understood, but my head was so heavy that I couldn't support my body.
Like something tense suddenly breaking with a sound, Subaru's consciousness also quietly fell deeper, as if pushed away from all his anguish.
"Ah, fall――"
--Falling.
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
--When Subaru woke up, the first thing that caught his eye was the familiar white ceiling.
The simple ceiling, with only a crystal lamp installed, was rare in this mansion, where many rooms were overly decorated, and it made me realize just how petty a person I was in choosing it for my room.
Under my head was a pillow that was too hard and too high for my skin, and I soon realized that I was lying down on a bed with the sheets draped loosely over my shoulders.
Subaru's constitution was such that he would regain consciousness immediately after waking up, no matter how terrible the situation. He slowly looked around the room, and confirmed that it was the room he had been sleeping in for several days. And along the way,
"--a"
There was a girl sitting in a chair next to the bed, quietly reading a book.
A girl in a black apron dress with bright white prims decorating her shoulder-length hair. Her cute, well-groomed profile is sincerely emotionless, and her somewhat stiff beauty shows her nobility to everyone.
The moment he noticed her, Subaru jumped up and took the girl's hand, who hadn't noticed he was awake, surprising her.
The girl's eyes widened at Subaru's sudden action, and she gazed at him intently. Subaru was relieved to see that her face, attitude, gestures, and behavior were exactly what he wanted.
"--What are you touching so casually, Barusu?"
The cold, cold feeling of his hand being shook off, and the sound of his voice, shattered my illusion.
The moment he noticed that the girl in front of him had pink hair, he was painfully aware that his reunion with the girl he thought he had lost had been a fiction.
She is the twin sister of the girl Subaru wanted to meet, and looks exactly like her, except for her hair color.
"I know you're happy to see Ram after a few days, but jumping on instinct like that is more masculine than manly. You beast."
Ram shot her a disdainful look and moved her chair away from the bed. Her gaze and the coldness of her words made it clear that she was different from her sister, who looked just like her.
Instead of meeting her as he had hoped, Subaru was reminded of his own arrogance. Was it not he who had thrown away the very idea of even wishing for this, the very right to do so?
Subaru remained silent, biting his lip and looking down, causing Ram to frown in a suspicious manner.
From her point of view, what had just happened was nothing more than a light-hearted remark, a greeting upon waking up. A playful tirade that would have been met with a loud and exaggerated reaction from the usual Subaru. Despite this, not only was Subaru not keen on it, he remained silent, with a serious expression on his face.
"Fuu. -- I hope you don't make me do things that are not my style."
As she spoke, Ram leaned in closer and reached out her hand to hold Subaru's head from above. She then slid her fingers into Subaru's short black hair and began to stroke it slowly.
It beat out a quiet, gentle rhythm, soothing Subaru's heartbeat, and was filled with compassion and care, causing an unexpected stir in Subaru, who knew the girl named Ram.
"You look like you're thinking something rude, Barusu. Surprising?"
"That's surprising... You're the type who would attack me if I was weak."
Subaru: "There shouldn't be a maid as skilled at reading the mood as Ram. Tormenting Barusu right now is too vicious. I'll put this off for now and use all the energy I've saved up next time."
"Correct that, you're the worst after all."
Subaru responded to Ram, who was eagerly predicting some mischief the next time they made contact, but he could feel the affection still lingering in her fingertips.
Though their behavior, manner of speech, and everything else was different, they were sisters after all. The more he could sense the same quality of their consideration, the more his heart tightened.
There is something that needs to be said, and it is not something that can be avoided.
No, it's something that can't be avoided. At the very least, we have to be able to do that much.
"a..."
How should he convey this? Where should he start? While he was at a loss as to where to begin, Subaru's fingers left his head, and a sound of regret escaped from his mouth. He hastily put his hand over his mouth to cover it, but Ram, who had heard this, was quicker to stop, as her eyes lit up with mischief.
She glanced at Subaru, who looked embarrassed, with that same light still shining in her eyes,
"Would you have liked more?"
"I'm not a child. I don't need you..."
When he spoke nastily, Ram snorted and laughed for the first time in a while. It felt like nearly two weeks had passed since he last saw her behave like that.
"You say that with a childish, tearful face. Your stubbornness is just like that of a child."
While Subaru was lost in sentimentality, Ram shrugged her shoulders and spoke condescendingly. Then, after seeing Subaru talk like that for a while,
"Well then, Barus."
"--ah"
Subaru responded by moving a chair in front of him, and Ram sat down opposite him, gazing at him.
It was as if her gaze was trying to see into his heart, right through to the depths of his eyes. Subaru naturally shrank in discomfort, and Ram took a moment to say,
"---I'll listen to what you have to say."
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
"It was a terrible state. I got into the village in an unfamiliar dragon carriage and found a dirty, half-dead Barus. When the villagers came to the mansion to call Ram, at first I thought it was some kind of joke."
Ram calmly recounted the events leading up to Subaru losing consciousness and being carried into the mansion. She pointed to Subaru, who was listening to her story in silence, and
"A dislocated shoulder and a cut on my forehead. The broken ribs have been reattached, but they will pop open if I push them too hard. I've disposed of the clothes stained with blood and mud. ―I'll keep the fact that I leaked a secret from Lady Emilia."
"...Ah, that'll be a relief."
Subaru responded in a husky voice, and Ram shrugged her shoulders with a bored look on her face.
She was probably planning to use what she had just said as a shield to impose unreasonable demands on Subaru in the future, but with Subaru in this situation, that wasn't going to work.
Ignoring her stomach, Subaru confirmed that her injuries had healed just as Ram had pointed out. Although there was a slight pain in her left shoulder, she could move it without any problems, and there was no discomfort left in her forehead or chest. There were many different types of healing magic. The problem was,
"The one who healed my wounds..."
"Lady Emilia."
Ram readily stated the exact details Subaru had feared.
She put her hands on her hips and prefaced her statement by saying, "It can't be helped," before turning her eyes to the slumped Subaru with a sorrowful look in her eyes,
"At first I asked Lady Beatrice, but she refused. She's a difficult person, so I knew there was a risk that she might do that."
"Um... Emilia, did you say something?"
"That's something you should talk to him about."
Subaru put his hand on the dislocated shoulder and asked timidly, to which Ram coldly replied.
Subaru's shoulders shook at the coldness of her gaze, and Ram sighed at Subaru's pathetic reaction,
Emilia: "Ram doesn't know what happened between Lady Emilia and Barusu in the royal capital. I have a rough idea that something happened, but I haven't heard the details. I'm not interested. Looking at Barusu's reaction just now, he's probably done something no good at all."
"That's harsh."
"I think that's a fair assessment. At least for someone who doesn't have the courage to bring up a difficult topic, and instead takes advantage of the situation to latch onto a different topic and puts it off."
Ram, having seen through our thoughts perfectly, snorted softly.
Hitting the nail on the head and mercilessly hitting him, Subaru couldn't even say a word.
He knew what she was looking for. After all, Subaru had returned, but he wasn't by her side. It was a topic that should have been brought up without hesitation.
Was it kindness, or strictness, that she hadn't said anything about it and was waiting for Subaru to speak up first? --Perhaps it was a kind and strict gesture.
I couldn't rely on that forever.
Subaru had that much common sense too. Above all, there were plenty of things he needed to talk about. There were.
So Subaru held his breath, his eyes wandered, and, wringing all his strength from his body trying to peddle time in a sissy manner, finally, with a raspy breath,
"--Rem, died."
The moment he said it, something dropped out of Subaru's chest.
It had been a heavy lump that had been stuck deep in his chest for a long time, and the moment he spoke those words it lost its shape and fell into his stomach, beginning to assert its presence.
It wasn't until I felt a heat running down my cheek that I finally realized what the lump was.
It could be sadness, regret, or a plea for a life lost.
Until now, I had only ever paid lip service to this idea, but now I was finally able to acknowledge it, swallow the difficult-to-accept idea, and understand it as if it had become one with my mind and body.
--I had made Rem lose her.
Tears started to flow.
And then he realized. He finally realized. Subaru had caused Rem to die so many times. If you include the previous loop at the mansion, this was the fourth time that Subaru had caused her to die, the fourth time that he had truly experienced her death. After causing her to die four times, he finally realized.
This was the first time Subaru had shed a tear for her, following her death.
Just because he shed tears for her doesn't mean that Subaru's actions are excusable.
He had wasted the time that she had risked her life to create, humbly begged for his life to the man who had killed her, and had even turned a blind eye to that fact and run away.
Now that he had seen his own ugliness, he could no longer look away and run away, so at the very least, he could still think about the girl who had devoted herself to him like that.
"I... couldn't do anything. There was a fog on the road... a white whale appeared. So, Rem tried to help me escape... but all the other dragon carriages got separated, and I was the only one left behind in the fog... and in the end..."
I can't get my thoughts together.
Her words were mixed with sobs and she couldn't speak clearly, and the conversation didn't flow well. She kept making excuses, and it felt like she was tarnishing Rem's final moments, so Subaru couldn't help but close his mouth and give up on talking so quickly.
I have admitted my crime. I will accept my punishment. To that end, I need a proper explanation――
"Who's Rem?"
--――.
----------.
------------------.
I didn't understand what he had said.
"Uh, oh...huh?"
Unable to comprehend the meaning of Ram's words, Subaru asked again in a dopey voice.
What does "Lemutedarenokoto" mean?
However, Ram looked at Subaru with a suspicious look, as if to say that Subaru was the one saying something strange, and again,
"Who is Rem, Barus?"
He didn't even bat an eyebrow at the name of his twin sister and asked who it was.
"No, no one can say anything stupid...! Hey, your, your sister's name is Rem, right? Rem. Rem."
"Ram's little sister..."
Ram placed a finger on her lips and closed her eyes, thinking deeply.
Just seeing her make the gesture of remembering like that was already unbearably frustrating for Subaru right now. So much so that he wanted to yell at her and ask her what she was doing, and throw her into the misty highway right away.
And after a moment of silence,
"Ram's younger sister, Rem. Ahh..."
"You remembered?!"
Subaru jumped at the exclamation and opened his eyes as if he had seen a light. However, Ram nodded at him, then gave him a very cold look,
"There's no way I could remember something that doesn't exist. Ram has always been alone. There's no way she has a younger sister."
He stated this clearly and without any hint of flirtation.
Subaru shook his head at her attitude and muttered, "That's stupid."
"What are you talking about..."
"--Ram doesn't have a little sister."
His words were far from suggesting that he was hiding something or forcing his emotions to freeze; his words and actions were extremely cold and natural.
--The existence of her twin sister had truly disappeared from within her, from the very core.
"Without Rem, what would the commotion in the Magic Beast Forest have been?! Between you, Rem, and me, we created Juggernaut..."
"You've really got it wrong, Barusu. It annoys me, but the fact that we were able to eradicate the swarm of Juggernauts was only half Barusu's fault. The rest was all down to Ram's efforts and Roswaal-sama's power. …There's no way for a long-lost sister named Rem to slip in."
Despite Subaru's protests, Ram stubbornly refuses to acknowledge the existence of her sister.
It seems that the outcome of those repetitive days at the mansion has come to a different conclusion in her mind than Subaru did.
Subaru ran around like he was vomiting blood, he moved forward with Rem, he was protected by Rem, he went into the forest with Ram to save her when she got ahead of him, he risked his life and burned his soul there... All of those events that should have happened have been painted over in her mind as lies.
It doesn't make sense. I don't know why you would answer like that.
"That's not even a joke... Even if it were a nightmare, it would be too bad..."
"Ram is always serious. The one dreaming is probably Barusu."
"Don't mess with me――!"
Enraged by Ram's uncontrollable attitude, Subaru threw off the sheets and got off the bed. His body had still not fully regained its strength and his lower body was wobbly, but his unbearable rage made him lift his head, to avoid a miserable fall.
"Balus, if you stand up yet..."
"Shut up! Shut up... just shut up and watch!"
Seeing the unsteady Subaru, Ram reached out to him. Subaru roughly shook off her outstretched hand, and taking each step carefully, once he was sure he wouldn't fall he dashed out of the room.
The place where Subaru was sleeping was on the second floor, the floor used by the servants, in a private room assigned to him. Though there were many rooms prepared for servants, in reality, there were only three people who fulfilled that role in the mansion, so most of the rooms were left empty and idle.
Knowing that every room on the same floor was vacant, Subaru passed by those doors without even looking, as if they were nothing.
The next thing I was heading for was the staircase, so I walked quickly towards the upper floors.
"Your strength hasn't returned yet, so if you continue to push yourself you'll collapse and cause trouble for Ram."
Ram, who was following behind, called out those words, but Subaru, walking with his shoulders hunched, paid no attention to them. Taking considerably more time than usual to climb the stairs, Subaru made his way straight through the hallway on the third floor of the mansion, and headed towards the room he had been through countless times.
The third floor of the servants' block, the third room from the western staircase - there, Subaru's thoughts were sure to be neither a nightmare nor a delusion, and the answer lay there.
Standing in front of the room, he grabbed the doorknob and pushed it open.
There was no need to hesitate. If he took too long here, it would only give Subaru an opportunity to become afraid. --There was no need to worry or hesitate.
Without knocking or anything, she stepped into the room, and found a simple, yet modestly decorated girlish roomーー,
"...That's a lie."
There was nothing.
The room she entered contained only a bed, similar to the other rooms, and a small desk at the back of the room. Her room was certainly simple, but that didn't mean it was a faceless lump.
"That can't be true...!"
Subaru looked around the room and, unable to believe it, rushed outside. He ignored Ram, who was standing by the door and silently looked his way, and stepped out into the corridor, where he began counting. Counting from the staircase, it was the third one, there was no way he could count wrong, and in fact, it was a place he'd been to enough times that he could have reached it without counting. He could have reached it even with his eyes closed.
--But why?
"Balus, are you satisfied?"
She must have realized what Subaru had come to confirm.
Ram asked quietly, looking at Subaru's profile as he was shocked at not being able to find what he was looking for. Her expression was tinged with sadness, and it was clear that she was worried about Subaru, to a degree unimaginable from her usual self.
Subaru couldn't help but understand this, as he felt it keenly.
"Rem isn't here..."
"--There was no such person in this mansion."
Ram shook her head and looked directly at Subaru, her eyes clouding over, before breathing out, "And then,"
"Ram, you don't have a little sister."
This time, she spoke it again, as if to deliver the final blow.
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
--Subaru had disciplined himself, knowing that he had to bear responsibility for Rem's death.
Rem had given her life for Subaru. Subaru must bear the responsibility for that. And it was too heavy a burden to bear, and up until now he would have thrown it away and run away, but now he had accepted it and was finally about to take a step forward.
"I, you know..."
--Are you saying I don't even have the right to ask for forgiveness?
Everything pushes Subaru away. Everyone leaves him behind.
The actions he took, which he thought were for Emilia's sake, were not accepted by her, and he has yet to overcome the gap that has been created.
Rem throws away everything for Subaru, and each time this happens, her life is sacrificed in a spectacular way. If Subaru tries to take responsibility for that life, the world will take that responsibility away from him.
Time, the world, the Witch's Cult, the White Whale, every obstacle stands in the way of Subaru's wish.
Why is that? What's wrong with that?
Why is the world so cold to me, why does every thought betray me?
it is,
it is--.
"Balus, go back to your room."
Ram spoke to Subaru, who was simply standing there, stunned, his thoughts stagnating.
She leaned closer and pushed Subaru towards the stairs.
"You must be tired, so there are probably a lot of things you don't understand. Go back to your room and continue your dream in bed. Ram has been called away, so there are things I need to do. I can't just worry about Barusu."
Even seeing Subaru in such a state of shock, Ram's judgement was harsh. Without offering any comforting words like staying by his side, she went on to fulfill her role.
Pushing him hard once, Ram headed towards the opposite staircase from where she had pushed Subaru. Before they left, she turned around and gave him final instructions, "Go back to your room and go to sleep." This time she finally left the place, leaving Subaru alone in the hallway.
With unsteady, unsteady steps, he made his way towards his room as Ram had instructed. Or, as she had said, if he lay down on the bed and let his mind sink, perhaps he would be able to escape the loneliness that had him feeling scorned by everything.
It's a bad dream, I'm sure. It seems odd to go to bed to dream while dreaming, but if you aim for a dream to counter the dream, it doesn't seem so bad.
Above all, at least if I could shift my consciousness to sleep, I could say goodbye to this noise that keeps churning around inside my skull.
Just run away. You've come this far by running, running, running, running, running, running. Just like before, keep running, running, running around in circles.
"Run away... what will happen..."
Muttering, Subaru stopped just before reaching the bottom of the stairs.
Hoping to escape, Subaru retracted his foot as he was about to step downstairs in order to escape, lightly lifted his chin, and turned his eyes in the opposite direction of the descent.
It's not something that can be solved by running away. Once again, Subaru was on the verge of betraying Rem.
Why did she protect Subaru and help him escape from the White Whale?
This is to allow Subaru to achieve his goal. Subaru's goal is to keep the people living in this mansion away from the clutches of the Witch Cult's evil.
If you were to abandon that goal here and now and throw your consciousness into escapism,
"That would be more cowardly than asking for forgiveness..."
He turned around and faced away from the stairs he was about to descend.
This time, there was no hesitation in his steps as he stepped forward. Subaru passed by the girl's room, where all traces of her existence had vanished, and headed towards the same staircase where Ram had vanished. The reason for Subaru's return awaited him on the upper floors of the building, which could only be reached from that direction.
I stepped slowly up the stairs I'd reached, making sure to take each step as I made my way up the spiral staircase. At the top was a door leading to a room.
As he placed his hand on the doorknob, Subaru noticed that his heart was beating awfully quietly.
My heart, which had been pounding so hard when I'd stepped into the lost girl's room moments ago, was now beating at a terribly quiet rhythm. I couldn't tell if this was because I was calm, or if my heart had gone beyond beating fast and had fallen into a deep depression.
but,
"Lend me your courage, Rem--"
When he spoke that name, a tiny bit of power came to reside in Subaru's hands.
It moved the heavy door knob that would not budge, and gently swung open the door that seemed tightly closed.
And then, on the other side of the open door, a girl sitting at a desk turned her head to look at me.
Subaru:
Hearing the silver bell's voice call his name, Subaru closed his eyes.
As an intense, difficult-to-put-into-word emotion ran through his heart and his entire body, Subaru finally remembered.
--That he had returned in order to hear her voice.
A girl with flowing silver hair, clear white skin and amethyst eyes. Her fragile beauty was tinged with melancholy as she stood up - Emilia said.
"Why did you come back?"
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
ーーThat voice sounded hopelessly weak, and Subaru's attention was drawn to the tone of the voice rather than the content of what was being said.
Emilia's lips were trembling, and there was a weak light in her eyes. It felt like two weeks, but in the real world it was about a week - and yet, as she looked at Subaru, she appeared to have become just a little smaller.
She seems thinner than when we last parted, and there is a deep sense of fatigue in her voice and eyes, making me wonder if she hasn't been sleeping well.
It seemed that Emilia had been driving herself into a corner like that, and more than anything, it was interference from the outside that had driven her into a corner. Subaru had an idea as to why this was happening. It was precisely because of this that Subaru had returned to Emilia.
that's why,
"Let's go, we shouldn't be here."
Subaru stepped forward and, ignoring Emilia's question, held out his hand.
Emilia widened her eyes at his forceful attitude and pulled away slightly to put some distance between her and Subaru. The space she had closed had widened, and Subaru frowned. Emilia shook her head,
"Going... where? No, why?"
"Anywhere but here is fine. If you ask me why, I say for you..."
"Is that it again?"
Emilia sounded disappointed in Subaru's answer.
Her amethyst eyes slightly moistened, she glared up at the silent Subaru,
"You suddenly came back covered in wounds and caused you concern. Weren't you supposed to be receiving treatment from Ferris in the royal capital? Why are you here now?"
"A lot has happened! I'd love to explain everything, but I don't have the time. Please, just listen to what I have to say. Let's get out of this mansion together…"
"I told you I can't do it, didn't I? I said I can't trust Subaru like that. …I said it."
Emilia shook her head stubbornly and rejected Subaru with a trembling voice. It was a continuation of the conversation that had taken place in the antechamber of the royal castle, and more than anything, it was a repetition with no progress.
Subaru's desperate feelings are not conveyed to her, and Subaru does not understand why Emilia does not understand his feelings.
nevertheless,
「If you don't want to, then I'll take you by force. After a few days, you'll understand that I'm right even if you don't want to. So...!」
"Wait, wait, Subaru. What happened? That, that wasn't it. I… I, Subaru…"
"Just shut up and listen to what I have to say!"
The moment I yelled, Emilia's shoulders shook slightly.
As Emilia widened her eyes in disbelief, Subaru took a heavy breath, still in the rage he had been yelling, and glared at her fiercely.
"You can't stay here. You'll regret it. You absolutely will. It won't help anyone. It won't save anyone. I don't want to suffer anymore, and I don't want to cry anymore!"
"What are you talking about...? Subaru, I don't understand."
「Shut up! You guys… you just do as I say! If you do that, everything will go well. That's right! Why doesn't anyone understand that…!」
Ripping his hair out, Subaru heaves curses not at Emilia before him, but at all the injustice he has had to deal with up until now.
Subaru's words as he raged and raised his voice probably made no sense to Emilia, but for Subaru, this was the only place he could let it all out. All the absurdity he had encountered - it was something he could only let out in front of her, the starting point of it all.
Seeing Subaru pleading with a tearful voice, Emilia lowered her eyes slightly.
Then she muttered "I'm sorry" softly,
"I don't understand what Subaru is talking about. I can't understand. I want to understand, but I don't have the time to do so. … There are so many things that I have to do. So…"
"It's not going to work."
Subaru interrupts Emilia and tramples on her feelings with a few words.
Emilia took a small breath and blinked repeatedly, as if unable to accept Subaru's words, which were filled with nothing but malice.
Seeing her like that, Subaru felt as if he was looking at himself in the mirror. He empathized with the feeling of having one's hopes thwarted in everything he had hoped to start.
It brought a terrible, cruel and sweet sensation to Subaru,
"It won't work. You're no good. You'll fail. There's no way you can do it. It's no good at all. You're all talk. You can't save them. They can't be saved. By piling up recklessness and recklessness, you will end up seeing just as many piles of corpses. ――That is your future."
It was a dark, ugly, vile, despicable pleasure.
With each word I spoke, each one vibrating against her eardrums, I could feel the pain in her expression, the cracks in her heart, the blades piercing her feelings.
In that moment, her whole being was directed towards him. For just that moment, he felt a dark joy that all of Emilia was being dedicated to him.
Their resolutions are dashed, their resolve laughed at, their actions cruelly blocked, their past mocked as inaction, and their future declared bleak.
Seeing Emilia being tossed about by each and every one of them, Subaru--
"Why?"
Emilia muttered quietly.
Emilia's expression stiffens in pain as she is told of a future where only darkness awaits her by Subaru's heartless words. But even at times like that, her amethyst eyes remain unclouded.
Captivated by the mysterious glow, the world reflected thereーー that is, Subaru himself, as he gazed upon her, was reflected,
"Why is Subaru crying so painfully?"
--I realized that I was smiling crookedly while tears were streaming down my face.
"――――"
I realized it was all coming back to haunt me.
When he thought back on the words that had made her cry and trampled on her feelings, it was clear that they were all words that had weighed down on Subaru himself.
Subaru had had his determination, his resolve, his actions, his past, and his future denied in the same way.
I feel like whatever I do is pointless. I understand that I am driven by a sense of obligation to do something. No one knows why I do it anymore. I don't know, but if I could,
"I... I have to do something for Rem, for her who sent me this far... No, who brought me this far..."
"Rem?"
Subaru's words were halting. Hearing them not quite coming together into a coherent sentence, Emilia tilted her head at the word that had suddenly popped out.
The words that came out of her mouth sounded like something spoken by someone who clearly didn't know what they meant,
"--You too."
"picture?"
"Are you going to forget Rem too?"
Even her twin sister has forgotten about her existence, all traces of her have vanished, and even the person who was the reason she risked her life to return doesn't remember her.
So where do her days, her time, her thoughts, her way of life, her wishes disappear to?
What will become of that smile, that anger, those tears, those interactions, and everything that makes up that child?
"--It's fine, I'll tell you everything."
The words that came out of my mouth sounded like I had let go.
"Eh?" Emilia exclaimed in surprise at Subaru's words. Looking up at her face, Subaru reaffirmed the source of the feelings that drove him this far.
If she, and my feelings for her, were to just disappear into the distance,
"It would be better to expose everything and vomit blood."
Make a decision.
To tell the whole story, to tell the truth, to reveal what's in my heart.
Subaru's gaze changed, and Emilia, sensing it, gasped.
In front of her, Subaru put his hand to his chest. His heart was beating fast. He was frightened, knowing in advance what would happen as a result of what he was about to do.
It's pain. It's pain that can drive you crazy.
Their hearts are toyed with as if being crushed, and they are made to endure pain that is so severe that they cannot even cry out, with no idea when it will end.
But I also think this.
Who cares? Who cares? What is pain compared to this suffering?
No one believes her, no one understands her, and most of all, no pain is worth the pain of having to endure this kind of suffering, with no one even remembering Rem's existence.
--If you want to come, come. I'll give you my heart.
"Emilia. I have seen the future. I know it. The reason is, I… I will "return to death."
The moment I tried to confess everything, a standstill occurred.
Just as planned, the movement of the world gradually slows down, and then stops. The scenery suddenly loses its color, and all the sounds that were there until then disappear. The sound of the wind, breathing, and heartbeat fade away, never to return.
Subaru's consciousness leaves all of his five senses behind, and he becomes isolated from the world.
ーーAnd then, not wanting to leave the isolated Subaru all alone, a loving hand slowly appeared, one that Subaru had not even asked for.
The black mist that is born quietly, but with a gliding speed, takes the shape of an arm.
Previously, only the right arm had formed a clear arm shape, but now in front of Subaru, the left arm, which had grown to follow it, also formed a shape down to the shoulder.
Both hands reached out to Subaru, his left hand still fondling him as usual, while the remaining right hand glided into his chest, slipping through his ribs and reaching his heart.
The feeling of my heart being gently toyed with in the palm of his hand sent a chill down my entire body.
Unlike before, which had inflicted excruciating pain in an instant, the black mist that held Subaru's very life in its hands treated him cruelly, as if trying to break his resolve with the ultimate fear.
The pain that was supposed to come did not come, and a quiet fear began to grow in Subaru's heart.
Unlike Shadow's previous actions, he was beginning to acquire the cleverness to toy with Subaru. It would tear at Subaru's heart more than ever before, and bring him pain in a different way than before.
Subaru was on the verge of screaming out of the pain he had imagined, but his still teeth refused to move.
Even if pain, fear, and the unknown tormented Subaru, he would never look down.
Otherwise it will not be rewarded. Otherwise it will not be tolerated.
In this world where no one remembers her existence, if Subaru, who is responsible for her death, were to ask for forgiveness, it could only be from his own soul.
Feel free to throw all the pain and suffering at me however you like.
Instead, Subaru spills out all of his experiences and regains everything he was meant to gain. And with that, his bargain with the black mist comes to an end.
It's too gloomy to call it cheer, and there's too much to lose to call it a decision.
However, this was a firm decision that Subaru had never made until now.
--This determination, this resolve, was not going to be broken so easily.
Glaring at the black mist that was toying with his heart, Subaru waited with bated breath for the moment to come. But the mist showed no sign of lashing out at Subaru with any ill will. Because it could be done at any time, it could be kept from doing it forever.
In a world where time stands still, if you are challenged to a war of attrition, you have no choice but to fight until your spirit is worn down. Even if you are hot-headed and can't imagine giving up now, you will eventually break down, be swallowed up in resignation, and wish for an end. -- But that kind of thinking is too naive.
No matter how many hours or days it takes, I'll endure the hardship.
It's not like I've died so many times for nothing. If I'm not going to die, I'll endure any amount of pain.
Such was Subaru's resolve――
"--a?"
Suddenly, color began to emerge in the stagnant world.
The pain that was sure to come was ended with a mere gesture, and vanished into thin air. Subaru was left behind, and sounds, colors, and time were steadily returned to him.
The sounds of breathing, heartbeats, the world moving all around Subaru, and "of course" began to run rampant, as if mocking the stunned Subaru.
Subaru blinked repeatedly, unable to comprehend the true meaning of the black mist.
But even if I suspect there might be some kind of mistake, even if I am wary that the same stagnant world will be waiting for me again after I blink, the color of the world does not change.
Could it be that the black mist realized the immaturity of its own actions in the face of Subaru's unwavering resolve?
There was no way that was possible, and while he was tempted to laugh it off, the possibility that his own determination had brought about an unexpected outcome prevented Subaru from doing so.
Even now, the sensation of the black mist's right hand gently clutching my heart remains in my chest.
If he had been clutching that, by now――,
"――――"
Thinking about it that far, Subaru suddenly had a question.
He clearly remembers his right hand clutching his heart, plotting to break Subaru's heart. However, during that time, his left hand had first touched his cheek, and where had it gone when it lost consciousness――
"--debt"
Before he could answer his question, Emilia muttered something.
Her voice brought Subaru back to reality, and he remembered the rest of the words he should have said.
The unreal silence was unsettling, almost like a dream, but considering the impact it would have on what Subaru was trying to do, it was nothing but a positive development.
The time spent bound by a restriction that could almost be called a curse, which forbids me from explaining the situation, is finally coming to an end.
By disclosing everything and sharing the future they have achieved, their actions to create the world that everyone desires and hopes for will finally bear fruit.
"a"
Suddenly, Emilia leaned forward towards Subaru.
Subaru instinctively reached out his hand to catch her body. The warmth and softness of his palm made Subaru feel a little shaken――
Splash.
"--picture?"
Splat, splat, splat.
"--Emilia?"
Splat, splat, splat, splat.
As he held her in his arms, blood gushed out in great quantities from her mouth.
--While his right hand was touching Subaru's heart, where had his left hand disappeared to?
Leaning her face onto Subaru's shoulder, Emilia's vomiting blood won't stop. The copious amount of fresh blood that spills out stains Subaru's body red, and makes Emilia's body lighter.
"Stop...huh? Wait, what?"
She turned her face up in an attempt to stop the blood from spitting out, and her limp neck, sagging shoulders, and lightless eyes told her everything.
――Right now, before Subaru's very eyes, Emilia was losing her life.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh--!!!!!"
Screams echoed.
If screaming, screaming until your throat bursts, will help you forget everything, then go ahead and slit my throat right now, rip it out, and take it from me.
In his arms, Emilia's body, her limp body, became lighter.
The blood spurting out never stopped. Subaru's body turned red, redder and redder.
--When her right hand touched Subaru's heart, her left hand was Emilia's.
Their determination, their resolve, their actions, their past, and their future are all trampled underfoot by ridicule.
His firm resolve, his newly solidified determination not to be shattered, was shattered into pieces, pushing Natsuki Subaru to the brink of despair.
--The screams echoed high and low, never fading.
Subaru is finally, finally.
ーーHe killed Emilia.