Anxiety, an anxiety that made me want to claw my throat out, took over my whole body.
Even though my feet are moving forward, my mind is directed toward the future, and my will is moving toward my goal, I feel as if an unknown fear is slowly chasing me from behind.
I feel like I'm going to vomit. My ears are ringing. My heart is thumping so hard it feels like it's going to fall out of my chest. My feet are so weak and flimsy that they might just slip away from my fingertips if I'm not careful.
I wonder how it has come to this.
Everything was going to be fine. Everything was going to be good.
It was just bad luck. The timing just wasn't right.
If you try, you should be able to do it. If what you have to do is clear, you should be able to do it without hesitation.
I know what I have to do. I just need to save Emilia.
If she was in a difficult situation, then it was Subaru's job to rescue her.
That's how it's always been. She'll do it this time too. Then everything will go well. She'll start to see Subaru in a new light. She'll realize that she can't do without him after all, and she'll keep him by her side.
I don't want to be abandoned. I don't want to be abandoned. I don't want to be looked down upon. I don't want to be given up.
Subaru mulled it over with desperation, with all his might, and with a determination to die.
I'm out of breath. My lungs hurt, my whole body groans from overuse, and every part of my body that hasn't fully healed is screaming in pain. But there's no way I can stop.
You have to run even one second faster, even just a little bit faster.
Otherwise you will be caught up, you will be consumed by something you don't understand, coming up behind you.
I don't want that. That's the only thing I don't want. Right now, that's the only thing I'm really scared of.
He wants to see Emilia, to see her smile. Why had Rem left him behind? Where had the warmth he felt last night gone? Beatrice's nasty remarks, Ram's constant chatter, now seem so nostalgic and endearing. How comforting Roswaal's stubbornness and Puck's serenity would be.
I wish I could have stayed in this place forever.
Subaru wished his time had been filled with days at that mansion, forever and ever.
Heading to the royal capital was a mistake.
All of the time he had spent in the royal capital was the cause of his current predicament.
Reinhard, Felt, Old Man Rom, Crusch, Ferris, Julius, Anastasia, Al, Priscilla, the members of the Council of Sages, and the members of the Knights all came to mind one after another, and right now Subaru could only regard all of them as objects of hatred.
May you be cursed, may you suffer, and may you die in the most painful way.
If it weren't for them, Subaru wouldn't have lost sight of himself.
If it meant he could return to the mansion, make peace with Emilia, and go back to those exciting days, he would gladly give it all up.
There is nothing left, nothing left.
Everything has slipped out of my hands, so now I go and pick it up.
For that, for that, for that, I keep running.
Subaru ran, enduring the pain that felt like it was burning his lungs, the regret that felt like it was breaking his heart, the ringing in his ears that felt like it was burying his consciousness.
Feelings of resentment and regret passed through my mind over and over again.
How much time has passed since I continued to run forward with such a negative attitude?
All around, the trees that had been growing lushly until then suddenly began to open up, and signs began to emerge that nature had been carved up by human activities.
Gradually, the ground he kicked felt like it had been trampled on, and when he looked up in surprise, he noticed the slope beginning to gently rise, and instinctively raised his cheeks.
I suddenly found myself on a road that looked vaguely familiar.
There were no landmarks in sight, and to an observer it might just look like the forest road was continuing on as usual.
But to Subaru, who had driven single-mindedly in search of change, who had traveled this road many times before, he knew that it was the end of this endless green labyrinth.
It's not like we just arrived at the mansion.
Just before that, right in front of Subaru, on the other side of the slope, was the village closest to the mansion.
Suddenly, while up until then only the faces of the people at the mansion had come to mind, the memories of the people he had come into contact with many times during those days and had become close to him began to flow.
The children were overly familiar with them, and the villagers were strangely unguarded. They were a bunch of eccentrics who didn't laugh at the various pieces of information about the other world as absurd, but accepted it as it was.
It was so nostalgic that I nearly cried.
He didn't know why he had forgotten. There was still another place for Subaru to return to besides the mansion, one that would warmly welcome him.
Yet there remains value in being a Subaru.
Subaru had saved that village. It was a village that might have disappeared without Subaru. It was Subaru's achievement. There could be no greater result than that of Subaru's actions.
Remembering that his base was right before his eyes, Subaru's feet quickened even more.
At the end of the slope, beyond the trees, rising white smoke hangs in the early morning sky, a symbol of daily activity.
A stove or a kettle. Perhaps it was from a blacksmith or metalworking workshop. Either way, it was proof that someone was there.
For now, that was enough.
I wanted those who knew me, those who accepted me, to call me by my name now, to show me familiarity, to show me friendship, to prove that I belonged here.
He ran through. He ran up. The end of the slope was approaching, and the base of the white smoke came into view. He had reached the top. The sweat that had been running down his forehead suddenly trickled down to his eyelids, and Subaru wiped it roughly, feeling annoyed, before looking out at the village with a sense of relief.
--And then, Subaru was finally caught up with the nightmare that was closing in on him from behind.
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When Subaru ran into the village entrance, the first thing he did was to look around for the first villager - noticing something strange, he frowned.
Once you stop walking, the strain you've been putting on your cardiopulmonary function is suddenly felt.
Breathing heavily, spitting out saliva and phlegm, he placed his hands on his knees and bent over, trying to regain his strength. Of course, all the while, he kept his eyes raised.
At first glance, there didn't seem to be anything unusual about the village.
But something clearly seems a bit odd.
The village is filled with the cool air of the early morning, and the light of awakening pours into the heads of those waking up. And yet, for some reason, there is no sign of anyone anywhere.
Subaru folded his arms and thought for a while before realizing, "Ah."
Subaru wasn't really aware of it after driving through the night, but it was now the early hours of the morning and only a few villagers were active at the time.
That may be why there are no signs of people leaving their homes and going about their daily routines.
After thinking about it that far, I came to understand why it wasn't very popular, so I decided to go and see what the white smoke rising into the sky was.
They say there's no smoke without fire, but where there is smoke there is no sign of human hands. If you head in that direction, you're likely to encounter someone.
However, that plan also failed, and Subaru met no one.
When we arrived at the edge of the village from which white smoke was rising, there was already no one there.
There was only a smoldering fire burning weakly, and looking around, there was no sign of the perpetrator.
This time, Subaru was enveloped in a clear, not vague, sense of unease.
For reasons other than fatigue, his breathing quickens and his heart begins to beat faster again. Urged by these reactions, Subaru can no longer contain himself and violently knocks on the door of a nearby house.
There was no response. A bad feeling stirred up within me, so I roughly pushed open the unlocked door and barged in. But it was empty, too. There was no one there.
Subaru muttered a pointless joke about whether the whole family was doing farm work, and with a dry smile plastered on his face, he headed outside. Without slowing his pace, he went to the neighbor's house. This time he skipped the step of knocking and just entered the house. Screams rang out, and the residents shouted reproach at Subaru for trespassing - but no one did. This place was deserted, either.
Eventually, I began to lose comprehension of the situation.
The inexplicable chill felt similar to the one given to him by the men in black clothing he had encountered in the forest, and Subaru chased after the figures so desperately that he lost track of himself.
But no matter how far he ran, no matter how much he called until his throat was dry, no matter where he searched, no matter where a mischievous child might be hiding, he couldn't find a single person.
Silence had fallen upon this place as well, and Subaru was left alone in the world.
Subaru sat down on the ground with his body limp and relaxed, and let out a long, deep breath.
No matter how many times you encounter a situation that you don't understand, you never get used to it. Of course, the same goes for an unreasonable situation that you understand the meaning of.
Subaru's current situation, in which he is relentlessly pressed against by both of them, cannot even be described as surrounded on all sides or with a difficult future.
Suddenly, feeling a vivid pain resonate in his skull, Subaru quickly put his hand to his forehead, but the moment he did, an unpleasant sensation spread across his skin.
Looking closer, he saw that his right hand, which he had placed on the ground when he sat down, was directly covered in the wet dirt from the ground, and without realizing it, he had hit it hard in the face with it.
The feeling of the reddish-brown mud running down his nose was extremely unpleasant, so Subaru used his clean left arm to wipe it away, then cast a resentful look down at the ground that had soiled his right hand.
It had been bothering me since I was running around, but this morning the ground was extremely muddy and difficult to run in. It was particularly bad around the entrance to the village and the area where smoke was rising, and I nearly tripped several times while running around looking for villagers.
I chose a spot on the ground that was not like that and sat down, but judging from the state of my right hand, the damage to my buttocks might be serious as well. As I started to become conscious of it, I felt something like a dampness gradually growing in my lower abdomen, and I let out an even louder sigh.
I think I've become quite stupid.
That was only natural. He had barely slept during the harsh travel that had lasted over a day and night. He had only been eating bland emergency rations that Otto had given him, and it was hard to say that he had had enough to eat. In addition, while he was conscious, his brain had been racing with activity, worrying about Emilia. If that didn't tire him out, then Subaru must not be human, but an ultra-high performance artificial AI.
A pointless joke came to mind, and Subaru once again let out a dry laugh.
Shaking his hips and reluctantly pushing the dirt off his right hand against the wall, he turned and searched the village again. It was a final, desperate attempt.
Even though I called out to him so hard and ran around, he still didn't show up. There was probably no one left in the village. I couldn't figure out where he had gone or why, but once I understood that much, I had no choice but to put an end to it.
After touring the village, Subaru finally made his way to the edge of the village, where white smoke was once again billowing. It felt as if time was flowing only in that place, swaying in the wind, and it felt as if the loneliness he felt, of being left behind at times, was soothed.
When we arrived at our destination, the smoldering white smoke had finally lost its heat and was on the verge of disappearing.
The weak smoke was hit by the breeze, swaying unsteadily from side to side before dissipating. Feeling a sense of melancholy at the sight of the white smoke, Subaru looked around with disappointing eyes.
However, there was still no sign of anyone, and the search seemed to have been in vain.
Subaru sighed for the umpteenth time and kicked the ground in frustration. His toes dug into the muddy ground, and the mud splattered everywhere, dealing a final blow to the white smoke that was nearing its end.
The flames' soft death throes tickle my eardrums, and the smoke is cut off at its base and disappears into the sky. The last of the white smoke is swept away by the wind, and nothing remains after it has disappeared.
Subaru watched the white smoke disappear, then slowly lowered his gaze.
Once the smoke disappeared, it became just like the other places, a space isolated from the rest of the world, where time had stopped. There was nothing there to draw Subaru's attention.
All that was there was Muraosa lying there with white smoke rising.
Scratching his head, Subaru regained consciousness and looked around. A young man with a crew cut was lying against the wall, as if he had been abandoned. He was lying on his back, with the murder weapon stuck in his chest, and the ground was bleeding profusely, staining it red.
In the first house we entered, we found a middle-aged man and woman collapsed, one on top of the other, in a corner of a room.
At the next house, and the one after that, Subaru searched for no one to be found. All that was there were the remains of people whose dignity had been snatched away like rags, their lives violated.
The amount of debris piling up was enormous, and as Subaru looked at it all he searched for any trace of human life, desperately hoping that someone would call his name.
However, no matter how many times he traveled around the village, Subaru's wish never came true.
There was nothing here that Subaru wanted. Understanding that and discarding all other understandings, Subaru abandoned his actions in the village and headed for the road leading to the mansion.
He'd taken an unnecessary detour. This was the result of not following through on his original intention. He'd wasted time, and hadn't yet reached the peace he should have already had. It was all a waste. Everything was a waste. There was only waste here. Including Subaru.
Subaru muttered this as if spitting it out, as he walked unsteadily. Then, on the path out of the village, he suddenly caught his foot on something and fell.
By the time I realized my feet had slipped, it was already too late. There was nothing around me to stop me from falling, and my momentum took me by surprise and I fell hard onto the ground, landing on my shoulders.
Pain pierces his brain, and Subaru lets out a groan from the back of his throat. Tears reflexively well up in the corners of his eyes, and he glares down at his feet, searching for the reason why he fell.
--My eyes met Petra's, which no longer reflected anything and were now hollow.
"Aaaaaahhhhhhhh――!!"
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--I couldn't escape.
Subaru's throat was still trembling from howling until he was hoarse, and tears were streaming down his face as he held Petra's corpse, which had been thrown to the ground.
The warmth had long since disappeared from Petra's body, and her limbs had begun to stiffen. An unconscious human body should be much heavier than a conscious one, but Petra's body was far too light, even considering her small stature.
There must have been too much blood flowing from the wound that had pierced his chest.
Petra was found dead with her eyes wide open, a look of shock on her face. The only relief was that there was no sign of pain on her face, which meant that her heart had been destroyed and she had died instantly.
This child has no reason to feel pain when he dies with a hole in his chest.
Her once-lovely face had lost all its paleness, and her brownish curly hair was now stained with blood and mud and unrecognizable. She wanted to at least close those wide-open eyes, but her eyelids had begun to stiffen and would not even grant her that mercy.
Laying Petra's body on the ground, Subaru placed his jacket over her wide-open eyes as a small token of reparation, and prayed that she would rest in peace.
And so, afraid to see what he had been averting his eyes from, he finally raised his eyes and accepted the reality that the familiar village had turned into hell.
The smoldering white smoke was rising from the body of Muraosa, who had been burned to death.
The young man from the Youth League must have fought with a sword in his hand, the familiar sword now piercing his chest, leaving a pool of blood and sinking his master.
The man and woman found lying on top of each other were a married couple. The husband was holding his wife from above as if to protect her, and the two of them were pierced by the murder weapon and died.
There were bodies that had been brutally murdered. There were bodies that had been burned. There were bodies that had been torn apart. There were bodies that had been crushed. There were bodies that had been smashed. There were just bodies.
Death is falling all over the village.
The village was littered with corpses and was in utter silence; it had all ended long before Subaru had arrived.
Subaru was now alone, witnessing the conclusion of the tragedy that had unfolded in this place, and he had only gasped, far too late, reaching out his hands, with no one to take them.
What happened?
Something had happened. Something extraordinary had happened.
That something violated the village with merciless brutality, violating the dignity of every life and massacring all the innocent villagers.
There is no one left breathing. There is no one left alive.
They relentlessly and methodically searched every nook and cranny for any place to hide, and even found bodies that appeared to have been burned to death while hiding.
I can't turn my head. Liquid is pouring endlessly from every orifice in my face.
Tears, snot, and drool continue to stain his face, which has lost the will to hold back.
I understand what happened, but I can't comprehend it.
I don't know anything about what happened. I don't know anything about it, but there's one thing I do know.
The fact is, this tragedy cannot end here.
When this realization came too late, Subaru's whole body was hit by a chill like none he had ever felt before.
Ever since his fall into this world, Subaru had either overcome or succumbed to countless life-threatening crises, but this was the greatest fear he had ever experienced.
The roots of my teeth are trembling.
His eyes flickered with tears, almost in pain, and he looked up at the sky with unsteady vision.
Beneath the hatefully blue sky, a mansion awaits Subaru.
The place I wanted to return to so badly, the place I had sought so hard, the place that was so close now seemed like a terrifying place.
I don't know what happened.
Something definitely happened.
Surely that something would not let that place go unnoticed.
It was scary. It was scary.
I didn't even want to think about that possibility. I was terrified that if I even thought about it, much less said it aloud, it would become a reality.
So Subaru shook his head and shook off that thought.
However, once that thought had crossed his mind, it slipped through Subaru's arms as he tried to shake it off, and, as if whispering in his ear, refused to be forgotten.
Therefore, Subaru gave up on shaking it off and turned to another method.
Rather than even mentioning that possibility, and putting her life in danger as a result.
"Rem... Huh? Rem... what happened...?"
The girl who was supposed to have arrived here before him. Subaru spoke words of concern for her safety, trying to deceive his own heart by any means necessary.
"If Rem had returned, there's no way I would have let the village become like this..."
It's an excuse. In a place where only I am present, I make excuses that can't even fool myself.
"Did something happen...? Surely there was some trouble along the way..."
It was awful. It was the worst. I didn't want to understand, but I did.
He had deceived himself into thinking that rather than even mentioning the possibility of losing the girl he loved, and letting it break his heart, he would simply prepare another sacrifice.
It was a betrayal of trust.
"That's right... Rem... Rem... Rem is..."
Subaru unsteadily rose to his feet and began to walk forward with weak steps.
Leaving Petra's body behind, he dragged himself slowly towards the exit of the village - heading in the direction of the mansion, proceeding at a turtle's pace.
Without knowing what awaits me beyond that. Even though I don't want to know, and I know I have to know, I just can't find the courage to take action.
Dragging himself along, clinging to the name of the girl he relied on, Subaru slowly, slowly made his way up the slope, towards the mansion.
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--Rem was dead in the garden