Whatever gods exist in this strange world (and judging by how the most powerful Uchiha techniques are all named after the immediate family of the freaking sun, there's a good chance there's more than a few) I'm pretty sure they're all laughing at me right now.
Here's a filler villain trying to break the mold, so of course his first real challenge in the free world… is facing another filler villain.
I could already tell this fight with Suien would be a completely different beast from my furious exchange with Genda back on the prison watchtower. Genda and I (or Mizuki rather) were both chūnin, meaning seasoned ninja that could give any (non-plot relevant) genin team a run for their money.
But what genin were to us, we were to jōnin. The first real villains that Naruto faced (if you discounted myself and perhaps Tora the cat) were the Demon Brothers from Kirigakure. Even though they were both capable chūnin, renowned enough to be recognized on sight, Kakashi had still been able to take both of them out in a literal blink of an eye.
Alright, fair enough, their combat IQ (or even regular IQ) couldn't have been too high considering how easily they fell for the Replacement Technique, but still, I figure even the brothers would be a tough fight for me, let alone someone who could've taken them out in seconds.
And Suien by all accounts was on Kakashi's level even before the took the Hero Water. Taki was renowned, not just for being the only Minor Village with a Tailed Beast or because of their Hero Water, but also for producing rare but notably more powerful jōnin. Quality over quantity, with pre-undead Kakazu standing as their most infamous pinnacle.
The Legendary Stupid Brothers were an equalizer, sure, considering they had been strong enough to defeat both Asuma and Kurenai (no idea how though, since the filler arc hadn't shown the fight, just as it hadn't really shown anything about how I originally escaped), but did I trust them enough when our opponent had the home field advantage?
Not to mention I remember Suien having his own back-up, though I can't really recall how many or what they looked like, or even if he'd already gathered them by this point in the timeline. Considering how he was hiding out in the most remote end of the Land of Waterfalls, I wasn't counting on it, but I also wasn't brave enough to bet against it.
No, fighting wasn't an option-
"Mizuki!"
'God dammit man, I just said fighting isn't an option! Get with the program!'
Tsubaki's shout kept me from being gored before the fight had even properly started, Suien going from relaxed to suddenly exploding into motion so fast, it cracked the bark underneath him. It felt like the world was on pause for just a second and then he was just… there, right in my face, kunai in hand. I didn't even have time to properly draw my own kunai from the pouch at my side, only able to bring it up halfway to my stomach to catch the tip of Suien's own knife.
The impact was horrendous, the screeching of metal on metal even more so, but I managed to use the sudden force to my advantage, allowing it to push me back and carry me further, twisting to roll with the blow and allowing the tall Taki ninja to blur past me. He pivoted even as he passed me, landing with both feet on the trunk at my back, pushing off to immediately chase me again.
His face was expressionless, save a small smirk as amusement danced in his dark eyes. Clearly, he was simply enjoying himself. I obviously wasn't.
Seeing as I couldn't match him in speed and my back-up was still several meters below, I didn't try to move away from the approaching jōnin. Instead I allowed myself to fall backwards, the chakra at the soles of my feet almost slipping as gravity pulled me down, swinging me around until I stood upside down on the tree branch, Suien's leading kick cutting through empty air just a millisecond after.
It wouldn't buy me much time, so taking a page from the Taki nin's own book, I pulled in my legs and immediately shot off, pulsing the chakra at my feet to rocket me forwards, stripping the bark as I vaulted downwards, towards the Brothers who I could see were trying to close in on us with great bounding leaps.
"We don't have to do this!" I shouted as I fell towards the forest floor.
"You should've thought of that before you entered my lands!"
"Why even bother with patrol duty for the Village you left?! You're a missing nin yourself, these aren't your lands anymore!"
"They were once! They shall be again!"
The shout came from my left, but on instinct I twisted to my right instead, catching Suien's next strike on the flat of my kunai. I couldn't keep this up: not only was my hand getting strained from maintaining a death grip on the handle, I could see metal sheering away from the sparking impact point. A few more hits like that and I wouldn't have much of a kunai left.
Even blocked (barely at that), Suien's impact was enough to change my trajectory from downwards to sideways, taking us away from the leaping Brothers and slamming my back into a nearby tree trunk. Air was forcefully expelled from my lungs in a painful gasp. There were no branches to stand on, so Suien stood horizontally over me, feet planted flat on the tree besides my shoulders, pushing 'downwards' as he forced our kunai closer and closer to my chest.
"More to the point, I can't have everyone just wandering through my neck of the woods can I? I like this place deserted and I won't have you weaklings report my position back to those weak-willed tree huggers." Suien explained with a grin as below the Brothers landed heavily on the forest floor.
Weather he meant Konoha or Taki by that I didn't know and didn't care.
'No wonder that old geezer told us this place hardly sees any people, this psychopath must scare off any who come knocking.'
"We're not with them!" I manage to hiss out through gritted teeth, trying to push the kunai away from me.
"That still leaves you with knowledge of my hide-out." Suien refuted.
'Moron, we haven't seen anything of your hide-out, it's nothing but fucking trees in every direction!'
"We won't tell anyone!"
"Oh, I'm quite certain of that." Suien chuckled, upping the pressure.
'Crap… I can't… hold it…' sweat poured down my face as the interlocked knives inched more and more downwards.
"Watch out Boss!"
Alerted by the shout, Suien leaps away from me, backflipping in mid-air and alighting on a higher branch. The second he moves away from me, I spot what prompted his escape, an entire small tree (roots and all) shooting towards me like an overgrown javelin.
'Holy shit, I'm traveling with a murderous version of Obelix. Two of 'em!'
Before I can move from my prone spot up against the tree trunk, a slim hand grabs my shoulder in a firm grip and yanks me away in a blurred tunnel of motion, the world briefly being overtaken by stretching lines of green and brown, before with a sudden displacement of air, I'm standing on another branch a dozen meters away, Tsubaki panting at my side.
Below, the airborne tree slams into its taller brother with an explosion of wooden splinters and a thunderous cracking noise that rings throughout the forest.
Across from Tsubaki and I, Suien looks down at the large brothers below with an appraising look, clearly re-evaluating how much effort this little bit of fun will cost him.
"You ok, Boss? Did we squish ya?!" Fujin calls up to us.
"I'm fine, Fujin, Raijin! However, I think a lot of people heard that crash." I call out, deliberately locking eyes with Suien as I mention that last bit and I can see him scowl.
"Oh right. Does that mean we should stop throwing trees Boss?"
"Maybe. Maybe not. Depends."
"Uhhh… depends on what, Boss?"
Instead of answering, I simply tilt my chin at Suien.
"I told you already, we won't tell anyone you're here. But if you're willing, we can talk. Work something out."
Slowly, Suien looks from me, to the shattered tree, to the brothers down below, working his jaw in thought before he glances back at me, as if seeing me in a new light.
"What's there to talk about? What, a bunch of weakling missing-nin like yourselves, you're looking to become my crew or something?"
'With the way he phrased that, it confirms my suspicion that he hasn't yet gotten his gang together. I think I got it!'
My voice remains steady even as a plan begins to take shape.
"Crew. Partnership. Whichever you find more appealing. In any case, an exchange of services. Something that benefits us both."
Suien leans back against the trunk of his tree as I talk, scoffing out loud.
"Benefits us both? Impossible. In this world, for someone to gain something, someone else must lose something." He refutes, clearly not really warming up to the idea of working alongside someone, but still listening at least, so I'm counting it as a win.
"Never said someone else couldn't lose, as long as we win." I shoot back.
Suien stills at that, not yet convinced but at least intrigued.
"Keep talking."
"I can give you something that's as strong as the Hero Water, but that doesn't come with a cost to your lifespan."
Suien's eyes widen as he pushes off from his tree trunk.
"… I'm listening."
'Ha! Gottem.'
Returning my battered kunai to my pouch, I raise both my arms, before pulling up the sleeve covering my right arm, prominently displaying the skull-themed tattoo.
"This is advanced seal-work, containing a special formula, both of them crafted by Orochimaru of the Sannin."
That sends a jolt down Suien's spine, the tall Taki ninja straightening as he appraises our little group.
"Orochimaru, eh? I can see I am not dealing with just any ordinary Konoha traitor scum." He says, sounding slightly impressed before he scowls.
"If this is some sort of recruitment drive, then run back to your master and tell him I'm not interested. He can build up his Village over in Rice Fields all he wants, I will claim Taki for myself as my rightful prize."
'For a filler villain, you sure got some balls on you to insult a man like Orochimaru like that. I mean, sure the offer is fake, but still. Also, do you really think Orochimaru would send out an entire team out to the ass-end of the Land of Waterfalls just to recruit one guy? He's the type of mad scientist that considers razing an entire village to the ground as nothing more than a single data point.'
Still, Suien's overinflated ego could work to my advantage here, as long as I don't forget that (compared to me at least) he's got the power and the skills to back up that ego.
"We weren't heading towards Sound, we were on our way to meet an esteemed colleague of Orochimaru-sama. In order to reach him, we had to pass through Waterfall, and as we are no ally to Konoha or Taki, we thought it best to make our way along deserted paths. Of course we were aware of the former tutor to Taki's leader having called these parts his own and we are of no mind to challenge that claim. In fact, we may be able to provide aid in accomplishing that goal." I lie smoothly and Suien scowls at me.
"For what purpose? What does Orochimaru care for who rules Taki? Or does he wish to have me throw open the gates, only for him to stab me in the back perhaps? There's a lot a man like Orochimaru could accomplish with the Hero Water, not to mention having a Tailed Beast at his side."
'Interesting admission. And omission. So Fū is there, but he didn't mention anything about the Jiongu. It was mentioned that Kakuzu stole the secret techniques of his village, and considering they never again produced another ninja like him in almost a century…'
"I cannot say what Orochimaru's plans are. Very few, if any, are privy to the thoughts of a Sannin. But I can tell you that my master's hatred of the Leaf runs deep, as deep as your own grievances with your former Village, I imagine. To deprive them of an ally, and indeed the power of a Jinchūriki, would be a great boon to him indeed. Enough to provide aid to those would utilize it best."
In other words, Orochimaru doesn't care who wins here, just that Konoha ends up losing. Though Suien was probably right, Orochimaru would just end up betraying him after everything's said and done.
If Orochimaru was even remotely aware of the conversation we were having, that is.
"You're still biding your time to attack the Village, aren't you? The Jinchūriki is still there. No matter how she's treated, she will still rise to protect her village. If not them, then her leader at least. Once she's out of the picture, participating in the next Chūnin Exams perhaps? Then your rise to leader of Taki is unopposed. You know the current leader of the village is no threat. Too cowardly to put his life on the line and take the Hero Water for himself. Even if he were to do so, the increase to his chakra capacity means nothing without the skills to back it up, skills which you already possess in a far greater degree. You taught him, after all." I keep talking, targeting Suien's ego and pride as Naruto's wonky timeline starts to make a little bit more sense.
"Hmm… what a clever little traitor you are, Oniyuri Mizuki. But so far, I've only heard you describe obstacles, obstacles which I am already aware of. All you've shown so far is that seal on your arm. Is that your offer to me? Do you want me to take your arm? In thanks, I'll make sure the cut is clean." Suien 'offers' with a drawl as he slowly fishes out a fresh kunai from his equipment pouch.
"The seal simply contains a formula for an elixir that, if perfected, grants power equal to the increase provided by the Hero Water. You'll be stronger, faster and have increased chakra, without physical drawbacks. If! Only if it's perfected." I hurriedly explain, warily eyeing the knife in the other man's hand.
"… I take it now comes the reason you haven unsealed the formula yet and made the elixir for yourself."
"Indeed. This is the part where I require your aid, Suien. The elixir this formula creates is unfinished. As it stands now, consuming it would give you all of the benefits of the Hero Water, but it will burn you up as well, likely to an even worse degree. I lack the medical and scientific knowledge needed to further advance the formula, nor do I have access to the ingredients required to craft it, all of which is documented within the seal work. However, Orochimaru's colleague does possess these means. It's him I wish to reach. When he unlocks the secrets of this seal and perfects this elixir, I will share it freely with you. With that increase in power, and our combined aid, not even the Jinchūriki would stand between you and the Hero Water. With both, all of Taki, their Tailed Beast included, would have no choice but to bow down before you." I promise and I can feel Tsubaki stiffen at my side, her hand slipping into my own and giving a slight squeeze.
Suien is still considering my words, glancing at his surroundings as if to take in what used to be his homelands. Still the image I planted in his head, of him standing tall over a kneeling Taki, is too tantalizing to pass up. Besides, it's not as if he has any better alternatives right now. In canon, he was likely waiting for Fū to leave the Village before making his own coup attempt. It would've been successful too, considering how much more powerful he was compared to the rest of the villagers. He just had the shit luck of being a filler villain who had the misfortune of running into both the protagonist and the antagonist of our world at the same time.
Poor guy never stood a chance.
"So, I help you unlock that seal on your arm, I get a boost to my power and back-up? What's the catch? What does this 'colleague' of the Sannin get?"
"Like I said: as long as we benefit, who cares if someone else loses?" I reply easily, getting a dark chuckle from the tall Taki ninja.
"My, my, aren't you the little snake?" he challenges, but I can tell his stance is more relaxed now.
Apparently, despite his filler status and overinflated ego, Suien's still genre savvy enough to realize that team-ups between villains inevitably end in betrayal. Now that I've shown my hand early, the threat of me betraying him have gone down.
Or so he thinks, at least.
The silence stretches on as Suien is weighing his options, before his dark eyes lock with mine.
"This… colleague of Orochimaru's. You say you can find him?"
"I have a… rough idea, yes."
"In that case, lead the way."
//
I was somewhat surprised that Suien didn't need to return to his base for supplies, but the Taki traitor merely shrugged at my question as we continued flitting from tree to tree.
"A jōnin of my caliber can survive off the land for as long as needed. Whether the same can be said of you and your little… underlings, well, quite frankly that's not my problem." He said dismissively, casting a glance towards the Legendary Stupid Brothers who were trundling along several meters below us, sticking to the thicker branches and tree trunks.
Despite their unwieldy gait and Suien's dismissive attitude towards them, both Fujin and Raijin were easily keeping pace with us.
'Perhaps. But I'm betting when those two become too hungry, it very quickly will become your problem…' I think darkly, though taking care to not let it show on my face.
With Suien's guidance, our trip towards where the Land of Stone presses down on the Land of Waterfalls from the north is a matter of mere days. Before hitting the actual border though, we turn east, crossing into the Land of Grass instead. Suien shows his knowledge of the lay of the land as well as his greater experience in being a missing nin, as he pulls back far further from the border than I had initially intended, considering I'd need the landmarks to orient myself.
"Iwa likes to swing out their patrols wide. Not enough to provoke, just enough to prod. They have some annoyingly good sensor nin as well. Some of their Earth jutsu have developed specifically to feel for vibrations in the trees." Suien explains with a scowl as we stick to the heartland of the country that he knows so well.
While the Land of Waterfalls resembles the massive forests and woodlands surrounding Konoha, the Land of Grass definitely feels more… otherworldly. Strangely, despite waking up on a prison island in the middle of an active caldera, it's the wide steppes of Grass with its strange forests that truly drives home that I'm on a different world entirely. The stretched out bamboo forests feel suitably eastern, interspersed as it is by deep ravines and winding, slow-running rivers.
So far, it's the perfect setting for a wuxia fic or something.
But nothing prepared me for the mushrooms. Some of them grew to ridiculous sizes in thick clumps that blotted out the sun. They even gave Tsubaki pause when Suien first led us from a bamboo thicket through the towering stalks, though if the Taki nin was phased at all, he didn't show it, not a pause in his stride.
The Legendary Brothers did come to a halt, though for a different reason than Tsubaki and I.
"Brother, look!"
"I see it, Brother!"
"Food!""Food!"
After quickly checking with Suien on whether or not the ginormous mushrooms were of the poisonous variety ("They aren't, though I doubt that would stop them. Part of me doubts it'd actually be able to even kill them.") I decided to call for a small stop to render and sauté some of the man-sized stalks to keep the Brothers' hunger at bay, for now at least.
Suien seemed to want to press on, but when their stomachs rumbled loudly enough it scared off some nearby birds from their perches, he sighed and gave the signal to make camp.
He didn't actually lift a finger to chop down one of the mushrooms though, simply napping away as we did all the work.
Prick.
Thankfully, with the way the Brothers could practically inhale food, the stop didn't take too long and before the powerful jōnin could become restless, we were on our way again, keeping the border to Iwa to our far right. As wide open fields and bamboo groves gave way to thicker forests and deepened ravines, I hoped it wouldn't take long before we came across the foothills of Mount Shumisen, the terrain definitely feeling more and more… 'Iwa'-like as we crossed the many miles.
It was after two days travel (where thankfully, we started to notice a distinct, if far off, bump in the horizon, as we were following an ever deepening ravine, that we came across a sight that made me freeze in my tracks, though this time all of my companions gave me strange looks.
"What's the matter Mizuki? It's just some rubble. The bridge must've been destroyed during the last war."
"It's just that… I never thought I'd see this bridge in person. So much happened here…" I say softly and it's Tsubaki that catches on.
"Wait, is this Kannabi Bridge? Where the supply lines for Iwa were finally crippled by the Fourth Hokage, taking them out of the war!"
"So what, the Yellow Flash fought here once? What does it matter now, the war is over and your Hokage is dead. Let's get a move on, we ain't all the way out in the ass-end of Grass just to go sight-see some ruins." Suien dismisses and I shoot him a disbelieving look.
'Right, I'm the only one here who realizes the significance of Obito's supposed death… I wonder if the cave Madara took him is nearby? No use looking for it though, Obito's probably fucking shit up for everyone over in Wave right now, meaning Madara himself is nothing but dusty bones for now. And who knows what kind of traps or surveillance systems Zetsu put in place there… better to not risk it. Still, need to remember this place for the future, just in case.'
I cast one last troubled look on the broken edges of the bridge, torn and buckled as they lean over the massive blocks of concrete and debris in the ravine below, a testament to one of the most damaging events this world has seen in the past century, even if nobody knew it. Knowledge like that is a heavy weight to carry by just yourself, so I shake my head and take to the trees, hot in pursuit of Suien's already diminishing form.
I got bigger worries right now. Especially about what the hell I'm going to say to Hiruko's doorman. One of three actually. Without alerting Suien to the fact that I lied directly to his face, and intend to offer him up on a silver platter to Hiruko if it's even mildly convenient for me because I have no connection to Orochimaru whatsoever, without alerting Hiruko to that little factoid as well.
'This is getting complicated. Maybe I should've just stuck to my cell and tried to get out on good behavior?' I think morosely to myself as somewhat behind and below me, I catch snippets of yet another 'discussion' between the Legendary Stupid Brothers.
"Hey Big Bro?"
"Yeah, Little Bro?"
"How do the people in black and white movies drive if they don't know if the lights are red or green?"
"Ha! Foolish Little Bro! It's a movie so there is a director off camera who waves at them when it's safe to go."
"Oh, that makes sense. You're so smart, Big Bro!"
"Haha, of course I am!"
'You know, considering the fact that I'm the supposed leader of this group, I can't help but feel slightly… kidnapped?'
//
If the gigantic mushrooms were otherworldly, then the towering stone stacks that gradually pushed out the surrounding forests were truly as if I had stepped onto an alien planet. They gradually rose in height, from taller than a man, to taller than a tree and then finally towering to hundreds of meters high like primordial skyscrapers.
But dwarfing them all was the massive pillar that was Mount Shumisen. No more just a blot on the horizon, once we entered what Suien identified as the Konrin Range between Grass and Stone we could clearly see the immense structure dominating its surroundings. It was as if you took Mount Everest, but only its absolute tallest part, roughly chopping away all surrounding ridges and peaks and mountain ranges until only a gargantuan monolith was left. Its true height was impossible to tell, with the way it led up straight into the mountains, as if even the sky itself was merely part of its foothills.
Even from a distance away, it was somewhat dizzying to look at.
"Mount Shumisen. Never would've taken it for a hide-out, much less for one of Orochimaru's allies, given how nobody's really interested in controlling this area. It's immediate surroundings are bare, some say even twisted and with the difficulty in making it through the surrounding stone pillars, nobody bothered moving armies through here during the last war, especially with the bridges that are available in much of Grass elsewhere. Well, until your Fourth took care of that little logistical opportunity, heh." Suien explained as we got our first good look at the mind-boggling mountain.
'If nobody had any interest in this place, then that would make it the perfect hide-out, you moron. Hell, that was your own reasoning in hiding out in the ass-end of Waterfall!' I glance from the towering mountain to the traitorous jōnin at my side, before remembering that the rarest kekkai genkai of all in this world seems to be plain common sense.
Such as the common sense to not say any of that out loud, instead merely offering a respectful nod at the Taki nin's words.
Just smile and wave, boys, smile and wave.
Somewhat surprisingly, as we drew nearer to the immense base of the tall mountain, the screen of towering stone pillars seemed to give way to a twisting forest behind them, with even the tree trunks winding and twisting as much as their branches, to the point simply running from tree to tree didn't cut it anymore, and we had to swing and duck through the gaps left between the grasping arms.
Or, in the case of the Brothers, simply crash straight through, reducing ancient trees to kindling and splinters.
Thick trees split off into winding branches which ended up in such a closely knit canopy, sunlight only made it through in dappled streaks, covering all of us in a dusky gloom, though as usual, Suien's only expression was a slightly condescending smirk on his face as he took in our surroundings.
Though said smirk was eventually replaced by a look of surprise as the claustrophobic forest abruptly opened up onto a large clearing. At the back of the clearing, the trees grew tight once again, closer than before in fact, to the point some of the tree trunks almost seemed to meld together, their large branches reaching out over their edge of the clearing as if sheltering…
"A gate? Here?" Suien asked aloud as we came to a stop on our side of the empty field, all of us (even the Brothers) not stepping out into the open out of instinct.
Beneath the boughs of the trees across from us stood a wide, black gate with golden decorations, all done up in a traditional style that made it look like the entrance to a historic temple or palace. The gate itself was massive and loomed before us like the mouth of some ancient beast, its towering double doors a deep, weathered gold that caught the dim light and seemed to swallow it whole. Two massive statues crouched at its base—stone guardians frozen mid-snarl, their claws poised as if ready to strike the moment I drew too near. The pillars rising on either side twisted upward in dark, coiling patterns, and beyond them, grim-faced warriors were carved into the walls, their eyes seeming to follow every step. Above, the roof stretched out with curling golden designs like storm clouds caught mid‑swirl, casting long shadows that made the entire entrance feel less like a doorway and more like a judgment.
"Gates usually mean guardians. So where-"
Before I can finish my sentence, a voice best described as 'oily' rings out across the clearing.
"You can come out know, you know! I don't mind razing the entirety of this forest to the ground with you in it, but it's such a hassle to be honest."
Three blurs descend in front of the three wooden double-doors, landing at the steps leading up to the large gate. Though when they straighten, the response of my group is rather… mixed.
"Hey, just a quick question… this Sannin master of yours, does he also require… BDSM gears as uniforms?" Suien haltingly asks me, expression torn between disgusted and morbidly intrigued.
"I want to say no…"
"But?"
"… well, the Sannin are known for their varied tastes…"
"Oh for fucks sake."
Below us, I could hear Raijin whisper to Fujin, though due to their size, they were still clearly heard by all.
"Hey Big Bro… I've never seen a person seen wear that many belts at the same time…"
"Probably because they're so skinny. Belts are thing only worn by thin people after all, and these guys look really thin."
"Even the girl? She doesn't look skinny. …she doesn't look very skinny at all."
"… ask me when your older than me."
Indeed, the choice of outfit for Hiruko's three henchmen was… striking to say the least, consisting of a pair of twins and a woman, all clad in an assortment of belts and suspiciously shiny leather. Even the woman.
"For shame." Tsubaki hissed in an affronted tone besides me, staring at the enemy kunoichi with a scandalous look, tinged with self-conscious envy.
"Well Mizuki, time to come through on all those honeyed words of yours. Let's see you convince them to unlock the power of that tattoo of yours."
Suddenly I feel a tight grip on the back of my shirt.
"Wait-!"
"C'mon, you can do it! I believe in you! Or well, supposedly someone does…"
And suddenly the world is a blur and the grass of the clearing is coming very close now…
"Oof!"
The following silence is almost as loud as my crash was as both parties simply stare at where I'm lying face-down in the grass, a small cloud of dust rising up from my impact crater. Slowly, I raise my dirt-stained head, glancing up at the surprised look of Ichi, Ni and San.
'Greetings, have you heard about our Lord and Savior, the Child of Prophecy?'
"Ahem… Is Hiruko at home? I have something of a business proposal…"
Fun Fact: The translation for the henchmen's name simply translates to One, Two and Three.