The bathroom door opened with a soft click, and Shirou re-entered the room, looking composed as ever. His hair was only slightly mussed, and his expression was the picture of calm indifference.
Too calm.
Satoshi stared at him. So did Ashwatthama, who now had one arm slung behind his head and was watching with the gleam of a predator who smelled blood in the water. However, Shirou merely crossed the room in silence, reaching for a clean shirt and tugging it over his head like nothing happened.
Satoshi opened his mouth, but Ashwatthama beat him to it.
"Sleep well, lover boy?" he asked, voice deceptively light.
Shirou didn't even flinch. "Fine. Thanks."
"Good," Ashwatthama said, stretching. "Glad you got it all out of your system."
There was a beat as Satoshi's face burned. Shirou paused for half a second before adjusting the hem of his shirt and replying, "It's a natural reaction."
"Sure," Ashwatthama drawled. "Natural. But kind of forward for just practice, don't you think?"
Shirou finally looked at him. Calm. Cool. The tiniest lift of one brow. "You're the one who kissed both of us first."
Ashwatthama grinned. "And look how well that went. Now we're escalating."
Satoshi, caught in the middle and feeling very much like the peanut butter in this weird, emotionally charged sandwich, finally raised a hand. "Can we—can we not talk about this first thing in the morning?"
Ashwatthama gave him a sidelong smirk. "Why not? You seemed very awake a few minutes ago."
"I will die."
"I can arrange that."
"Both of you," Shirou said flatly, walking past them toward the kitchen, "stop flirting and get dressed. Riley will be up soon."
Satoshi gawked at his back. "Flirting?! I wasn't—!"
Ashwatthama, already out of bed and stretching again, grinned. "You're really easy to rile up. Makes it way too fun."
Satoshi groaned into his hands as the sound of Shirou's retreating footsteps echoed down the hall.
This was going to be a long day.
And possibly, somehow, worse: a long life.
By the time Shirou's footsteps faded toward the kitchen, Ashwatthama had already claimed the bathroom next.
Satoshi sat on the edge of the bed, glaring at the floor like it had personally offended him. His heart was still beating too fast.
Because that had been… something. The warmth, the pressure of Shirou's chest against his back, the way his voice had dropped low before excusing himself to the bathroom—and then the way Ashwatthama had smirked at him like he was watching a romance drama unravel in real time and then had the audacity to fluster him more.
He ran a hand through his messy hair and stood up with a sigh. "Okay. You asked for this, Satoshi. You summoned two emotionally constipated warriors and gave them domestic housing. This is your fault."
The bathroom door opened mid-muttering and Ashwatthama walked out shirtless, towel slung over his neck, muscles on full display like an Olympic-level intimidation tactic. His hair was still damp, sticking to his jaw and collarbones in wild dark lines. The man didn't even look like he tried to towel it dry. Just… existed like that.
He glanced at Satoshi. "You're talking to yourself."
"Don't you ever knock?"
"You're in the middle of the room. Not a private zone."
Satoshi narrowed his eyes. "Put on a shirt, you menace."
Ashwatthama gave him a slow once-over and then made a very deliberate show of walking over to the closet, pulling out a t-shirt, and slowly dragging it over his head without looking away.
Satoshi turned around sharply. "You're doing that on purpose."
"Absolutely," Ashwatthama said cheerfully. "If I've gotta play husband, I might as well commit."
Satoshi groaned as a drawer opened. Behind him, Ashwatthama asked, almost casually, "I'm actually surprised you didn't have the same reaction when Shirou held you at night before?"
"I will end you."
"I'd like to see you try," Ashwatthama muttered, clearly amused as he threw on the rest of his clothes.
Satoshi threw a pillow at him. It hit him square in the chest, but Ashwatthama just grinned.
Just then, Shirou returned.
"You're still not dressed?" he asked Satoshi, nodding toward his rumpled pajama shirt.
Satoshi turned to glare. "I've been harassed by two superhumans and was in the middle of starting a pillow war."
Ashwatthama tossed the pillow back onto the bed and shrugged. "He's sensitive."
"I. Am. Normal."
Shirou quirked a brow. "Sure."
Ashwatthama nodded solemnly. "He's delicate. Like mochi."
"I hate both of you."
"Get dressed, mochi boy," Shirou said, turning away.
Satoshi buried his face in his hands as they left the room. However, somehow… despite the teasing and awkwardness and vaguely threatening innuendo…It felt like a real morning.
Even if it was slightly deranged.
.
The smell of grilled fish and miso filled the air.
Satoshi, sleeves rolled up, moved with a quiet sort of confidence as he prepared breakfast. Shirou stood beside him, helping slice vegetables and plating rice bowls like a second shadow. Their movements had started to sync, as they always did—quiet glances, unspoken cues, a rhythm formed from hours of cooking together.
Ashwatthama leaned against the kitchen doorway like a cat who'd found a sunbeam and a private joke. Arms crossed. Grin lazy. And eyes laser-focused on Shirou, who was trying very hard to ignore him.
"You know," Ashwatthama said casually, "if I woke up grinding against someone, I'd at least apologize with more sincerity."
Satoshi choked on air.
Shirou didn't even glance up from where he was slicing something with too much strength. "I already said sorry."
"Sure," Ashwatthama drawled. "But it wasn't even a proper apology. Just 'natural reaction' this and 'practice' that. If you're going to use Satoshi as a body pillow, you could at least buy him dinner."
Satoshi groaned, ears red.
"I did help with dinner last night," Shirou replied flatly, still slicing.
Ashwatthama raised an eyebrow. "And breakfast now. So I guess we're locked into the honeymoon phase."
"Please stop," Satoshi mumbled, burying his face in a tea towel. "This is my kitchen. I'm supposed to be the confident, competent one here."
"Oh, you're plenty competent," Ashwatthama offered, all teeth. "Just maybe not when pinned."
Shirou finally looked up and met Ashwatthama's smirk with the blank expression of someone deciding whether now was a good time to throw a knife.
"I was asleep," he said calmly. "It's biological."
Ashwatthama snorted. "Uh-huh."
Satoshi let out a strangled noise.
"Okay!" he barked, flustered. "Okay—everyone shut up or no miso soup for you."
That got Ashwatthama to raise his hands in mock surrender, stepping toward the table. "Fine, fine. I'll behave. Can't fight on an empty stomach."
Shirou simply returned to prepping like the argument had never happened.
Satoshi sighed. "How is it that I'm the one flustered when you're the one who is—"
"Because I'm better at hiding it," Shirou said, without missing a beat.
Satoshi threw a rice paddle at him. It bounced off his shoulder. He didn't flinch.
Ashwatthama, watching all of this unfold like it was the best morning theater in the world, sat down at the table, utterly content.
"Domestic bliss," he said, pouring himself tea. "What a beautiful mess we've made."
.
The sound of soft, sleepy footsteps echoed down the hall.
Riley.
Ashwatthama was already standing before she even fully appeared in the doorway, muttering under his breath as he moved past the table. "Practice time."
Satoshi turned just in time to see Ashwatthama crouch slightly and greet Riley with a surprisingly gentle, "Morning, little warrior." He ruffled her bed-head lightly, his big hand practically covering her whole head.
She blinked blearily, yawned, and smiled. "Morning…"
Then she waddled over to Satoshi like a sleepy duckling.
Satoshi grinned as he looked down. "Hey, kiddo. Slept okay?"
She nodded, eyes still half-closed as she hugged him, and that's when Ashwatthama struck.
With practiced ease, he stepped in behind Satoshi, placed a large hand at the back of his neck, and gently tilted his head to one side like he was angling a vase just right.
Satoshi blinked. "Wh—?"
Then Ashwatthama kissed him. Not deep. Not intense.
But choreographed.
A touch more than a peck—his hand threaded lightly into Satoshi's hair, thumb brushing the nape of his neck. His lips were firm, confident, and lingered for exactly five seconds. Theatrics, not intimacy. But it made Satoshi's brain stall out anyway.
When Ashwatthama pulled back, he smiled down at him—smirked, really—and turned with flair, throwing a pointed glance at Shirou as he passed. Then he knelt beside Riley, talking to her as if he hadn't just short-circuited the family chef. "I think I smell grilled salmon. Bet he made your favorite, huh?"
Riley nodded enthusiastically, already wide awake.
Satoshi was still trying to reboot when a second hand touched the back of his neck. Firm and possessive. He turned instinctively—and Shirou kissed him. Not long. Not tongue. Just a hard, grounding press of lips—enough to stop the spiraling thoughts and restart a different kind of spiral.
When Shirou pulled back, his eyes were calm but dark with something sharp beneath.
Satoshi opened his mouth to say something.
Nothing came out.
"...Breakfast's getting cold," Shirou said smoothly, turning back to his station like nothing had happened.
Satoshi stood frozen for a long moment.
Riley was already at the table beside Ralts, Ashwatthama now humming softly as he helped her pour tea like he hadn't just started a turf war with a kiss.
Satoshi sat down numbly.
He was never surviving this household.
.
.
.
So, I had a month of no updating mostly because my account on AO3 was suspended because of a comment I made about a paying site that I will not mention (because apparently just mentioning the name is enough). Though I do admit that while I wrote in this free month, it wasn't much. Mostly because now that I'm in the final steps of the process of buying a house. I will sign the documents and receive the keys this Thursday so wish me luck.
Also, I'm studying at the same time I'm working. Btw, I've been promoted and got a new role since the start of this month, so yay for that! (And for the extra stress)
I'm sorry for the delay, but now I should be able to update weekly once again.
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Also, if you want to support me and read chapters ahead, go to my p@treon: JorieDS