Meanwhile, Bob had just informed Old Man Li of Hugo's Infiltration and the plot of the Dark Rizzards.
"Master, I believe Hugo will now become a useful pawn *cough* person that could prove a valuable resource for us as we take on the Dark Rizzards. But who... exactly are the Dark Rizzards, and what are they after?"
Old Man Li nodded as he stroked his chin majestically and spoke in a low, dramatic voice like a narrator from a fantasy movie. "Ahhhh, yes."
With a sweeping movement of his hand, an undercurrent of dramatic music began to play in the background, lightning effects began to flash all around them, and Old Man Li's voice took on an impressive, echoing tone.
"Long ago... before the era of Man began..."
At this point, the door to the Karaoke room opened, and a server came in with their orders.
"Your rice wine, beer and fried chicken, sir."
"Oh, Thanks."
The door slammed closed, as Old Man Li continued impressively.
"…Where was I?"
"Master, you are very impressive, and I am impressed. …May we cut to the important part?"
Bob obviously knew Old Man Li very well by now and understood that the esteemed readers would wish to skip the filler, the gratitude from which would undoubtedly cause many of them to immediately send across their power stones in appreciation✨
Old Man Li shot Bob a dirty look - not that kind come on guys - before sighing and spilling the beans - again not those kinds of beans either.
"Very well, if it's for the sake of those… stones of power, time is indeed of the essence…"
____
[warning: graphic content skip ahead to next section if you just want the story]
At this, Georg R.R. Martens, who was going another round having recovered after that cursed Chapter 18, felt his own… 'stones of power' begin to quiver. "My dear Winter… time… is not the only… essence I have for you today…"
"As expected of a great big author, you really know how to play with wor… Umfff," His lover Winter looked up at the bearded man's gigantic stature and spoke admiringly, before she suddenly was unable to utter another word due to the censorship of this paragraph.
Georg licked his lips, and after several amorous glances and a skillful crescendo of literary technique, a few moments later, Winter, wide eyed, experienced the rich taste of her Man's 'creative essence' yet again…
___
Meanwhile, the Song of Ice and Fire [cursed remix] had finished playing in the background, and Old Man Li continued oblivious to the utter corruption of the pure reader's minds that had just taken place.
"The Dark Rizzards are Rizzmasters that have chosen to maximise their Rizz Index at any cost, even through immoral or deceitful methods... And Their primary objective is to seduce women with astronomical Anti-Rizz Indexes - such as a legendary Ice Queen."
Despite everything, Old Man Li was prepared to advance the plot, and upon saying the words 'Ice Queen' tossed a picture of Sally Sallyson onto the table.
"The Association of RizzMasters believe that Empress Bing Qi Ling of the Wintry Anti-Rizz Realm has found a successor, and that this would be the future Ice Queen, Sally Sallyson."
Bob looked at the photo, which showed a divine-goddess-level beauty waving gracefully at what was presumably her crowd of adoring fans. She somehow felt familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it, as Old Man Li had (in)conveniently whisked it away.
"The Dark Rizzards believe that seducing an Ice Queen would allow them to gain legitimacy, and to consolidate their genetic legacy, so that the future generations of humanity would all increasingly embrace the Dark Rizzard Arts. As such, we have reason to believe that this future Ice Queen, Sally Sallyson, would be their future target…"
Bob swirled his H₂0 on the rocks - he had learned about this apparently exquisite beverage from Tristen - before commenting,
"Hmm… I-cy."
Old Man Li continued unfazed, since, as a veteran Rizzmaster, he had long mastered the Dao of Shamelessness and was therefore immune to cringe.
"They are comprised of various different factions, but at the core of their Alliance is the belief that Life is all about what they can get from it, and so they would be prepared to do almost anything, so long as it means achieving their goals."
"Isn't that possibly a good thing?" Bob mainly saw the positives as usual.
Old Man Li shook his head.
"In the short term, perhaps… But in the long run, if they continued in an immoral and ruthless fashion, the resulting negative karma would eventually catch up with them, if not in this life, then in the next. Moreover, their actions would also potentially cause the net positive energy levels in the world to decrease."
Hmm… Old Man Li was right. In the end, the Law of the Conservation of Karmic Energy would not be cheated... Even so, despite their often short-sighted and self-centred views, the Dark Rizzards were clearly capable and dangerous opponents.
___
"Anyway, it is time that you understood the magnitude of your mission."
"The Dark Rizzards would definitely challenge you on your journey to achieve genetic success. Accordingly, we will need to make preparations to deal with their negative energies. You must hurry and reach A++++++ genetic grade level as soon as possible."
Bob nodded. Vols. 1-3 of The Art of Rizz, The Art of Touch, The Dao of Shamelessness, the pushups, sit-ups, squats, face-slapping, cardio, the ability and talent training, he was doing everything he could, but there still seemed to be something missing that was stopping him from making another breakthrough…
An uncomfortable but pertinent thought suddenly arose, like a loose thread of unfinished business. Did it have something to do with that… muscular man, Gigachad? …
"In particular, there is one person whom you must be very careful of."
Old Man Li's words cut through Bob's thoughts as he pulled out another picture, this time of a silhouetted figure that seemed to be seated in a chair with the back facing the audience and a white question mark over the top suggesting that they didn't know his exact identity.
Old Man Li spoke the name softly.
"Itvasme Diogenes…"
"At some point, We must deal with this man."
___
*Sometime later*
Zhang Lu, the son of Rizzmaster Li, is reading his manga and cooking his instant noodles as well as his latest premium stockpiled chapters on a certain popular online publishing site when suddenly there is a knock at his door.
Hmm... so many visitors today… surely that person wouldn't have come again?
As he opens the door, a masked man in a billowing cape enters, spouting postmodernist philosophy.
"Reality is an illusion…"
"Truth just depends on your perspective…"
He whispers suggestively.
"Uh… can I help you?"
Indeed, it was the Grand Dark Rizzard, Itvasme Diogenes!
We have read your work, Zhang Lu, and believe you have what it takes…
The masked man extended out a hand.
"Join us, and we would give you all the powerstones and chapter unlocks you could ever wish for…"
Zhang Lu weighed up his options for a bit… and then made his decision…!
"… yeah all right. Let's do this."
___
A crackle of lightning flashes, and thunder rumbles overhead as the rain begins to pour down.