And with this, we come to the end of this small "dissection" project—five chapters, 45,641 words, and an emotional weight I hadn't expected to carry. Of course, these aren't the only parts I edited or rewrote in this novel, but they were the ones that lingered with me the longest. The ones that shaped something in me while I worked on them.
This will also be the first and last time I write such an in-depth reflection for a novel I translate. Why? Because this one only had 3xx chapters. The other novels I work on… well, most are either over 500 chapters long or have massive word counts. Reborn as the Fallen Idol, I Leaned Into the Chaos! has more than 600 chapters, Troublemaker's Guide to Immortality has more than 1,000 chapters, and True Heir of Chaos: From Villainess to Empress has over 2,000. I physically, mentally, spiritually cannot dissect them all like this (｡•́︿•̀｡)
But let me shift focus now—from the characters to the person behind the translation.
Why did I begin translating novels in the first place?
The answer is simple, and a little sad: because the stories I loved were unavailable in English. No official releases. No fan translations. Not even messy MTLs. And as someone who prefers reading offline, keeping those stories on my device was nearly impossible. So, I began translating them myself and uploading them where others could access them too.
And why did I choose this novel as my first translation project?
It's because of Su Min and Xie Yingying.
To be honest, seeing Su Min is... low-key like seeing myself. I feel connected to her in more ways than one. And as for Xie Yingying, the way she's always chasing someone, the way she hides her emotions, holding everything inside, trying to be strong in silence...
I understood that too. The quiet effort. The strength that doesn't need to be loud.
In both of them, I saw pieces of myself.
That's why I chose this story. Because it meant something to me before I ever translated a single word.
For context, Chinese is not my native language. It's not even a language I've formally studied. I graduated from university two years ago with a degree in Japanese Language and Literature Education. My native language is Javanese (Bahasa Jawa), followed by Bahasa Indonesia, then Japanese, and finally English.
Japanese has always been part of my life—thanks to my father and his side of the family, who love anime and Japanese games. English, I started learning properly around the second or third grade of elementary school. So, if you find parts of my English awkward, or feel something was misinterpreted... I sincerely apologize. I really am trying my best, and I'm still learning.
To be honest, I've been unemployed for about half a year now. My mental health hasn't been great either. I'm 27 this year, and sometimes I doubt whether I can function as a "normal" adult at all.
Let's just say… I was raised by an NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) father who always preferred sons over daughters. And like a fool, I chased his approval for more than two decades. To earn that approval, I never really got to know myself. I didn't learn how to be human in the way others seemed to. Socializing, boundaries, self-worth—those things didn't exist in my world. I wasn't raised so much as I was... molded. Conditioned.
We weren't rich, but we could eat. That was enough.
He raised me into a strange contradiction. On one hand, I became a "traditional woman": submissive, good at housework, dependent, discerningly-obedient. On the other, because he favored boys, he also gave me the "tools" of masculinity: leadership, life skills, survival. Sometimes I wonder if he was shaping me not as a daughter, but as the ideal partner for someone who could understand and orbit someone like him.
That contradiction still echoes in how people see me. I was born in '98, and my younger brother was born in 2004. Whenever we go somewhere together, people almost always assume I'm the younger one. It's strange, because to me, his face is clearly younger—he still looks like someone who's growing, childish and a bit silly. I mean that in a half-affectionate way. But somehow, people see me and treat me like a little girl. Sure, maybe I have a bit of a baby face, but I'm not that young, right?
When I buy things from small shops or local businesses, the owners often speak to me gently, the way you'd talk to a kid. Sometimes they even give me extra items or little gifts, like I'm being rewarded for being cute. And this doesn't just happen with older people. Even among friends, I tend to get doted on like the group's youngest. Sometimes, people younger than me treat me as if I'm their little sister. Seriously?
Maybe I give off an "adorable and obedient little girl" vibe. Or maybe it's my eyes, which apparently look too clear and clueless, like some spoiled child who doesn't know the world. Or maybe it's the way I carry myself—too naive, too careful. I honestly don't know. But I do think it's connected to the way I was raised.
And the strange part is, I'm often the leader. In organizations or group settings, I either end up in charge or I somehow become the person who influences the one in charge. I like that kind of power. I crave it, in a way. I know how to take care of myself and others, I'm capable. But at the same time, I struggle to function like a "normal" adult. It's a weird balance. Hard to describe.
I carry a lot. Trauma, confusion, exhaustion, suicidal thoughts—I even often attempt to do it. Maybe something like anxiety, depression, somatization, intellectualization, and any other things. But I also carry a tiny, flickering spark of healing.
That's why translating became something more than just a task.
It transformed into something precious.
When I received my first Ko-fi donation, I shed a tear. Thank you, Magn0lia. Your kindness meant more than you know. But it's not just donations (on my Ko-fi or my Patreon) that bring me joy. Every vote, review, and comment gives me something I've rarely had before—a sense of connection. Of being seen. Of being appreciated for something I made with my own hands and heart.
And to FU_HUA—thank you, truly. You often take the time to correct my words, polish the rough edges. That kind of quiet, consistent support... it stays with me more than you probably realize.
Maybe all of this gratitude sounds a bit much. Or maybe it's just the "approval-seeking" part of me that still lingers, hoping to be enough, somehow... (・・;)ゞ
Still, I can feel my heart softening. My mind slowly unclenching.
On June 25th, 2025, I had a dream.
In it, I was a fox, running freely through open fields with soft, shifting violet fur—so beautiful that for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful too. Not in a vain or shallow way, but with a quiet, unshakable sense of freedom and worth. That was… new. I've always been insecure about my looks. Even when friends told me people had crushes on me, I couldn't believe it. I never felt attractive. I prided myself on my mind, not my face.
But in that dream, I was light. Unburdened. Alive. And for once, I wasn't afraid to be seen. I felt free. Beautiful. Happy.
And dazed when I woke up. Because I'd never had a dream like that before. My usual dreams are about war, betrayal, power games—things I find fascinating but never comforting.
But this... this was peace, felt like healing. I had never dreamed like that before.
That's why I wrote this chapter. That's why I decided to reflect on my work like this. Because translating, writing, connecting with you—it all became a thread I could follow through the dark. It reminded me I wasn't alone.
So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Thank you for reading. For voting. For reviewing. For donating. For walking with me through this story—through Su Min's ambition, through Xie Yingying's devotion, through all the quiet threads of strength, love, and sorrow woven into this strange, beautiful novel.
This is officially the last chapter, so if you've enjoyed the journey, I humbly ask for your votes, reviews, recommendations, or donations (if you're feeling generous—no pressure at all!). It really means the world to me.
My [Ko-fi]! ☕️: https://ko-fi.com/rikhi
My [Patreon]!🎨: https://patreon.com/rikhi
Thank you for reading. Thank you for walking with Su Min, Xie Yingying, and me.
I'm grateful. Truly.
And if you liked this translation style, feel free to visit my profile! Most of the novels I translate are tagged with things like #NoCP #Yuri #Infrastructure #FemaleMC #Xianxia #StrongWoman #Rebirth #Game #Counterattack #Transmigration #System #Apocalypse #BehindTheScenes and #Entertainment.
You can also follow me by clicking the little "Love" or heart-shaped button on my profile! You'll know it worked when the number goes up and the heart turns white ♡
That way, you won't miss it when I upload a new novel—you'll get a notification right away~
(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
See you in the next world. The next story.
—With love, your translator, Reiya (ฅ'ω'ฅ)
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Psst... hey, you. Yes, you!!!
If it ever feels like the world is dark and everyone's against you, maybe take a moment to read "Reborn as the Fallen Idol, I Leaned Into the Chaos!" on my account.
Let's heal slowly, one step at a time. You're not alone ( ´•̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥` )
After all,
"We are all children of a beautiful world."
(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ
...and hey, if you're in the mood for something lighter—something chaotic, silly, and full of laughs—why not try "Troublemaker's Guide to Immortality"?
It's also up on my account, and it might just make your day a little brighter.
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~ "A lot of things still hurt. Some wounds don't heal just because you try to think positively. But what used to be rot has become scabs now. They still hurt when you look at them—but at least they're not festering anymore." ~
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(Side note, if you're curious! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝✧)
You might be wondering where "rikhi" comes from. Well... it's a little nameplay on my full name: Reiya Keith Alberich!
Here's how it breaks down:
Alberich, when written in Japanese, becomes アルベリヒ (Aruberihi)
So from "Riki" in Alberich, I got "Rikhi"
I just stylized the spelling a bit because it looked cute (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄))
But there's a second meaning too:
Ri from Reiya, K from Keith, and Hi from Alberich (based on the German pronunciation of the "ch")—put them together and you get... Rikhi!
Oh, and I often use "Rikhi" as my username in games or other platforms too!
If you ever stumble across an account with that name... well, maybe it's me?? (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و ✧
So, about the full name I use here—it's not my legal name, at least not yet. But I've been introducing myself as Reiya Keith Alberich ever since I started college.
Only my old classmates still remember my legal name. To everyone else, I've always been Reiya. Even the lecturers who taught my classes knew my original name, but they still called me Reiya, just like the rest of my classmates.
Meanwhile, people in my hometown—neighbors, relatives, and anyone who knew me before college—still use my original name.
That includes old friends from elementary, middle, and high school. Though to be honest, in my personal dictionary, the word "friend" means something closer to "best friend" for most people—so the way I define my social circle might be a bit more intense than usual.
My parents and siblings also know about the new name, and even though they haven't switched to calling me that (probably out of habit, and because I haven't legally changed it yet), they're aware of it and not opposing about it.
Interestingly, I've always had a different nickname for every stage of my education. It's basically the same name, using the same words, just in different variations.
Why? Don't ask. I honestly have no idea either. (｡•́︿•̀｡)
It doesn't really bother me. In fact, it's kind of helpful—I can tell "who's who" in my life just by how they call me.
I first started searching for a new name during my third year of high school. At the time, I hadn't studied Japanese formally—I only started that once I entered college—so my understanding of kanji and Japanese naming conventions was still pretty limited. I basically pieced the name together using words I knew and liked. So yeah, if it sounds a little strange, that's why. (・・;)ゞ
It's not like I will write them in kanji anyway, because foreign name will use katakana when write it in Japanese, not Kanji.
Here's the breakdown:
Reiya (冷夜 / 冷夜)
冷 (Rei) – "cold" or "cool"
夜 (Ya) – "night"
This gives two core meanings:
→ "Cold night"
→ "Diamond in the night"(with "Rei" also representing a diamond or something precious)
I was born at 3 a.m., so the idea of a cold, dark night made sense. But I also wanted to express something more symbolic—A diamond shining in darkness. Because night is dark, and a diamond reflects light. So, a "diamond in the night" can also mean something like a guiding light, a hidden brilliance, or a beacon in the dark.
Keith
I took Keith from the character Keith Aero Windermere in Macross Delta—the calm, commanding Silver Knight, and the highest-ranking officer of the Aerial Knights. I liked how he carried himself with silent confidence and strategic leadership. That image stuck with me.
Alberich
This is the most symbolic part.
Alberich is a name from German mythology—a dwarven king, guardian of treasures, often depicted as wise, cunning, and fiercely protective.
It's a name associated with leadership, power, and sometimes even darkness or mystery—but not in a purely negative way.
It represents someone who knows how to guard what matters, someone who might live in the shadows, but still stands strong.
So when you combine it all, my full name holds a meaning something like this:
"A silver knight, born in the coldest night, carrying the spirit of Alberich."
Or in a more symbolic sense:
"A silver knight who becomes a guiding light in the darkness, with the strength to protect and lead—even if quietly."
Why did I choose Keith and Alberich in particular?
Partly because, well... I love being in charge (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧
But more deeply, back then I knew—I was broken. And I wanted to change.
By choosing names tied to strength, wisdom, and protection, I hoped to steady myself—to hold myself together. And perhaps, in time, to lead and shield others too.
Oh—and one more reason.
I'm under 155cm tall, so choosing Alberich, a dwarven guardian figure, felt kind of fitting too.
(Short kings and queens, rise up! ༼ つ ◕‿◕ ༽つ)