Pain.
It tore through my body like fire assaulting me immediately.
My eyes snapped open, and I immediately broke into a fit of ragged coughing, my entire body heaving violently.
'I'm alive…fuck's sake I actually survived!'
My ear rang with a high pitched whine, my sense of equilibrium fragile.
Slowly…painstakingly, I clambered to my feet.
Dozens of burn marks made themselves known in a fresh wave of pain. My armour was mostly incinerated, my bare skin shivering against the elements.
'How am I alive?'
Everywhere around me was a hellhole. A wasteland of fire and corpses.
But I was alive.
Glancing at my body, I saw most of my wounds had been plugged by soil and burnt there, plugging the bloodloss.
'Lucky..'
I got lucky.
"Hah" I half chuckled.
"I got lucky…that's ironic."
The fighting had lessened now. Night was arriving soon.
"Fuuck." 'How long have I been out?' It had to have been hours at least.
I could see the armies slowly beginning to pull back. Today neither side had won.
In the distance the rebels had created a trench, meaning they didn't need to retreat in order to recover.
A stalemate.
That's what this was. And stalemates were a bloody thing. Ensuring nothing beyond the loss of life.
A lot of life.
Stumbling, I made my way towards my own lines, trying to fight the weakness. I needed to make it at least.
Each step was painstaking, dragging my feet over corpses.
I wished the entire battlefield had been as wrent apart as the place where I regained consciousness.
At least that way the corpss wouldn't have seemed so…human.
Dark wide eyes stared unblinkingly upwards, as if they could still see.
'More memories to add to the collection huh.'
Somehow, I managed to make it back to the Empire's side in time, before nightfall fell.
Here the battle would undergo the night phase where artillery magic would be exchanged.
Anyone caught alive in the middle would be wrent apart from either side, each one believing it was an attack from the other.
I tried to make my way to the hospital building, but the adrenaline that had kept me going started to fail me, the pain growing unbearably.
"ART!!!!"
Turning, a half smile already on my face as I saw Marsh running towards me. Only he called me that.
He immediately took my arm, shouldering some of my weight.
"Hey Marsh" I rasped.
"Don't say anything" he urged. "Save your strength."
I nodded too tired to say anything more.
Marsh had been crying, I could see the tears in his eyes. 'Poor boy, he must've been worried for me.'
I was given a bed. The wing was full of soldiers with various wounds. But before I could say anything else, I fell asleep, the softness of the bed winning me over.
.....
I was in the living room again. Surrounding not by the fury and storm of war. But by warm, soft inviting lights.
There was food on the stove. Eggs, meat and bread.
But there was no sign of who cooked it. It was just me, in my old living room, alone.
Sighing, a cold relief washed over me. It was good my family wasn't in my dreams this time.
Strange as it was to say, I didn't want to see them now…or well, I didn't want them to see me.
In this dream there was none of the dirt clinging to my real body…yet I felt dirty. Tainted by the blood I'd spilt.
My mind flashed back to the young soldier's voice, crying for his mother.
And I couldn't help but think. How many sons had I stolen today? How many mothers have I given cause to weep?
Taking the food, I took a seat in the living room.
Slowly at first, I began eating. There was no taste in the food, probably because this was all a dream.
But each mouthful felt warm and relaxing. Soothing me. So by the time I finished eating, I almost felt human again.
As soon as I savoured the last morseful, I opened my eyes. It was a purposeful movement as I consciously left my dream.
The hospital bed was just as comfortable as I remembered it being. There was no one next to me, Marsh was probably somewhere else helping out.
Poor kid, he was too nice for his own good. It's going to get him killed one day.
Groaning, I clambered out of the bed, fighting the weariness that clung deep within my bones. After a brief inspection, I was satisfied to see my injury had been mostly healed, except for a faint scar on my arm.
"Haaahh. Guess I should make my way back."
It took me a while, but I managed to stumble through the Unit 7 building. Immediately I sought my bed, collapsing into it with a sigh.
'Beds are the most beautiful things to ever exist.'
Looking around, I was surprised to see a full room. No one had died. Not bothering to change out of the rags that remained of my armour I pulled the blanket up.
But before I could go to sleep, I heard the sound of angry footsteps.
Turning I saw Officer Mara barge in. She looked nothing like I expected. It wasn't the dirt on her face, or the bruises on her skin.
It was her eyes. She was angry.
Very angry. Her dark eyes glittering dangerously….at me?
"Where were you Arthur?" She barked.
"I-fighting" I responded, unsure.
"Why didn't you cycle?" She started forward dangerously. "Do you have a death wish?" She seethed.
"You want to end it all, right?" she spat venomously, approaching with a slow dangerous step. "Poor little noble wants to go down in a hail of valour, right?"
"N-n-, the fuck you mean cycle?"
She paused, stunned. "You were meant to cycle out of battle every second hour and then cycle back in."
"What, no one told me that!" I shouted back, affronted.
She looked at me, shocked. Then her eyes darkened and she turned to the rest of her crew.
Her voice, which had been angry before, grew quiet. Dangerously quiet.
"You never told him?"
Not one of them met her gaze, looking down in shame.
Then everything clicked. Of course.
They hadn't beaten me, bullied me.
They had left me alone, and in doing so, had resigned me to death more than the bullying ever did.
Strangely, after a brief check of my emotions…I felt nothing.
No sense of betrayal, or shock. Not even anger.
I was just...tired.
"I'll show him tomorrow" a voice rang out.
Turning, my eyebrows raised as I looked at Noah who had just walked out the bathroom, drying his hair.
Officer Mara glared at him. "See to it you do." Then she marched off.
I turned to Noah. He didn't turn to look back, climbing onto the bunk ontop of me.
Right before I closed my eyes I heard a soft whisper from ontop of me.
"I didn't know they never told you."
I didn't say anything, too weary and drained to give a damn enough to reply. In seconds, I was asleep.
In the distance, the rumble of artillery shook the ground as the next phase of the war began.
...….
Noah watched Arthur through the corners of his eyes as he had stumbled in.
He felt a pang of something he didn't quite understand. Respect? Awe? Arthur had stumbled in, exhausted and caked in blood and dirt.
But he had stumbled in, like some sort of demon.
He had thought the noble had died, or ran away. But he hadn't.
Arthur's white hair was dirty with mud and sweat, and his scarlet eyes were worn and weary. His armour had been reduced to shreds and his sword was nowhere in sight.
Unlike the rest of them, he hadn't cycled out. That meant Arthur had been out there, fighting. The entire damn time.
"Fucking crazy" Noah muttered to himself.
And then, like Arthur, he closed his eyes, letting sleep take him.
Preparing to repeat the same thing tomorrow, all over again.