"Know 'em? Me and him practically grew up together! I became the leader of SONG, Marty here became a businessman and a damn good teacher."
The main screen changed to show a map of the world with oceanic currents displayed. Several smaller windows opened on the monitor showing images from the Bible, ancient relics, and a cassowary, of all things, which thoroughly confused the new recruits to the X-Squad. "But anyways, as you know, international toy and video game company Rave Incorporated has found the Noah Arc on accident, and their mascot went rogue and slaughtered everyone at the building he was in on the way out, and then slaughtered everyone who ever worked at Rave Inc to cover his tracks, and now it is only a matter of time until said cassowary, called Wattles by most of the omniverse, breaks into the hidden vault at the top of the Last Resort hotel, using the Lesser Key of Solomon – one of many relics he was able to legally retrieve from the ruins of the Sea Dragon Palace through buying it at an auction – and secure the Rainbow Oath, which, when destroyed when the tides are just right in a once a millennium event happening in a week, will allow him to awaken the Dread Zords, Earthquake Behemoth, Khamsin Ziz and Tsunami Leviathan, as well as the outer god, Karkas, and make everyone sign a contract to let Rave Inc., now under his control, use their likenesses, getting his revenge on the whole of the omniverse for Finé sending his civilization into the sky thousands of years ago because she ate some bad turkey while visiting there one time."
Chris sighed in exasperation. "And yet again, it all comes back to her. Also, why the hell are you telling me all this, I already know it, I was kind of there when that blue turkey ran off with the Arc? And I've been fighting him and his army ever since he turned Florida into some oversized Universal Studios, which, apparently, a lot of Americans feel improved it immensely?"
"Repetition of facts ensures they'll be remembered, and this is how briefings work, Chris, we've been over this," Kazanari said patiently.
"It just feels like you're wasting time saying stuff she already knows," Drakus remarked.
"Noted," Genjuro said, having no intention of changing anything, which him and Chris knew. "Regardless, while Chris and the other wielders have made headway in battling Desperado Enforcement and their cyborg and Aero-Noise armies and countering their Thunbir armor thanks to the tireless efforts of Elfnein-"
"I have neither slept nor eaten in weeks!" The adorable little homunculus said cheerfully, having appeared beside Daphne, with very deep bags under her eyes and an IV feed pumping caffeine and energy drinks straight into her bloodstream.
"You are still unable to penetrate the barrier generated by Wattles' Faust Robe made from the Shroud of Turin-"
"Okay, one, gross and two, that opens up a lot of questions," Midnite said. "Since Yahweh himself was apparently an alien once, what does that make Jesus?"
"A riddle for the ages, ghosty," Mystle remarked.
"Oh, actually, Carol figured that out a while ago, he was actually a doll made by the Anunnaki!" Elfnein cheerfully added.
"In any event, not even your X-Drives were able to lay a scratch on him," Genjuro continued. "Even everyone on Earth singing at once won't be able to generate enough phonic gain to power you all up to the extent you will need to defeat him, and if you can't defeat the cassowary, then he will summon the Dread Zords and Karkas and prove once and for all to the Americans that climate change is real!"
"Fine, Chris, get your squad, Trickster, put your balls on, let's go burn down poor merchandising!" Drakus said.
"That's cool." The purple-clad toon interjected. "You can go work with that deal."
She started to walk away but Dot pulled her back.
"You're coming with us!" she told her.
"Must I?" The purple-clad toon groaned.
"Yes, you do." Yakko and Wakko told her in unison.
"But first, I have a new recruit for y'all. See, there was a kid from Johto named Maurice Kinshinzo, who, simply put, really hates humans." Nadohs said, summoning a 16-year old redhead boy dressed in a safari outfit, who immediately fell on his rear.
"Wait, where did these people come from? What are you?!" The teen, apparently Maurice, yelled.
"Mostly because ninety percent of all people he meets are either jerks or crazy." Nadohs continued.
"Yeah, you're right about that but who are you and why are you talking about me?" Maurice asked.
"He entered the world of Pokémon training so he can become a great trainer someday." Nadohs added.
"Did you stalk me? Because it's getting a bit creepy." Maurice remarked.
"And although life isn't always easy, since he runs into dumbasses on the way, he's a chill dude once you get to know him." Nadohs remarked.
"You are really not helping my case." Maurice remarked.
"So just a heads up about Maurice, especially if you're a jerk or a dumb fuck, because Maurice here hates everyone." Nadohs said, a cheeky grin on his face.
"I hate you now!" Maurice snapped, as Nadohs rolled his eyes.
In the early hours of the morning, a specially-chartered bus eased onto the expressway, quickly settling into a consistent speed of 185 mph. The bus's occupants consisted of many half-asleep passengers, plus one fully awake driver, all of them armed with luggage. Ahead of them, the eastern part of the sky lightened into a beautiful pink as the dawn broke. But if they wanted to reach their destination by sundown, then they had to leave this early.
To say the trip to the Last Resort was peaceful would be a lie, as Wakko sat in the driver's seat, casually barrelling the bus through the early morning traffic, and accidentally committing so much property damage, as Roman tried to take the wheel from him. For a Thursday morning, it wasn't too crowded. But the question was—how was Wakko even driving? Due to his diminutive stature, his feet barely touched the pedals, and his line of vision was just above the steering wheel. Yet here he was, maneuvering the bus down the freeway like a (somewhat) professional demolition driver.
"Oh, great!" Daphne said, looking out the window. "It's the cops! I wonder why they came…maybe it's because you guys let a CRAZY ANIMAL DRIVE THE CAR!"