Chapter 26: The Comedic Bat is Caught
"Damn it! You guys watched the fireworks without me."
From the shadows, Allen stepped out, puffing his cheeks in frustration as he glared at the five young vigilantes.
Their expressions stiffened as they looked at his heavily modified, utterly ruined Batsuit. It was infuriating.
That was the Bat-Suit! How could he turn it into some punk-style monstrosity?!
Allen glanced toward the Twin Towers and teased, "You city folks sure know how to have fun—hosting a bonfire by burning down a building."
Dick absentmindedly asked, "Allen, did you find anything?"
"A lot. I'll start with the easy ones."
Allen counted on his fingers: "First discovery—Penguin and Riddler have reformed and are planning to open a foot massage parlor. Second discovery—Mayor Hamilton, dissatisfied with her figure, actually went for a natural method of enhancement. Third discovery—I've unlocked a new identity: The Comedic Bat. Fourth discovery—"
Before he could continue, the five vigilantes turned and leaped off the rooftop in unison.
—
The Next Day
Gotham's Chinatown was noticeably less crowded.
With the inmates from Blackgate Prison and Arkham Asylum running loose, shootouts had become common, scaring away customers.
Allen rode his electric scooter openly down the street, continuing his heroic mission to uphold justice.
Of course, he made sure to take snack breaks at the right times to replenish his energy.
Even the patrolling cops barely gave him a second glance. To them, he was just another hot-blooded youth imitating Gotham's vigilantes. At most, they just hoped he wouldn't get himself killed in their jurisdiction and add to their workload.
Suddenly, Allen squeezed the brakes and stopped, his gaze turning cold as he looked toward the side of the street. Then he lowered his head in thought, but he couldn't help glancing over again.
"No. I'm an adult now. I shouldn't be indulging myself like this."
He sternly reprimanded himself—then, with a pitiful tone, muttered, "But I really want to indulge just once more..."
Caught in an internal struggle, Allen raised both hands as if consulting his past and present selves.
"Lefty, you said we broke up because I was immature."
"Righty, you chose to be with me because you liked my innocent and unpretentious nature."
Allen grinned. "Righty, you're the best."
Parking his scooter, he headed toward the street corner.
Soon, a childish melody echoed along the sidewalk.
"Daddy's daddy is Grandpa, Daddy's mommy is Grandma, Mommy's daddy is Grandpa, Mommy's mommy is Grandma…"
Allen sat in a coin-operated kiddie ride, grinning in satisfaction as he bobbed his head in sync with the ride's movement.
As the music ended, he reluctantly got off, sighing, "That was a truly exhilarating indulgence."
But just as he was about to retrieve his scooter, two Talon assassins were already waiting for him.
They had even patiently watched him finish his ride without interrupting.
"I told you—we can never be together," Allen said righteously, turning his head away. Then he added, "Especially not in a threesome. That's absolutely out of the question."
…What kind of nonsense was that?
The Talons unsheathed their blades and lunged at him.
"Come chase me! If you catch me, I'll let you have some fun~"
That was the last straw.
Too infuriating.
The chase began.
Allen sprinted through the streets, with the two Talons hot on his heels.
Soon, he found himself cornered in a dead-end alley.
The assassins closed in step by step.
"If I compliment your good looks, will you let me go?"
The fight ended quickly.
Allen was tightly bound.
More Talons arrived.
"Mmph! Mmph!"
They stuffed a rope knot into his mouth to shut him up.
One of the new arrivals pulled it out and warned him, "Behave, or I'll cut your tongue out."
"Heh heh heh…"
Allen smirked. "You've fallen for my trap. I let you capture me on purpose so you'd bring me to the Court of Owls' lair. Aren't I brilliant?"
"Do you always talk this much nonsense?" the Talon leader asked coldly.
"A real man would rather admit he's quick than admit he's weak—MMPH!"
The leader stuffed the rope knot back in. This guy was insane. There was no way to have a normal conversation with him.
With the mission complete, the Talons returned to their base.
Allen was hooded the entire way, unable to see the lair's location.
After more than an hour, they finally arrived.
Allen was thrown to the ground, the hood yanked off.
The first thing he saw was a man with panda eyes.
"Surprised? Didn't expect to see me so soon, did you?" the man sneered cruelly.
As he pulled out the rope from Allen's mouth, he introduced himself, "So you can die knowing who killed you—my name is Ethel Peabody, the Court of Owls' Fifth Judge."
"Did you say 'Enema'? I'm not constipated. No thanks."
"…!"
A vein bulged on Ethel's forehead. His smile grew even crueler. He hoped Allen would keep up this infuriating attitude—because soon, he wouldn't be able to.
"Kehehe…"
Allen let out a creepy laugh. "You think you've caught me, but in reality, I've caught you—Court of Owls."
Ethel's brow furrowed. It didn't sound like a bluff.
Then Allen explained, "The Court of Owls is a branch of the Parliament of Owls. When Bats went missing, I suspected you guys. So I kidnapped the mayor and got your meeting location out of him, then lured the Talon army away to draw attention—just so I could get caught and brought to the real hideout."
Ethel's heart skipped a beat. This guy had suddenly started making perfect sense. Was he really just pretending to be an idiot before?
"I suggest you untie me immediately, or else I won't be polite."
Allen, still bound, squirmed on the ground like a worm, spouting threats nonstop.
"…"
Ethel rolled his eyes. He was an idiot after all. And he had actually believed him for a second.
"I admire your stubbornness. Now, let's see if—"
Thud!
Suddenly, a Talon turned on his comrade, drawing everyone's attention.
At the same time, another disguised Talon kicked Ethel aside and crouched down to untie Allen.
Allen hadn't been lying—he really did get caught on purpose.
He just left out the part where he knocked out two Talons so Dick and Jason could disguise themselves and infiltrate with him.
"Sound the alarm! Wake the other Talons! Kill the intruders immediately!"
Ethel shouted in panic.
If his mistake led to a major loss for the Court, the punishment would be terrifying.
Dick held off several Talons at once while Jason frantically worked to free Allen.
"Jason."
Allen looked at him with certainty. "Just admit it—you're a ropework master. The more I struggle, the tighter this gets. You must have practiced a lot."
"I tied it exactly how you instructed. Every knot and position was your own design!"
Jason was speechless. The bindings were so complex that untying them was a nightmare.
They had assumed Allen could free himself—until they saw him writhing like a worm on the ground.
"People slander me, mock me, trample on me—but you, Jason? How could you throw dirt on me too?"
Allen puffed up self-righteously. Then, seeing Jason struggle, he reminded him, "The knot under my armpit—pull it, and my hands will be free. The rest, I can handle myself."
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