|Delcan Mountains| 23.03.1178|
Yuki:
I find myself lying in darkness.
Nothing but the pitch-black, eventless, and utterly boring numbness of Death, embracing my body like a mother welcoming her child into the home it's destined to be. The pain—though sharp and undoubtedly crumbling—has faded from my throat as if it were never there.
>> Is this the end << I want to ask—no, scream—though my lips are as numb as every other part. And yet, I try again and again, wanting someone to answer my worries, my plea for certainty.
No… I don't want someone to answer. I want her answer. Their answer. Whoever they are… Chaos!
"Is this the fate I was destined to?" I want to scream at her in pure agony.
>> Is this how you destined me to die? <<
Silence responds to the silent plea I conjure up in my thoughts.
>> Wait... what point would it serve to let me think now, anyway? Shunpei's worknet has made sure the police won't reach this spot, and unless he somehow has a five-liter tank containing my blood type and some sewing material, it's certain—I am dead. I've perished. I am gone. <<
>> So why—? << I stop my thought. >> Is it to mock me? Why? Because I tried to find you? Well then, why did you bless me with this mind of mine in the first place? To make fun of me? To mock me? And why do I still think? <<
I stop. Answering my questions would take the fun away for her, wouldn't it?
No, I have to accept it. As painful as it is… everything was useless. Every sacrifice, redundant. Every plan, every thought—a waste of time.
My life—a short story for the universe.
"Well, at least I enjoyed the epilogue," I'd love to say, I'd love to conclude, I'd love to let it linger in my mind while I fade into the void.
But the immense heat building up in my sensationally numb body says otherwise.
And yet… I'll have to endure… everything she throws at me.
I'll have to endure… every way she'll put salt in my wounded flesh.
I'll endure it.
Because I don't want her to win.
>> Chaos, fate, or whatever you call yourself—you goddamn child. I never would have thought you were the kind of resentful deity—the kind who sees blasphemy, the audacity of a human being trying to approach you, as reason enough to desecrate them like this. <<
>> I've finally seen through you. You let me keep my thoughts to torment me forever. You let me keep them because they were what made me unique. Because they were what was imprisoned by my fleshly shell.
And now you're showing me even more of the constraint by completely numbing it. <<
>> Oh my God, if you despise me so much—if you want to make a fool of me so badly—then just kill me already! What kind of god must you be to take pleasure in something as banal as my suffering? <<
For fuck's sake, just kill me already.
Silence.
Kill me! Kill me! Kill me! Kill me! Kill me! Kill me already then!
The more I attempt to scream, the quieter it gets.
No… she would neither kill me nor let me live.
The warmth in my stomach remains. Or does it? I focus all my attention on the feeling—that sensation I shouldn't be able to feel in this state… and to my disappointment, even this warmth only lasts for what I imagine as seconds.
It disappears completely.
No—worse—it grows colder.
Colder and colder.
So cold that my nonexistent body must be shivering.
>> Chaos, how can you be so cruel? Why are you making me beg for more—more pain, more false reassurance of still being alive, even if it's freezing cold? <<
I understand it, I think.
>> Making me experience the unreal, fully aware that it is unreal—but begging for it to remain… <<
Something hits my eye. The sensation is short—not painful, but strangely lingering.
Another thing hits my legs. Then my feet. Then my lips. Then my nose.
I open my eyes.
A water droplet falls right into them.
I let out a short squeak.
"What the—?"
I sit up, blinking repeatedly.
Wait, I can sit up? From where?
I regain eyesight, gazing at the white snow surrounding my naked body. The coldness lingers—but now spreads more precisely.
I raise my hand—a gesture that, until a short time ago, wouldn't have been possible at all.
I touch my face.
I recognize it.
It is mine.
My eyes widen completely.
I scream.
---
|Grand River of Malistia| 24.03.1178|
Naomi's muscles eventually relax as those words leave his lips.
"You're gone? What is that supposed to mean?"
Yuki crouches down as he reaches for the water beneath him.
"Tom already thought that you wouldn't understand it at first."
He chuckles softly, washing his face with the river's water.
"But I think, since it's essential for our future together, I can explain a bit at least."
He fully sits down now, removing the way-too-small shoes of Mischa from his feet and dipping his toes into the water.
A soft, tender chuckle escapes his lips as he does.
"Imagine if one day, after a sleepless night, you were finally given the gift of proper sleep, only for you to wake up to the sight of a being so powerful that your mind can't even grasp its full presence. This being informs you of your death as if it were a normal occurrence, also telling you that this is the end of it all—unless you were to shake its hand. If you shake its hand, that being would grant you a new illusionary life in a world unknown to you and full of adventures, mystery, and glory—a world in which everything you do only causes positive outcomes, a world in which you would forget that you even died in the first place, a life in which you are not aware of the gruesome fate actually awaiting you..."
He puts on his shoes and gets up again, walking toward Naomi and looking her deeply in the eyes, stopping in his tracks after only, a few meters are between
"Imagine you'd wake up from a dreamless sleep in the middle of the night, greeted by the sight of a being far beyond your comprehension—a being you've hunted after all your life, without ever questioning the chase, without even understanding what it is. This being now would announce—no, it would casually tell you that you've passed away in your sleep. Afraid and confused, you'd try to run away, only to realize that you in fact can't move. And now the creature would offer you a second chance—not in life, but in soul. It would grant you a new life full of wonders and intrigue, a life in which luck is on your side and fate calls your name. The only downside: you'd still die. It's only in your head. Nothing you'll do within this dream will actually matter to the world... it's just a dream. A never-ending, happy dream while your body decays, unfound and unsearched. You remain uncertain of the reality of that dream, questioning and not questioning it to your heart's consent..."
He takes a deep breath.
"So...'What would you choose, a life full of wonder and comfort, or the gritting reality of death, desperately clinging to what you take for reality?'—I always hated that question. Because it ignores how humans really are.
Of course, if you proposed that question in a cozy little classroom to your classmates, the answers would pretty much shift to a clear answer. People value honesty and authenticity over everything—when they're in a situation where they already have everything, at least.
But once they actually experience the scenario, I am certain that we all would definitely settle for the dream.
That's how we are, I guess.
No, what I want to ask you is... in that dream, in that illusion of which you're unaware—however unlimited and lucky..."
His gaze trails over the river, eventually rising to the sun before returning to her.
"Would you still thrive in it?"
Naomi's eyes twitch a little.
"Well, actually it doesn't matter, because just as I said, I'm gone. To put it in less pretentious words, my emotions are gone. I fear I may be reckless on my future paths, laugh in the face of cannibals only to get eaten by them.
And when I want to reach the capital, I might need someone to guide me along the way."
Naomi would lie if she said she listened to every word he had said—however, she felt a strange sense of familiarity in his words.
"And you want me to be that someone?"
Yuki nods, a soft look on his face.
"Me and Tom, yes. Is that okay for you? As soon as we are at the capital, I promise I won't need your help anymore."
Naomi takes a bit of time...The answer to his request is not her problem in fact she already made up her mind already.
>> When did he even manage to persuade Tom into this? Or is it a lie? No, otherwise he wouldn't know the term 'living corpse' when assuming that everything else he said is true. <<
Naomi takes a deep breath, then nods, approaching him until she stands face to face with him.
She extends her hand.
"Fine, I'll do it."
Yuki smiles, his eyes lighting up atleast a bit. A sigh of relief leaves his lips, as if he was the one under tension the whole time.
He reaches out his hand as well, shaking hers with firm grip. Yet, the delicacy of his fingers catches her more off guard.
"We just forget to mention what just happened to Tom, alright?"
He winks in a knowing way, turning around and heading back...Well, that was the plan—in execution he walks in the completely wrong direction, causing Naomi to shake her head softly in amusement.
She walks up behind him, grabs his arm and pulls him in the direction of the farm.
"Yeah yeah," she says, her own tension slowly fading.