I was sick for a whole week after what happened. The weight of that loss seemed endless, and the emotional pain was so deep that I could hardly concentrate. Often, to distract my mind and try to relieve the anguish, I would leave the castle and run on the track where the soldiers used to train. With every step, I felt the icy wind against my face, and as I ran, my mind seemed to calm down. Physically, running became an outlet, and emotionally, it was as if I was healing little by little.
In the early days, I thought that feeling of loss and suffering would never go away. The feeling of being inferior, of not being enough, consumed me. But to my surprise, after just a week, that pain seemed to be dissipating, as if time were a silent balm for the wounds I thought would never heal. The feeling of suffering began to fade away, and the emptiness I felt began to be filled with something new. Incredibly, I began to enjoy running, and soon it became a daily habit, something I longed to do every morning, like a ritual of self-overcoming.
I was never used to running. My hunts had always been slower and more meticulous, focused on precision and patience, but running was something completely different. In the early days, I could barely keep my breath, my muscles ached and my body begged for rest. Over time, however, I began to improve. I was able to run faster, for longer, and even though it wasn't a race to win, it was endurance training for both body and mind. And little by little, what had seemed impossible became part of my routine.
The next morning, Benta came into my room, her face serious, but a slight worry still in her eyes.
"Are you ready to go?" she asked, arms crossed.
"Yes, I'm better." I replied, trying to give the impression that I really was. The truth was that I felt safer now, but Aline's pain was still there, almost like a scar that forms but never completely erases.
She looked at me intensely, as if she was going to notice any sign of weakness in my expression.
"They're older than you. Don't let them abuse you." she said, with a warning tone. I knew she was thinking of Aline. I had told her everything and, as much as I tried to hide it, she knew how much the young woman had hurt me. Benta felt a silent anger towards the girl, an anger that I myself shared.
Aline had been my first passion, my first emotional surrender. She had been my innocence in her hands, and her words, which had once been sweet, had crushed my trust and destroyed everything I had believed possible about love. It was a painful experience, and as much as I tried to move on, I knew it had left deep scars.
I was drying my hair from the post-race shower when Alfred, the family butler, approached.
"Young master, the butler of Genesee House has delivered a message on behalf of Miss Alice and..." he began, with his usual formality.
"Throw it away. I'm not interested." I interrupted, without even looking at him. My disinterest was absolute.
Alfred nodded, without question, and left without another word. Benta, on hearing my reply, couldn't help but smile a little. It was a smile of relief. She knew I was starting to get over it. She knew that the pain was dissipating.
The rest of the morning was dedicated to training. I trained until noon approached, and then I headed to the Full Moon School. Time had passed quickly, and when I arrived, I met the older students, which made me realize that a new term had begun. They were now a year older than me, but they were still shorter than me. At the age of 12, I already stood out for my height, but my mind was much more focused on the lessons than on the physical difference.
When I got to school, I heard the boys talking, and something about them seemed a bit... superficial.
"I'm almost mastering the strokes. I think I'll soon become a prep." said one of them, with a confidence that seemed excessive.
"Are you eating enough? They say that good nutrition helps generate more vital energy." asked another, concerned about something that seemed irrelevant to me.
"Yes, I just need more time to train. My father will give me armor soon." replied the first, visibly proud.
Hearing that made me wonder how armor could really affect training. Since I started training, I've never needed more than my bow and arrows. The light of life, which I had always felt, seemed to flow into me naturally, perhaps because of the ritual I had performed when I was younger.
Over the last six months, my body had changed a lot. My shoulders were broader, my waist thinner, and my arms and legs longer and stronger. I wasn't big and bulky, but defined, as if training had shaped every part of me.
When I got to the school notice board, I decided I wouldn't say hello to anyone. I made a silent promise to myself: "I'm not going to fall in love with any woman this time. I'm an indomitable ice statue, a man without a heart. I won't fall into those traps anymore." I looked at the board, trying not to show any emotion.
The bulletin board had more courses this time:
- Literature course. 20 gold coins. Time: one hour a day.
- Advanced Mathematics Course. 20 gold coins. Time: one hour a day.
- Fencing. 20 gold coins. Time: one hour per day.
- Archery. 20 gold coins. Time: one hour per day.
- Botany. 20 gold coins. Time: one hour a day.
The system at the Full Moon School was simple and straightforward: students paid, entered and could leave at any time. For the noble children, it was all about getting a diploma. It was possible to get a diploma simply by paying in gold coins, without actually having to learn. If they didn't pass a subject, they just had to pay again. Only the merchants' children bothered to really study, since they needed the skills, the school offered.