Mirio had just settled onto the couch with a cup of tea and a blanket wrapped around his legs. Lily was draped over his chest like a clingy, half-melted cat, her head nuzzled under his chin, tentacle-hair twitching every time he breathed too loud. They were channel surfing lazily when they landed on a reality competition.
The screen flashed with neon lights, loud music, and a woman spinning dramatically on a gleaming chrome pole. She was strong, graceful, and commanding as she flipped upside down, legs splitting out in mid-air before descending in a smooth, slow spiral.
Lily blinked.
Then sat up, her goo bouncing. "Hubby."
He didn't even look up. "No."
"You don't know what I was gonna say!"
"You were going to say 'Hubby, I want to learn pole dancing.'"
She gasped. "You know me…"
He groaned into his mug. "Lily, we don't have a pole. And you are made of slime."
She tapped her chin with a wiggly finger. "Then I'll be the pole!"
"What."
But she was already stretching. Her legs fused together in a column of goo. Her body elongated upward like soft-serve ice cream, and her core floated higher into her upper chest. Within seconds, she was a nine-foot-tall translucent slime pole with a slightly curvy wobble.
"I'm ready~" she chirped, her voice echoing from inside her now-upright tube form.
Mirio stared at her. "That's not how this works."
"Spin on me, hubby!"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Pleaaaase?"
He sighed and stood up, setting his mug aside. "Fine. One spin. You get one."
Lily vibrated with excitement.
He walked over cautiously and placed his hand on her surface. She was cool, soft, and a little sticky.
"Don't drop me," he muttered.
"I'll never let go~"
He grabbed her with both hands, hopped lightly off the ground, and gave himself a push. It was awkward. She was too soft, and her form wobbled with every shift of his weight. He spun halfway, lost momentum, and gently thudded to the carpet in a half-circle fall.
"I am not built for this," he muttered from the floor.
Lily immediately melted down and reformed beside him, chest wobbling. "That was beautiful~"
"I looked like a wet chicken nugget slipping off a salad bar."
"You were radiant."
"Stop lying."
She giggled and hugged him. "Okay, I'll try again!"
"Try what again?"
She slithered away, focused now. "This time, I become the dancer."
He sat up. "Wait. What does that mean?"
Too late.
Lily concentrated, her body reshaping again—this time into her usual humanoid form but with longer legs and slightly glossier skin. Her goo condensed into a tight, shimmery leotard. Her tentacle-hair formed into long, ribbon-like strands that whipped behind her like scarves in a storm.
She struck a pose and pointed to the hallway. "Hubby. Bring me the broomstick."
He blinked. "What?"
"The one from the closet. It's pole practice time."
Mirio got the broom.
She grabbed it with one hand, spun once—and immediately wrapped herself around it like a boa constrictor. Her leg wrapped around the stick. Then her arm. Then her torso.
Her whole body sloshed downward with too much enthusiasm, and the broom creaked.
"Lily—careful—!"
CRACK.
She fell with the pole, spiraling mid-air like a slimey ribbon dancer—right into Mirio's chest.
He went down hard, landing on his back with a grunt.
Before he could react, her goo wrapped around him—arms, chest, legs—until he was completely pinned beneath her glossy, giggling form.
"Ooops~ I pole-danced into you."
He groaned. "That was less of a dance and more of an aerial slime tackle."
"I give it a 10~"
"You broke the broom."
"I'm the broom now."
She giggled and shifted into a horizontal version of herself, wrapping her body around his waist like a belt. Her legs looped around his thighs, and her arms molded around his shoulders.
He was stuck.
And warm.
And slightly damp.
"You know," she whispered, "this is kind of sexy…"
He rolled his eyes. "Everything is sexy to you."
"I'm a passionate goo, hubby~"
"You tried to pole dance and gave me a concussion."
She kissed his forehead. "A kiss of recovery~"
He lay there, letting her slowly mold herself into a full-body cling. "So. Are you done with your performance?"
"Not even close."
She suddenly shifted again—this time forming a glittery disco outfit, complete with platform shoes and sparkly stars floating through her hair.
"Round two, baby~"
He groaned and reached for the remote. "At least let me change the background music."
She started swaying.
He didn't stand a chance.