The rising sun from the Eastern horizon was breaking through the clouds and painting them in vibrant shades of pink and orange. The ember from my cigarette glowed softly while Korn was blasting in my headphones.
I started my morning walk to school kicking up dust and debris with every step I took—feeling very melancholy.
What was looming today was something I didn't look forward to.
IT WAS VALENTINE'S DAY.
A day of love, happiness, and friendship — but also a day of heartbreak, depression and anxiety.
Valentine's Day has always been bitter for me ever since I was a kid in elementary school. During class, we'd all make these little mail boxes using an old shoe box, construction paper, and lots of Elmer's glue.
If your hands didn't look like you were casting off skin like a shedding reptile by the time you were done, you didn't do it right.
Everyone in the class would take turns walking around the classroom placing Valentine's Day cards and candy in them.
I always passed those cherry flavored heart-shaped lollipops with Mickey and Minnie Mouse on the wrapper— my favorite. There was enough for everyone in those bags and I got to keep the leftovers.
Those little chalky hearts were also a favorite. They made great projectiles to fling around.
When we got to open the boxes to see what we got, "I always came up short compared to the rest of the class, while some of the more popular kids got extras.
The few things in my Valentine's box I did get usually had back handed compliments or an unlikeable character. I can recall getting many E. Honda ones from the Street Fighter 2 cards and the Blob ones from the X-Men cards because I was the fat kid.
Those kids were assholes through and through.
The cards that weren't mean were actually from the other weird kids I got along with and the ones that were nice to me.
After Elementary school, things were so much better. We never had to do that activity again. Good riddance.
However Valentine's took a different turn. Kids started dating.
Girls would get really excited when someone bought them a rose, some kind of candy, a plushy or fashion jewelry from Claire's or The Limited.
Meanwhile, boys would be giddy by a simple hug or gesture— Even if it was a folded up piece of paper.
Hell, that would even make someone's week.
Finally stepping on the school grounds, the military kids were just unloading from their busses. I smirked seeing my misfit friends arriving.
Boss saw me and was staring intensely.
"Good morning, beautiful." I greeted him while teasing about the prank we played.
"Kiss my black ass." Boss snapped.
"Ayy Mamacita." Victor teased making kissing sounds.
With a quick jolt, the back of Boss's hand hit Victor in the crotch.
Victor hunched over and held onto his balls. Somehow he was laughing and coughing at the same time.
As comical and fun as it was bantering with them, I spotted CC and Betty walking towards the tennis courts. "Hey. I'll catch up with you all later."
Victor raised his brows and Boss just nodded. We all bumped each others fists and went our separate ways.
"Hey Alfie!" Betty waved while she was getting ready to sit down.
CC turned around and gave me a broken smile and waved.
"Uh oh. That's not good." I thought to myself.
When I joined them at the small flight of steps, CC was very upset.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Guys suck, you know that?" CC growled.
Betty nodded and agreed. She looked just as pissed.
"Umm...Sorry?"I didn't really know how respond.
"It's not your fault." CC sighed. "I Just learned Kenny's been with some new skank."
(Her words, not mine)
"Seriously? What the fuck?" I exclaimed.
"You know..." CC clenched her fist on her lap. "I'm starting to think he didn't really care about me.
"Who is it?" Betty asked.
"Some nasty redhead bitch from ROTC. I saw them last week." CC clenched her fist tightly on her lap. "The thing I don't get is...she's not even prettier. I could at least understand if she were, but not some trashy hoochie."
(Again...her words.)
This was the first time I've seen CC angry like this.
After hearing CC mutter those words, my theory may have been true. I still didn't have the heart to tell her my suspicion.
"I can't believe he'd pull that kind of shit." Betty crossed her arms angrily.
"Like, what does she even have to offer? I respected his wishes and took things slow. I genuinely did so much for him and he just ...leaves me. Fuck!" Tears started to form at the corner of her eyes.
I really wanted to comfort her, but I didn't know how. I just clasped my hands together and gave her my undivided attention.
"I hope he realizes how lucky he was."Betty sighed. "Just like my ex, he wasted no time moving on to some easy girl the moment I left home."
"Exactly. He doesn't know how lucky he was." CC wiped her eyes on her hoodie. "Probably doesn't care now. I just...I really wished he cared for me the way I did him."
CC mouthed "I just miss him."
Betty leaned in to give her a hug.
I wanted to reach my hand out to her, even if to place it on her shoulder, but it just remained frozen.
This—this is the kind of heartbreak I've seen too many times.
From family. From friends.
If this is what love brings… maybe I don't want it.
But—
I did want to be loved.
I wanted to love.
Just like they did.
And every lonely soul during this love filled hell of a holiday.
"This is why I'm most likely going to become a monk or something." I sighed
Betty gave me a puzzled look. "That's random."
CC sniffled and giggled. "What?!"
"I'm serious. Love sucks." I flicked one of the tiny pebbles sitting at the stairs. "I'm not having luck. Everything about relationships are complicated. That's why I'm going to become a monk. Just living a simple life away from it all."
CC started to laugh. "That...actually sounds like a good plan. In that case, I'm going to become a Nun. An old nun."
Betty laughed. "What about me?"
"Ok. I'll die and come back. Then we'll become lesbians." CC started to crack up. "Then...we are going to become old lesbian nuns."
"What the fuck!" I laughed.
"With cats." Betty started to laugh. "Lots of cats."
"Yes" CC wiped her eyes dry and changed her sadness into laughter. "That's the plan. I'm gonna become a nun. get old and die. Come back as a lesbian. Then we're going to become old lesbian nuns with lots of cats, then die.
"And then come back as cats?" I shrugged and suggested.
"YES!!! PERFECT." CC pointed at me with excitement. "AND GET ADOPTED BY OLD LESBIAN NUNS."
We all started to lose it with laughter at the amount of absurdity.
The three of us—Single, hurting and broken hearted, yet laughing at it all.
Had we just reached a level of hysteria?
What really mattered to me is seeing CC smile. I just love the way she laughs. I couldn't stand seeing her so sad and hurt.
*DING DING*
The school bell rang and we parted ways.
Since I was already close by the tennis courts, I didn't have far to trek.
Manny and the rest of the class were all sitting on the old wooden benches awaiting the coach.
The coach had a smirk on his face as he walked passed us. A steamy cup of coffee in one hand and a clipboard in the other.
"Morning." He said confidently.
He seemed way more cheery than usual. If I were to make a guess, that's probably not his first cup.
"Today we are doing something special, just in time for Valentine's Day."
(Say what!?)
"I've assigned everyone a partner. We are playing doubles today. I expect everyone to participate. Got it"
When it came for my turn to be assigned a partner, the coach said "Alf! You are paired with... Lizzie."
I looked over to where Lizzie was sitting. Her head always in the clouds, eyes glazed over and kicking her feet without a care in the world—
High as usual. She was one of the schools most loveable stoners. Always friendly and in a good mood.
"Salut Frédéric." Lizzie waved at me and smiled.
She was also in my French Class. There she is known as 'Colette'.
After our hilariously bizarre yet eventful hour of Doubles, it was on to math class.
There we started reviewing pairing functions.
(PAIRING!)
In chemistry, we were going over the types of chemical reactions
(SERIOUSLY!)
By lunch hour I was about ready to lose it. Everywhere I looked; couples holding hands, girls with gifts, boys with a lipstick mark on their cheek—even classes were mentioning something couple related.
The Island was my only hope to escape — but even that let me down today.
Victor was being a charmer with some new girl.
James was cuddling with his girlfriend Chrissy.
Boss was heavily flirting with a group of girls.
Bear was chatting with Betty.
Lilly was holding hands with some metal head.
Even Nate was writing some love letters to his girlfriend in another school.
When I found CC, she was staring with eyes full of rage across the courtyard.
I looked at the direction she was focused on and I spotted it—
Kenny and his new girl, Heather.
Heather was sitting on a higher ledge behind Kenny with her legs straddled at his sides while Kenny casually leaned back into her. Her arms wrapped around his neck possessively.
I could have sworn I heard CC mutter the words "Die, bitch, Die" under her breath.
It was painful to witness. Seeing the girl he left CC for and the state that he left CC in.
I needed to escape this madness.
I tapped on CCs shoulders. "Wanna go to the convenience store?"
She shrugged and nodded. "Sure."
Even walking down the alleys to get to the gas station had reminders going on, too.
Lots of new graffiti with hearts and initials were tagged on the wall.
CC just kept her eyes to the ground and was very quiet the way there. I thought it was better to get her away from the courtyard than let her sit there and watching Kenny's PDA with Heather.
Walking into the store I was greeted with a sign — "SWEETHEARTSPECIAL 2 hotdogs, 2 drinks, 2 chips $5."
(Another reminder—yet a convenient deal.)
I picked up that special and did what Lizzie had suggested during our doubles matches —Flaming hot Cheetos covered in nacho cheese sauce.
CC waited at the patio tables outside staring off at the mountain scape.
I handed CC her drink and food.
She still hadn't smiled.
But at least we were away from the bullshit.
She really didn't say much, but I caught her smiling just a little after her first bite of those smothered flaming hot Cheetos.
I stared at that first messy bite before taking it in. "Fuck me!" I exclaimed. I wasn't sure at first after hearing about it, but that first bite—chefs kiss.
"Right! Who told you about this?" CC finally spoke.
"Lizzie." I giggled.
"Dizzy Lizzie?" CC asked.
"Mhmm. That's the one."
CC had her eyes closed, savoring the mix of flavors. "Compliments to the chef."
You have to give it up to the stoners. Unsung masters of the culinary arts.
Sometimes, stoner snacks were better than therapy.
Even after all the bullshit, the heartbreak, and the awkwardness—this Valentine's Day ended up being... kind of perfect. In our own weird way.