Chapter 2 Going Out to Play
Hikigaya was lying on the sofa, his big feet resting on a spot meant for hands, looking utterly relaxed.
There were only a few days left until New Year's, and for the Hikigaya siblings who were no longer attending school, it was time for the big annual house cleaning.
House cleaning was, in Hikigaya's opinion, a completely unnecessary activity.
Did ancient tombs ever get cleaned? And yet those dusty, grimy artifacts, once dug up, instantly exude a sense of style and class and fetch insane prices.
This proves it—cleaning is heresy.
With that mindset, Hikigaya tidied up the bookshelf a little and declared his cleaning duties done.
This absolutely wasn't laziness—it was about preserving valuable heritage for the younger generation. Dust, after all, is part of history too!
"Don't say such dumb things out loud, idiot brother," came Hikigaya Komachi's extremely annoyed voice from nearby.
Hikigaya turned his head and saw his sister fully embodying the path of righteousness.
Yes, the scene now was a trashy older brother slacking off on the sofa while the hardworking younger sister cleaned diligently.
Even a God slayer would feel guilty in this moment.
So, predictably, Hikigaya quietly slipped out of the living room in embarrassment.
But the house was just too boring, so he wandered out onto the street.
Seriously though, why do people insist on doing this themselves when they can just hire someone?
Hikigaya wasn't short on money—actually, he had almost no need to spend any. If he made a request, the magical society would take care of it for him.
That was real wealth—not pieces of paper used to trade for resources, but the resources themselves. Those pieces of paper can't withstand any stress; they're the ultimate tool of exploitation from the elite toward the lower classes.
Ugh, he was so bored.
There was no longer any thrill in showing off at school, and recently Hikigaya had even started to wonder if he should keep going at all.
Showing off is important. Yes, it's so important it deserves to be repeated—showing off is really important.
What's the difference between successful people and losers? Skip the fluffy stuff—it's all about who can show off better.
Hikigaya figured he was still a pretty successful guy.
Maybe everyone else was cooped up cleaning, because the community streets that were usually fairly busy were now deserted.
He wandered around for a while and ended up at a nearby park.
This park held some significance—it was here that he'd met that Egyptian and watched Shirahama Kenichi argue with his childhood friend.
But there were rarely any people here. He really had no idea why they even built this place.
Hikigaya walked into the woods and snapped his fingers.
Silence.
His face turned green.
WTF, was this ninja blind? He was clearly setting up a cool moment—why wasn't anyone responding? Did he look like the type to snap fingers at thin air for fun?
"…I'm calling you, you know," he finally said in a low voice toward the trees beside him.
Damn it, why must humans hurt each other? Would it kill you to play along with my theatrics?
"Ah?" came a confused voice from within the shadows.
"Ah your face!" Hikigaya felt a sharp stomach ache. "Get your ass out here, idiot!"
"Ahh!" came a flustered voice. A figure quickly leapt out from the shadows and landed in front of him, dropping to one knee.
It was a ninja.
No need to ask why—who else would dress like that?
This guy was a member of the Yomi Weapon Group.
Ever since Hikigaya had arranged a fight with that dumbass swordsman, the Weapon Group hadn't dared mess around. While they served that idiot sword guy as their master, they didn't dare ignore Hikigaya's requests either.
To prove their reformed nature, they had assigned quite a few people to guard Hikigaya and serve him.
This ninja was one of them. The Weapon Group called him an elite, but to Hikigaya, he just seemed brain-dead.
"Lord Hikigaya!" The airhead must have sensed Hikigaya's murderous glare, because he didn't even dare lift his head.
This world had two types of ninjas. One was the kind like this guy—part of the dark underworld. Though they used magical energy, they didn't cast spells—their ninjutsu was essentially martial arts.
The other kind were magic practitioners. Their ninjutsu was literally magic techniques. They couldn't do Rasengans or summon tailed beasts or anything, but their spells were definitely nasty and sinister.
These two kinds of ninjas saw each other as trash and always fought when they met. "Colleagues are enemies"—they embodied that phrase perfectly.
But Hikigaya didn't care.
"Any news from Tokyo?" He really wanted to roast this idiot, but it felt pointless, so he got straight to the point.
"The Kusanagi family currently has no plans to leave Tokyo, and there's been no contact with the Italians," the ninja replied.
Despite being a dumbass, the ninja's intelligence skills seemed decent.
"Oh, thanks. Have your people keep watching. Let me know if anything changes." Hikigaya waved, a bit disappointed.
The ninja nodded, and with a "whoosh," vanished back into the woods.
Being too perceptive is no good either. That scene was supposed to have been cool, with the ninja just disappearing. But from Hikigaya's angle, all he saw was the guy's butt sticking up as he leapt away. Totally killed the mood.
Come to think of it, maybe he miscalculated? Given Kusunagi Godou's age, he should be heading to Sardinia around this time.
Maybe he should just take the slate and camp out there himself. Doni or Voban had both invited him to Europe anyway.
And while he was at it, he could stop by Egypt. He really missed those priests. Since he was bored to death anyway, wouldn't it be fine to just swing by?
Aaaaaaaaaargh!!! So bored!!!
Hikigaya wandered around with a sullen face until the sky darkened and finally couldn't take it anymore—he headed home.
Opening the door, the first thing he saw was a clean living room.
Then the warm kotatsu.
Hikigaya Komachi lay sprawled out like she was dead, while Tamamo-no-Mae sat on her head, grooming herself with her tongue.
Hikigaya walked over, picked up Tamamo-no-Mae and casually tossed her aside, then sat down himself, sticking his feet under the kotatsu.
"If you're this tired, why not just hire someone?" He waved a hand in front of Komachi's face. "You back to life yet?"
"Ugh… I'm dying…" Komachi groaned, turning her face away, "The cleaning… so much garbage to sort… and my garbage brother needs sorting too…"
Whoa, calm down…
Also, what's with her eyeing him with that weird look while moaning "I can't go on"? Is this some new Earth language or what?
"Well, thanks for the hard work," Hikigaya replied dryly.
"Uwahhh… so tired…"
"Uh, yeah, so… thanks again…"
"Ehhh, Komachi is falling apart!"
What do you want, seriously!?
This girl was such a pain. And still giving him those weird looks.
"…Wanna go out tonight?"
Hikigaya asked cautiously.
"Yes please!" his sister instantly perked up. "I want to go to the shrine!"
"…Huh?" Hikigaya was dumbfounded by her blatant attempt to make him take her out. But he really didn't feel like going to a shrine.
It's not like he had a weird hobby of destroying shrines for fun when bored.
"Come on! Come on!" Komachi pouted. "If you don't go, it means you don't care!"
"…Fine," Hikigaya gave in, helpless. He was kind of in the wrong, after all.
If the little girl wanted to go, so be it—as long as he didn't have to actually participate in the worship.