Sasha dressed me up in my favorite outfit, a white long sleeve, black pants, and sleek black polished shoes. She spent some time on my hair too, and when she finished I couldn't help myself, I went in for a hug.
She sidestepped me so fast it looked like a reflex.
"The duke awaits in the dining room," she said with a bow, then turned and walked away.
"Wait," I said, and she stopped without turning around.
"You're really not going to give me a proper goodbye? I could die in there, you know, this might genuinely be the last time we ever see each other," I said, closing the distance between us.
...She didn't say anything at first.
But then...
Bam.
"Fuck!!!"
She spun around and punched me clean in the stomach, then fixed me with a glare and said, "I hope it happens," before walking off at a speed that really didn't need to be that fast.
For a moment there I thought she was going to burst into tears and confess some buried feeling she'd been sitting on this whole time... okay, maybe not that dramatic, but still, could've been worse.
After recovering from the gut shot, I headed out of the room, and for once the door swung open without a single creak, and I stepped out into the hallway of the top floor... or corridor? Honestly I regret not taking my language classes more seriously, and before anyone says anything, I did try, I just couldn't actually attend half the time because those lunatics back in Alpheroisa had this lovely routine of tying me up in the female restroom every morning, which made it pretty hard to sit in on the classes I'd enrolled in the school specifically to attend, and did I mention a prince was one of the people doing it? Because yes, a prince was involved, which meant the staff never did a damn thing on the rare occasions I worked up the nerve to say something, nothing like having royalty in your bully squad to make sure nothing ever gets addressed.
"Good morning, father," I said, coming down the grand staircase.
"You're late," he said, and I could already see his plate was cleared. Looked like I'd be skipping breakfast.
"I was anxious about today, couldn't sleep much," I said, taking a seat.
An uncomfortable silence sat between us for a while before he spoke.
"...Do your best, that's all I need from you. I already know what you're capable of, so don't worry too much about the results," he said, and I caught exactly what he was hinting at.
He thought I was going to fail so badly I'd be too ashamed to come home.
"...I promise."
"Good."
He said it simply, and then I noticed maids coming in from the side with food.
Seems I'm getting breakfast after all.
"...Watch yourself in there, Ellie, I won't be able to protect you once you're inside those walls."
"Ellie? Seriously? Haven't we moved past that? I'm grown now, Ellie is a bit much," I said.
"...Do I look like I care what you think?"
"..."
"..."
"No."
"...Good, because as long as I'm your father and not the other way around, I'll call you whatever I want, it's probably the only thing I actually get out of having a blasted son,"
"At least use my actual name in public."
"..."
"..."
Tsk.
"...Remember what I said, if it's not worth it..."
"...avoid it," I finished.
"Good boy."
Ugh.
Talking with father always feels strange, I don't know how else to put it.
"But what if I can't avoid it?" I asked, and I wasn't asking for nothing, because I knew well enough that the plot wasn't going to let me slide through cleanly, there would be moments I couldn't sidestep no matter how careful I was, situations that would come at me whether I wanted them to or not.
"...If you're confident, do what you must, I'll always stand by you, but if you're not... run. It isn't cowardice to recognize a stronger opponent and step away knowing you'd lose, that's just being smart. Put your life above everything else, if not for yourself, then for the people who care about you."
Probably only you, I thought.
That's the thing about my plan to run away, sometimes it makes me feel guilty in a way I can't quite shake, like I'd be letting him down if I actually pulled it off, but then again, for as long as I can remember he's always said those same words to me, every single time, put your life first, above everything else, it's the only thing that truly matters.
Sighs.
"I will, thank you."
"Mmm? That's new."
I frowned. "What's new?"
"You just said thank you, my son never says thank you, not even when I arranged his engagement, well well well, look at that, little Ellie is finally growing up!" I heard him say it and then felt his hand come down on my head, completely destroying everything Sasha had carefully put together.
When did he even move?
"Even an ungrateful little punk can surprise you sometimes," he laughed.
I didn't say anything, I just smiled, and I mean actually smiled, not the kind I put on out of habit.
Which was strange, now that I think about it.
When was the last time I was genuinely happy and not just wearing a face that looked like it?
...I can't remember.
Wait.
Actually... have I ever been?