As Blanc left towards the bath alone, the mind of one person started brewing over the last hour of conversation and the silence she witnessed.
Celine watched him as he went beyond the corner towards the stairs, and she kept her mind empty well until she heard the water below splashing around as Blanc entered it.
Then her thoughts began racing.
He left to bathe without eating properly. Did he leave to make sure we had enough to eat? That's selfish of him. Respectable, but selfish.
I guess I made him mad. Why did I do that? I was joking, of course. But perhaps I took it too far. He was right about Miyanna. I was the one who spoke for her remaining. Otherwise, she would have been long dead by now.
Yet she might hold information we deem necessary, or that might help us.
A simple commoner would have broken down by now. Miyanna had something hidden. Something she wished not to tell us. I have to find out what that thing is.
But Miyanna is a beautiful woman. And I know Blanc and how hungry he is when it comes to 'nightly activities', even though he is shy, just until we begin.
But once we start, a beast takes over. I do not mind it, I am just the same after all. But one cannot help but wonder what is really in his heart.
I preached to Kael and Lune earlier today like a fool, speaking about how I know him, but do I really?
Is it not okay to question such things? He told me that I can ask everything I want without holding back. So I did. Which means he is at fault.
Or is it? He held strong to the idea of not having another wife, not yet, at least. He had other things to haunt his dreams more than lust ever could now. But in the future? Who knows…
I have no need of another husband, even though I could have one. I do not really wish for it. Since little, I thought women to be more beautiful than a man ever could be. And most of the time, it is the truth. Blanc being the exception to that.
No woman would match him in my eyes.
Realistically, I would be fine with another wife or two, I would also enjoy it. But his words tell another story.
One that confuses both my soul and body. So, naturally, I checked, trying to dig deeper, to really see what colors he had hidden below.
But all I saw was a darker shade of the same colors. The same truths, only with depth.
His words were true, as always. But the meaning of his words carried more than it seemed. He always told his reasons, but today I saw the darker shade emerge.
His cries still haunt my mind, my soul. It broke me to see him crying, clasping at his chest as if hoping he could grab the pain and discard himself of it. But he could not.
His life as a man started with such misfortune that only the High Monarch's latter part of his life could compare. Vita rest his soul.
But he keeps going, somehow. But for how long? How can I shoulder his struggles more? Can I somehow aid him better than I have until now? How?
I am the daughter of one of the strongest Noble Bloods on the entire continent. But what such a title offers me now, when I wish for it. Nothing.
So I tried, I tried to dig deeper, with questions and jokes, hoping that it might reveal something. But all it revealed was that I rushed. That I blundered.
I need to make it right.
And I know a way. One thing only a woman can offer. But his lust is different than the lust I was taught about.
He cherishes everything I do or he does for me. A blessing compared to the life most Noble Ladies live out.
Just like his entire being. A paradox compared to what we were taught. My sisters and I were ready for a life of cruelty, of ignorance, yet it never came.
I received a handsome, caring, loving, childish, and kind-hearted person for a fiancée. Yet cold, strong, and ready to do anything that was required of him when the time came for him and his loved ones.
Who would not want such a man? Such a description usually comes with the issue of being one of ten wives. Yet I am the only one.
That is it.
That is my blunder. I kept my guard up without noticing. Thinking that such a thing must be wrong.
Stupid. How stupid I am. I realised this once already after the battle when he got wounded, yet I seem to have forgotten it again.
If he wants only me as his wife, so be it. I will love him like a thousand women would.
If he wants more, so be it. I am sure to enjoy that life as well. As long as he is next to me.
But now, I should just apologize.
Such were the thoughts of Celine as she ate. Trying to decipher the day in a more calculated manner. A skill developed over two decades of preparation.
Since birth, she was trained for this skill. For her to aid and lead from the shadows of whatever position she found herself in.
Blood Maroux had strength, yes. But what it had most of was brain. Intelligence unrivaled in the Senvia Empire. A Crownbound Blood.
Noble Bloods who aided the High-Monarchs of the past in ruling the empire as advisors, trainers, or swords.
They were the advisors.
But she was not the only one who was lost in her thoughts as they ate. For there was another. Opposite of where Blanc stood earlier. And her thoughts, more chaotic, but still just as present.
She watched as Blanc entered the kitchen from where he descended into the bath, her eyes following his strong back until the walls devoured her sight of him.
He offered me food. Good fucking food. Damn...
I hate the bastard, fucking hate him, hate him, hate him. But he knows how to cook.
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, so it seems I am a man at heart.
He is the son of a noble who called me a Tainted. A son of Noble Blood. I am a commoner.
And he also has a wife, or fiancée, or whatever. Fiancée who made it clear I am not family.
But who treats me as a friend sometimes and as an enemy at other times? What is it then?
I am weird beyond measure. I know them for not even a full day, and somehow I have such bullshit thoughts.
Did the mushrooms from yesterday fuck my mind up? Were they poisonous?
Why am I thinking of a man taken and who could not wait to kill me if not for his good-looking, smartass of a wife that decided to keep me around as some pet for the twins, most likely, so they do not get bored.
Even earlier, I hoped for Blanc or whatever to, at some point to care for me as he does for the others.
What the fuck am I? A maiden in love?
I am a warrior. I have survived battles.
Killed dozens.
And said things that put thousands more to death just because of what I said.
All to assure a single thing. My survival.
So what love am I thinking about? A commoner who has nothing else but the skills to fight against other commoners.
Because one thing is for certain. Even the eight-year-olds next to me could easily kill me.
Why? Because I was unlucky to be born a village girl in a forgotten village at the border of the Empire, to a sick mother who had nothing but that sickness.
Once she died, I survived as best I could. But I never managed to get stronger than this because of the truth of this fucked world. Commoners are not allowed to harvest Raw Vita. Only the Noble Bloods are.
Fucking rules.
What makes the small bastards beside me better than me?
What have they done to receive such gifts when I had to steal bread from pigeons at their age just to not die of hunger during the night?
I hate them. All of them.
And I fucking don't. I hate that just as much. And is all because of this blonde bitch and her punchable husband.
I know what I need to do. To decide.
And once and for all, make my future set in stone.
My dreams of living a good life as a child, to eat warm food, to have a family, and to laugh, not to cry.
Let me decide if there is hope for that dream or if I should just throw it aside and fuck it all.
I am tired. So bloody tired of this. Less than a day of seeing this four fuckfaces made me question twenty years of my life. Is it that much for a person like me to hope for a better life?
Bullshit, all of it.