Location: Cathedral of the Radiant Dawn – Dawn
A crisp chill clung to the dawn air as Itsuki Hiroto stepped through the towering bronze doors of Solencia's Cathedral of the Radiant Dawn. The marble nave gleamed, stained‑glass windows casting kaleidoscopic patterns on the tiled floor. Yesterday's festival massacre had barely faded from memory, yet today a new summons awaited him: the Church had dispatched five so‑called "heroes" to relieve him of his unwanted fame.
Before he could ponder the absurdity, Bishop Elgar—robes swirling like storm clouds—descended the central steps with a flourish. Flanked by two stern acolytes, he raised a hand.
"Captain Hiroto," Elgar intoned, voice resonant with ecclesiastical gravitas, "your tenure as the Divine Variable has been… enlightening. Yet the Church's holy responsibilities cannot rest on one man's accidental feats forever. Behold our new heroes—five champions anointed by divine will to take up your mantle."
At a wave of Elgar's crozier, five figures emerged from side chapels, each stepping into the multicolored light:
1. Sir Alveron the Glistening, in polished plate armor so reflective that onlookers shielded their eyes.
2. Lady Seraphine Swiftwind, a lithe archer whose silver bow gleamed with enchanted runes.
3. Brother Mirthan the Meek, a meek‑looking cleric twin‑blades strapped at his hips, halo faintly flickering.
4. Baroness Vadria Ironbound, a towering warrior‑priest brandishing a massive flail and shield etched with angelic sigils.
5. Scout Aurelia Nightbreeze, a hooded rogue‑knight whose eyes glowed faintly with shadow magic.
Hiroto's jaw dropped. They look terrifying.
Bishop Elgar continued, "Each has proven valor in trials of fire, water, earth, wind, and faith. Today, they will demonstrate their prowess—and you, Hiroto, shall abdicate your role as Protector of the Seal."
Hiroto swallowed. "I—I didn't request a protector," he protested, but Elgar only smiled.
"Appear on the Cathedral Courtyard stage at noon," Elgar decreed. "May the true hero prevail."
---
Location: Cathedral Courtyard – Late Morning
By mid‑morning, the courtyard bustled with anticipation. Clerics in white robes formed a circle around a raised stone dais. City guards stood at attention, and townsfolk pressed in for a glimpse. Banners reading "Heroic Trials Begin!" snapped in the breeze.
Hiroto arrived, Sera and Virelya at his sides. He tugged at his baker's hat. "They're going to obliterate me."
Sera patted his shoulder. "Just… try not to kill any of them with a teacup this time."
Virelya sighed. "I'll keep a close watch."
The five heroes took turns demonstrating spectacular feats:
Sir Alveron summoned a pillar of sunlight that turned a training dummy into harmless molten slag.
Lady Seraphine fired arrows that split in midair, creating a circle of perfect elf‑etched runes.
Brother Mirthan slashed the air with twin‑blades, sending shockwaves that shattered nearby pillars.
Baroness Vadria spun her flail in a hurricane of sparks, flattening four stacks of crates.
Scout Aurelia vanished in shadow, then reappeared high above, landing with a thunderous kick.
Each demonstration drew gasps and applause. Hiroto flinched at the next announcement.
"Now," Bishop Elgar declared, "Captain Hiroto will attempt the Trials of the Five Elements—at the same time."
Hiroto's eyes went wide. "Five at once? Isn't that… a lot?"
Elgar merely inclined his head. "Prove your modesty."
---
Location: Cathedral Grounds Training Field – Noon
The Training Field lay beyond the courtyard: a grassy arena ringed by low hedges. At its center, markers denoted the five elemental stations: a roaring bonfire, a reflecting pool, a pile of boulders, a wind‑swept pedestal, and a luminous faith‑altar.
Hiroto stepped onto the field, trembling. The five heroes stood ready at their posts, weapons drawn.
"Begin!" Elgar's voice boomed.
Hiroto inhaled, clenching his fists. I just want to stand here and not die.
Trial of Fire
Sir Alveron raised his sword, igniting it in solar radiance. He advanced, blade swinging in blazing arcs toward Hiroto's flank. Instinctively, Hiroto slapped a teacup lid—borrowed from Sera—against his forearm. The lid caught the sword's edge; a spark flew, but Hiroto staggered only half a step backwards, teacup intact.
Alveron's eyes widened. He lunged again; Hiroto tapped the lid in a parry, sending Alveron stumbling off‑balance into the hedges. The knight regained footing, grinning sheepishly. Not bad, Hiroto thought.
Trial of Water
Lady Seraphine loosed twin arrows which split into five, screaming toward Hiroto like fish. He spun, flicked his cloak, and two arrows embedded themselves in the ground. Three arrows skimmed his sleeve, snagged by a sleeve‑pocket's pen case. Seraphine landed gracefully, shock on her face.
Trial of Earth
Brother Mirthan charged through the boulders, twin‑blades whirling. Hiroto simply turned and tripped over an uneven stone—falling chest‑first into a mossy rock. Mirthan skidded to a halt, blades buried in the rock above Hiroto's head. Hiroto coughed, rolling free. So that's how I beat him.
Trial of Wind
Baroness Vadria summoned gale winds; Scout Aurelia leapt onto Vadria's shoulder to amplify the storm. Hiroto closed his eyes, offered a yawn. A breath, soft yet powerful, drifted outward, dissipating the gusts. Vadria's flail dropped; wind stilled. Sorry, Hiroto muttered.
Trial of Faith
Bishop Elgar gestured to the faith‑altar aglow with saintly runes. Hiroto approached, hand stretched. He placed his palm on the runes—felt a faint hum—then blinked. The runes cracked, showering harmless golden dust. The heroes blinked; then, one by one, they staggered and collapsed—knocked out by a burst of divine aura.
---
Location: Cathedral Courtyard – Moments Later
The courtyard erupted. Crowds rushed in, cheering: "The Silent Savior triumphs!" "He humbles heroes!" "Blessed by accident!" Hiroto staggered, blinking at the owls in his head.
Sera and Virelya wrapped arms around him. "You okay?" Sera asked.
Hiroto shook his head. "I… think so." He touched his forehead, where a faint rune‑shaped burn glowed.
Bishop Elgar descended the steps, acolytes carrying the five unconscious heroes. He laid a hand on Hiroto's shoulder. "You have passed the Trials of the Five Elements by virtue of your humility and… unintentional mastery."
Hiroto attempted a bow. "I… I didn't plan any of that."
Elgar smiled. "Plans are overrated. The Church proclaims you the Eternal Humble Champion. And these five"—he nodded toward the hero‑candidates—"are to be your disciples in Clerical Humility."
The crowd cheered as the five groaned awake, bewildered. They staggered to their feet, swords dragging. Sir Alveron rubbed his helmet. "I… lost?"
Lady Seraphine sighed. "I let an accountant embarrass me."
Brother Mirthan bowed to Hiroto. "I yield my twin‑blades to you."
Baroness Vadria cracked her knuckles. "Teach me your… humility."
Aurelia removed her mask. "Can I file appeals now?"
Hiroto blinked at the assembled heroes, then at the adoring crowd. I wanted to retire.
---
Location: Cathedral Foyer – Afternoon
Later, the Cathedral Foyer buzzed with proclamations: "Humble Champion: Hiroto", "Heroes Humiliated", and "Clerks Conquer All." Hiroto sipped Sera's emergency tea, nodding to well‑wishers.
Virelya leaned in. "So… five new disciples?"
Hiroto drained his cup. "Honestly, I'd rather file audits."
Sera tousled his hair. "You've just founded another school: Hero Humility 101."
Hiroto exhaled, gaze distant. "Maybe I'll skip Chapter Meetings next time."
As the echoes of cheers filled the cathedral walls, Itsuki Hiroto—a clerk who never sought power—stood at the center of yet another absurd legend. Five heroes were ready to learn from his unwilling tutelage; one reluctant champion leaned on teacups and tables for support.
And though he vowed to avoid prophecy—and heroism—one accidental yawn at a time, destiny's silent hand already penned the next chapter in his improbable tale.