Qin Yu nodded nervously.
The mere thought of having her actions evaluated made her tense both physically and mentally.
"Have a seat first."
"Ah, okay..."
After settling down, Yanfei closed her eyes to organize Qin Yu's words and her own thoughts.
"To put it simply: you've been pretending to be someone you're not to avoid being disliked, right?" Yanfei asked, opening her eyes.
"Yes..." Qin Yu replied awkwardly, fidgeting with her bracelet.
"And now you want to confess the truth to me."
"Mm-hmm."
Hearing Qin Yu's confirmation, Yanfei pondered with a troubled hum. "This... how should I put it? I still don't quite feel anything. Qin Yu, you want to interact with me as your true self, right?"
Qin Yu nodded slowly.
"You want me to accept?"
Qin Yu grew even more flustered, stammering, "Y-yes, that's right. But if there's anything you don't like, I'll do my best to change it..."
Yanfei shook her head. "Let's put that aside for now. I'm mainly curious about two things."
She raised a finger. "First, why did you develop this idea? After all, according to you, you've been pretending all along. Of course, I'm not judging—just curious."
Then she raised another finger. "Second, what exactly is this 'true self' you're talking about? I want to know the answers to these two questions right now. Tell me about it! Ah, no need to be so nervous."
Qin Yu had expected Yanfei to react emotionally, at least to some extent, but her response was surprisingly rational.
Just a slight tease earlier had elicited such a big and peculiar reaction from her.
But this is good, very reassuring.
Qin Yu rubbed her cheeks to calm herself down, then carefully organized her thoughts before explaining.
"The reason I've been thinking this way is because... I can't bear it anymore. I thought I could endure it, but the kinder you are to me, the more painful it becomes."
"Especially when you risk your lives to save me and help me, I... don't believe I deserve such kindness. I've been deceiving everyone—my former neighbors, my current acquaintances, my friends, even myself."
"'As long as I'm a good friend to you all and make you happy, that's enough'—that's what I used to think. But not anymore... I want to chat, eat, and have fun with you, Yanfei, as my true self."
"But I'm also terrified that if you learn the truth, you'll think I'm a terrible person. Though, to be honest, that's probably true..." Qin Yu forced a lifeless smile.
"That's nonsense," Yanfei declared firmly.
Qin Yu looked up, her surprise tinged with doubt and unease.
"Really?"
Yanfei said solemnly, "Absolutely!"
"But I—"
"Now I finally understand why you've been acting the way you have all this time, Qin Yu. It's all because you've been trapped by your own thoughts for too long," Yanfei said.
There was no denying it.
"Still, I never expected you to be so pessimistic, Qin Yu," Yanfei remarked.
Qin Yu didn't know what to say, only sighing softly.
"It must be a real hassle, huh?" she said with a self-deprecating smile.
"Hmm~ Not really, at least not for me. And most importantly, you were willing to confide in me about all this! Does that mean I've finally earned your genuine approval?"
Qin Yu hadn't considered it from that angle before.
"Indeed... that's true," she murmured.
Just as Yanfei had said, only those who earned Qin Yu's "approval" and "acceptance" could see her true self. But thinking about it made Qin Yu feel inexplicably embarrassed.
Evaluation: A
"In other words, you told me all this because you've accepted me," Yanfei said with a smile.
Actually, this feels quite rewarding, Yanfei thought to herself.
Only those accepted by Qin Yu had the chance to accept her true self. And now, she had that very opportunity! This special privilege filled Yanfei with immense satisfaction.
It felt like taming a wild cat.
Unwilling to continue on this topic, Qin Yu changed the subject:
"So, Yanfei, you don't find it annoying, right?"
"Of course not! I'm actually quite happy about it!"
Qin Yu suddenly leaned closer and said, "But I lied to you..."
"Does that really count as lying?"
"I guess so?" Qin Yu replied uncertainly, taken aback by the question.
"If that's the case, then when I'm seething with impatience but still force a smile while talking to clients, isn't that a lie too? And if that's the case, can we really avoid lying to clients? Imagine saying, 'I've been fed up with you for ages! You're asking for a beating!'"
"If I said that, my reputation would be ruined, and I'd lose my job," Yanfei joked.
Qin Yu found her logic reasonable, but she had been wrestling with this dilemma for a long time.
So she whispered, "That doesn't really count, does it?"
"What do you mean it doesn't count?! My starting point was 'I don't want clients to hate me, tarnish my reputation, or lose my job'—that's protecting my livelihood, protecting my life! Your starting point is 'I don't want to be hated.' You're afraid of being disliked, so you're acting in self-preservation..."
Yanfei analyzed the situation thoroughly, then posed the decisive question:
"Have you ever done anything morally reprehensible because of this?"
"No."
Yanfei flashed a brilliant smile. "Then that settles it! The most important thing is to avoid harming others. Since you haven't hurt anyone, why dwell on it?"
"Besides, you're the opposite—you actually help people and bring them joy."
"If Rex Lapis were still around and knew about your situation, he wouldn't criticize you either."
Yanfei's words brought a newfound sense of reassurance to Qin Yu's heart.
Yet doubts lingered: Is my anxiety about this truly unnecessary? Am I agonizing over something perfectly normal?
The more Qin Yu thought about it, the harder it was to accept.
Yet, Yanfei's words seemed to ring true. Hu Tao held the same view.
I've been trapped by my own thoughts.
"So, was my agonizing over this meaningless?" Qin Yu asked, her voice filled with confusion.
"Not at all."
Yanfei cleared her throat. "'People will always take detours in life. The important thing is never to stop thinking!' My dad used to say that all the time."
"...Is that so?"
"Mm-hmm. I agree with that philosophy. 'Not knowing' means there are many paths, and the chances of taking a detour are high. But even detours are still paths, and there's always something to be gained. You're the same, Qin Yu."
"Me too?"
Yanfei clapped her hands. "Exactly! Amidst all your agonizing, you finally chose to take a step forward. You know why you did it yourself, right? That's your reward, in my opinion."
A glimmer of light returned to Qin Yu's eyes.
Yanfei's right, she thought.
If I hadn't endured that agonizing self-doubt, would I have come to the conclusion that Shenhe and the others are so important to me? Qin Yu pondered.
Maybe yes, maybe no.
But those were just other possibilities.
Right now, she was sitting here, having chosen to move forward, sharing her heart with Yanfei. This was the result of making a choice based on the gains she had reaped from her agonizing.
Qin Yu felt a weight lift from her shoulders, both physically and mentally.
"Yes, Yanfei means a lot to me," she said with a gentle smile. "That's why I wanted to be completely honest with you."
Evaluation: S-
Yanfei was mesmerized by the smile, but she quickly regained her composure, her cheeks flushing slightly. "I know that. Okay, what about the answer to the second question?"
What was my true self like...? Qin Yu thought, racking her brain.
What was it like? This is so hard to explain.
Even now, Qin Yu lacked a comprehensive understanding of herself. All she could think of were her flaws and the single redeeming quality of her "pretty face."
But Yanfei clearly wasn't looking for that kind of answer.
Seeing Qin Yu's pained expression as she struggled to find the words, Yanfei offered:
"The reason you wanted to practice acting with me was to test me, right? Just tell me, was that performance... was that the real you?"
"Not entirely... I guess."
"A big difference?"
Qin Yu felt her brain was about to short-circuit. "Not a huge difference, I don't think."
"That's awfully vague."
"I'm sorry."
Yanfei waved her hand dismissively with a laugh. "Ha ha, don't worry about it. Just getting a general idea is enough. I'm really glad you told me all this, but this is the first time I've encountered something like this. I need to prepare myself mentally."
Qin Yu breathed a sigh of relief.
Yanfei is such a good person.
Precisely because of this, Qin Yu wanted to cherish their friendship and never let it end. Even though human connections aren't easily broken, she wanted to eliminate even the possibility of such a rupture.
So Qin Yu said, "If I ever do something that upsets you in the future..."
"I'll tell you right away! And if I ever do something that upsets you, you need to tell me properly too! Many couples fall apart because they lack good communication."
Qin Yu didn't think much of the example, but Yanfei suddenly panicked after saying it.
"We're just friends!" she emphasized abruptly.
Though Qin Yu was delighted to hear her say that, she couldn't understand why Yanfei felt the need to clarify.
Oh well.
Qin Yu hugged Yanfei.
Evaluation: S+
"Waaah?!" Yanfei startled violently.
"Stop shrieking."
"Sorry, I was just startled..."
Feeling the comfortable warmth and softness, Yanfei's entire face relaxed.
This feels so good.
Just then, Qin Yu whispered, "I'm so glad I could tell you all this."
Evaluation: SS
Feeling more confident now, Qin Yu knew she still needed to come clean with Keqing, Ganyu, Ningguang, and Shenhe. Though lingering anxiety remained, she no longer felt the urge to cower in fear.
Yanfei returned Qin Yu's embrace, patting her back.
"I'm grateful too, for you letting me into your heart—"
"Don't put it like that," Qin Yu interrupted, her voice strained.
Yanfei froze, as if choking on her words, and stared blankly for a moment.
"Why?"
"...I don't think you truly don't understand, Yanfei."
"Huh? Oh... ahahaha! Ahem, it's a little embarrassing. Okay, then I'll say I'm grateful you shared all this with me," Yanfei stammered, belatedly realizing her faux pas, her face flushing crimson.
Thankfully, Qin Yu couldn't see her blush.
Evaluation: SS+
After a prolonged embrace, Qin Yu reluctantly pulled away.
"I'm the one who should be grateful. If you ever want me to do anything, Yanfei, just tell me. I'll agree to it," Qin Yu said, twirling a strand of her hair between her fingers.
"No need..."
But when Yanfei saw Qin Yu's watery eyes gazing at her, she trailed off.
"So cute," she murmured to herself.
"Huh?"
Snapping out of her reverie, Yanfei hastily added, "Ah, no, nothing! Nothing at all!"
Qin Yu, however, had no intention of letting Yanfei off the hook. She leaned closer, tilting her head back slightly to look up at Yanfei and asked, "Are you talking about me?"
"Yes..."
Qin Yu's mood brightened. She figured a few more compliments couldn't hurt.
But then Yanfei suddenly realized that she and Qin Yu now shared a special bond. Though it might only be at the level of "close friends," it was still something extraordinary.
Since Qin Yu had just said she would grant any request Yanfei made, asking for this should be possible, right?
After a moment's hesitation, Yanfei asked, "Anything?"
"As long as it's not too outrageous," Qin Yu replied.
Yanfei didn't strike Qin Yu as someone who would make outrageous demands—Hu Tao and Ningguang were more likely candidates. This gave Qin Yu confidence.
But then Yanfei said, "Then can you kiss me?"
Yanfei had actually made such a request.
"... Fine."
If it's just once, I suppose I can manage.
She actually agreed! Yanfei was stunned, then immediately grew nervous.
She hoped Qin Yu would kiss her cheek—something they had never done before.
"Close your eyes," Qin Yu instructed.
Yanfei obediently closed her eyes.
So nervous! Wait, did I even wash my face yet? It probably isn't dirty—after all, Qin Yu handled all the fighting—but should I wash it just in case? But what if Qin Yu changes her mind? It'll only take a moment, so it should be fine...
Yanfei's thoughts raced faster and faster.
Only when she felt something soft press against her lips and inhaled the delicate, refreshing fragrance of Glaze Lilies did her mind finally stop.
Or rather, freeze completely.
Her mind went blank.
Evaluation: SSS-
After about ten seconds, Qin Yu finally pulled away.
"I have other things to do, so I'll be going now," she said, walking toward the door.
"Thank you so much, Yanfei."
With those words, she practically fled, opening the door and disappearing outside.
Watching the closed door and her vanished figure, Yanfei finally realized what had just happened between them.
She had thought she was going to be kissed on the cheek, but it had turned into a full kiss.
Qin Yu must have misunderstood her intentions.
Yet she had still gone along with it.
Could it be that she...? Yanfei murmured to herself. With a barely audible thud, her completely crashed mind gave out, and she collapsed onto the sofa.
Then, content and at peace, she closed her eyes.