I stared at the stack of mission sheets the guild receptionist had just handed me.
My eyes landed on one mission that stood out in all the wrong ways:
Mission Title: VVIP Escort: Lord Cluckles to the Royal Edition Livestock Salon
Death Rate: 0%
Reward: 15 silver
Description: Escort Lord Cluckles, a noble chicken of the Marlbourough family, to an exclusive livestock salon in the northern district. Please ensure he remains stress-free, does not scream, and keeps his feathers in pristine condition. Bonus compensation if he lays an egg along the way due to happiness. Don't ask how.
A 0% death rate. Sounds safe, right?
After all the torment I've endured in Matei and its endless absurdities, this looked like a mini vacation.
I mean—escorting a chicken? How hard could it possibly be?
...
I was wrong.
So, so wrong.
A few minutes later...
I stood in front of a house larger than my inn—seriously, this place had a balcony just for the chicken.
A servant wearing white gloves handed me an enormous white chicken with a crest more neatly styled than my own hair.
"His name is Lord Cluckles," he said solemnly.
"He only eats grain imported from the north, drinks mountain spring water at room temperature, and if he feels ignored, he will... faint. Please note, he also greatly dislikes loud noises, the smell of onions, and the color green. Good luck, Miss Adventurer."
I stood frozen as the chicken looked at me with a superior glare, like it had just judged my personality and deemed it: unworthy.
During the journey to the salon...
I walked slowly, cradling Lord Cluckles' luxurious cage like I was carrying a national treasure.
Every now and then, he let out a soft "kut" sound, which apparently meant he was upset, and would start flapping his wings furiously whenever a carriage passed by.
At one point, a kid almost hit me with a rotten apple, and the chicken immediately went full opera diva—thrashing, screeching, and fake-fainting.
People around us looked at me like I was abusing a holy beast.
"Please... calm down... you're a chicken," I whispered in despair.
At the livestock salon...
At long last, after enduring the trials of life itself, I reached the livestock salon.
This place was fancier than the dental clinic I used to go to when I still worked an office job.
There were plush seats for animals, a red carpet, and a doorman who nodded respectfully... at the chicken.
I handed over Lord Cluckles, and a stylist in a floral apron welcomed him with a gentle clap."We'll treat him like royalty," she said.
"Good, because he's been treating me like a servant," I muttered under my breath.
Back at the guild...
The Receptionist greeted me with a professional smile.
"How was the mission, Miss Aria?"
I handed in the report, complete with scratch marks from when Lord Cluckles bit me because I gave him water that was slightly too cold.
The Receptionist read it over and nodded.
"Excellent. Oh, and there's a bonus. Lord Cluckles laid an egg during the trip. That means he was very pleased."
I wanted to protest that Lord Cluckles was apparently female, but who am I to question a chicken's identity in this world?
After that, I returned to the inn.
Sat down.
Silence.
And then I realized something important:
In this world, a 0% death rate does not guarantee 100% sanity.