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~Redacted~
"December. I know it's been tough."
Decey's mind ever since the confrontation had been completely empty. He didn't feel anything, and he slowly came to like that feeling.
There was a long pause.
"You wanna tell me why you've brought me here again, Lost?" December breathed. He laid on his back, staring into his ceiling ever since Lye left. The ceiling slowly withered away into a white space. He turned his head left and right, scanning for the warm dorm halls that withered along with the ceiling.
He felt the presence of something that didn't exist, and instantly knew who it was.
Lost.
He was back where it all started, and if Decey felt something, he wouldn't have said it.
The otherworldly voice fed words to Decey, causing him to slightly flinch.
"Is there anything I can do?" Lost was very concerned for him.
Decey still stared at a point in space that gave him something to concentrate on rather than the reality he was in.
"Take it away." He said in a low voice, almost missed by Lost.
"I don't want it. Maybe it wants me like you said, but I can't...
I almost killed two people, and not for the sake of killing ∅.
I did it because...
Because I have no control over my emotions.
And the worst part?
At this point, I don't feel anything from it..." Decey choked on his words, with no tears to spare.
Lost didn't say anything for a long time. He let those words linger around in this space where time is nonexistent.
Decey was the first to break the silence.
"Lye. Who is he exactly...?", remembering the final words he left him.
No response from Lost.
Decey put more strain in his voice, knowing Lost was hiding something. He let the cold domain flow through his eyes, letting them sink in the places they want to.
"Is my mother related to any of this...?" He pressed, while getting up.
Lost chuckled.
"You already mastered them. And you're still asking me to take it all away." He gently spoke, knowing Decey outsmarted him.
Decey took a deep breath. He could feel his heart race from the fact that his actual mother is connected.
"Does it have to do with Aunt Kela killing Venus?"
"Yes it does.
Because, she was the one who killed your mother."
What rose first wasn't grief—it was a sharp, shameful thrill. The web he had kept stashed in his subconscious for years finally felt complete. However, somewhere deeper, under the numbness, something small and human flinched at that.
Only when Decey looked down, did he his nails dug deep inside his fist, the warm stream of blood snapping him back to reality
The emotions he thought were dried out, turned out to only be suppressed.
"Why..?
Why her...?"
"I do not know."
Decey scoffed.
"You're a God. What's stopping you from knowing?" Decey was frustrated, knowing Lost wasn't lying.
Lost slowly began to materialize in front of him.
"It's because He didn't allow me to see."
"Lye." Decey realized what was going on now. It was the same feeling as back then- when his mind felt like it had no limits. The thoughts rapidly swimming through his mind were now not his.
"Lye passed the test too. You gave him Augen Gottes." He whispered, egging on Lost to give him a wisp of Domain he could catch on.
A pang of relief swept by.
Decey was proven right, allowing him to map his thoughts out.
"He met ∅. But I don't think he met him through your memories....
You said the ∅ I faced was it at its weakest. But how can that be possible? You can't imagine something to be weaker if you, or anyone, have ever actually defeated it."
Decey gasped, goosebumps spawning at every inch of his skin at the revelation he'd made.
"Lye defeated ∅, all those years ago. Maybe not defeated, but he must've trapped it or something...
He worked with you to make the 'test', using his own memories as the image of ∅."
"What makes you say that?" Lost asked without letting Decey get any hints from his eyes.
"LYDE. He found a way to integrate memories with a system that basically acts like a human.
He must've done something along the lines of that..."
Decey paused.
He felt something was wrong. Surely there should be a limit when it comes to Functions and using it on themselves.
Heet used her Function to erase emotions, but she can't do that all the time.
Wait. This isn't like me to assume things. But it's almost as if I'm getting forced to come to the conclusion.
I have to imagine Lye discovered this ability of his Function by using it on himself.
And considering there's only one scenario in the test Lost has during the Definition, Lye only used the one memory Lost made him access.
If there is a limit as to how many times he can look at someone's memory and do something with it....
No...
It's literally in the name...
It's ridiculous....Too many loopholes....
But, I trusted it once and it saved my life....
Why is it pushing this question inside my head....?
Just whose memories did he use for LYDE..?
Lost finally spoke.
"December. I told you the path would be very difficult for you. You have come face to face with something every human has felt- malice.
Malice is something you will need to harness and I will not sugarcoat it for you.
Know that if you're able to justify your actions, you will never lose your way.
I'm not asking you to be emotionless. Your actions should have intent. That's all that matters.
Mindlessly killing people is wrong.
Killing people with an agenda is wrong.
Yet whenever humans kill 'bad people', it's justified as good.
December.
You need to bat an eye to these people, because you know deep down, the horrors of what will happen eventually to this cursed world.
You be your own judge and jury."
Decey looked up at Lost, completely lost for words.
"What kind of advice is that? What if I do something wrong, and I justify that it's right? That would make me a bad person." He almost laughed.
"In that case, the jury within you should choose if it wants to pay the price, or cowardly hide within a loop of nonsensical self-justification."
>>
"A lot needs to change within you, Decey.
A month is enough, surely.
Especially with Him watching over you now."
>>
Mathematics Lecture Hall
Heet woke up to the sight of a girl, standing in front of her. She could barely hear the words coming out of the girl's mouth.
Heet leaned back and stretched, stifling a yawn while cracking several bones.
"Yeah wassup." She replied nonchalantly.
Leona was ticked off from the response.
'A little bit of enthusiasm could be nice. Then again I can't be asked to do this myself...'
"Did Zil do anything to December before the fight?"
Heet shook her head at how ridiculous this was.
She raised her hand and rested her head on the table.
"Wouldn't you like to know." Waving Leona goodbye. She hadn't had any sleep ever since he got suspended. The breeze from the cracked window flipped a couple of pages from books scattered across her desk, causing Heet to wake up again.
She noticed Leona was still standing near her desk.
"If you have a problem, talk it with him, not me. I don't know jack shit, alright?" The other girls turned their heads, slowly observing the spectacle.
"Besides, he's suspended. Whoop-dee-doo. Have fun bitching about someone whose not even gonna be in your classes." She added, her voice coming out muffled from her jacket. It was almost as if she asked Leona to go away.
Leona stomped down the elevated rows of desks and sat in her seat. The smell of freshly cut grass wafted throughout the grey classroom.
The class went on forward, talking about differentials and how everything in the entire world was based of differentials. Heet trailed off into sleep, trying to get her mind off of all the chaos. All she wanted was a normal life in the Academy.
Now, she had to go on for a month without Decey. It only hit her now how hard it would be. Back in the outskirts, she saw him every single day. Sometimes she wished Uncle Oris never sent those letters. It could've been those two, living their lives away from all of the bad stuff going on.
She thought of what would've happened, if he and her....
I miss you.
I really really do.
>>>
That Evening
December's Dorm
December was drenched, his hair completely soaked in sweat. All he had on was a black sleeveless and black shorts with white laces. His left hand was bandaged tightly- he knew nothing happened, but the pain in the world Lost took him in felt too real.
"Lost chose you too?
Fucking pathetic..."
The lonely faux sunshine illuminated the glistening of Decey's arm, holding the uppermost metal bar of the metal bunk bed.
"You're just an insufferable unstable piece of shit..."
34... 35...36.....
"There's something called Knowing Your Place."
50....51...
"You're all alone in this world...
No one around to hear your cries for help..."
"Begin with nothing...End with everything...."
80....
"Those tears of yours....
Shouldn't they be Lost's...?"
90...91....
"Be your own judge and jury..."
98....99....
"Never lose yourself...."
He wiped a rolling bead of sweat off of his forehead. His bandages turned a deep crimson color, the drops mixing in with more beads of sweat.
December spoke out loud for what seemed like years. His voice came out hoarse, as if he spat blood with every word he uttered.
"I am not a coward."