The sun began to set on another day. The first night without her.
We waited outside for a while before the backdoor swung open.
Cleo walked out first, licking his teeth as he crossed his arms. He looked a little pissed—mad even.
Behind him was a freshly awoken Jackson who smeared drool on his arm as he wiped at his mouth.
Luther soon followed. His eyes wavered, struggling to keep eye contact with one specific person.
He sat in Ms. Valeria's rocking chair as Cleo and Jackson moseyed to the old bench, Cleo plopping down next to us as Jackson sank in Dahlia's arms.
A knife could cut through the tension. Alex and I glanced at each other with concern, neither knowing what took place inside.
More and more time passed as the night sky fully enveloped the horizon.
The air was still—calm… different to the usual winds we'd get when night came around.
The click of a doorknob stole everyone's attention. Staring at the backdoor it slowly crept open.
Standing in the doorway was Marcel, cradling Ms. Valeria's body as it was wrapped in bedsheets.
He turned sideways as he stepped through the door, turning straight again once outside.
His footsteps were loud, crushing the grass beneath him with every step. That calm, yet fierce aura.
A familiar aura.
I still struggled to make out his facial expressions in the dark.
Why can I never get a read on him?
He walked past me, standing atop the pyre as he slowly lowered Ms. Valeria's body.
He gently pulled the sheets from her face as he centered her body.
Standing straight his silhouette was outlined by the full moon. His arms hanging as he stared into the sky.
Just for a moment, he felt…
"Simon."
I jerked my head down as Alex stuck his hand out. "Come on."
We slowly walked along the side of the pyre as I dragged my hand across the wood.
Getting into position I caught a glimpse of her face, but quickly turned away.
Those emotions I thought I couldn't feel anymore all came rushing out at once.
An imaginary barbed wire wrapped around my throat. It hurt to swallow… just breathing felt like a challenge.
My eyes began to burn. Tears obscured my vision as I used my shirt to wipe my face.
Alex patted me on the back, smiling as he held back tears. I couldn't help but form a smile after seeing his.
He's strong… stronger than I am. It's funny how Ms. Valeria said they needed me… it's the opposite.
I chuckled, taking a deep but shaky breath.
Cleo and Alex exchanged head nods as Cleo cleared his throat. "I know it may sound a little tacky but I wrote a speech."
"It's something I thought of on the spot so bear with me."
He dug into his pocket revealing a small, wrinkled paper with writing on both sides.
"I want to start by saying the obvious. It's what we all know, and something we will always remember."
"It's no surprise to anyone here how amazing Ms. Valeria was not just as a woman… but as a teacher, a chef, a cleaner, a listener… and sometimes an arsonist."
Alex giggled, nudging my arm with his elbow as I turned to him with a forced smile.
Cleo continued. "She was a jack of all trades, but somehow an expert in everything. She always knew the right things to say no matter the place or situation."
"And that sense of humor… it was really second to none. What I'm trying to say is that even though Ms. Valeria might not be here physically, she will never die in our memories."
He turned the paper around, straightening out the wrinkles as he wiped at his eyes.
"Other than speaking on things we know, I want to touch on some things that maybe people didn't know about Ms. Valeria."
"Her favorite color was purple, although by the looks of it you would probably assume it was red or orange."
"She wasn't the biggest family person on the outside. We've only talked about her actual family one time but… I can tell she loved them just like she loved us."
"I don't think it's far-fetched to believe she loved everything this world had to offer. From the ground I stand on, to the very paper I'm reading this off of."
"Her love had no bounds."
"To the woman who saved many lives, the woman who did so much work when she didn't have to, the woman we owe it all to."
"To our parental figure who's gone the extra mile for us time after time."
"To our beloved… Ms. Valeria. May her soul be blessed by God, and her body be merged with the flame she stood for. The heat the filled so many hearts."
Cleo folded the paper as he put it back into his pocket.
He sniffled, followed by the clearing of his throat. "Truth is… Ms. Valeria isn't dead, she's just gone. We'll all see her again one day… but until then, she will live on through us."
Dahlia smiled as tears streamed down her face.
Alex embraced Cleo, whispering something in his ear in the process.
"That was good." I said, walking up to the both of them.
Cleo's smile was so bright I could virtually see it shine.
Alex grabbed Cleo's shoulders. "How long did it take to write that, it was perfect!"
"Only a few minutes." Cleo said, trying his best to hold in his satisfaction.
Runi grinned as she hugged Cleo from behind. "Thanks Cleo… it really was amazing."
"I think it's time then." Dahlia said, patting Jackson's head.
I looked across the pyre as Luther stared at the ground. He hasn't moved a muscle since Cleo's speech started.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned. I'll check on him later, even if he doesn't want me to.
A few feet to the side of him was Marcel. We locked eyes as he glared at me.
He didn't just turn either… he's been looking at me—watching me.
"The lighter Simon?" Cleo asked, breaking my gaze.
A little startled I reached into my pocket, rummaging around.
Alex smiled as he showed me Ms. Valeria's old lighter. "Don't worry, I got it."
He sparked the lighter as he nodded to everyone.
With the single flick of a finger the lighter flew into the air. It fell in the center of the pyre as the fire engulfed Ms. Valeria's body.
The raging flames radiated a harsh heatwave as everyone took a few steps back.
Everyone except him… Marcel.
I don't know why, but my eyes wandered towards his direction once again.
Even through the fire… his eye contact never broke. He stared at me through the cracks and waves of the flames.
Just…
Staring…
Into my very soul.
**
It's been a little over two months since you've been gone.
We've held out for as long as we could but we're pretty much out of food.
We wanted to leave so badly, but ended up staying here until the very end.
It's hard, you know? We still think about you everyday, and trust me, your presence is missed.
They don't laugh like they used to, sorry for my language but hell, we don't even talk to each other like we used to.
Something shifted in them when you left, in Marcel.
He keeps to himself, only really talking to others when he has to.
One thing about him though, he sure does love that ring. He hasn't taken it off since—
Knock, Knock, Knock.
I picked my head up, glanced at the door, then back to the paper.
Knock, Knock, Knock.
Sighing I stood up, pushing in my chair as I walked to the door.
Knock, Knock, Knock.
"Okay, okay!"
Twisting the knob I cracked the door open, peaking through the slit. "What is it?"
"You've been held up here all day, mind stepping out?"
Fully opening the door I took a step forward, closing it behind me "You know i'm writing, what is it."
Jackson stood in front of me, his former cornrows gone as he now sported a buzz cut.
Rubbing his head I couldn't help but smile. "Did Runi finally cut it?!"
He pushed my arm away, pointing to the living room with a straight face. "It's happening again."
I frowned. "Thanks for telling me this time."
Stepping past him I started to pick up on voices coming from the living room—angry voices.
Standing in the hallway entrance I audibly cleared my throat as the arguing ceased.
Cleo and Luther both looked at me as they held each other's collars.
I tilted my head, crossing my arms as a judging look grew across my face.
They both scrambled to explain themselves, one constantly talking over the over.
I couldn't help but chuckle before I looked closer at the two. Luther was holding the last bag of chips.
Visibly shuddering I stormed to the both of them, snatching the bag from Luther's grasp as I tossed them onto the couch.
"Really? Over food again?"
"I grabbed them first!" Cleo blurted out.
Dragging my hands down my face I peered at him through my fingers. His expression was dead serious.
I took a deep breath before slowly walking closer to Cleo. Looking down at him I forced the most serious expression I could. "We aren't animals."
He glanced to his side as my eyes met Luther's. "We won't be fighting over food anymore… I shouldn't have to say this again."
Turning to walk away I could hear Luther mumble something under his breath. Ignoring him I kept walking into the hall.
"Who do you think you are?"
I stopped in my tracks, turning back with confusion. "What?"
Luther took a step forward. "You're not Ms. Valeria damnit! Trying to solve every problem like it's yours. You're not her!"
"You've been like this ever since she died… It's damn annoying."
My nostrils flared. I could feel my stomach turn as I grit my teeth. "I'm the only one trying to keep some order around here!"
Luther scoffed. "Oh you call this order? This place is dead inside! You sit in Ms. Valeria's room twice a week and think it's your job to watch over us—keep us protected?"
"We never asked for this!"
I looked to Cleo as he lowered his head.
"Really? I'm the bad guy? You two were fighting over food!"
Luther plopped onto the couch. "And we would've solved this problem like all the other ones we have."
My eyebrows furrowed. "So you don't need me."
Luther dropped his head. I looked to Cleo, but he still avoided eye contact.
Slowly turning I walked through the hallway, stopping at Ms. Valeria's door.
Reaching for the doorknob I hesitated. I don't know why, but… a part of me didn't want to open this door.
I let out a sigh, twisting the knob and pushing the door open. Closing it behind me I pulled the chair out, sitting down as I stared at my letter on the desk.
Picking up my pencil I tapped it against my chin a few times.
She said they needed me… I guess she was wrong about something.
I knew it then, and I know it now. I'm the one who needs them.
Knock, Knock, Knock.
My eyes darted to the door. I quickly crumpled up my note, tossing it into the garbage as I stuffed the pencil into my pocket.
"It's open!"
The door slowly opened as Runi popped her head into the room. "Can we talk?"
I couldn't help but smile upon seeing her. She had her hair down, different to her usual ponytail.
"Yeah, what's up?" I asked, twisting the chair in her direction and leaning back in it.
My eyes widened as she fully walked into the room. She was holding my paintbrush.
She sat on the edge of the bed, gently laying my brush beside her.
I squinted my eyes. "Why do you have that?"
Runi frowned, running her finger down the brush as she looked at me. "Why did I find it wrapped in your covers?"
A brief moment of silence passed as a sense of nervousness welled up inside of me.
She slid off the bed, using two fingers to dangle my brush in the air. "Are you sleeping with your paintbrush?"
"Don't hold it like that." I mumbled, snatching the brush from her grasp.
"I'm just concerned, that's all." She said with a sigh.
I placed my paintbrush on the desk, sitting back down as I interlocked my fingers near my thighs.
"Don't be, it just helps me get to sleep ever since—"
"I get it." She said, cutting me off mid sentence. "I never said there was something wrong with it. We all have our ways to… manage."
"Yeah… manage." I uttered beneath my breath.
"Thank you for uh, understanding. If Alex or Jackson found it I wouldn't hear the end of it."
Runi grinned as she left, stopping at the door. "That doesn't mean I won't tease you about it."
She shut the door behind her before I could react.
Runi… she really is something.
I made sure to lock the door as I dawdled back to the desk.
I reached my hand into the trash can, retrieving the crumpled letter.
Unwrinkling it, I pulled out my pencil.
"Where did I leave off?"
**
"It's done."
I looked out the window as night quickly approached.
Folding the note I walked along the wall of Ms. Valeria's room.
My finger traced the books as a red one caught my attention.
Pulling out the book I rested it on the bed, flipping a couple pages in as a flurry of notes poured onto the covers.
Placing the new folded note into the book I readjusted the rest, neatly tucking them in separate pages of the book before closing it.
I ran my hand over the cover.
The Fool Who Thinks Twice.
I gently sighed, inserting the book back into its place. A perfect fit
Grabbing my paintbrush I unlocked the door, slowly opening it as I peeked into the hallway.
Stepping into the living room my eyes widened. Marcel sat on the couch with one leg over the other.
He fiddled with his ring as his other hand rested on his lap.
Looking up to me he faintly smirked, slipping his ring on as the orange gem almost had a glow to it.
"There's something important we need to talk about."
He patted the seat next to his.
"If you're okay with it that is."